by Lila Felix
A tear fell down her face. I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket and handed it to her. Dad always said a woman loves a man who keeps a handkerchief. Maybe he was right.
“You were my everything, Austin. You had to have known that.”
Old anger attempted to fill my face with redness, and I pulled away from her at once – a self-defense reaction. No, I was tired of being angry and hurt. All of this had to be said.
“No, I didn’t. I mean, I did. You told me that night that there was more to life than this small town and a cowboy. You said you deserved more. You said I wasn’t enough. The thing is, Alma, you have always been my life.”
Alma made a noise in the back of her throat that sounded a lot like disbelief.
“Look at me, darlin’.” I used the term she once loved best. “Look at me.”
Her closed eyes shut even tighter. “I can’t.”
“Look at me. Alma, I need you to look at me.” I breathed a prayer to the stars that she would. Finally, she opened her eyes and another round of tears blossomed in the corners. “Everything I’ve done in my life was in hopes that someday I would be enough to… that one day I would be enough for you. The ranch, the businesses, the money, the… all of it. I was working on me, hoping it would one day work on you.”
Eyebrows bunched, she sat up, jerking her hand from mine. “How can you say that?”
I snorted. “Think about what you said to me that last night, Alma. Think about it real hard.”
Nausea made me swallow against the memories of that night.
“It was complicated, Austin. I was sixteen.”
“Love at sixteen is still love, Alma.”
She groaned and switched the position of her legs. “Love is love, even at sixteen, Austin. But it doesn’t always mean you are ready for it. I wasn’t ready for it. Yes, my father said some things that night that were harsh but he made some sense too. I needed to grow up. I needed to become my own woman. I needed to love and know myself before I could love and know someone else.”
“You’re right. Everything you’re saying is right. But those aren’t the words you said to me that night, Alma. You, me, and the night know what you said.”
It’s never going to work, Austin. You’re already twenty-three and on a road that goes nowhere. You’re still a farmhand. I haven’t even heard you talk about college. What am I supposed to do? Give up on all my dreams and settle down with you. I’m supposed to be okay with being shackled down when my life is just beginning? Anyway, you know just like I do that this won’t work. We are two people from very different places and very different backgrounds. Find some blonde cowgirl to be your wife.
Anger and resentment polluted the air between us and choked us both into silence.
“Austin?” Alma said, breaking the quiet.
“Hmm?”
“Did those words sound like mine? Had I ever said anything to you like that while we were together?”
I said nothing in return. There was nothing to be said but angry words and I was tired of being mad at the woman who owned my heart.
“No. You talked about college, but I supported that. I wanted you to go to school.”
“Not that part.” Her voice rose an octave. “Did I ever talk about you and me being different?”
It was unspoken between us that we were of different races and different places in life. Back then, we didn’t care. The world probably did, but we were young and oblivious. All I knew was that I loved how her caramel skin glowed in the sun and how her dark brown eyes seemed to pierce me deep inside.
Everything else was just details.
“Just because we didn’t talk about it, doesn’t mean the issues weren’t there. Obviously.”
“You are the most frustrating man I’ve ever met.”
I huffed. “That’s a surprise seeing as you’ve dating a million men, by the sounds of it.”
“Take me home.” She demanded, attempting to get up.
“No. I won’t go another day without you and me settled. You’re telling me you didn’t mean those things? Then why in the hell did you say it?”
Getting on her knees, she leaned in so close that I could smell the strawberry lip gloss on her shiny lips. “I didn’t know how to break your heart, Austin. I didn’t have the words. So, you know what I did? I acted like a coward. I took my father’s orders instead of standing up to him and used those hurtful words that he’d been grinding me down with against you. I used his words to break your heart.” She stayed in my face while the world crashed down on me.
I was so stupid.
She was stupid.
Her dad was stupid.
There must’ve been something in the water that day.
“And now?” I asked and then held my breath for the answer.
“No. I can’t, Austin. I can’t put my heart out there to get stomped on. It’s been caged up too long.”
I took her face in my hands. My thumbs were on either side of her face and my fingers were on her neck. “My heart belongs to you. My love today is the same as it was back then – probably more. But this time, we do things the right way.”
My mouth met hers in a fury that only six years of buildup could explain. She groaned as I pushed my tongue against her lips, begging for her to open for me. Her hands fisted my shirt at the sides like she was hanging on for dear life.
Our raw energy died down and what started as desperation turned into passionate, slow churning. We moved together like we’d never been apart.
Breathless, we broke the kiss. “I missed those lips,” she said laughing.
“You have no idea, darlin’.”
Chapter Eleven
Alma
Even at twenty-three my parents could make me feel like a child. As if I was stealing from the cookie jar and was caught. However, here I was, walking into the house late at night, trying to pretend I didn’t spend the last two hours in the arms of the only man I’ve ever loved in my life. It wasn’t the fact I felt like a teenager again. It was the fact we still loved each other. It was a real love.
“Do you know what time it is?”
I froze in my tracks. In the corner of the kitchen was Papa, waiting for me. “I’m guessing nighttime since the sun isn’t out.”
“You’ve always had a smart mouth.” He stood and came over to me. “Where were you?”
“Do you truly care where I was or who I was with?”
He glared at me the only way a father could. It still brought tears to my eyes, but I pushed them back. “You cannot see him.”
“I’m not sixteen anymore.” Even though through the years I’ve talked back to my father, I’ve always caved to his word. No matter what it was, I fell to what he wanted. I wasn’t going to this time. I was going to stand up to him and tell him how I was going to live my life.
“You’re my daughter and we have ways about us.”
“Ways? This isn’t the seventeen hundreds anymore, Papa. A white boy can date and fall in love with a Mexican girl and the world won’t fall off its axis.”
His eyes grew wider than I’d ever seen, but I didn’t move. This was my Alamo. This was the moment that would define my future.
“You will not fall in love with him.” He pointed his finger at me. “I forbid it. I forbid it all.” He roared at me. “You will marry a nice boy and have children who aren’t confused about their heritage.”
I stood tall, taller than I’ve ever stood, and walked right up to the man I loved and respected. “I love Austin Chambers and I won’t be with anyone else.”
Rage filled Papa’s face and our stare down lasted an eternity before he was the one to turn away from me. I watched as he made his way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
He either just accepted my relationship with Austin, or I was at the beginning of a battle worthy of a world war with him.
I was figuring the latter.
I woke up with a whole new outlook. Even though I didn’t have many hours of sleep, it was the best re
st I had gotten in the… I couldn’t even remember the last time I had a restful night of sleep. After my shower, I got dressed in my scrubs and headed downstairs. There was no sign of Papa, but Mama was at the table. She was slowly sipping her coffee, and I could feel the tension in the air. She was about to lay into me and I had to take it. Papa I could stand up to but not Mama.
“Good morning, Alma,” she said looking over the rim of her cup.
“Hi, Mama.” I grabbed a bottle of water and was about to head out when she stopped me.
“Come. Have a seat.” She nodded over to the chair next to her.
“Do I have an option to say no?” Hoping she would tell me to go on.
“If you have to ask, then you know the answer.”
She had a point and I took the seat next to her.
“Care to explain to me why your father was ready to blow up the earth this morning?”
“I told him I wanted to be with Austin.” I confessed. There was no need to beat around the bush.
She sighed and went back to her coffee saying nothing. If there was one thing I knew, you don’t want Mama to be quiet.
“Say it.” I told her. “Just say what you’re thinking.”
She put her cup down and turned to me. “Don’t run away this time. Keep fighting for you and Austin.”
If someone had a feather they would have been able to knock me over with it. “Wh… what?”
“Am I happy about it? No. However, you’re my daughter and if you’re happy then I am. I know how much you love Austin. I know you two are meant to be together. If you want this, as much as I think you do, then you need to fight. Your papa will be a hard battle. Be sure you can handle it all that he throws at you. I will be in your corner, but you must prove to him you can handle him. Because if you can, then you can do anything.”
Never in a hundred lifetimes did I think Mama would ever be telling me this. I thought she was going to get into a massive fight with me. Instead, she was helping me, giving me advice – and was in my corner. I leaped up and hugged her tightly.
“Go get him,” she whispered. “Go and get your true love.”
Chapter Twelve
Austin
I didn’t wake up the next morning at the crack of dawn with a smile on my face. Nope, not me.
“What’s all this?” Dad asked as I brought in a full spread of french toast and fruit. I even put his coffee in the little coffee pot that Mom used to use at the table.
“Nothin’, just breakfast on this fine morning.”
He chuckled, making the tray shake. “Fine morning, huh? It was a fine morning the day after your mom and I got married.”
“Dad, come on. Nothing like that. Just a good morning.”
I sat next to his bed, and we ate together, talking about shallow things like how the cows were doing and when I was going to move the herd to another field for grazing.
“How much cow talk do I have to do before you tell me what happened last night? Or do I have to ask Alma when she comes in? I bet she’s got that same goofy grin as you.”
The goofy grin rose again, and I tried desperately to cover it with a cough.
“We took a ride in the truck.”
Dad grinned from ear to ear. “Oh, the old get in the back of the truck and look at the stars routine. Classic.”
“Dad!”
“What? I know you don’t think you made that move up. Boy, I’m the king of watchin’ the stars.” He waggled his eyebrows.
“Well, we talked about a lot of things.”
He nodded, mouth full of french toast. “Get everything straightened out? Tell her you love her?”
He wasn’t getting information out of me that quickly. I looked out the window for a while, making him squirm.
“Don’t make me get out of this bed and whip you, Austin James.”
“Please, Dad. You haven’t been able to whip me since I was thirteen. And yes, I told her how much I love her and that this time we had to do things right and honest and no secrets and no hiding.”
“Sounds like you have a plan.”
I nodded. “I do. I’ve invited them all over to dinner tonight. All of them. Our friends. Her friends. Her parents. I guess you can come too.”
“Best you get to the store then. Sounds like you have a lot of people to feed. But first, get your old dad to the bathroom and help me pick out an outfit for tonight.”
After taking him to the bathroom, we picked out his best outfit. A pair of dark washed jeans and a maroon shirt. He even took out his finest hat.
“There. Now, go impress those future in-laws. I’ve got my shows to watch.”
The man had a serious addiction to soap operas.
After the house was spotless, I needed to get to the store.
“Ahh!” I heard her yell as I opened the door. She had some kind of lip stuff in her hand and I’d apparently caught her mid-application.
“Alma? What are you doing? Dad doesn’t care if you have lip gloss on or not.”
The laugh escaped my mouth before I could stop it.
“Is that right? Well, then I won’t bother.”
I winked at her, knowing full well what it did to her. “Strawberry or peach?”
She scoffed. “Puh-lease, Austin. There’s things you don’t know about me anymore.”
I reached for her hand, snatching the lip gloss from her hands and holding it up to her eyes.
“Peach.”
She rolled her eyes and cocked one of her hips. “Don’t act like you don’t like it.”
“Mmm... let me see.” I bent down a little and pressed my lips to hers as softly as I could. Her breath hitched as I pulled away. “Yep, I approve,” I said, laughing at the blush that had instantly washed onto her cheeks.
“So, tonight. Dinner… eating… parents?”
“Yes.” I laughed at her stuttering, loving the way my kiss made her breathless. “Tonight we are going to eat all the parents for dinner. Good call.”
“What? No! Stop that. I mean tonight, you’re still good with my parents coming over?”
I pulled her to me, not able to stand the little bit of distance between us.
“Oh, I think that’s what I needed this morning. Last night felt like a dream.” She rubbed her face back and forth on my chest and reached up to place a whisper-light kiss on my neck.
“It wasn’t a dream, Alma. Although, I’ve been dreaming about you coming back to me for years. It’s gonna be right this time. You and me, no secrets, no meeting in the barn, none of it.”
Alma looked up at me with her huge brown eyes and a pout on her mouth. “No night meeting in the barn? Ever? A little barn making out never hurt anyone.”
She was killing me. All those first love tingling feelings were back in full swing. My knees even felt a little weak as I held her there on my porch. “Okay, but only because you stuck your bottom lip out. You know I’d do just about anything if you stick your bottom lip out.”
I left her there after a few more kisses to her hair and her forehead.
And she told me she loved me one more time before I got into the truck.
Shopping in record time, I managed to pick up everything for dinner. Steaks, chicken, ribs, all the fixin’s, and enough sweet tea to kill a horse. It was all going to be perfect. The dinner. Me and Alma. Our life.
Most importantly, it would be out in the open. They might not like it, but at least we would be open and honest.
This time, Alma would be mine forever, not just in the night or in the dark between her property and mine.
I felt my front pocket for the one thing of hers that I’d kept over the years – the ring I’d proposed to her with that night.
Something told me I’d need it.
Something was right. I’d need it tonight. There wasn’t any reason to delay. I wanted to make Alma my wife as soon as possible. We’d wasted too much time already.
Chapter Thirteen
Alma
The breath whooshed out of my
lungs at the sight of Austin, not five feet in front of me, built like a tower.
He loved me again.
I loved him again.
Not again, just a renewed love – a new love. A love we didn’t have to hide from anyone.
I covered my mouth with my hand with my hip cocked watching him. He was prepping all the food. Seasoning chicken, ribs, steaks. From the looks of it, he’d cleaned out the nearest Piggly Wiggly and maybe the Winn Dixie two towns over as well.
He was adorable. No, not adorable. Honorable, honest and now we had each other again.
“I’m not sure you have enough there, Chambers. Maybe you should’ve bought a little more meat.”
Austin turned around in a fury, and the color in his face drained at a rapid pace.
“Are you serious? Crap. Can you start some of this stuff while I run to the store? It will take me about an hour, but I think I can make it. Anything else? Maybe I’d better make a list.”
Before I could even get a laugh out, he had his keys and his wallet in his hands and was running out the back door.
“Austin! I was kidding. You’ve got enough to feed the entire Marine Corps here. It was a joke!”
His shoulders hunched as he slammed the wallet and keys back down on the counter.
“Woman, don’t play with me today. This has to be perfect. The food, the house, me. It all has to be…”
“Perfect?” I said marching across the kitchen to him, throwing my arms around his waist. “Nothing has to be perfect. I love you and you love me and look at us being all grown up about it this time. No secrets. That in itself makes it perfect already.”
I nuzzled my face against the hard plains of his chest while his arms tightened around my back. He rubbed small circles at the base of my back and buried his face in my hair.
“Say it again, Alma. I’ll never get tired of hearing it.”
I giggled like sixteen year old Alma used to against the soft fabric of his shirt.
“Which part?”
Baiting Austin was so much fun.
“Don’t keep those words from me, darlin’. I’ve been without them for too long.”