by Lila Felix
A tear began at the corner of my eye thinking about all the time we’d wasted being stubborn, being rooted in pride.
I’d stayed up most of the night after Austin had dropped me off mourning what we’d missed out on. What we’d once had and lost. But mostly I wondered if all of this could’ve been possible before.
Could I have pursued my dreams with Austin by my side?
Could he have successfully managed this ranch and his father with me there to strengthen and support him along the way?
I almost drowned myself that night in sorrow and regret.
I woke the next morning renewed, needing that time to mourn and wonder what if.
At least we had right now, and I wasn’t going to hide my love from him anymore.
“I love you, Austin Chambers. I always have and I always will.”
“That’s all fine and good but you’ve been playing dominoes in there with my dad while I’m in here on my last nerve trying to plan this dinner. Help me, please. I’m pathetic at this.”
He was far from pathetic. Everything was planned down to the four desserts in the refrigerator already cooling off. I didn’t even know Austin knew four dessert recipes.
“How did you learn to cook like this? Last time you cooked for me, I think you tried to make Spam and eggs or something horrible.”
“It was Spam. Cowboys love Spam. Don’t you know?”
I scoffed, kissing his neck. “You’re the only cowboy I know who loves that crap. But really, what gives?”
“You’re gonna laugh.”
“Probably. That’s never stopped you before.”
“Brothers Green Eats.”
“Whose brother ate what?”
He chuckled, reaching out to hold my hand as he doubled over.
“I love that sound too.” I admitted with a fierce blush.
“Good. Keep making me laugh. I’m gonna make you watch that show later. I need to clean up this place. Did you want to go home and change?”
I frowned. “You don’t like my scrubs?” I did a little curtsy and flared out the legs.
His eyes changed to a darker shade as he got closer to me, giving me that look. The one that meant I was in danger. Danger of falling in love with him even more and in danger of his lips.
When our lips touched softly my world exploded, with love. I always knew Austin was the one to own my heart and soul. As he pressed harder, my knees weakened and a shiver ran down my spine. I opened my mouth wider and allowed him to deepen the kiss. When we finally broke apart, we stared at each other – breathless and in love even more.
“Does that say anything to you about how I feel about your scrubs?”
I shook my head. My words weren’t quite working yet.
“Now, I know my girl better than that. Go get your dress on and get dolled up for me. I know you love to.”
I did. He was right.
I drove home with a smile on my face. Tonight was the night. Everything would be out in the open, and we would be free to be with each other without any hang ups.
I got home and the place was completely silent. Everyone must’ve been busy before the party. There was a dress in the very back of my closet that was waiting for a special occasion to be worn. It was hot pink with a cutout back. When I was buying the dress, I bought matching high heels with a little peep toe.
Austin would lose his Wranglers over me tonight.
I dressed in a hurry. I wanted to be there when all the guests started arriving. This was the biggest night for us – for our whole family.
When I returned to the ranch and opened the back door, letting myself in, I heard the gasp from Austin’s lips.
Yep. Hot pink was my color.
“Heavens to Betsy.”
“Did you just call me by another woman’s name, Austin Chambers?”
After a few seconds and a few shakes of his head, he put down the oven mitts he was sporting and took three large strides toward me. “Never ever, Alma. Never in my life would I call you by another name and never ever have I seen you look more… more radiant. You light up this whole place.”
It wasn’t the words he spoke, but the awe in his voice that turned my knees to mush and caused my stomach to tighten. This man was my everything.
“You clean up good yourself, cowboy.”
He leaned down and shook his head once more before placing a tender kiss on my lips.
“Peaches again. You trying to kill me?”
“Maybe.”
I swatted his butt as he turned around to check the oven timer.
“Hey, none of that. Not until we are married.” The last word was clipped. He bit down on his lip while taking another cake out of the oven. He hadn’t meant to say that. I knew this man like the back of my own hand.
“I like where your head is, Austin, but I’ll wait ‘til you ask me properly and preferably with something shiny in your hand and while you’re on your knee.”
He took off the mitts and threw them down on the counter.
“Come here, Alma.”
I did, circling my arms around his waist.
“I didn’t mean to rush this or us. I know it’s been a long time. Don’t feel pressured. If you don’t want to rush, we won’t rush. I’ll wait the rest of my life for you if I have to.”
He ran his hands through my hair enough to make my body tingle but gentle enough not to muss me – he knew better.
“It’s not rushing, Austin. And you won’t have to wait long. I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
Austin
Ten minutes ‘til seven, my friends started piling in. They brought plenty of food, so much that along with my food, we could’ve fed about three armies.
We got a slew of ‘congratulations’ and ‘I’m glad you two finally came to your senses’. Everyone either had a bottle or a glass in their hands but there was an absence that wasn’t being spoken about.
I reached for another bottle for Dad but Alma stopped me with her hand on my arm. “Austin, I’ve got him on some pain meds now. One beer is plenty. I probably shouldn’t have allowed him to have that.”
I put it down and leaned over to kiss her temple. She always took care of Dad as if he was her own.
Speaking of her own dad…
I heard his truck before I saw it. I swallowed against the ball of anxiety rising in my throat. My stomach was in knots.
“It’s going to be fine, Austin. You’ll see.” Alma consoled me from underneath my arm. She’d stayed glued to me most of the night and I loved every second of it. Showing her off to my friends and having everyone know that she and I belonged together.
“I’m late. I’m so sorry.” Alma’s mother Teresa came in, dressed in almost the same color as her daughter, carrying something that smelled like tamales.
“It’s fine. We are so glad you’re here.” I walked up to her, taking the dish but she moved it to the side.
“Come on, Alma. Take this.”
Okay, so this wasn’t going to be all roses and sunshine. Fine. But I was doing this the right way.
Sometimes the right way isn’t paved with rose petals.
“Where’s Mr. Villanueva?” I asked, leaning to the side to look out the window.
“He had other plans.” Alma’s mother’s tone was sharp, and it pierced my side.
“Other plans? Other plans?” Alma’s voice got higher with every syllable. She was shocked and hurt. I knew that tone well.
“Alma, your dad is a busy man. Let’s just enjoy ourselves.” I put on the façade for her, hoping it would help but looking at her face, I knew it was all over. She would be miserable the rest of the night. She worshiped her father and needed his approval or at least his acknowledgment of her choices.
I guess everyone needs someone to acknowledge their choices – good or bad.
“Let’s just eat, I guess. Austin spent all day making this spread. Let’s dig in.”
Her smile was fake. I wasn’t sure if everyone else could tell but I
sure as hell could.
Throughout the night, I tried to meet her gaze but her eyes told it all. She sat down next to my dad and they spoke in hushed tones.
She wiped away a tear hoping I couldn’t or wouldn’t see.
Nevertheless, the night went well. There were twenty people in my home who were wishing us well and asking when the wedding would be. Most of our friends told stories about us being together when we were kids.
But even a hundred people’s approval didn’t matter when the one person you needed it from wasn’t there.
After everyone left, we cleaned up in silence. She stopped to help my dad make it back to the bed for the night.
“He needs you for bathroom stuff,” she whispered to me in passing through the kitchen.
“Okay.”
I went to help Dad but he didn’t need to go to the bathroom. He wanted to talk to me.
“She’s hurt and angry. Don’t let this fester, Austin. It will become a wedge before you know it.”
“I won’t, Dad. I’m going to talk to her about it tonight.”
“Good man. Now, how much will it take to get me another one of those brownies?”
I laughed and went to get him one, but by the time I got back, he was already asleep.
“Goodnight, Dad. I love you.”
I was answered by a snore.
Back in the kitchen, Alma was cleaning an already clean countertop.
“Hey, let’s go outside,” I said.
“I should go home.”
“Give me ten minutes, Alma.”
“Fine.”
It was already becoming a wedge.
I flipped the light switch on the way out, lighting up about a thousand Christmas lights in the backyard. She wasn’t impressed. Mostly because her mind was somewhere else.
“Can we talk?”
“Talk? Sure. Talk.”
A long, heavy sigh came from my mouth before I started. “Your dad may have just been busy, Alma.”
That got me a good dose of the stink eye.
“Can I ask you something? Why does it matter to you? Why do you have to have your father’s approval of us? You’re not sixteen anymore, and I’m not the lowly farmhand. We are adults now.”
“I know that, Austin.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“It’s not like you’re old fashioned, Alma. If you were, you and I would’ve never happened in the first place.”
Silence was her response.
I reached down in my left pocket and rolled the ring around in my palm. It wasn’t happening tonight. For the love of Pete, she wouldn’t even look at me.
“I don’t think I can do this, Alma. Not again.”
She turned toward me. I rolled my eyes. It took a threat to get her attention.
“What are you saying?”
“Look at you, sweetheart. We knew he wouldn’t approve. We knew he wasn’t going to stroll in here and give me a big bear hug and insist I call him Dad. I don’t know what you were expecting. Our whole night was ruined because he didn’t show.”
“Our whole night was ruined? How? Everyone had fun.”
I laughed but there was no humor in it. “Everyone except the two people who should’ve been the happiest. You were downright miserable the entire night, and I was so worried about you that I don’t even remember half the night.”
Her hands were on her hips now. All of a sudden, her dad being absent was tearing us apart right before my eyes. Again.
“Well, I’m so sorry I ruined your night. Next time I’ll be happy no matter what.”
“Do you even hear yourself, Alma? I love you. I was worried about you because I care so much. I don’t give two rat’s butts about who was here or the food or anything. I wanted you to be happy because we are in love and sharing that with the people in our lives. And you didn’t answer my question.”
“What was the question, Austin? What?” She’d taken the hairband from her wrist and piled up her hair on top of her head. Her heels were in the house, long forgotten.
This was how I loved my girl.
She was my dream.
“I think you need to do some heavy thinking, Alma Villanueva. I think you need to explore why you need his approval so much and whether or not his approval is more important than how much you say you love me.”
She pinned me down with a stare. “Are you asking me to choose, Austin? Seriously? You’re asking me to choose?”
I mulled it over for a second. Tipping my head back to look at the moon, the twinkling lights made little halos in my peripheral vision.
I hated doing this to her. She was a far cry from the sixteen year old I’d known before, but there was still a little growing up for her to do.
For me too.
“Yeah. You know what? I am.”
“And what if I choose you and never see my father again?”
I sobered. This was not the conversation I wanted to be having with her. “Sweetheart, did you ever have his full love if he stops loving you over me? Over someone you love? Over someone who has waited his whole life to be with you? Isn’t that what a father wants for his daughter?”
“What would you do, Austin? What if your dad disapproved of us?”
The thought had already rolled through my head. I knew the answer too.
“Alma, nothing and no one in this world is more important to me than you. If Dad didn’t approve, he would just have to deal with it.”
She huffed out a snort of disbelief. “Bull. It’s easy to say.”
I stood. I didn’t even remember sitting. “Actually, it is, Alma. It’s so very easy to say how much I love you and how I’d give up anything for you. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
We stood there at a standstill, both of us losing.
“What do we do now?” Her voice had softened, but she was far from being over her rage.
“I’m gonna do what I always do, Alma. I’m gonna leave my heart in your hands. Let me know what you decide.” I turned to go inside.
“Austin?” Her call to me was a whimper. I balled my fists at my sides, willing myself not to go to her.
“Like I said, Alma. Let me know.”
Chapter Fifteen
Alma
It was two in the morning before I left his backyard and three by the time I got home. The house was dark but as I dragged myself up the stairs, the sounds of my father’s snoring roared through the house.
He was home.
Funny how he could snore through my turmoil.
I laid in bed for hours until I rolled over toward my bedroom window to see the sun coming up over the mountains in the distance. With my eyebrows scrunched, I sat up and looked around the room. My room was still pink like a cotton candy fairy threw up all over it. I’d loved it as a girl.
My dad had picked out the colors, telling my mom that his girl needed a room fit for a princess.
The clanging of pots being put on the stove told me that my parents were already up and starting the day.
I didn’t know if I could face them yet.
A lone tear ran down my face. Austin’s face had been indescribably painful to look at the night before. I was causing him pain – again.
The thing was, I had no idea why.
I walked down the stairs in a fog, still in my pajamas that I barely pulled on.
I couldn’t go through this again.
I couldn’t lose Austin again.
“Buenos dias.” I grumbled under my breath.
I didn’t get a response. So, this was how it was going to be. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat next to him. He was staring at his cup, not even making eye contact with me. As tired as I was, I grew angrier.
There was no doubt I love Austin. None. However, picking him over my father was a choice more difficult than I could handle. I know how Papa was with his stubbornness and being bullheaded. It was where I get it from.
“Did Mama tell you how great the party was last night?” I asked as she s
et the breakfast plates in front of us.
He didn’t answer.
“The food was outstanding. The company was amazing. Sad you had to miss it.”
Again, he remained quiet.
“What was more important last night you couldn’t come?”
He continued to eat, not even noticing me. I was invisible to him. My parents and I have butted heads a lot in my years, but I was twenty-three now. My heart wanted Austin. It was time for me to live my life. My way. For too long, I’ve done what they wanted. Now, it was my turn to be selfish.
“I think it was terribly rude for you not to at least come for a moment. Austin worked hard to make last night perfect.”
He finally glanced over at me, acknowledging I was there. “It was a spectacle for you two.”
“No, you’re wrong. It was a couple celebrating their love with people who love them. I guess that’s why you didn’t show.”
“He’s not right for you.”
“A hardworking, honest, kind hearted man is wrong for me? Then maybe I should go to the jail and see who’s up for parole and ask them out? Would that make you happy?” My voice grew louder.
He went back to being quiet.
“I’m a good person, and Austin makes me better. Just like Mama makes you better. He’s my everything and I’ll pick him every day of the week over anybody else. This is it, Papa. I’m not a kid anymore, and I’m not scared of losing your love. If I lose it, then that’s your fault.”
I began to walk away but stopped in my tracks at the clearing of his throat. Papa always cleared his throat when he was about to say something profound as if he had to choke up his bravery.
“Mija, listen to me. I will love you no matter what. But that boy was… you were not even an adult yet. What was he thinking? You were too young and he was way too old. Don’t you want someone who can carry on our legacy? Our language? Our traditions?”
I huffed out a laugh. I understood his reasons, but they were antiquated at best.
“Papa, you forget that I’m part of that, right? My children will speak our language because of me. They will carry on our traditions if they want to. I would rather love Austin for the rest of my life, no matter how different he is from me, then spend five minutes not loving someone because they happen to speak our language or know our culture. Love doesn’t care, Papa.”