by Paul Kidd
The broken wooden poles beside the road gave way to a row of tall, spindly pylons, each one topped by an ancient street light. There were some hillocks in the dirt nearby, possibly an entire string of old houses covered over by sand. Alternatively, it might actually be sand. Shaani stood up on her pedals and looked over the site with glee, her hat with two red bobbles gleaming absurdly in the dark.
“Excellent. You know, I have a feeling those might be buildings.”
“Just hang back.” Xoota tested the night breeze. There was a faint scent of moisture and a weird tingle of danger. She looked for a way to circle downwind of the ruins unseen. “Lots of things like ruins. You have to approach these places cautiously.”
“Oh, wacko.” The rat was not really listening. “Never fear. I’ll be the soul of caution.”
Xoota turned to carefully examine the local desert. By the time she turned around, Shaani was already pedaling off toward the sand mounds. Xoota cursed, kicked Budgie into a canter, and raced to cut the girl off.
“Hey!”
Budgie suddenly came to a halt, absolutely refusing to step any closer to the ruins. At least someone had some sense.
Xoota planted her fists on her hips and glowered at the rat. “Now look, I am the wilderness expert. You are the … the technical dude. You do not approach ruins unless they have been personally cleared as safe by my say-so.”
Shaani looked a little chagrined. “Oh, yes, yes, yes. If you say so.”
“Right.” Xoota dismounted. She slung her shield across her back, took her crossbow in her arms, and loaded it. “So we do this properly, skilled and aware. You stay right there until I give you an ‘all clear.’ Do you understand?”
The rat rolled her eyes. “I understand.”
“Fantastic.” With mace, knives, shield, crossbow, and armor, Xoota headed toward the ruins.
The ground instantly fell out beneath her feet.
Something had cast an illusion across an expanse of sand. What had looked like flat sand was actually a deep, conical pit with sides made from cascading, slippery dust. Xoota lost her crossbow. She fell slipping down the slope. One brief glimpse at the bottom of the pit showed a great pair of insect mandibles jutting up from beneath the ground, clashing hungrily as its dinner slid toward it.
Xoota yanked out her two knives and jammed them into the dirt, frenziedly trying to claw her way back to the top of the pit. “Help me.”
From a few meters away from the pit, Shaani called out uncertainly. “Is that an ‘all clear’?”
“No, that’s a ‘help me.’ ” Xoota scrabbled for purchase on the shifting sand. Below her, massive mandibles scissored at the bottom of the pit. The enormous ant-lion larva made a delighted growling sound, anticipating quoll for dinner. Xoota desperately tried to climb. “Get me out. There’s a bug in here.”
Shaani poked her head over the edge of the pit. She looked at the carnivorous insect ravening away at the bottom of the pit, sucked her incisors in thought, then disappeared.
Xoota bellowed for her again, only to see a little fizzing firefly go whirling through the air above her, trailing sparks. It landed at the bottom of the pit.
Pipe bomb.
Xoota tried to hunch beneath the shield across her back. Moments later, there was an immense boom. The ground bucked and something slammed hard against Xoota’s back. Debris crashed off her shield, one chunk of something moist and ghastly hit the back of her head. The breath was knocked clean out of her.
A cascade of bug juice came gooshing down all over her. Xoota, covered with bug innards, saw stars as she slowly slid down the side of the pit. Unable to move, she heard Shaani’s voice through the ringing in her ears.
“How was that?”
“That’s good. Thanks.” Dazed, Xoota lay at the bottom of the pit. “Perfect.”
The ant-lion larva was missing its head and a large chunk of its forequarters. The rest of it was twitching in an appalling lack of sympathy for Xoota’s condition. The quoll girl’s head spun. She tried to move her toes. “Shaani? I can’t move.”
“Ah, that’s shock. Sorry. I used the bomb that had no casing—you know, no nails and chains and scrap metal? But it has a bigger bang.”
“What the hell is this stuff all over me?”
“Juice.”
“Juice? What do you mean ‘juice’?”
“Juice.” The rat seemed happy to explain. “Technically the liquid part of a vegetable, fruit, or insect. Which is why I normally only drink tea.”
Xoota’s stomach jerked. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“That might be good. You could gum the sides of the pit together and climb out.”
“You’re not helping.” Xoota swallowed hard. The stench of bug guts was utterly nauseating. Normally she didn’t mind eating insects, but the insides of the ant-lion larva smelled like a dead dingo’s rectum. “Get me out.”
A rope—newly plaited from tent cords—sailed down into the pit. It flopped onto the ground beside Xoota. Shaani called down happily from above. “Right. Grab on.”
“What part of ‘I can’t move’ just refused to sink into your synapses?”
“Sorry. I wasn’t sure whether it was just a turn of phrase.” From the edge of the pit up above, Shaani adjusted her spectacles. “Hmm, I could make a loop. Or a lariat. I might be able to snag you.”
“I don’t think looping a noose around my neck is a great way to get me free.”
“Ah, point taken, point taken.” Shaani cast around and suddenly seemed pleased. “Here we go. Just wait there. I’ll just nip off and get help.”
The rat disappeared. Xoota lay and stared at the stars then frowned. “What help?”
There was no answer.
“Rat girl? What help?”
They were in the middle of an empty desert. Magnanimous passersby were going to be few and far between. Xoota was clearly the one stable creature adrift in an ocean of total morons.
Somewhere behind her, the ant-lion larva’s body thrashed and jerked. It seemed to be going on and on; there was no actual sign of its dying. Xoota began to feel a nasty, crawling suspicion filter from her antennae down to her shoes.
“Is that thing regenerating?” She strained to hear if anyone was paying her the least attention. “Hello? Anybody? Listen, I think that giant bug is growing back its head.”
There was a sudden bustle of motion at the top of the pit. Xoota felt a huge surge of relief. She relaxed back. Rescue at last.
A swarm of earwigs, each the size of a well-fed mouse, came running up over her toes. Several dozen of them perched on her chest and waved their feelers.
“Hi.” The creatures spoke all at once in a high, soft, squeaky voice.
Xoota froze. Oh, kack, they were going to eat her brain. “Shaani?”
“Whee.” Earwigs moved in a group, grabbing the end of the rope. “Helping. I and I helping.” The bugs seemed pleased. “Very good help.”
“Shaani!?”
Xoota’s terror seemed to trigger off the bugs. They recoiled from her, scrambling at the sides of the pit, wailing and covering their eyes with their front legs. Shaani the rat poked her head over the side of the pit, out of breath from having run across the sand.
“Oh, good. They’re here.”
“What, you brought these?” Xoota was paralyzed. She could hear the cerci on the earwig’s backsides clashing like knives.
“They’re going to eat me.”
“Oh, tush. Don’t be such a baby. This is a very helpful local resident I found over at the ruins. They want to help.”
“How do you know that?”
“They told me.”
“Well, of course they told you that.” Xoota’s skin crawled. “What the hell makes you sit up there and think it’s true?”
“What, just because people come from a postapocalyptic radiation desert, they can’t be nice?” Shaani tied her end of the rope to Budgie’s saddle. “Now do hold still. We’ll have you out in a mo’.”
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br /> Bugs ran over to try to tie the end of the rope around Xoota’s left foot. They scampered all over her legs. Xoota’s fur stood on end. The bugs immediately began to squeal and churn. They crowded away from Xoota in revulsion.
Shaani gave an irritated sigh. She planted her fists on her hips and glowered down from the rim of the pit. “Well, now you’ve upset them.” Shaani tapped her foot. “We really must work on those people skills of yours. Folk will start to think you truly don’t like them.”
“I don’t like them.”
“Shush.” Shaani bent down to talk to the tail end of the sentient earwig swarm. “I do apologize, my dears. She’s a tad distraught. Let’s heft her out, and we can all have a spot of tea.”
Invigorated by Shaani, the earwigs tromped down in a determined procession. Some clambered up onto Xoota’s chest to oversee the operation, while others dragged the rope and tied it around her boot. Xoota glowered at the things.
One of the earwigs actually seemed to blow a raspberry at her. It turned its back and clashed its pincers.
Xoota gave a sniff. Fine, be like that.
The earwigs tugged the knot tight. A chorus of them called and waved to Shaani. The rat girl looked down into the pit then signaled Budgie to back away.
“Up we come. Haul away.”
The rope tightened and creaked. Upside down and damned annoyed, Xoota was dragged up the side of the pit. She tried to blow back the sand that tried to cascade up her nose; too much of it found its way up her trouser legs. Attended by a swarm of busy bugs, she was finally hauled up onto the surface. She lay there and glowered over at Budgie, who tried to look innocent.
“You and I need to have a little talk about this trap-finding ability of yours.”
The bird looked at her blankly. “Who’s a pretty boy, then?”
“Right …”
Long minutes later, Xoota lay on the sand, still unable to move. The earwigs bustled constantly around her, forming a sort of pyramid to help lift up her head. Others had brought over a bottle of cold, lemon tea with a long straw. The earwigs seemed very keen to help.
“Here we go, marsupial lady. Drinky drink.”
Earwigs scuttled all over her, forceps clacking. Xoota felt sheer helplessness writhing through her skin. “Oh, crud.”
The earwigs all looked at each other in concern. “Oh, crud.”
The quoll girl fixed them with one eye and scowled. “Stop copying me.”
The nearest earwigs scowled right back at her. “Okay.”
Xoota just gave in. The earwigs scuttled forward and gave her a drink. It was Shaani’s tea, extremely good. Xoota drank it with gratitude. “All right. Thank you.”
“Welcome.” The earwigs set the bottle upright in the sand. They lowered Xoota’s head back down. “Welcome, welcome.”
“Where is Shaani? You know, the rat lady? The thin one with the white fur and the ponytail? With glasses?”
“Pretty rat.” The earwigs chorused happily. “Wig-wig helped pretty rat go down into the hole. Science.”
Oh no, more science.
The earwigs were apparently helpfully trying to massage some life into her legs and feet. She rolled her eyes and stared up at the stars. It was not so bad. She just had to imagine that it was something other than earwigs … Shaani came traipsing up out of the ant-lion pit, sounding pleased. She tossed jars and equipment onto the sand beside her. “So how are you doing, old gal? Still a tad stiff?”
“I still can’t move, if that’s what you mean.”
“Thought not, thought not.” The rat seemed tired but elated. “The critter had a paralytic poison it was intending to inject you with. When it blew up, it ended up all over your clothes and fur. Soaked into the skin, you see.” The rat waved a sealed jar. “I have a sample, all airtight and sealed. I got it from the guts.”
“Lovely.” Xoota rolled her eyes toward the earwigs. “Why are they still here?”
“They’re interesting.” Shaani seemed pleased. “And ‘they’ might not be quite the correct term. The entire swarm refers to itself as ‘I.’ Possibly a shared consciousness. Fascinating.”
“Oh, fascinating.”
“Well, think how useful a swarm of little happy companions will be.”
Xoota closed her eyes and winced. Oh, gods, make this end …
Shaani rummaged inside the packs of her bicycle and came out with a long bar of homemade soap. “Soon be fixed. Wig-wig, my dear, could you do the honors?”
The earwigs plunged in and wormed beneath Xoota. She suddenly found herself being transported across the sand, whisked along by a bustling horde of really large earwigs. She blinked in amazement.
“Where the hell are we going?
Shaani trundled her bike along at Xoota’s side without a care in the world. “To wash you off, old bean. Get the toxins off you. Bath time. And we’ll do your laundry. You should be right as rain in a while.”
A bath? Xoota’s eyes opened in panic. “Wait. We should talk about this.”
“Nothing to discuss. Basic procedures, old gal.”
“But I can’t move. You can’t just chuck me in the water.”
“I’ll hold your head up. Don’t be such a baby.”
The earwigs chorused happily beneath Xoota. “Baby?”
The quoll swallowed in panic. “Bathing can make you sick.”
“Sick?” The earwigs suddenly seemed concerned. “Oh, no.” The rat girl looked drolly down at Xoota. “It most certainly does not.”
“Can too.”
“Yes, well, I wasn’t going to say anything. But hygiene in the field is always a top priority.” Shaani smelled clean and neat, with well-combed whiskers and beautifully plaited hair. By contrast, Xoota decidedly did not smell like desert roses. “Come along. In you go.”
They plunged through a crack in a concrete wall and down into a building hidden underneath the ground. The sand mounds had hidden old concrete buildings. Something from an alternate earth had sort of appeared half inside a more mundane building. The merger had done neither structure the least bit of good. A sort of ceramic egg shape had been stuck through an ancient garage and grocery store. Cracked concrete ceilings still held the sand at bay, but the vast ceramic egg held a shallow pool of water.
Shaani found an old trough that looked as if it might do for a bath. Working with the help of the earwigs, she pulled old pots and buckets full of water up out of the cistern and filled the bath. They admired their handiwork as Shaani went to fetch some gloves out of her baggage.
Budgie had already plunged into the cistern and was splashing around, enjoying a wash. Xoota made a note to boil the water before drinking. She sighed then saw Shaani approaching her. The rat had a scarf around her head, an apron made out of an old sack, and elbow-length rubber gloves.
“Right, old bean. Let’s get you out of your kit.”
Xoota wailed in protest. The earwigs busily swarmed all over her, untying buckles and laces. Her boots were tugged off her feet, which was not the best of smells. Shaani went to work pulling off Xoota’s armor, ignoring her curses, pleas, and wails.
“Stop. Just put me in my clothes.”
“No. It all gets cleaned properly.”
“Wait, no!” Xoota’s visible skin blushed pink. “Close your eyes. Don’t look at my pouch.”
Shaani rolled her eyes. “We’re not looking. Now do just be sensible.”
“Eyes closed.”
“Oh, very well.” Shaani pretended to close her eyes. The earwigs could do no such damned fool thing, although Xoota apparently didn’t realize it. They finally wrestled the quoll out of her bug-sticky clothing. Shaani then had the hard task of trying to lift a limp, paralyzed quoll woman up and into the bath.
“Oof. I say, you’re rather compact.”
Xoota sounded hurt. “I’m not that fat.”
“I didn’t say ‘fat,’ just compact. Like you’re made of teak.” Shaani managed to roll Xoota over into the water. “There we go.”
; With a splash, Xoota was in the tub. She floated with her head resting on the rim. The damned water was cold and found its way straight through her fur. The quoll immediately grumbled. “It’s too cold.”
“Don’t be such a baby. It’s lovely after the daytime heat.”
“You’re looking.”
“Hush. I’m a scientist.” Shaani grabbed her long, hard bar of soap. “Right, here we go. Eyes front and think of progress.” Shaani began to scrub.
Xoota gave a plaintive wail. “Stop. Just let it soak off.”
“No, it has to be soap.”
A host of little earwigs suddenly peered over the edge of the tub.
“Wig-wig will help.”
There was a tickling sensation inside Xoota’s mind. Suddenly she felt a wave of lazy happiness spreading through her. It felt good to be lying there, with someone scrubbing hard at her fur with the soap. Delicious to just let someone else do the work. To just float there, without a care in the—
Xoota gave a jerk of shock and outrage. “Hey.” She glared at the earwigs. “You knock that off.”
“I helping,” said Wig-wig.
“Leave my brain alone.”
Shaani kept right on working. “Thank you, Wig-wig, dear. It was a nice thought. I have some apricots in my pack. Perhaps you would like to have them?”
The earwigs bustled off to investigate. Budgie, wet and refreshed, strutted over to watch the fun as Xoota made her first acquaintance with the wonderful world of soap.
The bug goo was all through Xoota’s facial fur, her hair, her hands, her neck. Those were cleaned quickly. Shaani soldiered on, mercilessly scrubbing the quoll clean from head to toe. The bath water had turned a rather unpleasant gray. And after the old water was bailed out and new water poured in, the rat sat back in satisfaction.
“There. Can you feel your toes?”
She could. Xoota’s eyes lit with happiness. She actually managed to move fingers and toes. Hell, she could almost sit up. “Yes. Hey, I can move.”
“You’re all right to sit there?” The rat wiped her face then used a stick to transport Xoota’s clothes to an old, plastic bin she was using as a washtub. “Just sit there and soak while I do these. And we’ll do your blankets and spare clothes while we’re at it.”