by Anna Smith
‘I want to take this opportunity to wish all the best on behalf of myself and the whole parish to these two fine young men, Kevin Slaven and Dessie O’Hanlon, who are off to a bright new land and, hopefully, a bright new future.’ Everyone cheered. Kevin and Dessie stood up and took a bow, shaking each other’s hands. The priest continued.
‘I am sure you will be a great success. And also, I have some … er … some news about myself that I want to impart,’ he said, his voice faltering. We all looked at each other. Father Flynn seemed nervous suddenly. He had lost the kind of bullishness he’d shown earlier. I thought maybe he was scared inside that Kevin would stand up and tell everyone the truth. He wiped his forehead and continued. ‘You see, I want to take this opportunity to … er … announce that I am leaving St John Bosco’s.’ A hush fell over the room, then the sound of mumbling, then silence. ‘Y … yes. The Bishop … his Grace Bishop O’Toole has decided … er … in his wisdom that the talents and gifts the good Lord gave me would be better served teaching our brothers and sisters in the missions … in Africa. Y … yes … I’m off to Africa.’ There were more mutterings and then silence. ‘So I want to say thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart. My life has been here, and everyone has been kind and good. And … er … I want to say that if I’ve ever offended or annoyed anyone, then here and now I am truly sorry …’ Father Flynn’s voice trailed off, shaking. Everyone was shocked. They’d all thought he was here for ever. Dan looked at me, then at Jamie and Tony, then at Kevin. We all smiled. Everybody was talking furiously about Father Flynn. But we were the only ones who knew the truth. We were well pleased. Dan looked jubilant, and laughed with the rest of us, but his eyes said that he was still troubled. He watched Father Flynn as he went around the tables, being hugged by old women and having his hand shaken by men who trusted him with their lives. If only they knew.
I thought about the poor black babies in Africa who would be too scared to tell if Flynn was doing anything to them. As if their lives weren’t bad enough without getting landed with him.
*
The old man with the accordion announced the first singer. It was Nellie McGarvie, a woman of about sixty who used to sing in all the pubs when she was young. She swayed a little as the man handed her the microphone, and Dad muttered something to Kevin about how Nellie had spent too much time in pubs in her day. Her voice was a bit shaky but she sang ‘They Tried to Tell us We’re Too Young’ and everyone was joining in at the end. Next up was a man who sang ‘Carrickfergus’ and his voice was so powerful and pure that the whole hall sat in silence. I looked around me watching everyone enjoying themselves, except for Jake McCabe, who was standing at the bar, downing whisky and smoking fags like there was no tomorrow. He never applauded anyone, he just kept leering over at Mary, who was doing her best to ignore him. Dad was giving him the evil eye and I was beginning to get worried.
To our amazement, the old man announced that the next singer was going to be Kevin Slaven. We nearly died as Kevin got up, cigarette dangling from his lips, and strutted across the floor and on to the stage. Mum beamed with pride. I had only heard him singing in the bath, but I didn’t think he would ever get up on a stage. He must be drunk, I thought. One of the boys with the band got on stage and spoke to Kevin, then started to play the guitar. Kevin began singing and a hush fell over the hall.
His voice was beautiful. He sang ‘The Twelfth of Never’, and the girls were all wide-eyed, watching as he sang, hoping he was singing for them. But he was only looking at one woman, Mum, and her eyes brimmed with tears as his voice filled the hall and carried out into the night. The hall exploded with applause when Kevin finished and two of the girls he’d come in with rushed forward and threw their arms around him. But he ignored them and sat back at the table with us. Dad went to the bar to get drinks and I went with him. He stood beside Jake McCabe, but didn’t appear to be talking to him.
Next the old man shouted up for Mary McCabe and everyone cheered. We all knew what a great singer Mary was and everyone was clapping as she got to her feet, egged on by Mum. Mary looked nervous on stage, the lights making the shadows under her eyes even darker. But she had a confidence about her, thanks to the vodka she had been drinking. She cleared her throat and started to sing, her voice sweet and beautiful.
She sang, ‘Born free, as free as the grass grows, as free as the wind blows, born free to follow our dream … Stay free …’ I had never heard anyone sing so beautifully. I looked at Mary and thought of her face and her screams that night as Jake battered her on the street, and how she was crying on the steps. But here, up on the stage as she sang, it was as though nothing could touch her.
Jake McCabe stood staring into his drink, and Dad, standing near him at the bar, watched him with disgust all over his face. I looked from them to Mary, singing her heart out on the stage. Kevin was keeping an eye on everyone. Mary sang, ‘… As free as the roaring tide, ‘cos there’s no place to hide … Live free, life is for living, if you’re born free.’ The roar went up as soon as the song finished and Mary looked as if there were tears in her eyes.
Suddenly Dad turned to Jake McCabe and spat some words at him.
‘Born free,’ Dad said. ‘That poor woman was only free until the day she met you, ya useless bastard! She’s never been free in her life, tied to a fucker like you.’ I couldn’t believe my ears. I couldn’t understand why he picked a moment like this to challenge McCabe after all this time. Maybe he was so emotional after talking to Kevin about how he felt his own life was such a let-down that he felt so sorry for Mary and decided to tell McCabe a few home truths. I knew there would be trouble. The words fell on Jake McCabe like a ton of bricks and it seemed to take a full minute before they registered. Then a rage rose in him that turned his face crimson from his neck to the roots of his hair. He smashed his glass down on the counter, breaking it and spilling whisky across the bar. He grabbed Dad by the collar and in one jerky movement stuck his head in his face before Dad even knew it was coming. Blood spouted from Dad’s nose and he grabbed McCabe by the hair and punched his face. McCabe fell back against the wall then came back with fists flying. He knocked a table of drinks crashing to the floor and everyone at the bar jumped back.
‘I’ll kill you, Slaven! Ya bastard! I’ll kill you!’ He landed a punch full on Dad’s face and he fell back on to a table. Two men got up and tried to have a go at McCabe. But before they got anywhere Kevin was in among it and had landed two swift fists into McCabe’s face. As McCabe fell back, Kevin moved in on him, but suddenly someone jumped on his back. It was Eddie McCann, McCabe’s only pal, another drunk who had served time for assault and robbery. He grabbed Kevin and tried to choke him. Dessie O’Hanlon jumped in from nowhere and started punching McCann. All hell had broken loose. The women were screaming and I was on the floor trying to see through all the bodies. There were people punching and kicking and glasses smashing. Mum had got hold of Dad and managed to calm him down. Mary McCabe was hysterical and crying in the corner. Kevin was punching Jake McCabe into oblivion. But he kept getting back up for more.
‘All you’re good for is hitting women, McCabe! You’re a loser! C’mon, get up!’ Kevin challenged him to get up for more punishment. Dessie O’Hanlon was fighting with Eddie McCann and at least four people were trying to break them up.
Suddenly everything stopped dead. Despite the mayhem, we all heard it at once. It sounded like it was gunshot. The whole place fell silent. Then a teenage boy from the village burst in the door.
‘It’s Barney Hagen! I think he’s shot himself!’ he said, and turned and ran.
Others followed him. I stood rooted to the spot, my stomach turning over. Barney Hagen had shot himself. The words rang in my ears. I knew how. I had seen his gun. He had always kept the bullets separate, so nobody would come in and shoot him, he told me. Now he had shot himself.
‘It must have been that business with the police today,’ I heard some woman say, but I felt dizzy suddenly. The hall was emp
tying and everyone was making for Barney Hagen’s house. We could hear the ambulance siren blaring and in the distance I could make out the blue light as we approached Barney’s house. I stopped suddenly, afraid to go any further. Dan, Tony and Jamie ran ahead. I felt sick. By the time I got to the gate I could hardly see for the crowd. Then as I peered through I could see the ambulancemen bringing an empty stretcher out. Two other men dressed in black came out carrying a zipped-up body on a stretcher. It must have been Barney. They put him in the back of a black van that looked a bit like a hearse. I felt as though I was going to choke. Maybe if I had not ignored him these past few weeks he wouldn’t have felt so bad about all the gossip and rumours. Maybe he even thought I was one of the kids bad-mouthing him. Now he was dead, and I would never be able to tell him that I knew he was innocent. I know that would have meant so much to him. All the stories he told me about the war and his pain came flooding back to my head. I remembered him crying. I watched as the ambulance doors closed and the van pulled away with the blue light not flashing any more because there was no need to hurry. Barney was dead.
Chapter Sixteen
Lying in bed I watched the full moon make ghostly shadows on the wall. I closed my eyes, but sleep just wouldn’t come. My mind raced over and over the events of the night, and no matter how I tried, every time I closed my eyes I could still see Barney’s face. I prayed to God and asked him if it was partly my fault that Barney killed himself, because I had more or less abandoned him. I didn’t think God was listening because nothing seemed clear any more. I saw Barney as a young man, his cap under his arm, going off to war. I could see him lying in the festering pond in the Jap prisoner-of-war camp. I tried to push the thoughts away and to concentrate on the rest of the night. It had been some night altogether. The punch-up was just like the movies, with men throwing fists and missing each other. Kevin hadn’t come in yet, and I guessed he was off with his mates and the girls who were all congratulating him on beating up Jake McCabe. I wondered what happened to Mary when she went home. Jamie had walked home with her, but he was very apprehensive because his dad would no doubt be back to take out his anger on anyone who was an easy target.
Tony’s mum and the Nazi seemed to be arguing by the time they left because she had been hanging around McCartney. In the middle of the fight the two of them seemed to disappear for a few moments and the Nazi went after them. In all the chaos we didn’t bother to follow them, but by the look on his face, the Nazi had seen something he didn’t like. Tony went home with them, but he looked worried.
I must have fallen asleep because it was the sound of a stone at my bedroom window that wakened me up. I opened my eyes and it was almost daylight. The moon had gone and the sky was pale. The stone hit the window again, and this time I could hear a loud whispering voice call my name.
‘Kath! Kath!’ I pulled back the covers and crept up to the window, wondering if I was having a dream and hoping it wasn’t Barney Hagen’s ghost come back for me. From my window I could see the figures of Tony and Jamie standing below, their heads upturned and their hands cupped over their mouths as they called my name again.
‘Jesus,’ I said, opening the window. ‘What are you doing? What’s wrong?’
‘Open the door, Kath,’ Tony said, stepping off the grass to the back door.
I pulled on my jeans and sweatshirt and tiptoed downstairs. I could hear snoring coming from my mum and dad’s bedroom.
I opened the door and Tony and Jamie came slinking into the kitchen.
‘What’s the matter? God’s sake, Tony, it’s the middle of the night,’ I said.
The kitchen was still quite dark, even though it was light outside.
‘I know,’ Tony said. ‘Listen, Kath. We’re running away. We haven’t got a lot of time, so listen …’
Automatically, the three of us sat down softly at the table. Then I noticed that Tony had a cut with dried blood just above his eyebrow. My eyes darted from him to Jamie.
‘What happened?’ I put my hand out to touch his eyebrow but he drew back.
‘Don’t, Kath, it’s sore. Listen.’ His voice was urgent, commanding.
He told me that when they got back to the house, immediately they closed the front door, the Nazi grabbed his mother by the hair and started to slap her face. She fell down in the hallway and he kicked her in the stomach. Tony said she seemed to pass out and he jumped on the Nazi to stop him, but he just kept kicking. He had his arms around the Nazi’s neck, but somehow the Nazi managed to grab him and drag him in front of him. He pushed Tony’s face against the door, striking his eye against the handle. Tony said he didn’t know what came over him, but suddenly he grabbed a candlestick and hit the Nazi over the head as hard as he could.
Tony’s eyes were wide as he said, ‘I couldn’t believe it, Kath. He just kind of looked at me, then wobbled and fell on to the floor. I just stood there watching him. There was blood coming from the back of his head … I think I killed him!’
‘Jesus,’ was all I could say. Jamie sat quietly. He had obviously heard it already.
Tony told me that he wanted to hit the Nazi again and again, but he managed to stop. He said that suddenly he found himself in the Nazi’s bedroom, and was dragging his money box out from its hiding place. As he told me, he pulled out a bag with wads of notes in it as well as the newspaper clippings about the Pole proving that he was really a Nazi soldier.
‘I think I’ve killed him. But if I have, then I’ve got all this stuff here and I can tell the cops who he really is. Maybe they won’t put me away for life. Jesus! They’ll have to catch me first! I’m running away, Kath, me and Jamie. And we want you and Dan to come too! Are you coming?’
It was almost as though I didn’t have any choice. He didn’t tell me I must come with him or say that he would die if I wasn’t with them. But I knew that even though my mum and dad would panic when they wakened up to find I wasn’t in my bed, it didn’t matter. I was going with Tony and Jamie, and it was as though I couldn’t help myself.
‘Yeah,’ I said, getting to my feet. ‘I’m coming.’ Suddenly I was creeping upstairs and throwing a jumper and another pair of trousers into a bag. I felt fantastic. Like I was being powered by something I couldn’t control. There was no stopping me. I tiptoed past my mum and dad’s room and looked in. They were fast asleep in each other’s arms. I loved seeing them like that and I closed my eyes to keep them there in case I never saw them again.
I went downstairs and grabbed some bread and cheese and two cans of beans and stuffed them into my bag. Tony and Jamie were on their feet and ready to go. Their eyes were shining in the thrill of this great new adventure. We were in our very own movie. We were the pioneers who took their wagons across the desert. We were the heroes who would win the war and free the world. Nothing would stand in our way.
‘What about Dan?’ Jamie asked. ‘We’d better go and get him.’ We nodded and made our way swiftly to Dan’s house. His front door was open and we went silently inside and into his bedroom. I nudged him and Tony put his hand over his mouth in case he cried out. He opened his eyes and looked at all three of us.
‘Are we running away?’ Dan said, blinking away the sleep.
‘Yeah,’ Tony said. ‘You coming?’
‘You bet!’ Dan said. He jumped from the bed and automatically put his hand between his legs. He looked surprised and pleased that he was dry. He half smiled and pulled his baggy trousers on over his pyjamas.
‘C’mon, let’s go,’ Dan said.
I was amazed that Dan was coming with us, knowing how responsible he had felt for his mum and the other kids. But seeing his mum at the dance had made us all think that there might be a chance she would one day get over losing his dad and that maybe her life would get better. Maybe she would even get a new husband, because she seemed to be getting along with big Hennessy, the bookie.
You could have touched the excitement with your bare hands as we filed out of Dan’s house and darted across the back gardens that to
ok us out of the village and into the fields. We had no idea where we were going, we were just running away and that was all that mattered. We were off where nobody could touch us and we would run and run for as long as it took. We never even considered what lay ahead or what we had left behind. The world was ours for the taking.
All through the village nothing stirred in the houses. The curtains and blinds were all drawn and as we walked further and further to the edge of the village I glanced back at the deserted streets.
When we got into the field we stopped and looked straight ahead. There was an early morning mist hanging over the grass and the trees in the distance looked hazy in the moist morning air. There was no sound, save for the birds bringing in the dawn. We stood watching our breath coming out in steamy gasps in front of us. Suddenly it felt cold.
‘Tell you what,’ Tony said, his eyes scanning the horizon. ‘We have to get a plan.’
We all nodded.
‘What we should do is get out as far as we can to our hideout … you know the one beyond the sewer pipe, right down the mineshaft, the one that nobody ever goes to any more. We should make that our hideout for a couple of days. Then we can decide where we want to go.’
‘Do you think the cops will come looking for you?’ Jamie said. ‘I mean, if the Nazi is dead?’
‘Sure,’ Tony said. ‘They’ll be after me, no doubt about that. But all you guys’ parents will get the cops once they know we’re all missing. Everyone will be looking for us. But we’ll be all right. We’re sticking together. We’ll make it on our own from now on.’
‘Yeah,’ Jamie said. ‘On our own.’ Dan and me nodded emphatically. But somewhere just at the back of my mind I could see my mum and dad wakening up and the shock when they realized I wasn’t there. I pushed the thought away.
‘C’mon then. Let’s get moving. We’ll need to cross the river to get to the hideout. We can’t risk going by the roadway in case we get caught,’ I said, remembering the route we took to the remote spot where we played last year. We all looked at each other. It was dangerous crossing the river, and we had never done it before. Any time we went to the hideout we had gone the long way, out of the woods and by road. This would be our first big test.