by Anna Smith
He handed me a silver bangle inside the soggy paper. It was the most beautiful bangle I had ever seen. I didn’t know what to say. I felt my face go red.
‘God, Tony! It’s beautiful. Look at it. God! It must have cost a fortune! Where did you get the money?’ I said. But as soon as I said it I knew. He looked at me and laughed in the cocky way he did when he had won something.
‘Where do you think?’ he said, smiling. The firelight made his eyes shine but the dark shadows were still there.
‘God, Tony. You shouldn’t have,’ I said, knowing that he had stolen the money from the Nazi. I knew it was wrong, but somehow the bangle seemed all the more important now that it had been bought by the Nazi’s money. After all, he made Tony’s life a misery every day. I slipped the bangle over my wrist and stroked it. There was a tiny blue stone in the centre of it that shone in the light. It was the best present I had ever had.
‘Thanks Tony,’ I said, and before I knew where I was I kissed him on the cheek. His face turned red and he smiled, slightly embarrassed.
‘I’m starvin’!’ We turned to face the shouts of Jamie coming over the brow of the hill with his arms full of firewood. Dan followed behind, the pile of wood covering his face.
Tony started opening tins of beans and cutting cheese.
‘OK, I know you’re starving. Dinner is about to be served.’
Chapter Eighteen
Later, in the darkness, we all sat by the fire, hypnotized by the flames. We had dined on beans and cheese, washed down with orange juice. For us it seemed like a feast and we sat back relaxing while the colours of the day grew into dusk.
‘Do you think they’re out looking for us right now?’ Dan said, and you could hear the hope in his voice.
‘I’d say so,’ I said, hoping they were, yet dreading being caught.
‘Even if they do find us,’ Tony said, poking a branch into the fire and sending the flames higher, ‘even if they find us, I’m going to keep on running. I’ve decided that no matter what, even if I haven’t killed the Nazi, I’m not going home. I can’t go back there. Even if they were to surround us right now, I wouldn’t go with them!’ He was determined.
My heart sank. Deep down I wanted to go home, and I hoped that if we did, we could all go back to being just the way we were. But it would never be the same now. Too much had happened in the last few weeks. I wondered how long we could last out here.
‘What happens when we run out of food?’ Jamie said.
‘We’ll take it in turns to sneak up to the farms. There’s at least three of them not too far away. And we’ll get eggs or something. Maybe milk. It’ll be fresh, right from the cow,’ Tony said, making the plan sound exciting.
‘I’ll go,’ said Jamie. ‘I’ll just creep up there and before the hens know what’s hit them, I’ll be in there like a fox, raiding their nests. I might even steal a chicken.’
‘What, to keep as a pet?’ I asked. “Cos who’s going to wring its neck? Not me, that’s for sure.’
‘That’s what I could go right now,’ Dan said, his eyes widening. ‘Chicken and chips, with loads of salt and two slices of bread.’
‘No, I could go a Luigi’s sausage supper. God, I can smell it,’ Jamie said, his face agonized at the thought of it.
‘Yeah,’ I said, my mouth watering. ‘Then a strawberry milk shake and a packet of Maltesers to eat on the way home.’
‘Maybe if we survive the next couple of days, one of us can go to wherever the nearest village is and see if there’s a chip shop and bring back fish suppers or something. We’ve got loads of money,’ Tony said, knowing we were all dreaming of normal food.
‘I’ll go,’ Jamie said, volunteering again.
‘You’d probably eat them on the way home,’ Dan said, diving on him, and the two of them wrestled on the ground.
Everything stopped when we heard the owl hooting. The silence was eerie as we all stayed quiet to listen. Darkness had come down suddenly, falling like a blanket, and beyond the fire there was nothing but blackness. You never saw it as dark as that back home because there were street lamps and lights from the houses. But this was just pitch black.
‘What do you think they’ll be doing back home?’ I said, hoping they wouldn’t think I was a wimp for thinking of home.
‘My mum will be frantic,’ Dan said, then quickly added, ‘but I’m still staying on the run.’ I knew he was trying to convince himself.
‘I bet big Hennessy’s up at my house,’ he went on. ‘I think he fancies my ma, but I don’t want a steppie.’
‘Your ma’s not going to marry someone, Dan. It’s only weeks since your daddy died. Don’t be daft.’
‘Yeah, I know. But big Hennessy’s up quite a bit. I mean, he’s all right. He’s good to talk to and I think he cares about us. He brings sweets and sometimes brings a big box of food. But I don’t know if you could have a laugh with him. Sometimes him and my ma sit in the kitchen drinking tea and she seems to cheer up a bit when he comes round. But she’s still greetin’ in her bed at night. I can hear her …’ Dan’s voice trailed off.
‘He’s got loads of money,’ Jamie said. ‘If he became your steppie he’d be able to take you to Blackpool and everything. Maybe even Spain. I’d have him as my steppie.’
There was a silence and I could nearly hear Dan’s brain ticking over.
‘Aye, but it wouldn’t be the same, though. It wouldn’t feel right.’
‘Never mind home,’ Jamie said. ‘Let’s forget about it. Think about something funny. Remember when Tommy Hanlon farted during the gymnastics at the Gang Show when he was jumping over the horse?’ We all chuckled recalling the Scouts’ extravaganza where all the local troops had met from across the county to have their own version of the Gang Show, like the one on the television every year.
‘Aye,’ chirped Dan. ‘And remember Miss Grant’s sticky fingers?’
We all smiled, remembering the day we saw Miss Grant shoplifting.
It was not long after we had seen her in Luigi’s, the day she got stood up.
There was a shop down the road from Luigi’s that sold everything from lightbulbs to table cloths and everyone from the villages nearby did their shopping there. Inside was a new photo machine contraption that would give you pictures of yourself in three minutes, and we were all fascinated by it. You put your money in and sat on the seat behind the curtain and the big flash would come and take you by surprise every time, giving you pictures that made you laugh. With the money Tony was stealing from the Nazi we had amassed a pile of pictures of Jamie and Dan with their fingers up their noses, and others of Tony and me pulling crazy faces. One time when we were outside waiting for the wet strip of pictures to come out of the slot, Dan nudged us to look down the aisle.
It was Miss Grant, and she was carrying a wire basket with a pie dish in it. We watched her closely as she seemed to browse at the haberdashery shelves. Then, to our amazement, she looked around her briefly and, with the quick hands of a magician, stuffed a measuring tape in her anorak pocket.
‘Jesus,’ Dan said. ‘Did you see that?’ Our mouths dropped open as she moved along the aisle a little and then lifted a handful of reels of thread. We watched in delight as she went to the check-out, handed over the pie dish and walked out of the door with the stolen goods in her pocket.
‘Wow,’ Tony said. ‘Can you believe our teacher is shoplifting? Isn’t it brilliant! No wonder her boyfriend stood her up. Maybe she was dipping his wallet.’ We all laughed, remembering what a sight it had been.
The owl hooting once more brought us back to reality, and I could sense the unease in all of us.
‘I wonder what goes on out there during the night,’ Jamie said, his eyes wide, trying to focus on the direction where the woods were, but he could see nothing but the dark.
‘That’s when all the woods come alive,’ Dan said, sidling closer to me. ‘That’s when the owls and the moles and all the other night-time animals and stuff come out to hunt for food.
Badgers, rats, stoats, weasels … even snakes.’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I read that somewhere … that the jungle at night belongs to the animals. Er … do you think there’s any wildcats here? Like the kind that come out at night … great big things … almost like a puma or something?’ I was feeling spooked at the thought of not knowing what could jump out on us during the night.
‘Maybe,’ Tony said, looking around him. He stood up and pulled on a sweater.
‘I think we’d better take it in turns to keep watch,’ he said. ‘Just in case something or someone tries to attack us.’ His face was serious.
‘And what are we going to do if something does jump out on us … or someone?’ Jamie said. ‘It’s not as if we’ve got a knife or a gun or anything.’ He suddenly looked edgy.
Tony looked around the camp and picked up a solid piece of wood the size of a pickaxe handle.
‘This will do,’ he said, holding it up, then swishing it around in mid air as though he was thrashing the enemy. ‘Whoever is on watch just sits with this and the first thing to come near us gets a smack on the head with it.’ He swung the wood above his head.
None of us was convinced it was an ideal weapon and we all thought of ourselves trying to fight off a wildcat or a robber with a piece of wood. But nobody wanted to admit it. We all nodded and took turns to swing the weapon, with Jamie using it like a warrior, dancing around the campfire and thrashing the air.
‘Right … I’ll take the first watch,’ Jamie said, standing to attention with the wood over his shoulder like a rifle. ‘You can all get some sleep.’
We snuggled up to each other around the fire and lay back, me leaning on Tony and Dan curled up and huddled against my back. We didn’t speak for a moment, just sat there staring at the flames. My eyes were heavy.
‘Good night,’ I said, trying to blot out thoughts of my mum, dad, Kevin and Ann Marie that kept coming back. I missed them and I wanted to go home to my own bed more than anything.
‘Good night,’ Dan said, his voice sleepy.
‘Night,’ Tony said, but I knew he was far from sleep.
I drifted off as I started to think of Tony, Jamie, Dan and me on the beach that day of the school trip, and how we laughed and ran around as if nothing in the world could ever bother us. I felt my face smiling as the dream carried me away.
I woke up staring wildly as soon as Jamie nudged me to tell me it was my turn to take watch. I felt as though I had only been sleeping for five minutes, but Jamie whispered that it was two in the morning. I yawned and eased myself away from Tony and Dan who were huddled up against me. I looked down at them and smiled to Jamie as we saw how deep they were sleeping.
‘Tony looks happy,’ Jamie said, turning to me. ‘He hasn’t looked happy for ages, Kath.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘It’s all that stuff with the Nazi and his mum. He beats him up, you know,’ I whispered.
‘I guessed,’ Jamie said. ‘Tony was always a laugh when he first came here, but now … well, he’s like sad all the time. It’s not fair.’
Jamie sat down by the fire and stared straight ahead. I didn’t speak, but watched his eyes fill with tears. They rolled down his cheeks, but he made no sound. I looked around at Tony and Dan, who were still fast asleep.
‘What’s wrong, Jamie?’ I said, sitting closer to him.
He couldn’t speak. Tears kept rolling out of his eyes and he wiped his face with his sleeve. His body shook as he tried to speak. Then his voice came out so softly that I could hardly hear him.
‘The … the … cruelty people have been to see us … er … to the house,’ he said, barely audible.
‘Cruelty? What?’ I said, not understanding, then a flash of recognition came to me. He meant the people in charge of stopping parents being cruel to children. I didn’t know what to say.
‘They might be taking us away. Jesus, Kath, they might be taking us away from Mammy! Me and the weans. All because of that bastard! The woman came last week … some woman with a uniform on and a wee hat. She said she was from the cruelty …’ He covered his face with his hands and his body shook in great heaving sobs.
‘Sssh … sssh,’ I said, putting my arm around his shoulder. ‘They won’t take you,’ I said, not knowing the first thing about it. ‘They only take people away when things are really bad,’ I told him, desperately trying to reassure him.
‘Aye, but it is bad, Kath. My da’s been battering my ma and last week he started to hit our wee Nora. Christ, she’s only four. He was slapping her on the legs and they were red raw. And when I tried to stop him he started on me … then Mammy got it as well.’
‘Jesus,’ I said.
‘I don’t know how these people got to know, but they came to the house and I heard the woman say to my ma that they would try and keep the children together, but they couldn’t guarantee it because a lot of people don’t want bigger kids like me. When she left, Ma was crying her eyes out and I had to put her into bed and give her a cup of tea.’
Jamie had stopped sobbing and his eyes were black from rubbing them with his dirty hands.
‘Maybe if Jake left, things would get better,’ I said, not really knowing what else to say.
‘Yeah,’ Jamie said. ‘The woman said that if my da moved out they could try and help us, but as long as he was there then they said we might be in danger, because he’s a bad, crazy bastard … I mean, my ma’s even been taking Valium and stuff and half the time she’s like a zombie, taking these pills to stop her crying, and something else to make her sleep. It’s terrible, Kath. I hate it! I think I’ll just stay away for ever like Tony. No matter where we end up it would be better than going back home!’
I couldn’t argue with him, after what he had said. I couldn’t blame him if he never went back home in his life again, as long as McCabe was there, making everyone’s life a misery.
‘You should get some sleep, Jamie,’ I said. ‘I’ll do the watch now.’ I took the stick from him and walked away from the fire. He crawled over and snuggled up beside Tony and Dan and within a minute he was fast asleep, his face still wet and streaked with tears and grime.
I walked around the campfire picking my steps carefully in case I wakened the boys. But I wished one of them would get up and join me. It was scary on my own, just the darkness and the night chill the minute you stepped away from the fire. I shivered when an owl hooted and jumped when I heard something scurry across the grass. I wished I was home sitting on the sofa next to my dad and resting my head on his chest as he slept off the afternoon’s drink. I didn’t like the smell, mixed with tobacco, but it was his smell and I longed for it on this dark, lonely night. I wished it was morning and looked across the black sky willing the horizon to turn red in the sunrise, but it didn’t. I thought about Ann Marie and wondered if she was lying awake in her bed in Donegal feeling her stomach with the baby inside. I thought about the baby, how it was inside there and didn’t even have a clue that when it came out it was going to be taken away from the person who had kept it warm and snug all these months. Then I thought, it didn’t matter to the baby because it wouldn’t know anything as long as it was getting fed and changed. But Ann Marie was different. She would come back after the baby was born and was supposed to get on with things as if nothing had happened. I thought about Kevin and how he was packing his bags and getting his life all organized for Australia and my heart sank at the thought that I might never see him again. I thought about Mum and how she had pretended to be strong for everyone over the last few months even though she was breaking up at the thought of losing Kevin, and I knew that deep down she knew it was wrong to send Ann Marie away to Donegal to give her baby away. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t stand up and say it. She never complained. She just took it all. Nothing seemed fair any more.
When I sat down I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Every time I shook my head and blinked, my eyes kept drooping shut and I couldn’t control them. I got up and walked around a bit, but then sat back down again
, feeling my eyes getting heavier and heavier. The light was changing. The blackness that had surrounded us was beginning to lift and the sky was changing colour. I was mesmerized. I blinked and kept my eyes open for as long as I could, looking across the fields that were now coming into focus as they became bathed in the light of daybreak. Then the sky grew more and more beautiful as a burning red sun began to peep up from nowhere and break through the horizon, making the whole world glow. I closed my eyes to take a picture of it, the way I always did. This was the most beautiful morning I had ever seen. I felt alone in the whole world and it was great. Yesterday we almost died and today we were alive, just the four of us with nobody to rely on except each other. I tried to stay awake to watch the colours change, but suddenly the dreams took me away and I drifted into a deep sleep, my last thought to convince myself that a wildcat would never attack us in broad daylight. We were safe.
*
‘Some guard you are!’ I could hear Dan’s voice and opened one eye, blinking in the sunlight as he stood smiling over me. I sat bolt upright and looked at Dan and Tony, half wondering where I was. Then I remembered that I had fallen asleep during my watch.
‘Jesus,’ I said, standing up. ‘God, I just fell asleep. I tried to keep my eyes open, but they just wouldn’t. But it was daylight anyway,’ I said, sheepishly.
‘Never mind,’ Tony laughed. ‘Nobody attacked us anyway. Where’s Jamie?’
‘Jamie?’ I said. ‘He was here. I took over from him at two and he went to sleep. What do you mean? Was he not here when you woke up?’ It flashed across my mind that he had run away because he was so upset, but I knew he would not go home and that he felt safer with us.
‘He’ll be around. Don’t worry.’
‘What if something’s happened to him?’ Dan said, always thinking the worst. ‘I mean, what if he’s been kidnapped or something?’
‘Don’t be daft,’ Tony said. ‘Who’d want to kidnap somebody who farts all night long? I mean, Jesus, did you not smell him?’ Tony was laughing.