From Scratch

by Gail Anderson-Dargatz

  “Losing this place will be hard on all of us,” he said, nodding at the other regulars. “Not just the retired folks. I work at home alone, so coming here is an important part of my day.”

  “Well, maybe Eva will bring cookies over to your house too,” Diana said.

  “Diana!” I cried, warning her that she had crossed a line.

  But Diana only nudged me, coaxing me to say something to Murray.

  “I’d like that,” Murray said to me.

  He held my gaze, waiting for a response, but I just couldn’t get the words out. Was he only being nice because Diana had put him on the spot?

  Finally, he said, “Well, I’d better get going myself. I’ve got several pieces to ship off today.” He looked hurt as he turned and left the bakery.

  I faced Diana. “Why did you invite me over to his place?” I glanced at the customers who were turned our way, listening in. “You embarrassed us both.”

  “That man is wasted on you,” she said. “He practically asked you out, and you ignored him.”

  I saw two of the regulars, both old men, shaking their heads at my foolishness.

  I lowered my voice so only Diana could hear. “I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “You could have told Murray you would love to bring him cookies. You could have said you’d like to spend a little time with him. Don’t you like him?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know,” I said miserably. “I guess I’m afraid to risk it.”

  “With Murray?”

  I threw up my hands. “With anything, it seems. Katie practically had to push me to take that course. I never would have done it on my own. After my teacher called me her star student, I started to feel sure of myself again. But then, just now, I couldn’t work up the nerve to talk with Murray.”

  I turned my back to the customers to hide my emotions. I thought I might cry. “What happened to me?” I asked Diana. “I used to think big, like Katie. I used to believe in myself, that I could do whatever I wanted. Then I stopped believing I could do anything more than work and pay the bills. Now I’m not even sure I can do that.”

  Diana sat on a stool and rubbed her knee. “I think we just get tired,” she said. “We have kids. We put them first. We work. We get home and do chores. At the end of the day we’re worn out. We don’t have energy for dreaming big or even for taking care of ourselves.”

  I looked again at Lucy walking slowly down the road with her dog. “And the years go by so fast.”

  “Yes, they do.”

  I turned back to Diana. “I don’t want to spend another decade just getting through my day,” I said. “I feel—” I stopped, unsure how to put it into words.

  “I understand,” Diana said. “Your daughter is grown up, and she’s about to head out on her own. Katie is going to leave a big gap in your life when she does.”

  “Yes, that’s it exactly.”

  “I know all about it. I opened this place around the time my own kids went off on their own.” Diana watched me for a moment.

  “What?” I asked her. “I know that look. You’ve got one of your ideas.”

  “Why don’t you take over the bakery?”

  I went back to the work area and started putting together my next batch of dough. “I thought about it as soon as you put the business up for sale. But I don’t have the money to buy it. And even if I did, like you said, I couldn’t run this place.”

  “I said you couldn’t run this place alone. You know how to do everything. And you have Katie. At the end of this year she’ll complete her training. She’ll be a certified cook and baker. You and Katie get along so well. She’s already worked here summers.”

  I thought about it for a moment. What Diana said was true. Katie and I were very close. I was the only family she had. We did work well together. And she would certainly have the skills to run the bakery alongside me. But I just didn’t have the means. “It’s a lovely dream. But like I said, I don’t have the money to buy the business from you.”

  Diana sighed. “I would love to hand the bakery over to you, free of charge. But I’m not sure I have enough to retire on as it is. When this knee heals, I may end up working at some fast-food joint. I couldn’t sell the business. I hope I can at least sell the equipment in here.”

  I scanned the mixing machines and ovens, all the baking equipment I wish I owned myself. Everything I needed to run my own bakery was here, waiting for me. If only I could come up with the money.

  “My teacher said if I wanted to start a business, I needed a business plan. She said I might be able to use that plan to get a loan.”

  “That was my first step in starting up this place,” Diana said. “I worked out a business plan, then took it to the bank.”

  “I really don’t know where to start.”

  “If I can make a business plan, you sure as hell can.”

  I put the cookie dough under the mixer and started it up. “I’m going to check out sample business plans on the Internet tonight,” I said. “Maybe making one isn’t as hard as I thought.”

  “That’s the spirit,” Diana said.

  “Katie can help me.”

  “And so can I. Give me a call when you need numbers. I can tell you exactly what it costs to run this place each month. With Katie and me helping you, you’ll have that business plan written up in no time.”

  “It’s a plan!” I said.

  Diana grinned at my bad joke. We both went back to work with a bit more energy in our steps.

  Five

  When I got home that evening, Katie had supper waiting for me. When I thanked her, she said, “I figured you’d be tired. You’re been up since four.”

  I was tired. My shift at the bakery started at five in the morning. When my shift ended, I went straight to class. “I had an interesting conversation with Diana this morning,” I said.

  “Oh?” Katie set my plate in front of me. Since she’d started her cooking class, even her simple meals were served elegantly. Tonight she had made pan-seared salmon with asparagus.

  “She encouraged me to take over the bakery,” I said. “I’m thinking about it.”

  “Well, it’s about time,” Katie said. “I’ve been telling you to do that since Diana put the bakery up for sale.”

  “I know. I just didn’t think I could until now.”

  “Taking that course has been good for you, hasn’t it?”

  I nodded. “I’m starting to see I can make things happen for myself. I just need a clear goal and a plan.” I paused to taste the salmon. “How would you feel about working in the bakery again? Or even running it with me?”

  “You mean go into business with you? I would love that!”

  “Really?”

  “Of course, Mom. We’re a team. We always have been.”

  “You’ve got that right.”

  “What’s the first step?”

  “Both Diana and my teacher told me I need a business plan.” I fished out the scrap of paper Heather had given me with the website address on it. “Heather told me about a site I can go to for information on how to start a small business. They even offer loans. But I need to write up a business plan first.”

  Katie pushed back her plate. “Well, let’s get started!”

  “Now?”

  “No time like the present.” She pulled her laptop out of her bag and set it on the table in front of us.

  “May I?” I asked, pointing to her computer.

  “Of course!” Katie grinned. She thought my sudden interest in computers was funny. I had finally caught up with the times.

  I typed in the website address my teacher had given me. I looked around until I found a sample business plan. Then I saved the file on the laptop. With Katie’s help, I started filling it out.

  All the things I needed to think about
were laid out in the form. I just filled in the boxes step by step. There was a lot to think about though. And I didn’t have all the answers. I had to do more research on the Internet and phone Diana. At least I had my boss to help me out.

  The first thing I had to do on the form was describe what kind of business I wanted to run. That was the easy part. I wanted to run Diana’s bakery. And I knew who my customers were. I also knew there was no competition in the area. Diana’s place was the only bakery-café in the community.

  I outlined my own skills, why I thought I could run this business. Now that I had gained some confidence, I found this easy too. I had helped Diana run her bakery for years.

  The bakery would be located right where it was. And I knew what equipment I needed. The ovens, mixers and pots and pans were already there too. I even knew where to order my supplies. Diana had given me the company names and numbers I would call to order my flour, sugar and other ingredients. I would buy containers for my baked goods from another place. If I wanted, I could order everything online. I typed all that into the business-plan form.

  There were other questions on the form, like who would work at my bakery? That would only be Katie and me to start. Diana said she might help once her knee healed up.

  “But what are you going to call your bakery?” Katie asked.

  “Cookies, of course,” I said.

  Katie grinned. “Of course.”

  I was less certain how I would promote my business. Diana put ads in the newspaper. But I knew now that I could do a lot of my advertising online through social media.

  I was even less sure how to answer the biggest question. How was I going to afford to buy the bakery? I would have to get a loan. The organization on this website offered loans to small-business owners. But I also knew I had to come up with some of my own money. I just wasn’t sure how much. I would have to cash in my retirement fund. But there wasn’t much money there.

  Even with Diana’s and Katie’s help, it took me several days to finish my business plan. Diana told me it had taken her much longer than that to do her plan. She’d had to phone all over to get the information she needed. I was grateful for her help.

  When I felt I’d finished my business plan, I showed it to my teacher at the end of a class. Heather was delighted. “You created a business plan? Congratulations! I’m so excited to hear you want to start your own business.”

  “It’s not exactly a new business,” I said. “I want to take over Diana’s bakery.”

  “Oh?” The excitement on Heather’s face faded as she read through my plan.

  “Did I do something wrong?” I asked. “I used the sample business plan from the website address you gave me.”

  “Not at all. This is a fine plan. You’ve done a lot of work, and you can use this in the future.”

  “In the future?” I asked. “Why not now?”

  “When I suggested you start your own business, I was thinking of a home-based bakery.” Heather handed my business plan back to me. “I think your goal of taking over Diana’s bakery may be too ambitious,” she said.

  “Ambitious?”

  “You may be trying to do too much too soon,” Heather said. “You don’t have enough of a down payment to buy the bakery business or even the equipment. Can you bake at home instead? Maybe you can sell your baked goods at a farmers’ market.”

  “But I want to keep Diana’s bakery open. I want to run a bakery-café.”

  “I’m sure you could run your own bakery in time. But right now I don’t think you have enough money to take it over. Even if you apply for a loan, you’ll need some of your own money. The lender will also ask if you own something of value to secure the loan. If your business fails, the lender needs to know they can get their money back. Do you own your own home? Or property?”

  “No, I rent.”

  “I think you may be out of luck then.”

  “But I have an appointment with a loan officer in the morning.”

  “I’ll look forward to hearing how that goes,” said Heather. “I’m sure your loan officer will give you some good advice. But don’t be discouraged if you don’t get the money. I think you will have to start smaller. Work up to that dream of running a bakery. Over time.”

  I felt discouraged already. I must have looked upset too, because Heather put a hand on my shoulder. “There are always setbacks,” she said. “Don’t let them stop you from making your dream happen.”

  I felt angry with Heather as I packed my bag to leave. She didn’t think I could get that loan. Well, I thought, I would show her. Then I caught myself. Where had that confidence come from? I realized in that moment just how much I wanted to own my own bakery.

  Six

  I stumbled in to my afternoon shift at the bakery, feeling miserable. I’d had to miss my usual morning shift to attend the appointment with the loan officer. That meant I also had to miss my afternoon class so I could work this shift. With the bakery about to close, I couldn’t afford to miss even one day of work.

  When I arrived, Murray was sitting at his table. He nodded at me as I headed to the counter. “What’s Murray doing here?” I asked Diana as I tied on my apron. “I thought he only came to the bakery mornings.”

  “He only comes when you’re here,” she said. “He’s been waiting for you. That’s his third cup of coffee.” She lowered her voice. “How did the appointment with the loan officer go?”

  Before I could answer, the bell over the door tinkled as someone came in. It was old Lucy. “We’ll talk about that later,” I told Diana.

  “Beautiful day,” Lucy said as I brought her tea and shortbread.

  I looked out the window. The fall colors only served to remind me that the bakery was about to close. “I guess,” I said.

  “Why are you so sour today?” Lucy asked. “I’m the cranky one, remember?”

  I forced a smile, but Lucy knew something was up. “What’s happened?” she asked.

  “It’s nothing.”

  As I turned back to the counter, Murray waved me over. “You want a refill?” I asked him.

  “No, thank you. I’ve had more than enough coffee today.” He stood up too quickly, nearly knocking his cup off the table. When he steadied it, I noticed his hands were shaking. “I was hoping to talk to you though. I was wondering—” He cleared his throat. “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime? Maybe this weekend?”

  The café suddenly went quiet. I looked around. Not only Diana, but Lucy and several of the regulars had turned to watch us. It seemed Murray and I had been of interest to everyone more than I knew.

  I stood there for a moment uncertain what to do. Murray had caught me off guard, and now all these people were watching. “I’m sorry, Murray,” I said finally. “I just don’t have time. I’m working morning shifts. I’m in class during the day. Then I have homework evenings and weekends—” When I saw the look on his face, I stopped. I had hurt his feelings.

  “I understand,” he said. He glanced around at the other regulars and put on his hat. “I’ve got to get back to work.” He fled from the bakery.

  I had embarrassed him in front of everyone. I knew I might never see him again. The café would close in a few days. He was unlikely to come back now.

  I went back to the counter with my head down. The conversation in the bakery picked up again. I saw old Lucy push herself up from the table and toddle toward the counter with her cane. “What the hell did you go and do that for?” she asked me.

  “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “Why did you say no to that man?”

  Diana put a hand on my arm. “You know how long Murray’s been working up the nerve to ask you out.”

  “You put him up to it,” I said. I suddenly felt angry at Diana. “You told him to ask me out.”

  Diana put her hands on her hips. “I did no such thing. He did that all on his own.”

  �
��You didn’t talk to him about me, how I feel about him?”

  “No, I didn’t. I didn’t have to.”

  I crossed my arms as I watched Murray drive away. I felt so foolish now. “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s just not meant to be. I really don’t have time for dating right now.”

  “That’s baloney,” said Lucy. She waved a cane at the regulars at their tables. “We can all see how much you like him. You light up when he comes in every morning.”

  Several of the old men nodded.

  “What’s going on with you today anyway?” asked Lucy. “I’ve never seen you snap at Diana like that.”

  I sighed. “I got some bad news this morning. I wanted to keep the bakery open. I tried to get a loan today, but my teacher was right. The loan officer said she wouldn’t lend me the money to buy the bakery.”

  “I was turned down for a loan too,” Diana said. “I had to go back to work and save up. Then I tried again, and I got my loan. It took me a couple of years before I could afford to open this place.”

  “But you’re about to close the bakery,” I said. “I don’t have a couple of years.”

  “There must be another way to get that money,” said Lucy. “Can you take a mortgage out on your house? Use the value of your home to get the loan?”

  “That’s the problem. I rent. I’ve never made enough to own my own home.”

  Diana put her hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry, Eva. I wish I could have afforded to pay you more all these years. You’re not just an employee. You’re my friend.”

  “So you’re just giving up?” Lucy asked me. “I never pegged you as a quitter.”

  “What else can I do?”

  “Why not ask lover boy? Murray’s made a pile of money off his business. Why not ask him for a loan? I’m sure he’d love to help you out.”

  “I don’t want to owe him money.” I paused. “Especially if we ever do start to date.”