5 Murder at the High School Reunion

by Steve Demaree

  I wondered what I had done to make God do this thing to me. And what if I couldn’t get out of the date? Lou said Thelma Lou and Jennifer were planning the date. What were my chances that we’d go somewhere so dark that I couldn’t see the woman across from me, and that no one else could see who was with me? I wondered if I should call Thelma Lou and let her know how much I love spelunking.

  That caused my thoughts to turn to Thelma Lou. I’d always thought that Thelma Lou liked me. What had I done to gain her wrath?

  My phone rang. It was Lou.

  “Listen, Lou, I think I’m coming down with something. I don’t think I’ll be able to make the date tomorrow. Maybe you can find someone else.”

  “Cy, you went to the computer and Googled her, didn’t you?”

  “How did you know?”

  “I just did the same thing myself. I thought I’d better call you and remind you that you promised me you’d do this.”

  “But, Lou, she must be at least seventy.”

  “Seventy-two, I believe her page said.”

  “What did I ever do to you to deserve this?”

  “That was a gruesome picture, wasn’t it, Cy?”

  “It’s not funny, Lou.”

  “Look at it this way, Cy. She can’t look any worse in person. Besides, it’s only one weekend.”

  I hung up. If I went to bed early and had nightmares, at least that would be an improvement over the last few minutes. Only one weekend. There are a lot of seconds in one weekend. Maybe something would prevent the world’s only ugly Jennifer from getting to Hilldale. If I prayed earnestly, would God cause it to snow in July? Somehow, I didn’t think so. What options did I have left? I thought of hypnotism. I wondered if there were any lingering affects. I thought of my next-door neighbor. I knew there would be lingering affects there. I wondered if there was a waiting list to join a monastery. What if someone from the department saw the two of us together? I did promise that I’d go out with her, but I didn’t promise where. I wondered if I called Lou and offered to meet the three of them somewhere in Pittsburgh if he would go for it. As far as I knew, I didn’t know anyone in Pittsburgh.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I awoke the next morning, realized that it was Saturday, and then remembered our plans. There was no way to get out of it. All I could say is that whoever I would interrogate on Monday had better watch out. I might get a confession out of someone who isn’t guilty.

  I slunk out of bed. I thought briefly about not showering or using deodorant, but quickly dismissed that notion. I had to live with me, too. I would look my best. I burned my bacon at breakfast, and my oatmeal stuck to the pan. I took my frustrations out on the Wii Fit board and did better on the exercises I had somewhat mastered and turned in my usual bad scores on the others. Except for the one time I tripped over the board stepping up onto it and almost saying a bad word, I survived with flying colors. I took a shower, shaved, and fixed my hair the best I could, which means I swiped at it a couple of times with a brush.

  I needed to calm down, so I saved my prayer time and devotional reading for last. I asked God to get me out of the mess. I felt like He was telling me that everything would be just fine. I assumed that to mean that Thelma Lou’s cousin had decided to go home early and have reconstructive surgery. Shortly after I finished that prayer the phone rang. I’ve never known God to call on the phone, either in my life or in scripture, so I answered it, figured it was Lou. It was. He told me he was on his way to pick me up. He didn’t say anything about Thelma Lou’s cousin’s surgery. As I hung up, I realized that God’s definition of “all right” was much different than the one I had in mind.

  Lou pulled up in front of the house. I spotted a shopping bag lying on my kitchen counter. I thought about picking it up, taking it with me and asking my date to put it over her head before I came in. If she got mad and wouldn’t go out with me, so much the better. But then I realized if I took the bag there was a good chance I would lose two friends, so I refrained from grabbing the bag.

  It was too late to put up the quarantined sign, so I opened the door and stepped out into Saturday morning. I took my time getting to Lou’s classy 1957 Chevy, just in case my next-door neighbor rushed over, mauled me, and gave me some kind of contagious disease. The one time I wanted to see her she failed me.

  I opened the car door, got in, buckled up, and looked over at Lou. He was smiling. I returned his smile with a frown. That turned his smile into a big grin.

  “I can tell you’re excited, Cy.”

  “You’re gonna owe me big time.”

  “Maybe she looks better in person.”

  I couldn’t see how. I’d double-checked her friends’ list on her Facebook page. It said she was Thelma Lou’s cousin. I had the right Jennifer Sharp. Actually, it was the wrong Jennifer Sharp, but it looked like she was mine, at least for a weekend. I could see why Lou warned me to stay away from Googling her. I could also see why Thelma Lou had to get blind dates for her. I tried to think of someone who might enjoy a blind date with the woman. Only Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles came to mind. That is if they didn’t touch her face, which looked craggier than Mt. Rushmore, and if her voice sounded much better than her face looked.

  In milliseconds, we pulled up in front of Thelma Lou’s house. I recognized it, because Lou and I had double-dated many times.

  Reluctantly, I got out. Wobbly-legged, I followed Lou up to the front door. His knock garnered an immediate reply of, “It’s open.” Lou motioned for me to go first. I gave him a dirty look, and said, “After you, Friend.”

  I followed in Lou’s footsteps, which means I did my best to hide behind him. I saw no one but Thelma Lou. Maybe they were saving the surprise until I arrived. Maybe her cousin left to have surgery after all. My jubilation was short lived.

  “Oh, Jennifer’s in the other room putting her face on.”

  I refrained from commenting, but that didn’t stop me from thinking. I hope she uses a pound of make-up.

  Nervously, I shuffled from one foot to the other. What seemed like an hour couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds. I failed to notice Lou and Thelma Lou grinning at each other. Then, the earth moved. This gorgeous creature entered the room. Her honey-colored hair, full of body, hung down and caressed her shoulders. Her tan was just right, not too dark, and not too pale. Her body contained all the necessary parts, and in the right proportions. She had on shorts and was barefoot. Even her feet were beautiful.

  She walked toward me, with her hand stuck out.

  “Hi, I’m Jennifer Sharp. You must be Cy.”

  The laughter from my so-called friends alerted me to the fact that my mouth was wide open. I didn’t improve matters when I said, “Yes,” in a voice much higher than one that had ever come out of my mouth, even during puberty. They laughed again, and I soon realized why. I’d failed to let go of that gorgeous creature’s hand, but then, when I realized that I hadn’t, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I let her hand go, and all I could do was utter, “Bu…bu…bu…but.”

  The gorgeous creature spoke to me, again.

  “It wasn’t my idea.”

  Since she was looking at me, I figured she was addressing me, so I responded, this time in a voice closer to the one I usually use.

  “What wasn’t your idea?”

  “To put all that false information on my Facebook page. Thelma Lou said that Lou came up with the idea, just in case you peeked. At least the fact you peeked told me you were looking forward to our date.”

  As soon as I could take my eyes off her, which was no more than a day or two later, I looked at my friend who was grinning. I would tell him later that he was dead meat.

  “Why don’t we all sit down?” Thelma Lou asked, and I thought it was a good idea. My legs were started to feel rubbery again.

  Lou and Thelma Lou made some pretense for leaving the room, which gave Jennifer and me a few minutes to get to know each other in private. In a matter of moments, my desire for the itinerary for the
blind date changed. I wanted to parade her back and forth in front of the police station, in case any of my co-workers were there. Actually, I wanted to parade her by every person I knew, particularly the males, and then take her to my place.

  As it turned out, she already knew a lot about me. I soon learned that she was forty-two and had been a widow for two years. She shared about the loneliness of suddenly being a widow and how her family reached out to her to help her through the difficult time. We briefly compared our loneliness, as I knew what it was like to lose a spouse to death, and then she told me that the one thing this had enabled her to do was to spend time with family members she would not have spent time with otherwise. She told me that Thelma Lou had suggested that she relocate to Hilldale and had invited her to visit to check out the town. In just a few minutes time, I had a change of heart. I totally agreed that she should move to Hilldale, although I didn’t want to appear too eager, so I didn’t suggest it. After all, we were only to the handshake stage.

  What seemed like seconds later, but was actually fifteen minutes, a couple of heads peeked around the corner, and they emerged with bodies in tow.

  “So, did Jennifer tell you our plans for the day?”

  “No, we hadn’t gotten that far yet.”

  “Well, Cy, the weather is so pretty, and Jennifer loves sports so much, we decided to go out for lunch, then on to play miniature golf.”

  “Do you play miniature golf, Cy?” the gorgeous creature asked.

  If I was going to have to play, I knew better than to lie.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve played.”

  It had been a while. I think someone made me do it once when I was a teenager.

  “Well, I’m sure it will all come back to you,” GC said.

  Then, Former Friend butted in.

  “If it’s slow in coming back to you, Cy, I’m sure that Jennifer would be more than happy to help you with your game, wouldn’t you, Jennifer?”

  “Oh, I love giving pointers.”

  At that point, I knew that even if I had been a miniature golf champion, I was going to need pointers. Hands on help would be even better.

  Thelma Lou spoke next.

  “I know you boys have been watching what you eat and losing weight, so I took that into consideration when I chose a place for us to eat lunch.”

  If it had been me, I would have taken lighting into consideration. I wanted a dark place, but for a much different reason than the one I had before we arrived.

  Lou and I did our best to act like gentlemen, which means we opened the car door for both of the girls. As I walked around the car to the other side of the back seat in order to get in and sit next to Jennifer, Lou whispered to me, “You owe me.”

  I most definitely owed him, in more ways than one.

  I can’t tell you what we had for lunch; but somehow, I kept from getting whatever it was all over me. From time to time, someone from the other side of the table spoke to me, which were the only times I became aware that someone was on the other side of the table.

  While miniature golf isn’t a vigorous exercise, we lingered at the table for a while, after we finished eating, to give our food time to settle. I was sure those on the other side of the table were talking about the two of us on our side of the table, but I didn’t give that any thought.

  A few minutes later, we arrived at the miniature golf course, and then at the first hole.

  Jennifer turned to me and said, “Cy, this hole looks easy. It’s a good one to start with, but then usually the easier holes are first.”

  I smiled and nodded. Being the gentlemen that Lou and I are, and the fact that neither of us knew a thing about miniature golf, we let the girls go first. Jennifer promptly stepped up, lined up her putt, and knocked it in the hole. Thelma Lou went next and missed holing her putt by a couple of inches. I motioned for Lou to go next. He putted and I was thankful that I wouldn’t be the only doofus there. His ball rolled up, hit the concrete barrier behind the hole, and rolled back to where Lou was standing. He smiled, embarrassed. He tried again, with slightly better results.

  Finally, it was my turn. I hoped I needed some personal instruction. I wanted to make sure that was the case. My ball didn’t become airborne until it hopped over the barrier and out into the grass. Jennifer retrieved my ball and handed it back to me.

  “Not quite so hard this time.”

  The second time my ball moved no more than three feet. I gave her the palms up sign. I was thankful that all it took was two bad shots to get personal instruction.

  “Here, let me show you, Cy.”

  To put your hands over top of someone else’s on the putter, you have to get close. Real close. When she got close enough to help me, it caused me to mishit, only this time not on purpose.

  “Sorry,” I muttered.

  “That’s okay, Cy. Take your time.”

  I tried hard to think of putting that golf ball, but that was hard to do. It had been too many years since I had had a woman that close to me, and since I had felt that good. I suddenly realized that there’s more to life than solving murders and reading about other people who do the same. I did my best to regain my composure, but it took a few strokes, before I settled down. Finally, I hit a reasonably good shot and everyone clapped for me. I wanted more instruction, but I had to put away my thoughts and concentrate on that stupid game.

  Over the course of eighteen holes I improved. I hit the ball over the barrier only one more time, although I had a lot of uphill putts come back to me, because I had either hit the ball too hard or not hard enough. I did come in fourth, but not a distant fourth. Sometimes it’s nice to have Lou around.

  “So, what’s next?” I asked, more eager to continue the date than I had been early that morning.

  Thelma Lou answered my question.

  “Well, I thought we’d go back to my place and hang out. Jennifer and I will fix dinner for you boys, and then I thought we’d play some games on the Wii. Lou’s been telling me about how good you’re getting on the Fit.”

  “Only on the Advanced Step. The rest of them are still a lot tougher than what I can handle.”

  “Well, I’ve got Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, too. Let’s see how you are at some of those games.”

  Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be in favor of “Let’s see Cy mess up at something else,” but if it was Wii games with Jennifer or go home without Jennifer, I was in favor of those Wii games. Besides, I expected to thoroughly enjoy watching her Wii.

  Lou and I were instructed to sit and talk while the girls fixed dinner. After dinner, and a sufficient amount of time to let our food settle, Thelma Lou pulled out the Wii Fit board.

  “Let’s start with Wii Fit. Then we’ll do play some sports games. Cy, why don’t you show us your Advanced Step moves?”

  Reluctantly, I complied, followed by my three companions. I was surprised that I turned in the best score of the foursome, and Jennifer eagerly congratulated me on my great moves. I was glad she didn’t have to win at everything.

  While it was good to see that I could do well at something compared to others’ efforts, the highlight of my Wii Fit exercises was when I was coerced into doing the Tree exercise with Jennifer as my crutch, and when I got to watch Jennifer do the Hula Hoop exercise. Afterward, I congratulated her on her moves. What made the Tree exercise much better than before, was that I tried to maintain the pose and almost fell off the board. I fell into Jennifer and wasn’t eager to regain my balance. But all good things must come to an end, and around 10:30 Lou suggested that we had better go because we had to get up for church the next day. While Jennifer was going to Thelma Lou’s church, rather than mine, I found out that the girls had planned a picnic for the four of us for the next afternoon. I gave Jennifer a goodbye hug, and Lou and I left.

  +++

  I looked over at the grinning man in the driver’s seat.

  “Listen, Cy, if you’re too tired to come back tomorrow, the girls will understand. I’ll let them
know.”

  “That might be best, Lou. Why don’t you stay home and I can pick Jennifer up and take her to my house for a while.”

  Lou laughed.

  “See, Cy, I told you that she’d probably look better in person.”

  I shook my fist at Lou.

  “Remember, Cy, you owe me.”

  I thought to myself, in more ways than one.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lou dropped me off. I skipped a few times before I walked into the house. It was a good thing I didn’t fall down when I kicked up my heels. The woman of my dreams wasn’t there to pick me up, and I was still a long way from being able to get up off the ground by myself.

  It was a good thing it was late. It would have been useless for me to try to read. I stripped down to my boxers and undershirt and went to bed. An hour later, I was still thinking about “Her”. These were feelings I hadn’t had in a while. It had been over twenty years since my Eunice died.

  +++

  After tossing and turning, and smiling each time I woke up during the night, daylight arrived. I lay there thinking of Jennifer, wondering if she was thinking of me. Suddenly, I became aware of the time. I had already planned to forgo my daily Wii workout, as most of the time I skipped Wiiing on Sunday. I fixed breakfast, hopped in the shower, and paid extra attention to my grooming. As I was getting dressed, the phone rang. Could it be “Her”?

  “Oh, it’s only you.”

  “It’s good hearing your voice too, Cy. I just called to remind you that I’m picking you up today, since we’re going on a picnic with the girls after church.”

  “I almost forgot.”

  “About the picnic?”

  “That I wasn’t driving. I’ll be ready when you get here.”

  +++

  We arrived at church, entered the building, and were immediately reminded of where we were. The smell of pecan buns and cinnamon rolls wafted through the church. It had been only a couple of weeks since I’d given up eating them. Lou, on the other hand, gave them up months ago, so more than likely he paid no attention to the smell.