Fated

by T. L. McDonald

  A sigh of relief escapes Owen's lips, and only then do I open my eyes.

  "What did I miss?" Will asks from close behind me. Startled, I fall back onto my butt.

  Standing so fast I nearly fall over once again, I slam into Will's chest so hard he has to take two steps back to steady himself. I wrap my arms around him hugging him tightly. He inhales sharply then hugs me back one armed. "You were gone so long I thought you were dead." I push him away then point my finger at his chest. "Don't ever do that to me again," I say irrationally angry and then I notice all the blood running from an open wound just under his collarbone. "You’re hurt."

  Will smiles at my sudden soft tone. He covers the wound with the palm of his hand. "I'm fine. It's already healing."

  I glance over at Jared. His eyes shift back and forth between Will and I and suddenly I feel guilty for the way I reacted to Will's return. I hope Jared's not reading too much into it thinking I have feelings I shouldn't for Will because I don't. I clear my throat. "Well, in that case, we should all get going before any of The Fallen jump the wall and try to follow us." I move to Jared's side where I link my arm with his in a reassuring gesture, showing he's the one I'm with.

  "Seriously, what did I miss? Why is Owen sprawled on the ground? And why is his pant leg all cut up?" Will asks as he helps Owen to his feet.

  "Owen broke his leg on the way down. Hanna healed it," Luca says nonchalantly, like it's something that happens everyday.

  Everyone stares at me.

  Feeling self-conscious under their gaze I start walking having no idea if I'm even going the right way.

  Someone whistles behind me. I turn to look.

  Will smiles, clearly amused. "We want to go that way." He points in the opposite direction.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Jared and I, along with Owen and Luca, sit in the darkness of the sanctuary while Will scrounges for some candles in one of the back rooms. The only immediate light we have is from a lighter Luca pulls out from the inside of his jacket. He lights it up then lets it go back out when it starts to burn his thumb only to flick it on once again a few seconds later. He does this at least twelve different times before Will returns with an arm full of assorted candles.

  Handing half of the supply to Luca, Will moves throughout the room strategically placing candles here and there until the whole room is alive in a soft luminescence. The light reflects against the stained glass windows in an almost unearthly way. Under normal circumstances I could probably sit here and feel at total peace with the beauty of the sanctuary and the quiet flickering of the candles, but Blondie and his band of Fallen have ruined any chance of that happening anytime soon. There is no more peace for me. After the close call tonight, I am nothing but a bunch of raw exposed nerves overdosing on fear and worry. I can't even take solace in the fact that for now we're okay, we're safe, because at any moment it can all change.

  The sound of ripping fabric catches my attention and I look up to see Owen hacking away at his one good pant leg with a knife, turning them into shorts. Once he's done he re-sheathes the knife into the harness strapped across his back under his jacket.

  "So what do we do now?' Jared asks, breaking the silence. No one has said a word since we got here and he's the first to speak.

  "Honestly," Will sighs, takes a seat on one of the pews, then runs a hand over his now disheveled faux hawk. "I haven't really thought that far ahead."

  "Well I've been thinking Owen and I should go back to The Compound, lend whatever help we can while you guys lie low for a while," Luca announces. "Afterwards we'll meet you back here where hopefully we'll come up with a plan for what to do next."

  I want to protest. I haven't known Owen and Luca for that long, but I already feel oddly attached to them and I don't want them to get hurt. Intense situations will do that I guess. I'm about to voice my objections when Will says Okay.

  Okay? Really? Isn't he at all concerned?

  And then I catch a glimpse of his face and all the emotions it shows before he hides it all away. Of course he's concerned, but this is the life they lead and he's not going to stop them.

  In the way all boys display affections toward one another the three of them, Will, Luca, and Owen, go for a shake of hands that turns into a fast hug and a pat on the back that's over in seconds.

  "Be safe out there. Don't try to be heroes and get yourselves killed or I'll have to find away to breach the afterlife just so I can kick both your butts," Will says in a tone that's both joking and absolutely serious.

  "Will do. Any other requests?" Luca asks.

  "Yeah," Digging in his pockets Will produces a set of keys. He tosses them to Luca. "Bring back my baby if she's not completely destroyed."

  "Sure thing." Luca gives Will a look that says 'don't get your hopes up too high'. "Anything else?"

  "Maybe some new pants for Owen. The one’s he’s wearing now look a little sad," Jared says it with such a straight face even though I can tell he's joking that I burst out laughing and as laughter has a way of catching on, it isn't long before we're all infected with it.

  "Okay, so new pants for Owen. Check. Will's bike—unharmed, though completely unlikely. Check." Luca flashes a grin at Will. "And last but not least, no dying unless we want our ghost butts kicked by Will."

  "That's right. And I mean it too. I’ll find a way," Will warns with a half grin and an all-serious face as he throws his arms around both Owen and Luca's necks. Leaving Jared and I alone, Will walks Owen and Luca outside.

  With no more laughter to take our minds off all the life and death things we’ve experienced tonight, I watch the changing expressions play over Jared's face as he tries to process everything. I'm worried about him. There's so much more at stake where he's concerned and he's barely talked about it. He's barely talked about anything. It can't be good for him to leave all his feelings bottled up like that.

  "So that was some pretty crazy stuff back there huh?" I say, which is a total understatement. This whole night has been surreal to say the least. And now that adrenaline isn't pumping through my system in insane doses, absolutely exhausting too.

  "I think we went way past crazy and entered into something they don't even have a word for yet." Jared hides his face behind his hands. Leaning forward he rests his elbows on his knees. "Do you think I'll become like them?" It comes out low and muffled and I have to lean in to hear.

  "Become like who?"

  Sliding his hands down his face he peers over at me. He looks so tired, and not just from the encounter with The Fallen back at The Compound. "The Fallen."

  "God no, Jared. Why would you even think that?"

  He fidgets with the hem of his shirt, his eyes staring a hole through the marble floor. "Because, half of me came from them."

  "And half of you didn't." I take his hand. "That has to count for something." I can see him considering my words, but before I can determine what he decides about himself my phone rings. Pulling it out of my pocket I glance at the display. "It's Adam. I'll call him back."

  "It’s okay, you can answer it. I think I’m going to lay down for a little while." Jared kisses my cheek then moves over to an unoccupied pew a few rows away.

  I answer the phone on the sixth ring. "Hello."

  "Where are you?" He's angry.

  "I'm with Ja—Will."

  "Jawill?"

  "Will. I'm with Will. I texted you earlier about it, remember?"

  "And I texted you right back asking when you'd be home. You never replied and now it's after one a.m. After everything that's happened to you lately and with Jared still missing do you have any idea how worried I've been? You could have at least texted or called to let me know you were okay." He's starting to yell, but I know it's only because he's concerned, which makes lying to him all that much harder.

  "I know. I'm sorry. I meant to text you back, but then something came up and I forgot. I'm sorry I made you worry. If I'd known it was so late I would have called you." The horrible taste of lies res
ts on my tongue because truth is, I haven't even thought about Adam. I'd been so wrapped up in getting to Jared to make sure he was safe, I never once stopped to consider that Adam might be feeling the same kind of worry for me.

  "Well I am worried about you Hanna. You're my little sister, it's my job to worry about you, especially after all the terrible things that's happened to you recently." The anger in his voice ebbs, which makes me feel worse. "Why don't I come pick you up? It's late and you have school tomorrow and I think you should go. It'll be good for you to take your mind off of things."

  I can't go to school. Not when Blondie's still out there somewhere hunting Jared.

  "I thought maybe I'd just stay here at Will's tonight. He's going to help me look for Jared tomorrow."

  God, I'm such a horrible sister, spewing lie after lie.

  "I don't think that's a good idea. I think you should come home." The tone of his voice suggests he's holding something back...something he wants to protect me from. The police must have finally found the blood in the woods, I think to myself, bile rising in the back of my throat. "The entire Lake Haven Police Department is out looking for him, so just let them do their job. When they find him, they'll let us know."

  I glance over at Jared. I wish so much I could tell Adam that Jared's safe and sound—for the moment anyway, but I can't, because it's dangerous. I can't go home. I can't leave Jared. And I can't tell Adam why. And I hate it. My stomach sours at the thought of what I'm about to do.

  "No. I don't want to wait on the cops. I want to be out there looking for him myself, so I'm staying here."

  "No you're not. You're coming home and that's final."

  "You can't tell me what to do. You're not my dad. Dad's dead." His sharp intake of breath shatters me. I wipe away tears as I steady my voice. "I'll be eighteen in six months so I'm old enough to make my own decisions and I've decided I'm staying here. I'll be home tomorrow."

  "Hanna." The hurt in his voice reaches through the phone like a tangible thing capable of ripping me apart if he so much as utters one more word. I hate the things I just said and I in no way mean any of it, but I can't tell him the truth, because I can't put his life in danger too. And if he has to hate me because of it, then so be it. At least he'll be safe and that's all that matters to me. "I—"

  I hang up before he can say anything else.

  My phone rings, Adam's number displayed on the screen. With a heavy heart, I decline his call, sending him straight to voicemail right before I turn my phone off.

  "I'm so sorry Adam," I whisper to myself.

  I grip the phone so tight my fingers start to hurt. Feelings of guilt over the things I've had to do and say to keep the ones I love safe eat away at me. Because of Blondie I've had to become a horrible person, a liar with the justification that what I'm doing is for the greater good, but is it really? Maybe it'll keep Jared safe for now, but what happens after when all is said and done? The way I've behaved towards Kat—the lies, the punching her in the face, and now with Adam and the awful way I spoke to him over the phone, what if I'm never forgiven no matter the reasons behind my actions? What if in the end, I lose everyone?

  I watch Jared as he sleeps. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, the soft sound of his breath over his lips, and I want to say yes. I want to say that everything I've done, everything I might still have to do is worth it, because he's worth it, but nothing is ever that simple and every decision I make hurts. And one day it's all going to be too much and I'm going to break and there will be no one left to put me back together because I will have driven them all away.

  "Hey," Will says as he sits down beside me, his dark blue eyes roaming over my face. "What's wrong? You know, besides the obvious."

  "Is there even any right anymore because right now, everything feels wrong. Fallen angels are hunting Jared. I'm lying to everyone I know. I got into a fistfight with Kat for no good reason. And just now, I said the worst possible thing I could ever say to Adam just to keep him safe."

  I want to cry.

  I want to scream.

  I want to pull at my hair and throw a tantrum like a two year old.

  I hold it all in.

  "How do you do it?” I ask him. “How do you live life like this and not have it destroy you?"

  Something in him shifts and the barriers he usually has up to hide how he's truly feeling fall. "I grew up in this life Hanna. It's all I've ever known, but that doesn't mean there aren't moments that destroy me. Sam. Zoe. Those things destroyed me. You just don't see it because I don't let you."

  "How can you keep it all inside like that?"

  He shrugs his shoulders, lowers his eyes to the ground. "I don't know. I guess it's just what we're taught to do. We live our lives on the edge, knowing that at any moment we can take a wrong step and it'll all be all over, but we do it because we must, because it's what we’re born to do, because we're Guardians and it's up to us to fight the darkness so the light doesn’t go out. There is no time to dwell on all the bad things because the darkness never stops, so neither can we. For every bad thing we face, there's always something worse lurking right around the corner. So we stay diligent and we push all of those things that hurt us down as far as we can, because we can't afford to feel it."

  "That's a horrible way to live and it isn't something I can do. I can't just shove things down. I've tried and it only eats away at my insides until it's all a mess and I explode unfairly at those who don't deserve it. Like I did with Kat. Like I did with Adam."

  He raises one eyebrow. "You really got into a fist fight with Kat?"

  "Yes. And it's not something I'm proud of. She came over wanting to make amends and I...I was just so angry about so many things and everything was so overwhelming and she called me a liar so I hit her, because she was right. I am a liar." I study his face. "How stupid is that? I hit her because what she was saying about me was true and I..." I lower my head, slightly shaking it side to side. "I'll never forget that look on her face just after: total shock, confusion, hurt, and anger. She'll probably never forgive me and I wouldn't blame her if she didn't."

  Will reaches for my hand after hesitating for half a second as his eyes flick toward Jared's sleeping form. "You've been through a lot Hanna, and if she knew the truth, I'm sure she'd understand."

  "And there in lies my problem. She doesn't know the truth and I can't ever tell her."

  ***

  Too wired to sleep, I keep watch over Jared and Will as they do. They both look so peaceful that it kind of makes me mad. It’s stupid and irrational I know, but it does. Mostly because I haven't been able to sleep peacefully for weeks and I can't understand how they can with everything that's going on. Will, I can maybe understand because this is normal for him, but Jared? After all he's learned about himself, after the things he just seen, how is he not thrashing about in nightmares? I would be. I have been.

  As quietly as I can, I pluck one of the candles from the windowsill then tiptoe out of the sanctuary in search of a bathroom. For the hand full of times I've been here I've never been anywhere else other than the sanctuary and I'm curious to see what else there is.

  The first thing I find behind door number one along the main hall is a small office containing nothing more than an empty desk, a single chair, and a whole lot of dust and cobwebs. Moving on, I find what can only be described as a nurse's office like how they have in schools. An empty cabinet with one door hanging open sits along one wall while an empty cot devoid of sheets or blankets rests against the other.

  This is probably where Will left Zoe before she was taken, I think to myself. I can see why Will didn't find many clues here. This room looks like no one's stepped foot in it in years. Turning to leave something simmers in the candlelight near my foot. Getting down on my knees, I sit the candle down on the floor to get a better look. Shoved under the edge of the doorframe, the tip of something metal pokes out. Using my fingernail I dig it out and drop it into the palm of my hand. A tiny silver dragonfly charm stare
s up at me. Recognition sparks in the back of my mind like I've seen this somewhere before, but for whatever reason I can't seem to remember where. I put it in my pocket. Maybe it'll come to me later.

  Continuing my explorations, I finally find the bathroom down a set of stairs. Testing the faucets I find the water still works, but there's no soap. Having running water is better than nothing though I suppose.

  Once I'm done in the bathroom, I continue on down the hall seeing what else there is down here. On one side of the hall, an open doorway leads into a good-sized cafeteria with a decent sized kitchen area beyond a long serving area. I nudge open one of the bottom cabinets in the kitchen freeing a rat. It scurries across the toe of my shoe. I slap a hand over my mouth to keep from squealing too loudly. I hate rats.

  Back out in the hall, I check the door on the opposite side of the hall to find a mostly empty nursery. A rocking chair with a teddy bear missing one eye sits in the corner. On the wall a chalkboard hangs with drawings plastered all over it by tiny hands from who knows how long ago.

  With no more rooms to explore on this level I head back upstairs to check on Jared and Will. They're both still asleep. Quietly stepping back out into the hall, I go up the stairs leading to the bell tower, trailing one finger through the dust on the banister along the way.

  Cool night air greets me with just a hint of smoke left over from the fires at The Compound, which now seem to be extinguished. I hope that means we’ve won and all of The Fallen have been defeated. I hope it means someone shoved a giant blade into Blondie's black heart sending him straight to Hell, although that's probably too much to hope for. Blondie would be too smart to let that happen.

  Movement along the tree line halts all the breath in my lungs. Reacting on pure instinct I run back down the stairs, the symbol on my wrist igniting with a soft glow as energy takes root, building in intensity inside my gut.

  What if the absence of flame in the sky wasn't because The Fallen were defeated, but because there was nothing left to burn? What if The Compound has been destroyed and now The Fallen are on their way here to destroy us too?