"Are you guys okay? I saw you fall." Jared asks. I dart away from Will so fast I'm pretty sure I left an outline of myself like a character in a cartoon.
Standing beside Jared now I say, "I'm fine. I twisted my ankle a little when I landed but it's healing."
"I'm fine too." Will climbs to his feet, a look of barely hidden irritation on his face as he dusts dirt and tree debris from his pants and hair.
Noticing the look on Will's face, Jared's eyebrows gather as he looks from Will, to me, then back to Will like he's trying to figure something out. For a moment his eyes seem to flash a brighter green, but in the second it takes to blink, their back to their normal color and I'm left wondering if I'd imagined it.
"Can you walk?" Jared asks, turning his attention to me.
I move my foot back and forth testing my weight. The pain has lessened now that it's nearly healed. "Yeah. I think so."
"Everyone was in a panic when Will and I left to find you, so we should probably get back now that you've been found." He looks Will over once more then takes my hand leading me back toward the house. Will trails behind.
***
Eric watches us approach from behind the glass of the front door. Once we reach the porch he storms outside letting the door slam behind him. "The three of you running off like that was stupid and careless. The Fallen have attacked at every turn and you three just take off? What were you thinking?" He turns to me letting loose his full wrath. "Your little fit could have screwed us all Hanna. What if there had been Fallen out in these woods and they'd been able to get ahold of Jared? What do you think would have happened to your brother? And I don't even want to get started on what you did to Cassidy."
"I..."
"Save it. We've wasted enough time already." With that Eric turns and heads back into the house.
Will gives me a sympathetic look then follows his brother inside.
Suddenly, my feet are heavy and I can't seem to make myself take another step, and if I'm being honest with myself it's because I'm afraid to go inside. I'm afraid of what Cassidy might do in retaliation while at the same time being afraid she'll do absolutely nothing, which oddly enough would be worse. I'm afraid everyone will look at me with fear, hatred, or absolute anger like Eric just did, or they'll look at me like I'm a monster.
I don't want to be a monster.
Jared squeezes my hand. "It'll be okay, I'm sure they all understand why you did what you did," Jared says trying to reassure me. I wish it were working. "But maybe you should apologize for good measure."
I nod my head.
The first person I look for is Cassidy and when I don't see her I look for Owen since he's her cousin and the only other person who might hate me just as much as she most likely does. I don't care if Cassidy hates me because the feeling is mutual, but I don't want Owen to hate me.
I spot him leaning against the fireplace. Owen watches me, his face unreadable, which only adds to the nerves wreaking havoc in my stomach.
"So, um,” I start. Owen looks at me, his face still unreadable. I swallow my nerves. "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for what I did to Cassidy. It was completely uncalled for and it'll never happen again. I just wanted you to know that and I hope there aren't any hard feelings between us."
He's silent, a hint of contemplation in his eyes and the longer he stays that way the more jittery I become imagining how much anger he's harboring for me under that blank face of his for attacking his cousin the way I did. Finally he says, "Apology accepted. Cassidy's a hard person to get along with and there's been more than one occasion where I've wanted to do something like that myself, so I get it." A slight smile plays at his mouth. "Of course, I've never actually acted upon it."
I smile, my nerves calming a little. "So, where is Cassidy? I should probably apologize to her also," I say. I really don't want to apologize to her, but it's the right thing to do, even if I don't really mean it.
"I think she's in Will's room," Owen answers. He gives me a look that says 'good luck' before patting my shoulder as he steps away to join Luca on the sofa.
I take my time getting to Will's room going over in my head what exactly I should say to her and end up settling on the fact that it probably won't matter because we'd both know it’d be a hollow apology anyway.
Will's bedroom door is shut so I knock lightly. "Cassidy." I open the door without waiting for her to invite me in. Sitting at the foot of the bed, she hastily ends the conversation with whoever's on the other end of the phone. She stands, shoving her phone into the front pocket of her pants.
"What do you want?" Her voice drips with venom. It's not exactly undeserved.
"I just wanted to apologize for what I did to you earlier, so I'm sorry."
She crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at me in contempt. "No you're not."
"You're right. I'm not," I admit. There's no point in denying it. "You never should have threatened Adam and Jared's lives like you did and if you ever do it again, what I did earlier will seem like a walk in the park compared to what I'll do next."
"Ooo I'm so scared," she says sarcastically. "You may have caught me off guard out there this time, but I can promise you, that won't happen again." She takes a step closer, getting in my face. I hold my ground. "Like you, I have people I care about too and I will do whatever I have to do to keep them safe from that freak out there should he turn dark side. And I promise you, Hanna, if you let your 'lovey-dovey' feelings get in the way of stopping him when he does, it will be me that comes after you. Got me?" Slamming the palms of her hands against the front of my shoulders she shoves me backwards.
"Everything okay in here?" Materializing out of nowhere, Will suddenly appears in the doorway. He glances back and forth between Cassidy and I.
"Everything's just peachy," Cassidy answers in a sweet, sarcastic voice. She shoulders past me and places a hand against Will's chest. "Hanna and I were just coming to an understanding. Weren't we Hanna?" She forces a smile that's about as friendly as a knife to the back then pats Will’s chest before slithering down the hall.
"I hate her." I don't mean to say it out loud, but I can't help it, because I do. I hate her and I want to punch her in that stupid smug face of hers.
"Most people do," Will replies.
"Do you?"
"Most of the time."
"Most of the time?" From what I've seen I don't know how anyone wouldn't hate her all of the time.
"She's not always so bad."
I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn't and I start to wonder what the history between them is. They sort of treat each other the same way Kat and Jared treat each other and Cassidy was definitely ogling him earlier when he was shirtless and fresh out of the shower. Is it possible they could have dated at one point in time? The thought of them together turns my stomach for reasons I don't really understand so I push it to the back of my mind to scrutinize over later.
"What?" Will asks, pulling me from my thoughts of him and Cassidy as a possible one-time couple.
"Huh?" Is my dazzling response.
"You were looking at me funny."
"I was? Sorry. I was just thinking…about nothing important." He looks at me weird. Before he can say anything I move out into the hall. "We better get back out there."
CHAPTER ELEVEN
After coming up with a plan that basically doesn't consist of much other than not letting The Fallen snatch Jared from us while we miraculously rescue Adam out from under Blondie's nose, we're left with nothing to do but wait for the next nine hours.
Eric, Will, and Cassidy use this time to place protection symbols and wards around the house to keep us hidden from The Fallen. Owen and Luca leave for their dorm room back at The Compound to gather more weapons and supplies. And Logan, Jared, and I have nothing much to do other than sit around the house, the living room to be specific.
"So, that's quite the telekinetic ability you have. The way you manhandled Cassidy was impressive," Logan says, breaking the awkward sil
ence between us all with an even more awkward statement. Who says manhandled? Her eyes lower to the symbol on my wrist. "I understand you had no abilities before Sam marked you, correct?"
"Yeah."
"Hmm." She scrunches up her face perplexed, her eyes holding more than a hint of worry.
"Is that bad?" Great, just what I need—something else to worry about, as if my nerves aren’t frayed and on edge enough.
Her unusual blue-green eyes study my face like I'm some interesting anomaly she needs to figure out. "I'm not sure. I've only ever seen someone marked like you once before when I was seven, but when his abilities manifested they were nowhere near as powerful as the one's you've displayed. It's curious."
Curious how? Curious good or curious bad? I think to myself.
"This person who was marked like me, what happened to him?"
She looks at me for a moment then suddenly stands. "I'm going to make some tea. Who wants some tea?" She’s obviously hiding something.
I look to Jared. He shrugs his shoulders.
Getting up from where I'm perched on the arm of the sofa, I follow her into the kitchen. She can’t just freak me out like that and then not say anything else about it. Behind me, Jared tags along. He pulls out a stool at the island while I prefer to lean against the counter. I’ve got to many things running through my head and to many worries eating away at my insides to sit.
Pretending like Jared and I aren't in the room, Logan busies herself with preparing the tea.
"Logan whatever you're not saying, just say it, ‘cause you're starting to seriously freak me out."
She places the kettle onto the stove then turns on the burner. Keeping her back to me, she sighs. "At first nothing happened that wasn't expected, but then...” She trails off, once again busying herself with tea preparations. She removes three mugs from a cabinet over the dishwasher then sits them down on the counter. Without looking at me she moves on to the pantry to retrieve a box of chamomile tea.
"And then what happened?" I prompt.
She takes a deep breath. "Using branding magic like that can be extremely dangerous, especially when it's used on someone who has no natural abilities of their own and who hasn't mentally prepared for it.”
“Like me,” I mutter under my breath.
“When my sister was eighteen she fell in love with a common boy, something my family had forbidden any of us to do because of the dangers it poses for someone without the special abilities we all have as Guardians. But the heart wants what the heart wants and you can't control whom you love, so she decided to mark him. She thought if she could make him like us then everything would be okay. She was wrong.
“After a few months the symbols magic became too much for him to handle and it began to destroy him from the inside out. She tried to remove it hoping that he would return to who he was before, but by then it was too late. During the removal he slipped into a coma and never woke up." Caught up in memories of the past, Logan jumps when the teakettle begins to whistle.
My fingers automatically go to the symbol on my wrist, tracing over the pale blue lines resting against my skin. Is the same thing going to happen to me? Will I too be unable to handle the power it gives?
The hair on the back of my neck prickles with the weight of Jared's stare. I pull my fingers away from the symbol, shove my anxieties down as far as they'll go, and cover my face in a brave mask that hopefully hides my insecurities before I meet his gaze. If having this symbol means I can keep him safe then whatever price I have to pay will be worth it, even if that price is my life.
"Can she get rid of it?" Jared asks.
"I don't know," Logan answers solemnly. She drops a teabag into each of the mugs then pours in the hot water from the kettle. "Normally, the giver would have to take it back, or whatever mission given would need to be completed, but things aren't so black and white in Hanna's case. She didn't receive her second mark under normal circumstances."
“How did you know that?” Jared and Will are the only two people I’ve told about Sam and The In-Between.
"Can I read you?" Logan holds out her hand expectantly without answering my question.
"Read me? Like palm reading?"
"Not exactly."
"Sure, why not." It's not like things could get any weirder around here. I give her my hand.
Logan’s hands are cold despite the fact she just had them wrapped around a warm mug of tea. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her fingers tighten around my hand as her whole body jerks as if she's just been shocked by a jolt of electricity. Her lips part mumbling words in another language that all Guardians seem to know. Warmth spreads from her hands, raising all the hairs on my arm. Her body spasms once more, her grip nearing the point of unbearable when suddenly, she lets go of my hand and stumbles back knocking into the kitchen sink.
My heartbeat picks up as I watch her. Her eyes are still closed and her breaths are coming rapidly. What the hell just happened? What did she read from me?
"Wow. I've never felt that kind of power before." She opens her eyes, looking at me in awe. "You don't have to worry about any adverse effects from the symbol you've been given. You've been blessed."
"What are you talking about? I've been blessed how?" My heart is like a speeding train, racing, racing, racing.
"By heaven," she says simply. "You died and were sent back changed."
My heart crashes into my ribs coming to a full stop.
“Changed how?” I ask though I’m not sure I really want to hear the answer. Actually, I know I don’t want to hear the answer because there’s no point. I am who I am now and there is no changing it. “You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter,” I say before she can answer. I’m such a liar.
Jared takes my hand; I pull it away causing a degree of hurt to flicker behind his green eyes.
"I’m sorry. It’s just…I think I need to be alone for a while. Process some things," I mumble as I take a step back. I head for the hall with the weight of Jared’s stare following me as I go.
Logan just spun me for a loop by basically telling me I’m going to self-destruct in some horrible way due to the symbol, only to then do a one eighty after reading me, changing her mind telling me instead I have nothing to worry about because I’ve been blessed. To say I’m feeling a little whiplashed would be putting it mildly. And I just need a minute to wrap my head around it.
I lock myself in Will's room then throw myself onto the bed. Curling into a ball, I snuggle with one of his pillows. It smells like him. It's comforting and the longer I lay there the heavier my eyes become until I fall asleep, where for the first time in a long time I don't dream.
***
"Hanna." Someone taps on my shoulder. I open my eyes to Will's smiling face inches from mine. He's lying in the bed beside me, his dark hair in disarray over his forehead. "I think you drooled on my pillow."
"I did not," I say rolling over from my stomach to my back, wiping my mouth as I do. From the corner of my eye I catch him smiling.
"I would have let you drool a little longer…” He says with a playful grin and I shove at his shoulder.
"I did not drool," I repeat as I shift to lying on my side so we're face to face.
"Whatever you say," he teases. "Anyway," Absentmindedly, he plays with a strand of my hair, wrapping it around his finger. "Eric ordered some pizza and I thought you might like some before Owen inhales it all."
"What time is it?"
Letting my hair fall from his fingers, he turns his head to look at the clock on the nightstand. "6:15"
"So less than six hours then."
He turns his face back to mine. "We'll get him back Hanna, I promise and nothing will happen to Jared either."
I smile a little and lean over to kiss him on the cheek. He moves a fraction so that the edge of my lips brushes the corner of his mouth. He stares intently causing my heart to pick up the pace, even though it shouldn't. His eyes lower and I know what he's thinking, what he wants to do
, but he shouldn't, and I shouldn't be considering...
God, what is wrong with me? I fell for Jared, so hard, I fell for him, and I love him, I know I do, so why is there a part of me that feels something it shouldn't for Will?
Why is he having this effect on me?
And why, God, why is it suddenly so hard to breathe with the way he's looking at me right now, because it shouldn't be? I should be gulping in huge breaths without thinking twice, so why aren’t I?
I pull away. I'm a horrible, horrible person. Maybe Kat was right about me all along.
Will bites his bottom lip. Slightly shaking his head he stands, running a hand through his hair. "Don't do that. Don't look at me like you...Because I want to and if you don't really mean it..."
"I know. I'm sorry." Again, what the hell is wrong with me? I can't have feelings for them both. I just can't.
I move to the edge of the bed placing my feet on the floor. Awkward silence wraps around us both. I hate it. I hate this confusion when there shouldn't be any. I hate that I'm hurting Will and I hate that I have the potential to hurt Jared. Why do things always have to get complicated? Why can't things ever be well defined and simple? I like simple.
Will takes a deep breath. Rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands buried deep in his front pockets he looks at me as though he wants to say something but can't find the right words. He takes a step toward the bed just as Jared enters the room.
"I was beginning to think Will was having trouble waking you," Jared says with a teasing lilt to his voice. Back in our sleepover days he used to say I slept so soundly trying to wake me up was like trying to bring the dead back to life. "Anyway, I saved some pizza out there, but if you don't hurry I'm pretty sure Owen's going to eat it all.” The smile on his face begins to fade, as he looks back and forth between Will and I. "Am I interrupting something?"
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