Straight to the heart.
I ignored him and grabbed the pan to drain the grease out. “What? No telling me that I should be more considerate of who I’m with?” Why was he saying that? Good God! “Jesus, Emily, you’re shaking. Give it to me before you burn yourself.” He took it from my hands and I stepped away to get my breath back. He looked back at me while I did. “What’s wrong? You’ve been weird lately.”
I grabbed the back of my neck. “I’m fine. I just haven’t eaten, so it’s making me a little woozy,” I mumbled.
“You’re always making me worry,” he hissed.
I straightened my spine. “Well, sorry for making you worry. I don’t ask to be babied!” I started stomping out of the kitchen.
“Whoa, Emily.” He grabbed my hand. Even that wrecked me. “Chill out.”
“Don’t tell me to chill. You chill.” A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. “Don’t be annoying,” I gritted out. “Stop coddling, seriously. You make me feel like a kid all the time.”
“I can’t help it.”
I huffed and turned my head away from him, acting like a brat.
He looked at me like I was absurd. “And I don’t treat you like a kid.”
“Let’s just finish making the tacos, I’m hungry.” I grabbed the tomato on the counter and rinsed it off. “I’ll cut the tomato, you can finish with the meat.” I told him as I grabbed the knife.
“How about I use the knife instead—” He shut up when he saw the death glare I was giving him.
I couldn’t stand him coddling me, knowing that he saw me as something like a younger sister he had to watch over. It was so damn depressing. Why couldn’t he see me differently in the way I saw him anew?
It wasn’t fair.
I couldn’t stop these feelings.
Chapter 19
_______
Benjamin
2 months and two weeks prior…
“I think it’s apparent Gorilla Ben and Rosie need to mate.”
I sat on the couch next to Emily and hovered while she typed on her laptop. I absently thought it was time to buy her a new one. When she turned to glare, her eyes caught mine and mingled. My face was close enough to smell her coconut shampoo and see the gold specks in her green eyes. She leaned in closer and sniffed, placing my mouth right at her ear. “You go to the gym after work?” Then she leaned away once more, and I was reeling from the slight thrill of having her so close.
Yet, so far…
“Maybe,” I said. “Why? You trying to say I need a shower.”
“No. Of course not. This will be good female repellent. I’d rather not share our living space with another woman.”
I cocked my head at her. “What? What happened to living with me when I got married?”
“I don’t think I’d like her.”
“You’ve always liked my girlfriends.”
She huffed. “Has Kelly still been texting?”
“Yeah, we text a bit every day.”
She was quiet and not even typing anymore for a minute before she asked, “Are you thinking about getting back with her?”
“Nooo, why?”
“Your mom loves her…” She frowned. “That’s somehow irritating.”
“Your point? She likes everyone I date.”
Her frown intensified, and I realized she was probably thinking about how much Mom disliked her. “Yeah, it’s just me.”
“It’s my mom. She just doesn’t like that I care so much about you,” I told her.
“But I care about you. How does she not see that?”
My heart beat against my ribcage, probably in the way Gorilla Ben pounded his chest when someone stole his Rosie. My mind wanted to play tricks on me. I knew she cared for me. It just wasn’t as a partner.
“You’re my best friend.” She looked back to the laptop quickly after saying it.
See? Nothing like a good dose of reality to rip your reoccurring wound open.
“You purposely changed the subject,” I told her, ogling the side of her face while I was still so close and because I couldn’t help myself. I eyed the curve of her ear and then her neck that was slightly tinged with red. Her skin reddened easily, I’d imagine she blushed horribly during sex… Shit, I leaned away because now I had wood.
I focused on what was on the TV until it settled down, and then I went right back to where I was. She blew out a heavy breath. “I can’t type when you’re so close and chatting in my ear.”
“I’m helping out. They need to hook up before you piss your fans off.”
She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. “Okay.”
“There ya go.” Then it truly hit me that she agreed. “Wait, really?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “No point denying my readers. Besides, they do have something special. Why can’t it be more?”
Gorilla Ben was beating on my damned chest again.
She was hooking us up! Was I pathetic from being happy about this? Did she not think about us at all when she agreed? This woman was going to be the death of me.
“They’re perfect together,” I agreed enthusiastically.
She touched her face and smiled. “They are.”
We are, she meant. I was positive.
In my fantasy, she had said just that, then we mated and mated some more, then lived happily ever after.
“Good, I can help you with their…” I waggled my eyebrows. “Scenes.”
She laughed. “You’re ridiculous. They have to realize they’re madly in love with each other first and then confess. Then like maybe do a little scene where they go off to make love somewhere...”
“Their emotions will run hot when they figure it out. There won’t be any talking going on. They’ll be too busy discovering how well or snug their bodies go together. Ben is big after all,” I corrected her.
She covered her face with her hands, completely red in the neck and face. “Please stop, you’re killing me.” I was pleased with myself for how much I could make her blush. It was all the time lately. “I can’t believe I’m writing a romance with you as my hero,” she mumbled.
Us, Emily, us. Not just me.
Would you just open your eyes and see me, see us, for what we are, what we could be?
I opened my mouth to say just that, then snapped it shut. Like always. It was a risk I’d never be able to make. Losing her.
Chapter 20
________
Emily
1 month, 1 week, and 5 days prior…
Benjamin was the very definition of unsafe.
Who once was my safe place, was now all my restless emotions. I was hyper-aware of my attraction to him. I tingled and burned around him. I watched him as he walked through our apartment. I patiently waited for him to shower and come out with nothing but a pair of shorts or jogging pants looking like absolute perfection. I wanted him close, but at the same time hated it because I was so self-conscious of everything I said or did, thinking I might give myself away. I couldn’t remember who I was before this feeling burst through my skin. I also couldn’t understand how I’d never thought of him of anything beyond my Benjamin until now.
I supposed I kept him in a place that made us safe, just enough to keep us close. Now just enough felt like too little. Just enough was suffocating me in its confines.
But I didn’t know what to do except be us as best as I could be.
While in my head, I fell in love with the idea of us.
I poured what I craved into Gorilla Ben and Rosie. Then my skin burned some more as I thought of how much Benjamin wanted them together, not realizing it was us. It felt so wrong and so right. I felt so bad and so good.
He slept across the room from mine every night, and every night I felt restless and hot because my mind played out me sneaking into his room and being with him, over and over…
This wasn’t me. But it was.
I was fantasizing, obsessing, and craving my best friend. So much that I felt like a depraved person for le
tting our bodies graze each other while we were in the kitchen or innocently touching his arm or something throughout the day.
It was like I wanted to get caught. Or at least for him to notice me.
So it was arousing, to say the least, when Benjamin tossed a paper in my face and said, “Here, I wrote them a scene.” I looked up from the couch, expecting him to be goofy and grinning, but instead, he was looking the other way.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you won’t,” he muttered.
“I just decided to turn their friendship into a romance. You gotta give me time.”
“Ben doesn’t have time. He was taken, and now he’s suffering in the white room.”
I smiled. “I’m aware. You know, since I’m the writer? How the hell do they have a ‘scene’ as you call it when they aren’t even together right now.”
“Just read it. I can give you some ideas at least.”
I grabbed the paper and lifted my hips to place them in my pocket. “I don’t need any ideas, I have plenty.”
“You’re not gonna read it?” He flopped down beside me. “Read it, Emily.”
I sighed. “I will tonight.” Just not around him where he could watch my reaction. Who knew what he wrote. It might do something to my already clouded head. “I don’t feel like reading first thing in the morning.”
“You work this evening?” he asked, and I nodded. “Guess I won’t see you until about eleven tonight then.”
“Go convince someone they need a car today,” I muttered.
He shook his head at me. I grabbed my coffee cup off the table and ignored him.
_____
He was up watching TV when I got home. I hung my keys by the door and kicked my shoes off as I sauntered over to the couch and collapsed, my legs landing on his lap. “Bad day?” he asked.
“So busy. Summertime keeps everyone out.” I groaned.
“Technically, it’s still spring.”
“You know what I mean. Why you gotta be so annoying?” My voice was slightly muffled because my face was against the cushion.
He snickered and placed his hands on the back of my legs. “Hopefully we’ll get a chance to go to the beach this year if our work schedules don’t collide.”
“You wanna rub the back of my legs?”
“Shouldn’t you ask for a massage instead of asking if I want to rub them?”
I laughed and placed my arms up, so I could lay my head on them. “That was me asking.”
Only he was already massaging the back of my legs. He rolled my pants up to my knees and I was glad I decided to shave last night. I was exhausted though. My legs were throbbing after walking on concrete all day waiting tables. Then I had to deal with enough drunks tonight to last me a lifetime, or at least until tomorrow night when I worked again. I was exaggerating, most nights I never dealt with drunks. It was something occasional, like tonight.
When he started working my calf muscles, I moaned. “That feels so good.”
“Does it?”
“Mhmm.”
And I could enjoy his touch. It was a win-win kind of deal.
Only he shoved me onto the floor a second later. “Hey.”
“That’s enough for you.” He was already heading for his bedroom before I got my head up.
“You going to bed?” I sounded disappointed.
“Yeah, I work early.” He yelled from inside his room, right before he shut his door.
I dropped my head back down and sighed.
Oh yeah, I remembered I still had his scene to read. Getting off the floor, I went to my bedroom and grabbed it and some clothes to take a bath. I ran some water in the tub while undressing. I was careful not to get the paper wet as I sat down into the scalding water and sighed happily. I added some bubble bath in as well before I leaned back and let the water fill up.
I mentally prepared myself for what I was about to read. It would either be really dumb, or really bad, or surprisingly good.
Rosie found Gorilla Ben. She attacked him with a hug as he rounded the corner of the building.
I was curious as to where the two of them were at, but I let it slide since he just wanted to write a sex scene and nothing else. I continued reading.
Her legs wrapped around Ben as she hugged him. Her reaction surprised him that he sprouted an impressive woody.
Sprout? Good God. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Rosie gasped. She felt him against her pussy and blushed scarlet before squirming against him. He took her movement as a sign that she wasn’t displeased by his aroused state. He carried her until he found a soft patch of grass to set her down. Then he held his giant hand against her shirt and waited for her to tell him no. When she didn’t, he ripped it from her body. She moved to cover up her tits, but he stopped her.
Ben’s eyes drank her in. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid his eyes on. Deep down, he knew Rosie should only belong to him this way. He was the only one that could love her the way she deserved.
Ben’s thoughts made him braver. He pulled her pants down her legs and tossed them aside. Then he dove headfirst into her pussy. Rosie tried to close her legs and push him away. She wasn’t sure what he was doing, and she was nervous, but when his tongue darted out, she made a noise in her throat and fell back to the ground and let him have his way.
He ate her until she was boneless and coming on the tip of his tongue. Then he scooped her up in his arms and brought her down over his dick. She cried out, and he held her firmly in place. He controlled her hips, her body, her mind, and her desire as he lifted her up and down until she whimpered for something she couldn’t put into words.
He gave her everything she needed. What she always wanted. And then more.
I looked away from the paper in time to see my water was close to overflowing the tub. I squeaked and raised up, splashing some water on the floor as I turned it off. I let some water out before settling back into the tub and rereading Benjamin’s words.
This sounded nothing like Gorilla Ben and Rosie. Gorilla Ben wouldn’t know how to do these things, and Rosie was completely innocent as well… This was Benjamin. Words like pussy and tits weren’t words I’d use for them. Their lovemaking would be sweet.
Benjamin’s made me hot. Hotter than what this water was making me feel. The intensity of how much I wanted him shook me. I didn’t know this side of him. I didn’t know what kind of lover he was, whether he was giving or the one to lead, but now I knew a bit of the way his mind worked while thinking of a woman. It was only a glimpse, but it was enough. It somehow felt more erotic than any experience I’d had with a man before.
It had me thinking about the dildo he had given me, and how much I wished I had brought it in the bathroom with me. I hadn’t used it yet, but I was past the point of crossing the line. My mind crossed it every second of the day. I needed relief, and I was going to let myself have it.
Letting the water out, I didn’t even put on my clothes. I just wrapped a towel around me and ran to my room where I used what he had given me. Only I didn’t feel relieved when I made myself come, it made me want my best friend more.
Chapter 21
_______
Benjamin
1 month, 1 week, and 4 days prior…
I was becoming increasingly more pathetic. I couldn’t even massage her leg without getting hard and having to go hide with it in my room so that I didn’t freak her out with it.
I’d get carpal tunnel at the rate I was going. I rolled my wrist around as I thought about it. Maybe I should date. Being with someone else always helped cure my Emily illness for a while, but now that I was older and here living with her, the idea was terrible. I would still be thinking about her. I knew, for a fact, that would be the case because it happened with Tammy, and I had hurt her. I didn’t want to hurt somebody else.
I just had to face the facts. I was recklessly in love with Emily, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could tell her… Then I might lose
her…but then she might realize she loved me back.
Why the fuck couldn’t I just man up and say something?
I lifted my eyes from my phone and watched her from the couch as she put her hair up, her shirt riding up in the process. I glanced back down at my phone and focused heavily on the screen, then my eyes somehow ended up staring at her exposed skin again.
“Where are you going?” I asked her.
“Going to go wash some clothes at Dad’s,” she answered. “Do you think your mom will come visit me when she sees me pull in with your truck next door?”
I thought about it. “Maybe, but there’s a chance she’s not home.”
“I wish I could just clear the air with her,” she grumbled, and that made me smile.
“Since when did you care so much about what my mom thought, anyway?”
“I’ve always cared. I just acted like it didn’t bother me.” She slipped on her flip-flops. “I’m off today, wanna go somewhere when you get off?”
I perked up. “Yeah. Won’t get off until probably six, is that all right?”
She nodded. “See ya this evening.”
_______
“Benjamin!” Emily screeched as she tried to latch onto my shirt. I purposely skated away so that she couldn’t. She wobbled, and her legs were close to doing splits as she tried to keep from falling.
It was the funniest thing I’d ever seen.
We opted for skating—well, I pestered Emily until she gave in. Our town wasn’t big. Our choices had been the movie theater, bowling, skating, or Crash’s for drinking.
“Benjamin, come here!” She looked so desperate, I kind of felt bad that I was enjoying this so much. “Don’t let me fall.” She saw my face and glared. “Stop laughing.”
Right when she was about to fall, I grabbed her arms and righted her. “How hard is it to skate?” I asked her. I skated backwards, pulling her along with me. “One foot at a time.”
She huffed. “I’m sorry. I suck at every sport.”
I slid my hands down into hers as we slowly made our way around the circle. Her eyes darted to everyone around us like she was afraid we were going to hit someone, then she looked back and saw me smirking. “Why do you have to be good at everything?”
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