Love to Believe: Fireflies ~ Book 2

by Lisa Ricard Claro

  Relief pumped through her along with a healthy wave of lust and, had she been inclined to dig a little deeper, something far more potent. “And after that?”

  Sean took her face in his hands, his gaze serious and steady on hers. “I’m all yours,” he said.

  She closed her eyes and pretended it was true.

  Chapter 9

  “In here, quick!”

  Andrea grabbed Rebecca by the arm and dragged her into one of the smaller hotel conference rooms. Devoid of people, it held dozens of rows of folding chairs all facing toward a small platform with a lectern.

  Rebecca allowed herself to be led by her friend, smothering laughter when Andrea jerked her to the floor behind the lectern.

  “It’s a tighter fit back here than when we were in college, but we can still squeeze our asses in. Be quiet or she’ll hear us,” Andrea said between giggles. “You don’t want to get caught, right? Because she might corner us for an hour, right? Right? Right, right, right?”

  “Tell me again why are we hiding from Dana? She’s harmless.”

  “She’s annoying.”

  “Then why did you invite her?”

  “She married my cousin. I didn’t have a choice. Shh. Door’s opening.”

  Rebecca obeyed but rolled her eyes and wondered what kind of thirty-year-old woman thought hiding behind a lectern to avoid an unpleasant confrontation was a good idea. She wanted to tell Andrea to man up, but the moment passed, and now she sat crammed under the lectern with the bride-to-be, her knees drawn up to her chin.

  “Well,” Dana said to an unknown someone, “I could have sworn I saw them come in here. I guess not, right? We’ll find them later, right? Let’s go.”

  The door closed and the seconds ticked by. After a minute or so, Andrea sighed and nudged Rebecca. “That was close.”

  Andrea squirmed to reach into her pocket and produced a Snickers bar which she held up in triumph. “This one’s yours. I’ve got one in my other pocket for me.” She unwrapped the second candy bar, took a bite, and chewed with her head back and eyes closed. “Oh, god, this is sooo good.”

  Rebecca stared at Andrea. “You sound like you’re having an orgasm. It’s kind of grossing me out.”

  Andrea laughed and took another bite. “This really is better than sex right now. I’ve been eating rabbit food for two months getting ready for this wedding. But never mind that. Thanks for running away with me. My mother is driving me crazy, giving way too much advice, and I’m not supposed to see Josh until the ceremony. God, I can’t believe I’m getting married today.” She shook her head, “Crazy. Anyway, I needed me some Becca time.”

  “How’d you know where to find me?”

  “I saw Alanza at breakfast and she mentioned you were joining them at the spa. That made it easy to kidnap you. Now, tell me all about yummy Sean. Details. I want details.”

  “There’s not really anything to tell. We’ve been, um, seeing each other since Thanksgiving. That’s all, really.”

  “Wow.” Andrea glared at her. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? I want the down and dirty. Now dish.”

  Rebecca stared at Andrea and Andrea stared back, eyebrows raised.

  “Fine.” Between bites of her Snickers, Rebecca shared the details of her arrangement with Sean, and Andrea listened in rapt attention until Rebecca ended her monologue with a shrug and the comment, “So that’s it. Now you know everything, and you’re the only one who does. I haven’t told anyone else, so keep it quiet.”

  “You know you can trust me. But here’s the thing, Becca. I watched you two together last night. There’s more to it than just an arrangement.”

  “No, there really isn’t.”

  “You said you guys never stay the night together, but he came to the wedding with you. You woke up together this morning, right? Don’t tell me he slept on the sofa last night, because I won’t believe you. You’re looking way too relaxed.”

  “No, he didn’t sleep on the sofa, but we didn’t wake up together either. By the time I got up he had showered and dressed, was already sipping coffee and working on his laptop. I’m telling you, Andrea, we just have an arrangement, and we’re friends. There’s nothing else to it.”

  Andrea gripped Rebecca’s arm, her brown eyes warm and expressive. “But you wish there was.”

  Rebecca averted her gaze. Andrea rested her head on Rebecca’s shoulder. “Love sucks.”

  Rebecca laid her head against Andrea’s and smirked. “Thanks for the show of solidarity, but you’re getting married to the love of your life in about five hours, so love doesn’t suck for you. And I never said I was in love with Sean.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  Rebecca had no response. She dared not lay voice to the emotion because that would make it real, and it couldn’t be. It would ruin everything.

  No strings, no drama, no questions. Just goodbye.

  Words to live by.

  The heavy meeting room door made a loud ka-click sound when it opened and another when it closed. Rebecca and Andrea lifted their heads and drew their knees up again, grinning at each other while they waited for the person to leave.

  “This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I asked to speak with you in private,” a woman’s voice said.

  “This is as private as we’re getting.”

  Rebecca’s eyes widened. She turned to look at Andrea so fast she almost gave herself whiplash. Sean, she mouthed. Andrea’s brows flew upward and she slapped her hand over her mouth.

  “You know what I meant. Let’s go up to my suite. We can relax, talk for a while.”

  Is that her? Andrea mouthed though her fingers. Rebecca swallowed a squeak and responded with a nervous nod.

  “I’m not helping you cheat on your husband.” Sean’s voice held amusement. “I appreciate your sense of poetic justice, though.”

  “Walter and I are getting a divorce.”

  Rebecca’s mind raced. It was wrong to stay hidden, to eavesdrop. The right thing would be to stand and speak up, apologize for the awkward situation and try to make a graceful exit. Yes, that was the right thing to do. She bit her lip as her body tensed, hesitated. Torn between being a Good Person and a Horrible Person, the internal argument held her immobile.

  As if reading her mind, Andrea grabbed her arm in a talon-like grip and gave a vehement shake of her head. Too late, Andrea mouthed, still shaking her head. Stay put.

  Horrible Person won by a mile.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Sean said. “I sincerely hoped you were happy.”

  “We both know I married Walter for all the wrong reasons.” She emitted a mirthless laugh. “I honestly never thought you’d let me go through with it.” Seconds of silence ticked by before Lindsay added, her tone softer. “Do you ever think about us?”

  “Not the way you mean.”

  “I never understood what happened. We had the perfect life. You were on your way to being the best defense attorney in New York, Sean, and then—you went away to some dark place, and I couldn’t get you back. I tried everything—”

  “Like fucking Walter?”

  Lindsay’s sharp intake of breath sounded like a slap. “I may have gone about it stupidly, but I only wanted your attention.”

  The silence that followed held electric energy. Rebecca closed her eyes and held her breath. She berated herself for remaining hidden when Sean and Lindsay first entered the room. Caught like a rat in a trap, all she could do was sit and be miserable. Her feet tingled from the position in which she was stuck, ankles crossed, knees crammed tight to her chest. She wriggled her numb toes and muffled a groan. Her bottom hurt, too, now that she thought about it, and she squeezed her butt cheeks to ease the ache. With utmost care she shifted in slow motion to take pressure off her posterior. Her funny bone banged against the lectern. Andrea covered her face with her hands, and Rebecca’s mouth flew open in a silent scream of pain.

  “What was that?” Lindsay’s voice cut sharp. “I thought
I heard something.”

  Andrea peeked at Rebecca through her fingers. Rebecca mouthed, “My ass and feet are numb.”

  Andrea made a face and nodded.

  “Lindsay, look—”

  “The affair with Walter was lunacy. I thought—somehow I thought—but you just walked away.”

  “What did you expect?”

  “That you would fight for me.” She sucked in a breath and blew it out in a slow and steady stream, to gain some emotional control, Rebecca guessed. “The last thing I did before I said my wedding vows was to look past that huge sea of people, down the aisle to the back of the church. Even then, I was so sure you’d stop me from marrying him. I stood like that for so long people started whispering. My mother came up to the altar, hugged me, and whispered, ‘Don’t be a fool. He’s not coming.’

  “So I married Walter, and except for the birth of my daughter, I’ve regretted every moment since. And now here we are.” Lindsay’s voice shook. “When I saw you last night, I couldn’t believe it. What are the odds that we’d both be here?” Her tone became emphatic. “It’s like a huge cosmic sign, Sean.”

  Sean sighed, his voice gentle. “No, sweetheart, it’s like a coincidence.”

  “Things like this happen for a reason. Look, I’m not saying we should run out and pick a china pattern, but we can talk, get to know each other again. You can come up to New York, I can visit down here. We can—”

  “Lindsay, stop.”

  “Why? Is it because of the redhead? I don’t mind the competition.”

  “We can’t go back, Linds.”

  “You mean you don’t want to.”

  “I don’t want to, and you shouldn’t want to either. We’re different people now, in different places in our lives.”

  “Sean—”

  “You’re carrying baggage around with my name on it, and you need to cut it loose. It’s past time.”

  “Then why did the Universe bring us back together?”

  “Maybe to say goodbye. That’s the one thing we never really did.”

  There was silence then, and Rebecca imagined Lindsay in Sean’s arms, though she couldn’t know for certain. Her brain created mental imagery out of proportion to the circumstance—because no way were they doing it, or even coming close to doing it. Were they? No, of course not. No heavy breathing going on. At least, not yet.

  She was ridiculous, overthinking, and imagining things. She shouldn’t peek at them anyway, because a fake image in her head was better than a real one, right? Bad enough that she eavesdropped, spying would compound the misdeed. Besides, she had too much class to resort to spying.

  Screw it. No she didn’t.

  She chewed her lip and made a move to peek around the lectern, but the wood squeaked and she stopped in mid-motion, afraid to move farther forward or to lean back to her prior position. Great. Stuck, curved up like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. She exchanged a frantic look with Andrea, who crossed her eyes, stuck out her tongue, turned her head sideways, and mimicked being hung. Rebecca bit her lip to hold in nervous laughter, sobering when she heard muffled sniffling. Lindsay must be crying.

  “C’mon, Linds,” Sean said. “Go home and fix things with Walter. I’m not worth your tears, especially after all this time.”

  Lindsay sniffled and hiccupped. “Y—yes you are. And I c—can’t fix anything with W—Walter. I can’t fix what never w—worked in the first place.”

  “Hey, I remember walking in on you two.” Sean’s voice aimed for light humor and Rebecca gave him points for effort. “It sure looked like something was working to me.”

  “That’s not funny, Sean,” Lindsay said, and Sean must’ve done something, or murmured something Rebecca couldn’t hear, because a moment later Lindsay let out a little laugh and said, “You idiot. God, I’ve missed you.”

  Sean chuckled, and then his tone sobered. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Linds.”

  “Not as sorry as I am. Can I at least have a kiss goodbye?”

  The soft smoochie sound that followed lasted way longer than necessary in Rebecca’s opinion, but she didn’t have it in her to be jealous, or at least not much. It reeked of goodbye, after all, and she dreaded the day that she would be the one receiving it.

  Rebecca knew it was over when Lindsay said, her voice infused with quiet dignity, “Let me leave first, please. I’ve watched you walk out of my life once. Don’t make me do it again.”

  “Take care of yourself, Lindsay.”

  Emotion cracked Lindsay’s voice. “Goodbye, Sean. If you change your mind…”

  The big door ka-clicked open and then shut. A few moments later the sound was repeated and the energy left the room.

  Andrea shifted and peeked around the lectern with the care of a cold war spy. “All clear.” She rubbed Rebecca’s arm. “You okay?”

  “I feel horrible.”

  “Me, too. My ass feels like it’s been shot full of lidocaine.”

  “No. I mean that was supposed to be a private conversation. I feel so bad for poor Lindsay.”

  “Why do you feel bad for her? The skank cheated on him. And she was ready to throw you right under the bus.”

  “I know, but still…”

  Andrea stood and stretched, then held out her hand to help Rebecca up. “You’re seeing yourself in her. You aren’t her. Your whole situation is different.”

  “But the end won’t be.” Rebecca unfolded from the floor and stood with Andrea’s help. She grabbed the lectern when her feet, all pins and needles, crumpled. She grimaced and alternated stomping first one foot and then the other, rotating them at the ankle to alleviate the numbness from sitting too long in the same position. She delivered weight to her feet by slow degrees, testing them, and eased her sore butt with a vigorous rub.

  “You can’t compare yourself to her.” Andrea said. “It isn’t the same.”

  Rebecca pushed away from the lectern. Her lower extremities still tingled, but they didn’t give way. She looked at Andrea and shrugged. “The circumstances don’t matter. Goodbye is still goodbye.”

  ***

  Sean corralled Rebecca in the lobby soon after she and Andrea hugged and parted ways. “There you are.” He took her hand. “Walk on the beach with me.”

  “Do you have a purple Speedo on under those jeans?”

  “As it turns out, I forgot to pack it.”

  “If you really have a purple Speedo at home, I’ll give you a hundred dollars.”

  “For a hundred dollars I’ll go buy one.”

  Rebecca walked with him through the doors at the back of the lobby. They followed the flagstone path through lush landscaping, past the pool, and came to the wooden walkway of gray and weathered planks that offered beach access. They rolled up their jeans and abandoned their shoes before continuing through the fine sand toward the water’s edge. The air bore the tangy scent of salt and sea, and Rebecca breathed it in, her eyes straying to the wide horizon.

  “Are you warm enough?” Sean asked when they began their walk along the shore. Rebecca smiled and nodded, happy with the new turn of the day. Guilt tugged at her and she thought of admitting to Sean that she’d overheard his conversation with Lindsay, but it was easy to push it away.

  They meandered hand in hand over the packed sand, wet and cold beneath their feet, and escaped the encroaching surf with laughter and quick steps backward when the foamy crash of waves threatened to drench them. They collected seashells and watched sandpipers race across the wet ground, and, when the wind picked up, Sean slid his arms around Rebecca and hugged her close. They stared out over the rolling waves, watching transfixed as a pod of dolphins breached the surface near the horizon, their synchronous motions graceful and rhythmic.

  “I could get used to this,” Sean said.

  “Me, too. I always forget how much I love the beach until I’m here.”

  “Are you warm enough? Do you want my sweater?”

  “Your arms around me are keeping me warm.”

  “That isn�
��t what I asked you, Xena.”

  Rebecca smiled and leaned back against him. “No, thank you. My sweater isn’t as flimsy as it looks. I do covet your sweater because I love cashmere, but I’m betting you only have a T-shirt under there, and you’ll freeze if you give it to me.”

  “I’m man enough to handle it.”

  “Will it make you feel better to give me your sweater?”

  “It will.”

  “Okay.” She drew away and watched while he pulled the sweater over his head, leaving him bare-armed in a black cotton T-shirt. She cooperated when he tugged the soft sweater over her head, touched and amused that he took special care not to catch it on her ponytail, and then she finished the job herself, lifting her arm to her nose to sniff the fabric.

  At his inquiring gaze she shrugged. “It smells like you.” Because the admission embarrassed her, she faced away from him to watch the sea and drew his arms around her again to stand as they had before.

  Rebecca closed her eyes and breathed the salty air, focused on the rhythmic pounding of Sean’s heart against her back, the crash of the surf, the wind.

  In the distance, a child called out for his mother. A seagull cawed, the sound echoing around them.

  She could stay here with him forever, standing just like this, and die happy.

  Sometime later Sean released his hold on her to dig his cell phone from his pocket.

  “Time to go back. We only have about an hour before the wedding.”

  Reluctant for the afternoon to end, they started back but took their time with it, collecting a few more seashells along the way. Rebecca marveled that Sean wasn’t bothered by the cold, no goose bumps, no shivering. How did men stay so heated up all the time?

  They got back to their suite with little time to spare. Sean shaved while Rebecca showered, and he showered while she dressed. They coordinated their grooming like an old married couple, managing to stay out of each other’s way. When he zipped her dress up the back he dropped a kiss on her shoulder and met her gaze in the mirror.