“We're here Door,” said Drimblerod as he stepped onto the wood planking in front of the shop. He patted the door's frame. “Relax.”
Door shuddered in response.
“Grimbledung?” Drimblerod set the barstools on the porch and entered the store through the broken window. Colossus was standing by the door to the back room. “You!”
“I was out back in the outhouse when I heard the commotion,” said Colossus. “I just got here!”
Akita bent down and sniffed the broken glass and framework. “Was a human.”
“See?” Said Colossus.
“Yeah,” said the man on the street. “Older guy, I think.”
Akita turned around. “Yeah?”
“Didn't get a good look at him though.” He shrugged. “None of my business, you know.”
“Then you should go elsewhere!” Growled Akita.
“Akita, get in here!”
With a headshake, Akita turned back to the shop. Door clattered at him as he entered. “Where's Grimble...” He stopped when he saw the Gnome lying on the floor. Or at least his feet because his partner was blocking the rest of him from view.
Drimblerod looked at his partner. He didn't seem to be breathing. There was a smallish (hopefully) metal rod sticking about two inches out of his chest. “I think he's dead.”
“Nuts.”
Drimblerod bent over to look at the metal rod. “It looks like a miniature crossbow bolt, if I had to guess.”
Akita narrowed his eyes. “Hate them things; little crossbows. Only thieves and assassins use ‘em.”
Drimblerod stood and moved to the back of the counter. He pulled open a drawer. It was empty. “Thieves.” He slammed the door shut. He looked at Colossus. “And you didn’t hear anything?”
“Just the window breaking. Then when I came out here, you were coming in.” He looked around the store. “I’m going back to mopping, I think.”
“You do that.”
Colossus obliged Drimblerod. Truth be told, he had sworn an oath to obey the laws of the town but if the townsfolk disregarded their own laws and killed each other, he was fine with that.
Akita's ears perked up. “That thing silver?” He moved closer to examine the miniature crossbow bolt sticking out of his chest. It looked like almost four inches of it was sticking out of the Gnome. “Wonder how long that thing is.”
“I don't know. Why?”
“Just curious.” Akita sniffed deeply. “There's been a few people in here today. But one of them is the same one as outside.” He glanced around the store. “Plenty of smells in here.” He glanced at the corner, then down at Grimbledung. “Can't tell if it's a repeat customer or just someone passing through.” He smirked. “I heard that lots of people come in here on a daily basis.”
Drimblerod moved back to his partner. “Poor Grimbledung.” He looked down. Something didn't look right. “That's odd.”
Akita poked around the showroom of the store. “What's that?”
“I could have sworn that thing was sticking further into him just a moment ago.”
“Prolly was,” Akita muttered. He picked up a piece of window frame and licked it.
“What?” Drimblerod looked at the Constable.
“It's not silver.”
“So?”
Akita ran his tongue from one side of his mouth to the other. “It's gonna take silver to keep that crazy Gnome down from now on. And only while it’s in him unless it hits him in the heart.”
“Then what?”
Akita stared at him. “Then that’s it; end of the story titled Grimbledung. That’s what it’ll take.” He licked his lips “Or maybe a bunch of angry villagers that won’t listen to reason who have also built a really big fire.”
Drimblerod looked down just as the bolt pushed out the last little bit and clattered to the ground- all six inches of it. “What is going on?”
Grimbledung sat up suddenly. There was a neat round hole in his jerkin with a ring of blood around it. The skin peeking out from the hole was perfectly smooth. “Gah!”
Drimblerod hopped backwards. “What in the lands?!”
“See? Told ya.”
“Akita!” Grimbledung looked at the Constable. “I'm glad you're here! We've been robbed." He looked down and felt his chest. “And I've been shot!” He looked at Drimblerod. “And we've been robbed!”
“Ya get a good look at him?”
“It was a one-armed man!”
Akita grinned. “A one-armed man got the drop on you?”
“I don't think he's fully recovered yet,” offered Drimblerod.
Grimbledung's eyes got large. “Wah.... wah... wah!” he said as he pointed at the window.
“Yes, Grim; we'll have to get the window fixed,” Drimblerod reassured him. He moved beside his partner. “It's not that big a deal.”
“Bah... bah... bah!” Said Grimbledung.
“I don't think he's fully recovered yet,” said Drimblerod again. “Mayhap he needs to lay down for a little bit. Someone should send for the doc just to make sure he’s OK.”
“He’s fine,” assured Akita. “Just lie down...”
“Bah.. bah... BACK!” Interrupted Grimbledung.
“On your back is fine, I suppose.” Drimblerod patted his shoulder.
“Gah!” Grimbledung scooted backward.
Akita looked to his right and raised an eyebrow. Edward was standing there, rock still. He had a Pipe of Unobtrusiveness in his mouth. He looked at Akita, eyes wide. “Relax, Grim. I’m sure there’re witnesses that can...”
“Grimbledung, you're fine. You just need to relax.” Drimblerod interrupted as he stood up. “I'll get the stools I just bought so we can all sit down and talk this through nice and calm like.” He turned towards the door. His eyes flew wide and he stumbled back to sit on his butt beside his partner.
Semfeld was standing there holding a stool. He was also holding a wand.
Liverioso had the other stool. He seemed to have a wand as well. Garibaldis’ wand to be exact.
Neither looked particularly happy about the whole situation- whether it was because they were having to deal with the Gnomes, or, conversely, they were having to deal with the Gnomes...
“Bah... bah... back! They’re baaaack!” Said Grimbledung.
Akita gestured toward the door with his snout at Edward. “Talk to ya later, Ed” He said under his breath.
Edward nodded as he quickly moved to the door.
“Pick up a nervous twitch, Constable?” Chéri seemed to be smiling. And holding two miniature crossbows. Loaded miniature crossbows. Their polished silver bolts gleamed in the light pouring in through the space that once held a window. “Constable Akita Finnish. How not nice to see you again…” Began Chéri.
Maca stepped into the open space where the window had been earlier that day. No one noticed her.
“Akita?” Asked Liverioso as he looked at the Constable. “Akita Finnish? By any chance was Spit…”
Chéri pointed one of her crossbows at Liverioso to quiet him. “Shut UP!” She didn’t even look at the Magician; her eyes were trained on the Werewolf. She was well aware of his abilities and speed. That awareness had guided her in her very specific weapon purchase. “We’ll go with Drimblerod’s idea. Let's all sit down and talk this through.” She aimed the other miniature crossbow at Akita. “Brought you something,” she said as she pulled the trigger, sending the miniature silver bolt directly at Akita’s heart.
Liverioso gaped. “Stop!” The one flicker of hope he had to find his beloved was being snuffed out right before his eyes.
Akita lurched backward as the small bow straightened, hurling the silver bolt at him. He had no time for any other reaction.
“No.” Said Maca. The walls shuddered at the command as it thundered through the shop.
The bolt stopped mere inches from Akita’s heart, hovering in mid-air.
Everyone turned to look.
Chapter 5
If Maca Ain’t Happy, Ai
n’t Nobody Happy
The crossbow bolt clattered to the floor. “No,” said Maca again. This time quieter.
Chéri spun around, training her other miniature crossbow at her. “Stay out of this,” she warned the interloper. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with.”
Colossus stepped around the curtain that was still in the same place it had been earlier that day. No one noticed him.
Maca grew three feet in height and her body burst into flames. The heat emanating from her seemed to rival a volcano. Even so, her eyes glowed brighter and hotter than the rest of her. The paint on Door started to blister. It opened in a vain attempt to get some distance between it and the conflagration that was Maca. “No, you have no idea.” She thundered. Maca raised her hand toward the foolish female that had dared to try and take Akita - her Akita - from her. “Not that you’ll ever have another one.” Her voice rumbled out of her like thunder on the Great Shambler Plains. Her eyes narrowed into slits that were as bright as the sun before it dipped below the horizon. Alarmingly, she developed fiery wings. And horns. She was, for all intents and purposes, an eight foot tall, aflame dragon. Minus the tail. “It will be as if you never...”
“Chéri!”
Chéri spun from the apparent Demon (or whatever it was) when she heard her name come from a familiar voice. “Colossus?” It was! Ignoring all else, she bolted to Colossus - her Colossus - who was moving towards her, arms outstretched.
Maca, unsure of how to deal with the recent actions of the female that she was just about to remove from existence, watched as she and the Halfling embraced.
In fact, everyone did.
Colossus picked Chéri - his Chéri - off the ground and spun her around before lowering her. Their lips met and between kisses, each uttered the other’s name breathlessly.
“Uhm...” said Akita. He looked at Semfeld and Liverioso for help.
“Long lost love,” offered Semfeld.
Liverioso nodded. Because it was. He wiped a tear from his eye.
Akita looked down at the bolt at his feet then to Maca, who still looked like the interior of the Great Volcano of Cristal, on the Halfling Steppes. Except with wings. “Uhm...” he tried again.
“Get a room you two!” Said Grimbledung as he got to his feet. “I mean, honestly. This here is a respectable...”
He was interrupted as Drimblerod slapped his ear. “Hush!” He too wiped away a tear.
Chéri stopped kissing the Halfling and looked at the group before her. “This is Colossus.”
“We heard”
Grimbledung nodded at Semfeld. “Several times, in fact.”
Akita was still looking at the female flaming maelstrom he was very interested in as a dinner (and possibly for a good while after dinner) companion. “Maca?” He said. “Are you... alright?”
Maca lowered her hand as the flames subsided and she returned to her normal height. Even with the heat she had given off, her clothes seemed none the worse for wear. “Sorry, I was.” She smiled sheepishly. “Worried for you.”
“Is that what that was?” Akita let his tongue hang out one side of his mouth. “No one’s ever looked that worried for me.”
“Hey, wait a grain of sand,” interrupted Grimbledung. “What is going on here?”
Colossus exhaled loudly. “This is Chéri. She’s the one I’ve been waiting to come back.”
“Right, right. I got that,” said Grimbledung, “I was there when she accidentally fell...”
“Accidentally?”
Grimbledung ignored the Gnomess, “... fell into the Abysmal Box right before we found out she was tryin’ to kill Drimblerod and me.” He blinked. “But mainly me...”
“Well, that was business...” Tried Chéri.
“...and now she was trying to kill Akita just a moment ago,” Grimbledung pressed on. “And that, I have to tell you, isn’t very neighborly. And...” He stopped and gaped at Maca, “And, what in the lands are you?”
Maca didn’t make eye contact with Grimbledung. It wasn’t something she wanted to discuss publicly. At least not until Akita was informed properly.
“I think we should all sit down and talk this over,” offered Chéri. She put her arm around Colossus. “Nice and peaceful like.”
Maca nodded. “I agree.” She looked at the Gnomess, “So I suggest you keep your weapons stowed...” She trailed off, leaving the threat to be conveyed by her appearance just moments before.
Chéri nodded. “Agreed.” She looked at Colossus. “Colossus?”
Colossus nodded at her. “I have already made that agreement and abide by it still.” He pointed to the two magicians, “Bring those two stools over.”
As the pair moved to the counter, Nulu ran through the broken window of the shop, please-stick in hand. She skidded to a stop behind the two men. “What is going on here?”
Akita raised a paw at her, “It’s under control Nulu.” He looked at the now-crowded shop, “Really it is.”
Nulu looked at the group. “Who are all these folks?”
Grimbledung pointed at the two humans “They’re Semfeld and Liverioso. They’re Magician Guild enforcers who came back to kill me for sending them to the Great Sandy Desert. Twice.”
The pair nodded. It was an accurate summary.
“And that there is Chéri. She’s an assassin the Great Halfling Empire hired to kill me.”
Chéri gave a meek shrug. It was also fairly accurate.
“That there is Colossus. He wants me dead as well, I think.” He pointed at the Halfling.
Colossus nodded almost too quickly. When he realized it, he gave a shrug.
“That there is Akita. He’s the constable.”
Everyone stared at Grimbledung.
“He’s doing a fine job. Except for the part where we just got robbed,” he tut-tutted. “Bad form, that.” He pointed at his partner. “Let’s see. This is Drimblerod Axebreath. Co-owner of Second-Hand Sorcery and a good natured Gnome when all is said and done.”
“Grim...” Began Nulu.
“Maca over there, well I’m not really sure what she is, but I think she’s on our side so that’s a good thing. Considering recent events.”
Maca nodded, because she was. Or at the very least, she was on Akita’s side.
“And I’m Grimbledung. Grimbledung Sixtoes esquire, that is. I’m an average Gnome. Of no eccentric whim, who likes to live his life, free of strife, doing whatever he thinks is best for him.” Grimbledung put his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels. “Oh yes, I'm a quiet living Gnome, who prefers to spend the evenings in the silence of his room; who likes an atmosphere as restful as an undiscovered tomb.”
Nulu cleared her throat.
“Oh, sorry!” Grimbledung continued: “And you’re Nulu Bentknees, of course. The delectable owner of the Duck Inn and Dine.” He smiled broadly. “How’d I do?”
Chéri shook her head. “You’re weird even for a Gnome.”
Everyone nodded.
“Delectable?”
Grimbledung hopped. “Say! Why don’t we discuss this over lunch? I’m famished you know.”
“Grim...” Nulu let the end of her please stick fall to the floor. “I don’t see...” She began. Fruitlessly.
Grimbledung nodded at Nulu, “I agree! I don’t see how we’re going to have a discussion without a meal and you know if you’re going to have a discussion, you shouldn’t do it on an empty stomach because it’s hard to make decisions when you’re thinking about your belly instead of what you’re talking about and that could happen if you’re hungry when you’re talking which I kind of am at the moment because all I’ve had is a bunch of beer today and I’d hate...
“GRIMBLEDUNG!”
Grimbledung ducked. “What, Colossus?”
“I say we move to the Duck Inn and Dine to discuss the matters at hand.”
“And eat?”
“Yes, Grim. We can get a bite,” assured Drimblerod. “As long as everyone is on their best behavior while we�
�re there.”
Nods all around ensured that at least while they were eating, there wouldn’t be any issues.
“Well, I’ll throw an enchantment to block up this hole until we get some carpenters over here to repair it. Maybe Pinky can send over a couple...” Drimblerod continued as he appraised the damage.
“Starving...”
Chéri shoved Grimbledung towards the door. “Honestly. I mean, honestly.” She eyed Drimblerod, “Is he always like this?”
Drimblerod drew his wand. “Well, I have to say that lately...” He shrugged. “Yes. Yes he is.”
With Grimbledung in the lead, they all left the shop to make their way to the Duck Inn and Dine to discuss the matters at hand.
“And eat.” Reminded Grimbledung.
And eat.
Chapter 6
A Walk and a Hire
As the group made their way down the street, Grimbledung moved back and forth in front of them, extolling the virtues of a healthy diet of seven meals a day. He was walking backward when he turned a corner and ran into a trio of Halflings coming the other way. The middle one shoved him forward and he stumbled into Drimblerod. “Watch where you’re going, you stupid Gnome.”
“Hey now! I can’t watch where I’m going walking backwards, you know.”
The Halfling drew his sword. “How about I make a hole all the way through your head so then you can see out the back?”
Colossus stepped forward. “Stow that weapon, soldier,” he ordered.
“Who are you?” The Halfling on the left said. He put his hand on his sword.
The rest of the group made its way around the corner, crowding the Halflings. The third Halfling drew his weapon.
“I’m Corporal Colossus. Clan of the Black Hand. He pulled his sleeve up to show the brand on his right forearm. And the war is over.” He put his hand on his sword hilt. “Over.”
The Halflings sheathed their weapons. The absurdly overwhelming exploits of the Clan of the Black Hand were legendary. “Over?”
“Did we win?” Asked the one on the left.
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 3