Colossus looked at the group behind him. “Let’s just say it was a draw in this area.”
All three Halflings frowned.
“Well that stinks; a draw is like kissing you sister,” said Grimbledung.
The Halflings nodded. Because it was..
“So what are we doing now?” Asked center Halfling. “Pillaging?”
“Taking prisoners?” Offered the first.
“Razing?” Tried the third.
All three were considered viable options after a war.
Colossus shook his head. “We’re getting along with each other is what we’re doing.” He gestured at the group accompanying him. “Everyone’s getting along.”
“Never tried that before,” offered the center Halfling. “What’s that like?”
“It works out real well if you put some effort into it,” suggested Nulu.
“Give it a try,” said Colossus. It really didn’t sound like a suggestion.
“Yes, Corporal,” said the center Halfling. They all saluted smartly and continued on their way.
Akita kept quiet through the entire exchange. From past experiences with Halfling, he was prepared to knock the center one on the ground as he broke the left one’s neck. His plans for the one of the right involved crushing his windpipe as he stomped on the center one’s head. Colossus seemed to have found a more peaceful solution. “Nicely done,” he offered as they all continued towards the Duck Inn and Dine.
“Right? You’re a natural at that, Col!” Grimbledung put his arm around Colossus’ shoulder. “Mind if I call you Col?”
Colossus opened his mouth to say that in no uncertain terms, it was NOT all right for the Gnome to shorten his majestic name to merely ‘Col’.
“Natural, I say,” continued Grimbledung before Colossus could speak. “Why, you should hit up old Akita for a job as deputy. I imagine he would have just killed those three right there in the street...”
Akita didn’t make eye contact with Grimbledung. “Well, in my defense...”
“... and you ended it nice and peaceful like. Having you around to deal with them Halflings for the near future is something to consider. Right Col?” Grimbledung grinned at the Halfling as he squeezed his shoulder.
Colossus shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on staying around town that long.” He looked at Chéri. “I’ve got other plans.”
Grimbledung pulled him closer to Chéri and put his other arm around her. He hugged them both tightly as they walked. “Oh pushaw! Hang around for a while. It’ll be fun. It’ll be fun.” He began to singsong it: “It’ll be fun. It’ll be fun! It’ll be fun. Fun, fun fun!” He sing-songed as they walked. Continuously.
Colossus had just decided to go back on his word and cut the obnoxious Gnome down right then and there when they arrived at the Trolless’ tavern.
Grimbledung smiled as he opened the door for everyone to enter. “If you please...” He gave a short bow.
Nulu rolled her eyes at him as she went in. “You daft Gnome. You really want that Halfling hanging around town?”
“I dunno. You’d think with other Halflings out causing trouble, we could use one on our payroll, right?”
Nulu considered that. “I suppose temporarily that would be worthwhile.” She looked as the group made their way through the curtain and towards the bar. “Temporarily.”
“Right, right. He can work half days or something.”
Nulu shook her head; she didn’t want to explain the difference between temporary and part time in the street. She wasn’t sure she wanted to do it once they were inside either. “Let’s go.” She raised an eyebrow at the Gnome. “And get something to eat.”
“Woo!” Grimbledung hopped back and forth. “Great idea! Go, go!” He pointed into the establishment. “Thataway!”
As the group sat down at a table, Nulu moved to the kitchen to have two platters of meats and cheeses put together for them. She pulled her bartender to the side. “Wil, drinks on that table need to be watered down. I don’t want any of them getting tipsy and losing control.” She considered that for a moment. “In fact, just bring them mead.”
Wil nodded as he moved behind the bar and placed several mugs on a large tray. He filled three carafes with mead from one of the barrels behind the bar and made his way to the table.
The group ate and drank (only mead) as they talked.
Nulu hovered at the bar in order to keep a close eye on the group that had pulled two large tables together to eat and have what would hopefully be a productive, non-violent, discussion. So far so good, she thought as she re-wiped the mugs in front of her for the third time. She fought furiously trying to restrain herself from just moving to the table and sitting down.
“Mead? Really?” Said Grimbledung. At Nulu.
Nulu ignored him.
Chapter 7
Makuna Hah-Tatá?
“All right,” said Drimblerod as the group nibbled on the remnants of meat and cheese (and of course, fresh baked crusty bread). “I think there have been a few misunderstandings and actions by all parties that I think have escalated this entire affair more than it should have.”
Grimbledung nodded. “You people are out of control, says I.” He waved a piece of cheese at the group. “I mean, I’m just trying to get along in life, minding my own business, not doing anything to anyone, when all of a sudden...” Grimbledung paused. Everyone was looking at him. With a smile, he continued, “And some magician guild enforcers show up and are upset with stuff I had no hand in whatsoever. I mean all that stuff was in place before I got here. All I brought was a plain and simple rat. Then I’m ordered by the Constable to send them away. Twice, even. Then Buttons here, shows up and she’s trying to...”
“Grim,” interjected Drimblerod.
“... and I mean, I don’t care if the Halflings want to invade; it wasn’t me that caused a ruckus over that. I was just happy to be waking up every morning. Happy to see the new sun show up.”
“Uhm, Grimbledung,” tried Drimblerod again.
“... I’m a live and let live kind of Gnome.” He pointed at his partner. “He can vouch for me, I imagine. After all, all those mechanimated items are his. And I’m sure the Constable would be glad to tell you it was him who told me to teleport those two far away. Glad, I tell you...”
“Grim,” tried Akita.
“... if you’re going to blame anyone, I’d suggest anyone but me.” He waggled his ears.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the least helpful monologue of the meal.” Drimblerod gestured at his partner who had returned to eating.
Chéri shook her head. “Listen, I was given a job to do. It wasn’t personal. And now that the job has been called off.” She looked at Colossus, “And I’ve found Colossus, I don’t have any issues with any of you folks”.
Grimbledung nodded as he drank.
Mead.
Colossus put his arm around Chéri. “And as we agreed, I’d wait here and follow your town ordinances until my Chéri returned. I’ve done that, so I feel that our agreement is complete.” He looked at the Gnomess. “I think we should be on our way.”
Drimblerod put his hands on the table. “Well, I have to tell you that that’s good to hear. I’m glad we can work through this without any displays of violence.” He glanced at Maca. “And we’ve had some displays, I can tell you.”
Maca waved her hand dismissively and picked up her mug. “You think that was a display? Just you wait.” Grimbledung clinked his mug against hers and they both drank deeply.
“Well, I’m glad we were able to resolve that,” said Chéri. She looked down at her plate. “But, there’s one thing still.”
Colossus leaned in to her, “What’s that, dearest?”
“I hate to even mention it, considering the source of the suggestion.” She eyed Grimbledung. He was rolling a piece of meat around a sliver of cheese.
Colossus nodded, understanding what his beloved was suggesting. “Well, with how everything has gone with the inv
asion and such, it may be best if we do remain in town for a while. Until we get settled.” He looked at Akita. “And if you would like me to help keep the peace until the Halflings in the area get the word, I think that would be fine by me.” He looked at Chéri. “By us.”
“After that incident with the three Halflings, I suppose I could use someone with authority that those wayward raiding parties working with old orders would recognize.” Akita thought for a moment. “And since I don’t have to have a vote on who I hire as deputies, I can make that happen today.”
“Now we just need a place to stay until we get some money forwarded from my guild,” said Chéri. “That might take a month or two with how things are.”
Semfeld cleared his throat. “Now that you mention it, we are also in need of a place to stay while we try to get back in good standing with the Magician’s Guild.”
Liverioso nodded.
“So you’re all interested in staying in town?” Drimblerod repeated loud enough for Nulu to hear easily. He motioned with his head for her to come over.
She looked in their direction as she put down a highly polished mug. With a nod, she moved to the table and stood behind Drimblerod.
“Well, then I suggest we do what the Giants do when they have a situation like this...” Interjected Grimbledung.
“Squash everyone smaller than them?” Said Drimblerod. From his experience, that was their go-to solution to most every problem.
“No, they have this phrase...”
“A phrase?” Nulu raised an eyebrow; she knew a few Giants and had never heard of such a thing.
“Well, it’s more like their trouble-free philosophy.”
“I’m afraid to ask,” said Nulu.
“Unter der Shutz der Dunkleheit doesn’t really apply, Grim.” Drimblerod frowned. “I don’t think it really applies any time you try to use it.”
“That’s Dwarves,” corrected Grimbledung. “Giants use this one to be happy all their days.”
“Here we go,” Nulu looked at Grimbledung. “What’s this so-called phrase?”
“It’s really a wonderful phrase” He nodded knowingly at his partner.
Everyone looked at Grimbledung. With a smile he continued: “It’s Makuna Hah- tatá, of course.”
“Somehow I knew there’d be a ta-ta in there someplace,” said Nulu.
“And it’s no passing craze, I tell you.”
“Do tell,” said Semfeld.
“It means to put your behinds in your past.”
“And a butt in it just for good measure...” Drimblerod looked up at Nulu for help. “Thanks Grim.”
Grimbledung waggled his ears as he popped the rolled up morsel into his mouth.
“Well, moving on to something more helpful,” said Nulu as she leaned forward on Drimblerod’s chair. “So you folks are really interested in hanging about?” She glanced at Akita to get his opinion.
“It’s a free town and all,” said Akita, “and if I have your assurances that you’re just in town to act like townsfolk, you’ll not get any pushback from me”.
“Really?” Chéri said with surprise. She was expecting some pushback from the authorities in town since until recently the group was, each in their own way, trying to destroy the place or kill certain citizens. Especially since they also happened to be sitting around the table.
Akita let his tongue hang from the side of his mouth. “The more folks in town payin’ taxes, the higher my salary can go.” He picked up his mug and toasted everyone around the table. “I’m all for that.”
Nulu moved around a chair and sat. “Well, if you’re staying in town and need a place to stay until you get settled, I’ll rent you a room on the cheap.” She raised an eyebrow. “As long as you behave yourselves.”
Semfeld and Liverioso nodded.
“And you can pay for the room at some point in the near future.”
Semfeld and Liverioso frowned.
Chéri nodded at the Trolless. “If you have a room for the two of us, I...” She hesitated. “That is... if you’ll let us...”
“If you have the money, I have a room.” She smiled. “As you can tell by the group of folk I associate with, racial boundaries aren’t a concern.”
Chéri smiled as she looked down at the table. The strangers that I was planning on killing are more accommodating and understanding than my own family, she thought. “That’s awfully nice.”
Colossus put his arm back around her. He knew what she was thinking; he was thinking the same thing.
Nulu raised an eyebrow at the two Humans. “I have a feeling you have no money.”
“Well, we’re out of the guild so as far as income is concerned, we’re kind of out of luck.”
“There’s other things you can do, right?” Nulu frowned. “I mean, what do Magicians do besides extort people for money?”
“Thaay now, I’ll have you know...” Began Liverioso. He stopped because that was, after all was said and done, their primary means of making money.
“We can provide other services as well,” offered Semfeld. “There’s pest control, minor weather issues, and the sales of novelties.”
“Novelties? What’s a novelty?” Asked Grimbledung.
“All thorts of things. Magic Marbles for example...”
“Magic Marbles!” Grimbledung slammed his mug onto the table. “I’m all out!”
Chéri shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
More interested in making money than anything else, Liverioso ignored her, “Thure. We can magic up a bunch of those. And Swizzle Sticks even.”
“Swizzle whaaaat?”
“We’ll show you,” said Semfeld. “Plus we can always put on a magic show.”
“You’ll need to talk to Big Julie about that,” warned Nulu.
The pair nodded
“But, that will take time to generate some income.”
Chéri nodded toward the pair. “I will cover their expenses until they get on their feet, Nulu.”
Liverioso’s eyes got large.
So did Semfeld’s. “Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you accept. Friends help friends when they’re in trouble. Whether they’re tied up by Pics, Orcs, or even a little short of coinage.”
Nulu nodded. “Well, if you can’t trust an assassin’s word, we’ve got bigger troubles. That works for me.”
“Uh oh,” said Maca as she looked at the ceiling.
“What now?” Nulu asked worried.
Maca stood. “Sorry, folks; I’ve got a potion brewing and my mortar says I need to tend it.” She gave a quick bow then hurried out.
“Well that was odd.” Nulu glanced at Akita. “What’ve you gotten yourself into?”
Akita shrugged. “It’s for...” He gestured his head at Grimbledung. “You know what for you know who...”
“Back on task!” Grimbledung clapped his hands together once. “So it’s settled. Those two get to hang out until something comes up,” he pointed at Chéri and Colossus. “And those two will make me Magic Marbles.” He pointed at the two Magicians. “And...”
“We’ll see, Grim,” said Drimblerod. “Let’s let everyone get settled first.”
“Right. And we should see about trying to get the word out to any bands of Halflings that are out and about, that the hostilities are over,” said Colossus.
“We could hold a big gathering,” said Chéri, “invite folks from all around and let them all know. That way we could get the word out all at once.”
“That’s going to bring everyone here? We could just put up signs,” suggested Drimblerod.
“Make it an end of hostilities celebration. Have food and drinks and maybe some musicians,” began Chéri. “I’m sure that if you pitched it like...”
Grimbledung bolted to his feet. He grabbed Chéri’s face and kissed her loudly on the lips on his way up. When he was standing, he thrust his hands in the air. “A jamboree!” He did a little jig. “Oooooh, I’ve got some ideas t
hat will make it the bestest jamboree Julesville has ever seen!”
“Grimbledung...” began Nulu.
“Oh, it’ll be great. We’ll have a band and a bunch of food. And a nice fire to roast...”
Nulu threw a roll at Grimbledung. Hard. “Akita?”
“I hereby order you to not be involved in any of the planning of any event that is to take place within township limits.” He pointed her finger at Grimbledung. “Not. Involved. At. All.” He narrowed his glowing eyes. “Under penalty of incarceration.”
“But I was thinking that if we perchance had, maybe, a bonfire to roast Marsh Mall...”
Drimblerod slapped his partner’s ear. “Not another word out of you.”
Grimbledung sat down. “Rolton chips.”
Chéri glanced at Grimbledung. “You kiss me again you crazy Gnome and...”
Rat ran up to the table, making it in a single bound. He skidded across the table, knocking over two mugs as he went. He stopped as he hit a plate. “There’s trouble!” He began as he looked around the table. “Those Enforcers and that Assass...” He sat down. “So I missed it all?”
“Where’ve you been Rat?”
Rat twitched his whiskers at Grimbledung. “Well, I think I might have taken a nap earlier today while up on a rooftop.” He thought hard. Something else had happened but those events escaped him. “I’m pretty sure that was it.” He looked around the table. “So I missed it all?”
“You missed it, all right. But everything is going to work out just fine. I mean, how could this not work out?” Said Grimbledung. “All these folk who wanted us dead are all in town at the same time, claiming they’re going to behave,” he continued. “I mean, there’s no way this won’t work out! Right?
“I suppose not,” said Rat. “Well, I guess I’ll get back. Door seems pretty shook up.” Rat looked around the table at the food. “You know there’s a big hole where that window in the shoppe used to be, right?”
“Sure, sure,” assured Grimbledung. “How would we not know?”
Rat shrugged. “Fine then.” He grabbed a large hunk of cheese in his mouth, hopped off the table, and scrambled for the door.
“Ooooh! I can’t wait to tell Big Julie the good news and about the jambor... I mean about these folks making amends!” Grimbledung hopped up from his chair, and took a handful of meat and his mug from the table.
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 4