A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4)

by Robert P. Wills

  Dummy gave a thumbs up.

  “...but Door seems to be unaffiliated, so it could fit that bill,” suggested Grimbledung. “And there’s a couple of pots that I think are kind of effeminate.” He leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially, “That double-boiler especially.”

  Mantodea shook her head in what she hoped was a sultry manner. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “No?”

  “Well, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single Gnome in possession of a successful business must be in want of a wife.”

  “Really?”

  She batted her eyebrows. “Really.”

  “I don’t think I can handle the truth.”

  “You can’t handle the truth?”

  “Well, present company excepted, of course.” Grimbledung waggled his ears.

  Mantodea frowned. Her plan involved a willing participant to give her full access to their business in writing before killing them. With Grimbledung, she was prepared to make an exception. “Seriously; you know what I mean, right?”

  Grimbledung nodded. “Sure, sure. I was just teasing,” he lied. He had no idea what she was talking about. “So, that sounds like a plan then?” He fished.

  Mantodea nodded. “It does to me.”

  He frowned. The ‘sounds like a plan’ line usually provided him with enough of the details he missed from not paying attention to get him back on track. Since it hadn’t, Grimbledung tried it again. “Well, that does sound like a plan, then.”

  Mantodea stared at the Gnome. She was looking forward to killing the obviously, painfully, annoyingly unaware dolt.

  Grimbledung smiled at her. Then waggled his ears.

  Sealing his doom.

  The bell above Door jingled.

  “Who could that be at such a late hour?” Drimblerod looked at his partner. “You invite someone else over?”

  “I don’t even recall inviting these two over!”

  “Go see who it is while I finish up the tour down here so we can go get a bite to eat.”

  Grimbledung nodded and ducked under the curtain. Rat was sitting on the counter. “Are you supposed to be back already?”

  Rat was sitting on the counter. “Can I get that copper after all? I’m getting hungry and I think those little street urchins are in bed or wherever they sleep so I should be safe carrying it.” He waggled his whiskers. “So how are things going?”

  “So far so good I suppose. Drim’s giving a tour that’s almost over so we can get a snack upstairs.” A thought occurred to him as he pulled out the coin drawer. “Say- what got delivered?”

  Chapter 31

  Keep Calm...

  and Black Widow On?

  Rat looked from the Gnome to the backroom and back again. He knew that Drimblerod usually got furious with his partner’s antics and Magic Marbles added to the mix would definitely cause those aforementioned antics. He was torn between ordering him to the back room to his guests or continuing the conversation. Both would provide entertainment in their own way. Providing one more answer wouldn’t make any difference to him since he was leaving and would miss the show either way. So he gave it: “Semfeld’s Magic Marbles, of course.”

  “Magic marbles!!”

  Rat pointed at the box as Grimbledung handed him a copper coin. “I’d leave them there until the gals are gone,” he said with the last shred of ethics he had left. Being a rat, he didn’t have a lot to start with.

  Grimbledung lifted the lid on the well-oiled leather box. It had a bunch of marbles in it. He thrust his hands in the air and did a little hop. “Whoo hoo! The Magic Marbles are here! The Magic Marbles are here!” He grabbed a handful of marbles.

  “Do not bring a single one of those back here!” Drimblerod called out to his partner. “AND GET BACK HERE YOURSELF!” he bellowed.

  Grimbledung put the handful of marbles he had in his hands back in the box. “I haven’t even taken them out!” He picked up the entire box and made for the back of the shop, giggling as he went.

  “Wanna see what I got? Wanna see what I got?” Grimbledung asked excitedly as he ducked past the curtain. He kept the box behind his back as he entered the room.

  “Not a chance. Besides, I’m still giving the tour to the ladies,” snapped Drimblerod. “As I was saying. Dummy helps us test wands using this box.” He pointed at the Abyssmal Box. The lid was clamped shut.

  “How does he test wands with that box?” Mantodea asked genuinely interested. It was a most unusual arrangement; something that might fetch a large profit if they could be sold as a set. “What’s in the box?”

  “Wanna see now?” asked Grimbledung. He moved beside Bextra, box still behind his back. “Wanna see?” He whispered in her ear.

  “Not now!” Drimblerod frowned at his partner. “We can take a peek at them as we go upstairs. Let me just finish back here first.” He took several breaths to regain his composure. “So Dummy here takes the wands that we either trade for, purchase outright, or find ourselves and he waves them at this.” Drimblerod popped opened the lid of the Abyssmal Box then moved back beside Dummy.

  Grimbledung leaned in close to Bextra. “Wanna take a peek?” He whispered.

  Not sure how it worked. Or even what was worth, Mantodea moved closer to the box. “What is it then?”

  “Want me to show you how it works?” Grimbledung moved forward hurriedly, passing the box to Bextra as he went.

  “I’m giving the tour, Grim,” snapped Drimblerod as he turned to fetch a wand from the bin beside Dummy. “Just stay back.”

  “Well, can I at least tell them what came?” he whined.

  Drimblerod stopped and exhaled angrily. He turned to face his partner, “Fine, Grim. Tell the ladies what came so I can get on with the explanation.”

  “Marbles!”

  “Marbles?” Asked Bextra as she opened the box. True enough- it seemed to hold a large amount of glass marbles.

  “Magic Marbles!”

  “These are magic?” Bextra peered into the box. The marbles did seem to have a strange luminescence.

  “They sure are. Heaping full of it even!”

  “What’re you going to do with magic marbles?” Bextra peered closer into the box as she stepped forward.

  “I have a bad feeling about this…” Offered Mantodea, “I’ve heard that those things are really unstable and tend to have unexpected misfires.”

  Drimblerod nodded at her. “That’s usually the case with Grimbledung as well. Having them both together never seems to end well.” He turned to face his partner, “Tell me you didn’t bring them back here after I told you not to”.

  “You said not to bring a single one back, so I brought all of them instead.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Why are you trying to put us all in danger?”

  “Why would I do that?” Grimbledung winked slyly, “In my defense, I have to say it turned all out for the best last time, didn’t it?"

  “I can’t imagine folk buying magic marbles,” said Bextra. She took another step forward.

  “I’d like a Magic Marble,” said Mantodea as she turned directly in front of the Abyssmal Box. It would give her something to shove down Grimbledung’s throat. It would be far easier to convince a doctor that he had choked on it. And it wouldn’t leave bruises on his neck.

  Dummy covered his eyes.

  “Ooooh! See? Mantodea wants one!” Grimbledung walked forward excitedly, bumping Bextra as he moved to the other Dwarfess. “You need to take two because they’re two for a copper. I can’t rightly break a copper coin.”

  “Let me show them how the Abyssmal Box works first,” said Drimblerod at the same time. He turned to fetch an unsorted wand from the bin beside Dummy. He took a Traveler’s Emberstick from the bin and turned. Time seemed to slow as he did so.

  Dummy peeked through his mitt hands.

  Drimblerod saw his partner bump Bextra. His Bextra as he made past her. She lost her grip on the box of marbles and it dropped from her hands. Mantodea
kept her eyes on the box as it fell. Neither Dwarfess was looking at the other; they both had their eyes on the leather box as it fell.

  The box hit the floor and marbles scattered noisily in all directions since the lid was open.

  Mantodea took a step forward, away from the Abyssmal Box, directly onto a marble.

  Drimblerod gaped as Mantodea lost her balance as she stepped on several of the now clattering (in slow motion) marbles, losing her balance. Mantodea stuck her arms out in an attempt to regain her footing.

  The Magic Marbles were having no part in it.

  Grimbledung stumbled on a marble and bumped Mantodea, sending her reeling backwards. “Wooopppsssss,” he said in slow motion.

  Mantodea turned to look at Grimbledung, “Wwwwhhhhaaaatt?” She was now looking at him instead of the rolling marbles as she fell backward.

  Drimblerod gawped as Bextra stepped on several of the now clattering (still in slow motion) marbles, losing her balance as well. She stumbled forward just as Mantodea’s head disappeared into the Abyssmal Box.

  “Looook oooooouuuuuttt!’ said Grimbledung as he reached for Mantodea. With two marbles under his foot, he skidded in place and dropped onto his butt. Mantodea was now upended and falling into the Abyssmal Box. She was currently up to her waist in the swirling colors.

  “Noooooooo!” said Drimblerod, completely out of range to do anything as the world suddenly jumped to normal speed.

  Grimbledung sat down hard, putting his hands down to break his fall. Directly under the Abyssmal Box

  Bextra continued her forward motion forward and grabbed one of her partner’s feet before it disappeared. “Gotcha!” she said.

  “Don’t let go, Bextra!” Grimbledung said. “Don’t let go!” He put his hands under him to try to stand up. As he did so he pulled up his knees, pushing several more marbles under Bextra’s feet. She slipped forward, hitting her legs on Grimbledung’s knees, practically doing a forward dive into the box.

  Grimbledung ineffectually grabbed for her feet as they went over his head.

  “GRAB HER!” Drimblerod begged. He hurried forward to try to help.

  It was too late.

  Bextra’s feet disappeared into the box.

  Grimbledung looked up at the Abyssmal Box. There was no indication of anything having transpired; the colors swirled downward as they always did. “Wooopsie,” he offered.

  “Not again!”

  “Don’t worry, partner,” said Grimbledung as he finally got to his feet.

  “WOOOPSIE?” Drimblerod stumbled back and sat hard. “You toss yet another female that I’m interested in into that infernal box and all you can say is ‘wooopsie’?”

  Grimbledung sat up. “Well, she’s probably not dead. Here let me take a look see. Maybe she’s stuck just inside the box. Or both are, even.” He stood up and moved to the box.

  “Sure. Because that’s what happened last time.”

  “Well, there’s always a chance.” Grimbledung took a firm hold of both sides of the box and plunged his head into the swirling colors.

  As his head moved through the swirling colors, he heard sounds of breaking glass, tearing fabric, erupting volcanoes. The usual cacophony of sounds. Abruptly, they all stopped and his head was in cool clear air. A brisk breeze pushed his ears back and forth. He looked around cautiously.

  Mantodea and Bextra were nowhere in sight.

  He looked down. Far, far below was, surprisingly enough,a very large town. A large quaint looking town. With what seemed to be a large river running through it. There were crops growing and a large dark forest nearby as well. It has been a while since I’ve stuck my head in here, he thought. “CLEAN UP THIS MESS!” He bellowed down at the town. He would have waggled his ears, but Drimblerod seemed to be kicking him.

  Grimbledung pulled his head past the breaking glass, tearing fabric, and volcano sounds. “Nope,” he said flatly. “The good news is that there’s now a really quaint looking town going on down there. They should be just fine there, I would imagine.” He considered that for a moment. “If the gals survive the fall, that is.”

  Drimblerod kicked his partner again. “What in the lands is wrong with you?”

  “Wow, I am really most sincerely sorry about that Drimblerod, really I am,” said Grimbledung. “Really most sincerely.

  “Really? You’re sorry?” Said Drimblerod. He pulled his foot back to kick his partner again, but then decided against it. “Just like last time?”

  “Sure!” He snapped his fingers. “You know, maybe we’ll run into them if we ever take a trip out to the Great Salty Ocean. I really think that town’s out near there. Chéri could confirm that, I imagine.”[19]

  “What are the odds of that?” Asked Drimblerod. “Realistically.”[20]

  “Well, you know with the right amount of motivation, anything is poss...”

  Akita surged through the curtain. “Where’re they at!”

  Drimblerod started crying.

  “Seems we had what they call an accident in the workplace, Akita,” said Grimbledung. He looked around the shop. “You know what we need?”

  Drimblerod put his head on the workbench and continued to sob.

  “What?” Asked Akita, off balance all of a sudden. He was prepared for action with the likes of Mantodea in town. He wasn’t prepared for a sobbing Gnome. And an empty crime scene.

  “Guard rails.”

  Drimblerod looked up, kicked his partner, then returned to crying. Hard. (Both the kick and the crying).

  “Where’d the Dwarf and her partner go?”

  Drimblerod pointed at the box. “They fell in there of course. Any female I’m interested in, Grimbledung manages to toss into there.”

  “Well, in my defense, it turned out that Chéri was planning on killing the both of us,” Grimbledung tut-tutted as he moved out of range of his partner. “So I should get some credit for saving our lives.”

  “Well, that’s a small consolation.” Drimblerod wiped his eyes. “But Bextra was no assassin; she was a businesswoman”. He sniffed deeply. “And she was a most gorgeous Dwarfess who was interested in me.”

  “Well...” Began Akita.

  Drimblerod looked at Akita. “What are you doing here, Akita?”

  Akita shuffled his feet. “Well. I came here to rescue you.” He looked around. “But it seems the gals aren’t here. Anymore, that is.”

  “Rescue us from what?”

  “Well, Mantodea is an infamous Black Widow.”

  “She’s infamous? Is that more than famous?”

  “Sure, I suppose,” said Akita.

  “Wait. And she’ really a spider?” Grimbledung stuck out his tongue. “Good thing I never kissed her.”

  “What do you call that episode back at the farmer’s market?” Drimblerod asked.

  Grimbledung stuck out his tongue. “Eww! I kissed a spider woman!”

  “A Black Widow,” explained Drimblerod, “is a female who marries a male in order to kill them and take their...” Drimblerod gaped at Akita. “Wait a grain of sand!”

  Akita nodded. “Bextra was her partner.”

  “Bextra too?”

  “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Drimblerod, but Mantodea is responsible for the deaths of over a dozen males. Bextra was more into petty theft, but the pair had recently teamed up. So I can only imagine that she had graduated to full blown murderer as well.”

  “You know what this means, Drimblerod?” Grimbledung asked.

  “What?” Asked Akita.

  Grimbledung did a dance. “That means I saved your life again! And...”

  Because I saved you, I’m happy.

  Clap along if you like a room full of Magic Marbles!

  Clap along if you think that Akita told the truth.

  Because I saved you, I’m happy.

  Clap along if you don’t care if the gals come back!

  Because I’m haaaa peeeee!

  Grimbledung, as usual, finished up on one knee, arms over his head, fing
ers waggling furiously.

  “I kinda do care if they come back or not,” remarked Drimblerod. “Maybe I could have reformed her.”

  I’m glad you’re haaaa peeee

  toooo!

  Sang Grimbledung, still on his knee.

  I’m not haaa peee at all,

  you lame brained Gnome!

  Sang Drimblerod. He waggled a finger at his partner. Just one.

  “I can’t believe I ditched Maca for this.” Akita shook his head. He turned and walked out before Grimbledung could make up a second verse. Or Drimblerod, the rest of his. “Singin, sobbin’ Gnomes instead of dinner with Maca. I need my head examined.”

  Drimblerod left soon after Grimbledung’s second verse began because he didn’t want to hear any more about Akita coming over with bad news, talking this and that about ‘the gals’. And also he couldn’t think of the rest of a verse for his song.

  Chapter 32

  It’s a Very Loose End. With a Stool

  Randy sat in the watchtower. Bored. He rocked back and forth on his stool[21]. He had been in it for the past five days and had three more to go. He wished he had brought a pillow as he looked up at the clear sky. There was nothing to see.

  Nothing at all.

  Even though he had accepted what he thought was a hefty three silver coins to take the duty from an acquaintance, he was no longer sure it was a deal in his favor ‘Don’t worry, Flag’, his friend had said. ‘It’s easy money!’

  ‘Thanks Stephen, I owe you’, he had replied since he was in need of the coins.

  Little did he know...

  Boredom threatened him at every passing moment. That and the no longer comfortable stool. The comfort had left within the first hour of his tour. Boredom took until the end of that first day. Sleep was also something that he wasn’t able to do for long periods of time. Records showed that when the Head appeared, it would remain in the sky for anything from about six hours to two weeks. The stool, therefore had been magicked to deliver a shock if the occupant fell asleep for more than four hours at any given time. Furthermore, if the occupant left the stool for more than an hour, the aforementioned shock occurred via a small bolt of lightning. This ensured that whoever was on watch, stayed on watch with only short breaks.