“Who you calling kid, kid?” Says his partner next to him. Angry all of a sudden.
“Listen, kid. I’m calling the kid with the Ember Stick kid, kid.” I say. “Kids.” Oh yeah, I’ll take this conversations to levels of absurdness that will make these kid’s heads spin. That’s ‘cause I’m a professional.
“Who do you think you’re kidding, kid?” He says again.
Here we go.
“Well, I say it’s an Assassin Wand.”
“You can say it’s a white turnip for all I care. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s an EmberStick.” Finally one of the Gnolls comes over. “Finally. I’m starving here,” I say to him. “Starving.”
His hands are back on his hips. Apparently that pose crosses racial boundaries. Then his eyes get large. Real large. He bends over and smells my hair. Real deep. “Heeey.” He says.
Uh oh.
“Hey!” He says again.
Here it comes. My cover is blown. “Grimbledung?”
I narrow my eyes. “I go by Grim. Grim Noir nowadays...,” I trail off. Hoping.
“Bonk.”
Nice. “Bonk. I’m just here having a meal with some of the other kids.” Follow along you Gnoll! “I’m that transfer Big Julie is taking care of.”
“Big Julie?” The kid with the Assassin Wand Ember Stick giggles.
So does the one next to him. He gives his buddy a shove. “Big Julie, right?” He holds his hands out in front of him, hands cupped. “Right?”
Exactly. I press on, “I was hoping I could get something to eat while I’m sitting here bench-racing wands. Seems there’s a lot of action going on with wands around here these days.” He’s got to be able to follow that. I practically drew him a map to what I was saying.
He gives me a wink. Then a grin. “Well, I’ll bring something small over.” Another grin. “A wee bite to eat.”
Great. I’ll be hearing about this for a month.
“And something for your... classmates?”
“That’d be nice, Mister Bonk,” I give him. “Some meat and cheese and bread would go nicely.”
“Nothing with melons, I imagine.”
“Well with my imagination, I think a little...”
He lopes off.
“You talk to the Gnoll brothers?
“Sure, why not?” I say to EmberStick’s pal. “How else you get something to eat around here?”
“You eat what they bring you, stupid. That’s how the meal plan works.”
I pull out my wand. It just happens to be a real Assassin Wand. “What,” I say as I point it at EmberStick, “did you just call me?”
His eyes are trained on the end of my wand. Where it’s starting to glow a deep red. “What’s that thing?”
Amaryllis moves closer so her hip is touching mine. “That’s a really nice wand you have, Grim.” She leans in even closer. “Can I touch it?”
What’s with girls these days? And why weren’t girls like this when I was young?! “This is an...” I pause as I decide that maybe a student having a real Assassin Wand is probably not good for my cover. Of course, if I’m trying to find a wand thief, it’s probably the perfect bait. “Assassin Wand.” I give it a little flick. It goes ‘Ka-Clack’ just like it should. “Of course.”
Ember Stick’s eyes get real big. So do the other two kids’ at the table. They know the real thing when they see it. He puts his wand back in his pocket. “Wow,” he says.
I feel Amaryllis’ arm go behind my back. Low on my back.
Wow.
“How about we go someplace and... you can show me your wand and… talk?” She says to me as smoky as a gal three times her age. Maybe four if that’s even a real thing.
“Wow,” says Ember Stick again. But for a different reason.
I mean, sure Amaryllis is well put together for a young teenagerish female and I can completely understand what old EmberStick and his pals are ‘wowing’, but I’m on a case. And she’s young enough to get me tossed in jail for a long time. Triple digits long. But still... “Sure,” I say. “Let’s go find a quiet spot, you and me.”
I stand up just as Bonk gets back to the table with a tray. I sit back down. Nuts.
“Got ya a samplin’ ,” he says as he slides the edge of the tray onto the table.
You can’t work on an empty stomach, my stomach warns me.
Amaryllis puts out that lower lip. “Aww,” she adds just in case the pout wasn’t enough on its own. She plops back down on the bench.
“Nice!” Says EmberStick. “I never knew we could order off-menu.”
Bonk shakes his head at the kid. “You can’t. This here is a special occasion for...” His voice trails off.
“For what?” Asks the other youth.
“Grim’s birthday, ‘course,” Bonk finished all smooth like.
Nice.
“Happy birthday, Grim,” says Amaryllis. She puts her hand on my arm. The one holding the wand. “Maybe I’ll give you something special later.” There’s that smoky voice again. Finding this girl’s mother is moving higher and higher on my list of things to do.
“Wow,” say all three lads at the table.
“Uhm...” Tries Bonk.
“Well, thanks all,” I say, trying to diffuse this potentially imprisoning situation. “Let’s dig in while the cheese is cool,” I try. I grab a piece of meat and roll some cheese in it. “Thanks very much, Mister Bonk.” I give him a nod.
He narrows his eyes and then looks at Amaryllis and then back at me.
“We’ll have a nice celebration,” I offer. “Right out here in public even.”
He gives me a wary nod and moves off. At least now I know I’ve got the Gnoll brothers watching my back. Nice. I have a Moll, and some Muscle. Now I just need some lackeys. To join Garibaldis, that is.
I put the cheese wrap on a slice of dark bread. As I put it in my mouth I realize that there’s nothing to drink on the table. I start to raise my hand but Amaryllis is still holding that arm. I start to raise my other hand - the one holding a half-eaten piece of bread and cheese, when Bonk slides a pitcher on the table.
“Got some apple juice.” He lets his tongue hang out. “For you youngsters.”
“Thanks Bonk,” I say around a mouthful of food.
“Clank, you daft Gnome.”
“Coming to see the show?”
He nips my ear. “Wouldn’t miss it for the Lands.” He lopes off, chuckling as he does.
I’ll be hearing about this for two months, I think. Amaryllis pours us all drinks while I’m chewing. The good news is that she had to let go of my arm to do it. I slide the wand into my wrist sheath and reach for my cup.
“A toast to Grim and his birthday,” she says as she puts her arm around my back again. “Happy birthday, Grim.”
We all drink. I think her arm is getting tired or something because it’s moving down again. All the way down. Or something, all right. “Whoa there!” I say. “Let’s just get something to eat before we got to get back to class.”
EmberStick nods. “Yeah. You’ll need your strength if you’re in Pee Eee with us next.”
“Pee Eee?”
EmberStick’s partner nods. “Yeah, physical education is supposed to make us better citizens by making us fit, and teaching us important life lessons.”
“Such as?” I ask as I roll another piece of meat.
“Getting hit in the head hurts.”
“Well, that is an important life lesson.”
Nods around the table let me know they’ve all learned that lesson several times. “Well, I think I do have Pee Eee next, so you can show me where it is.”
After we finish eating, we all head out to the sparring area. Amaryllis is beside me the whole way. “You ever play dodge the ball?” She asks me when we get to the big doors.
“Not in ages,” I say. Woops. “It’s been almost a month, I think.” Smooth.
“Well, it’s probably just like you remember it,” she tells me. “Just try to get picked onto the upper cla
ss team if you can.” She gives my arm a squeeze. It’s the first genuine thing she’s done. “Well, if you get the chance, pick me Grim Noir. You’re my only hope.”
“Don’t worry, doll.” I give my ears a waggle. “I got this.” I give her a nod as old Vera[27] makes his way to the front of us. He starts talking about rules and gamesmanship, and something about fair play and not aiming for heads.
I don’t think anyone listened to a single word he said.
It was a massacre.
So I was told later.
“Grim, can you hear me?”
Someone’s calling me.
“Grimbledung?”
Someone’s calling me?
Maybe they’ll stop.
Now someone’s kissing me? Oh boy. All things being equal, I’m hoping it’s Amaryllis and not EmberStick.
I peek an eye open. All I can see is hair. Did Amaryllis have red hair? I think she did. Auburn is the term, I believe. Another kiss? Well, at least... Now someone’s blowing into my lungs! Gah!!
I sit up.
Big Julie is over me.
Nice!
“Are you okay?” Big Julie looks worried as she sits back on her knees.
“Oh yeah. I’m okay.” I lick my lips. “Real okay.”
Several giggles let me know we’re not alone. Drat. “What happened?”
“We lost,” offers EmberStick. “Like usual.”
Now Amaryllis is beside me. She gives me a worried look. “You saved me.” The one she gives Big Julie is a look that would freeze a Fire Dragon’s heart. “I was taking care of you just fine until she came along.”
“Excuse me?” Says Big Julie. She puts her hands on her hips.
Here we go.
Big Julie stands up. Her hands go right back to her hips. “You need to...”
“Ladies, ladies,” I say soothing-like as I stand up. “There’s plenty of me to go around.”
Now Amaryllis’ hands are on her hips.
Uh oh. It’s time for a tactical flanking maneuver. “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
“Want me to walk you home?”
“I think you need to get back to class, young lady,” says Big Julie in her best Head Mistress who also happens to be a former Crime Boss of Bosses voice. “Everyone back to class.”
Even Vera gives her a nod as the everyone goes back to wherever they were supposed to be.
“Thanks Julie,” I say. “What happened?”
“Apparently it was a massacre.”[28]
I give a nod as I dust my breeches off. “These kids.”
“Yeah. They ran off Akita within two hours. I’ll have to tease him that you’ve made it two whole days so far.”
I give another nod as I brush my arms off. Something’s not right. “Rolton chips. Steaming piles of rotten rancid Rolton chips.”
“It’s just a game, Grim.” Big Julie puts her hand on my shoulder. “Maybe next time.”
I shake my head as I pull up my sleeve. “My wand’s gone.”
“My right hand!”
I look up at her. “It’s just not the same when you do it. Let me try.” I clear my throat. “Julie’s left teat!”
She gives me a slap to the head. I’d complain to the headmistress about the student abuse, but that’s her.
I shrug. “It was worth a shot.”
A worried look comes to her face. “What kind of wand did you have?”
“A worthless stick that I imbued with a glowing tip and a precursor spell.”
“What?”
“With how wands are disappearing from around here?” I give her a look. “How many today?”
“Not counting your stick, eight.”
“I didn’t want to risk losing something expensive. Or lethal.” I put my hands on my hips. Finally. “I’m a professional, you know.”
I’m treated to a hearty laugh from Julie. “That’s what I hear.” She points toward the windmill and we start walking. “So do you have any suspects?”
“Well, I thought it was maybe you, of course.”
“Uhmm. Of course?”
“Then I thought it was Amaryllis.”
“She seems...”
“Exactly. But I think she’s just overcome by my general hotness.”
“Uhmm. Of course?”
“And then there’s that old miner.”
“Old miner?”
“There’s always a chance, you know.” We get to the windmill. “I think I’m going to call it a day. I don’t think it’s anyone in Garibaldis’ class, so it’s definitely a possibility it’s a student from a different class.”
“That’s dozens of classes, Grim.”
“Exactly. The net is tightening.”
“I think it’s ‘noose’.”
“Well, no noose is good noose.” I give her a nod. “I’ll be back in the morning for another class.”
Julie gives me a wink. “A different class? Amaryllis will be heartbroken.”
“Well, who can blame her?” I strike a pose. “With looks like these, I should be illegal.”
“She is illegal. To you. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“Says the woman who smooches me as soon as I’m unconscious. I hope Pinky doesn’t find out.” I leave Big Julie gaping.
Nice.
I walk home, trying to decide who is the likely culprit when I pass the Duck Inn and Dine. Maybe a drink will help me get things sorted out.
I duck in[29] and make my way to the bar. It’s a climb to get into a stool, but I make it on the second try. I sit on my butt and look around. It’s quiet since it’s still early in the day. Neckless comes over to me. He’s got this expression on his face like I’m holding a lit Red Dragon. Then I remember what Maca told me. “Float me a bottom-shelf triple, Maurice; I’m starving. I’ve had a rough day and I’ve only a got a copper to improve it.” I give him a nod as I slide my copper across the bar. “And a water back, if you please.”
Now he looks at me like I’m chucking said Red Dragon at him. “Wha.. what?”
“Get three of the cheapest alcohols you have, pour them gently into a glass over the back of a spoon with the heaviest first, and let me drink it as you take my copper coin. Then my day will seem better for it. Oh, and I’ll sip the water in between the drink, of course.” I put my hands on the bar. “Honestly, I shouldn’t have to translate to a respected bartender like yourself.” Now I’m trying to butter him up to hopefully get an extra shot added in. A copper only goes so far.
“How’s about I give you a nice shot of apple cider and I’ll even put an olive in it?” He levels his eyes at me.
I level my eyes at him.
Then I remember: without Akita, that’s probably the strongest drink I’m getting out of him.
Still.
“Fine, Maurice. Just make it dirty, and don’t be stingy with those olives.”
Maurice shakes his head as he turns to pour me an apple cider. Starting with the olive juice, of course.
“So how’re things, Maurice?” I ask his back.
“Same as usual, I suppose,” he says as he reaches for the olive jar. He spears several out and drops them into the glass.
“Nothing out of sorts?”
Maurice turns with the drink in his hand. There is a small paper umbrella in it. And four olives sitting at the bottom of the cider. “Dirty cider fizz,” he says as he slides it to me, picking up the coin smoothly with his other hand.
“Nice. I’ll get your tip next time.” I take a sip of the drink. Nice. “So nothing out of sorts?”
“Besides a kid sitting at my bar during school hours, ordering drinks like a professional?
“Well, there’s an easy explanation for that.”
Maurice starts wiping down the bar. “Yeah?”
“I’m a professional.”
“Yeah. I can tell.” He gives me the once over. “You remind me of someone, I think.”
“Yeah? Probably someone famous. I get that a lot.”
“That
’s not it.”
“You sure?”
He eye-balls me again. “Hey...”
Uh oh.
I down the drink in three long gulps. The fourth time I raise it, I get the olives. “Well, Maurice, I need to head out. Things to do, you know.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“No, not really. Listen, you’ve used up all the polite a copper will buy, kid. So why don’t you make like a tree.”
“And leave?”
“Get out of here.”
I purse my lips at Maurice. Overall, he’s not a bad guy, I suppose. I consider for a moment not giving him a hard time about his lack of a neck.
Nah.
I hop off the stool and with a wave over my shoulder, I leave a bar sober for the first time in... well, a really long time, I think.
I get back to the shop without anyone else giving me a second look. Door opens for me, which is nice. “I’m home!” I shout at the top of my lungs.
“Grim. I’m right here,” says Drimblerod. “What’s with the shouting.”
“Old habit, I guess, sorry.” I move to the counter and climb up onto a stool. “So how are things? Anything out of sorts?”
“Besides me having to work the shoppe all by myself while you wander around? No.” He leans forward on the counter. “Do you have any idea who is stealing the wands? Any at all?”
I give him a nod. “Oh, I have a list of suspects. Or really, a list of non-suspects.”
“Non-suspects?”
“Sure, sure. It’s almost the same thing.”
“Do tell.” Drimblerod leans back over the counter and sits down. “Let’s hear the non-suspects.”
“Well, there’s me and you, of course.”
“Of course.”
“And Big Julie, and Amaryllis.”
“Any more?”
Is there anyone else? “Yeah, now that you mention it. The Gnoll brothers and Maurice are on that list as well.”
“Maurice?”
“No-neck at the Duck Inn and Dine.”
“You stopped in for a drink?”
“Well, a cider. Honestly, I’m underage, Drim. You’d think I would try and order a drink in this condition?” I shook my head at him. “Not on your life,” I lied.
“Right. So besides the less than a handful of people, everyone else is town is a suspect. That’s what you’ve accomplished in two days of goofing off?”
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 26