“Well, in my defense, I spent a bit of yesterday unconscious.”
“Well, that is true.”
“And part of today as well,” I added. “From what I can tell.”
“What happened?” Now he’s leaning forward again.
“Apparently they have this game now called Dodge the Ball?”
“I’ve heard of it. What’s the problem with it.”
“Apparently I can’t dodge very well.”
“Not with all that hair.” Now he’s chuckling at me. Partners sometimes.
“Do not disparage the hair. I’ll have you know I’ve got a gal head over heels for me.” I flex my arms. “Between the hair and my muscles, they don’t have a chance.”
“Minors.”
“These are not, for your information, minor muscles.” I flex again to prove my point.
“The gals are.”
That’s true, I suppose. “Yeah, Big Julie told me the same thing after she was done kissing me.”
“What?!”
“That’s what I said. Apparently she likes short males.”
“Pinky is huge.”
“Opposites attract?”
“That’s an old wife’s tale.”
I skip the joke and move to more pressing matters. “Oh, I was robbed at the school.”
“Robbed? Someone took your copper?”
I shake my head. “No, that I spent well. I took a magicked stick with me to school like a wand, and someone took it.”
“Very nice. So now the wand thief has an easily identifiable wand.” He pats me on the shoulder.
What? Well, I suppose so, now that I think about it. “That was the plan all along. Now when I catch the thief, I’ll have proof they are the thief,” I ad-lib.
“Well, if you’ll go get changed, Grim, I’d love for you to man the counter for a little. I’m feeling cooped up after two days straight with only Dummy to talk to.”
Wow. “Sure thing. Let me run around back and then I’ll be back down in two shakes of my tail, and I’ll take the helm.”
“Nice. Nice, but gross.”
After taking care of some personal matters, I came out and replace Drim at the counter. And, I have to say, made a few sales while he was out.
Things were definitely looking up! Tomorrow, I’d catch me a thief.
Oh yes. Tomorrow!
Chapter 41
Grim Noir – The Case of the Missing Wands
(Day 3) - You should just skip this...
Success. I can feel it in my bones. I can smell it in the air. It smells like… success.
Oh yes. Grim Noir, private investigator is going to solve a case.
Today.
Justice will be served. With a Gnomish ladle of upper handedness. On the platter of sneakiness. With a side order of trickiness. Garnished with investigativeness.
Steaming hot.
Like the hearty breakfast that I ate before coming to Big Julie’s school to solve the mystery of the disappearing wands.
Drimblerod said my first class today was on wand safety.
Perfect.
A classroom full of students all wielding wands. That’s where I would be if I were stealing wands. And, that is where I’m going to be. In order to catch the dastardly (that’s a private investigator term) thief that has eluded me for three days straight.
‘Grim’, I hear a female call from behind me.
Uh oh.
I turn around and there she is again- my number one stalker: Amaryllis Bose. ‘It rhymes with rose. That’s a other flower. You like flowers, right?’, she had said to me. Standing right up against me.
“Good morning Amaryllis,” I say to her. There’s no reason to be impolite. After all, I still hadn’t found out where she lives. Or more precisely, where her mother lives. Priorities; you have to have them if you’re a private investigator. “What’s shaking?”
“You always know the right thing to say to a girl,” she says. I could have told her that her face looked like the insides of a blowfish and she’d have said the same thing. Smitten, this girl was.
“Well, I try. So are you in the wand safety class?” I point at the door that has kids filing into it. I know there’s no way she’s in that class. She told me on Day 1 (of my journal) that she had nothing to do with wands. “I’ve brought mine.” I hold up another stick that I’ve magicked to toss off sparks. It’s not much, but this crowd would believe anything.
“Sure! I have my wand right here!” She held up this long brown affair and waved it around.
A Levitator. A cheap one. Not worth more than a copper on a good day. “That’s a really nice wand you got there,” I lie through all my front teeth - top and bottom. These two must be really hard up for money if this is the extent of their wand collection. “What kind of wand is it?”
She looks at it like she’s seeing it for the first time. “I haven’t a clue.”
Stolen from Mom. Maybe I can return it and get a reward. Personally. “That looks like a levitation type of wand. Don’t point that at anyone or they’ll float away.”
She giggles and slips it down the front of her dress. It stays put, sticking out about an inch.
That’s an attention getter.
“After you, ‘Rillys,” I offer. The last thing I need is to float off on the day I’m going to solve the mystery.
She gives me a wink and a smile and enters the class.
“There room for one more in there?” I hear a voice behind me say.
I look over my shoulder at the Gnome behind me. “Sure, if you’ve got a wand, that is.” I hold up my stick and make sparks fly from the end. Just a few. There’s no sense in overwhelming this kid.
“All I got is this.” He holds up a pudgy black leather tube.
It seems heavy the way he’s hefting it. Probably filled with iron pellets. “Listen, runt; you’re in the wrong class. This is wand safety. What you need is blackjack sa...”
Chapter 42
Grim Noir – The Case of the Missing Wands
(Day 4) - The Hook
I wake up but my eyes are still closed. It seems like someone’s standing on my head. I crack my eyes open to have a word with them.
Odd- no one’s there.
Still, I can hear stomping. Right on my head.
Odd.
I cautiously move my hands up there, expecting to catch a Gremlin acting... well, like a Gremlin.
Nope - no Gremlins.
There is however a very large bump on the top of my head. “Rolton Chips!”
“So how’s the case going?” Drimblerod asks as he peeks his head into my room. I turn my head slowly. There’s kind of a smile on his face, I think. He’s kind of fuzzy at that distance.
“Great. Just great. Got me a looooong list of suspects,” I tell him. “So what’s for dinner?”
“Breakfast.”
“Breakfast? What about after-school snack, supper and dinner?”
“You missed those, Grim. The doc said you should just rest and I should let you sleep till breakfast. He said that sleeping is the best thing for a concussion”
“School sucks.”[30]
“Like I don’t know.”
“You lost two out of your last four days?” We’ll see what he thinks of that.”
“No,” admitted my partner.
“Well then, you obviously don’t know firsthand, so I’m telling you.”
Drimblerod nods at me. “That’s why we all get all our schooling finished at a young age. Going back later is a real pain.”[31]
“No kidding.” I say as I sit up. My head’s throbbing. Again. At least my butt doesn’t hurt anymore. I swing my legs off the bed. There’s a footstool there right at them. I look at my partner. “Thanks Drim.”
Drimblerod gives me a nod and pulls his head out. “I’ll get breakfast on the table while you get ready.” He says as he closes it.
What a pal.
Except he’s wrong about one thing; I’m not the one that needs to get ready.
It’s the students. The school. The lands. They need to get ready for me.
No more Mister Nice Gnome, esquire.
After a quick dressing and a trip around back, I’m at the table ready to eat. Focused on my mission.
“You okay Grim?” My partner asks as I shovel down my breakfast. Focused.
I give him a nod from behind a spoonful of eggs. I’m focused. On the eggs right now, but later it will be the school. “No more Mister Nice Gnome.” I tell him.
“Esquire?” He adds nervously.
I give him another nod. “Yeah; esquire.”
“They’re just kids, you know.” He says. Now he’s fidgeting.
“Oh, I know. Just. Kids.” He has no idea. But I do. And I’m going to handle it. Because I’m Grim No More Mister Nice Gnome Noir, esquire. And I’ve got some missing wands to find. “I’m going to need some supplies,” I tell him as I shove the last of the bacon in my mouth. I hop off the stool. “Meet you at the counter?”
“Sure?” The fidgeting has stopped, but he’s still a nervous Gnome.
With a determined nod, I turn and go to the POOPA, dragging a chair with me.
“That’s a long jump, Grim,” warns my partner as I open the door. “What’s with the chair?”
I pull open the door and push the chair against it so it stays open. I back up a few paces.
“Grim?” Drimblerod says from behind me.
I’m focused.
On the pole.
I run for the pole that’s hanging out in open air. At full speed, I reach the edge of the floor and I jump, hands out in front of me.
I fly.
I get the pole with both hands and as I twirl around it, I slide to the bottom. It’s a shame I’m in the shaft and no one saw my descent. Fancy stuff. And flashy. Oh yes, those kids are in for it today.
Drim’s at the counter when I get there. “What’re you thinking of taking?”
“I need The Black and a handful of Magic Marbles,” I say as a plan starts to work itself out in my head. We hadn’t discovered all the properties of the wand that Orc had brought in so we were just calling it ‘The Black’ until we could properly classify it. Plus it really sounds ominous. I might start naming wands all the time.
“The Black?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, Grim. We don’t really know everything that wand does yet. Besides, didn’t you tell Garibaldis he could have it? He said he was coming by today or tomorrow to take a look at it,” he said.
He’s stalling.
“I’ll give it to him personally.” I stride to the counter and put my hand out. “The Black, if you please.” I hold out my other hand. “And a side of glass.”
“You’re bringing Magic Marbles to school? I don’t think they’re allowed there.”
“Neither is stealing. Or assault.” I rub my head. “Repeated assault.” My hand is back out. “Hand them over, Drimblerod. “I’m solving this. Today.”
With a worried look in his eye, he takes the wand from under the counter and hands it to me. I slide it into my sheath. My empty sheath since my last wand was palmed. Filched. Snatched. Five Finger Discounted. From me. Even though it was a barely magicked stick, it bothers me. “And the marbles.” I waggle the fingers of my hand to get him to move faster. “I’ve got places to go. Perps to collar.”
Again with a worried look he hands me a few marbles. I stuff them into my pocket. With a nod I’m out the door. I’m Grim Noir, Private Investigator, undercover and on a case.
Esquire even.
As I make my way to the school, no one gives me a second look. I’m just like all the other kids making their way on a school day. Until.
“Hey-a, kid. Why you walking down-a the middle of the street?” I hear from over by the Milliners. “That a dangeroso.”
Pozzuoli’s sitting in front of his shop. Beside the Milliners. I make a quick detour. “Pozz,” I give him, “looking out for little kids in the street now?”
“What?” He gives me a frown.
I add a wink to counter it: “I always knew you were a softie.”
“I a-know you?” He gives me the once over. “Hey! You look-a familiar, you little bambino!” Then he gives my cheek a pinch. Me. Grim Noir! Esquire even.
“Watch it there, Pozz; there’s no handling the produce.”
He gives me a chuckle. “It’s just that you make such a cute bambino, Grim.” Then he startled. “Grim?” Now he’s bent over poking me with his eyes.
“It’s me, it’s me.” I assure him. I give a quick look left and right to make sure no one’s around. “I’m undercover at Big Julie’s. There’s a thief stealing her blind in wands.”
“I know. I a-heard that from a friend who knows a guy with a kid that goes there.”
Typical Pozz. “Yeah? You know who’s doing it?”
“It’s-a kid, from what I hear. A new transfer. I heard that last night over dinner. I was gonna tell Julie today.” He puts his hand on the top of my head. “You cute bambino. I have to show the Mamma!” Before I can say anything, he’s yelling over his shoulder. “Mamma! Come out here!”
Great.
Mamma Consigliore comes out of the shop. She’s wiping her hands on her apron. She always seems to be doing that. Then she spots me. Another cheek pinch later, Pozz breaks the news to her. “It’s a Grimbledung!”
“Grimbledung’s got a bambino?” She shakes her head and presses her hands together in front of her like she’s praying. “That-a poor girl.”
Great.
“No, Miss Mamma” Everyone calls her that. “It’s me Grimbledung. I’m undercover trying to find out who’s stealing wands from Julie’s students.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Si?”[32]
“Yes, Miss Mamma. So I have to get going.”
“What you using to catch the thief? You wanna catch him on the first day, no?”
I haven’t the heart to tell him. “Sure, Pozz. That’s the plan. Catch him on the first day.”
“Then I got-a the thing for you!” He turns and runs back into the shop leaving me and Mamma standing there.
“So you no got a girl, then?”
Great.
“No, Miss Mamma, not at the moment.” Then I give her a smile. “I had one interested in me just recently.”
“You lost her?”
“Well, she and her partner were trying to kill Drim and me and then liquidate the shoppe. So...”
“I find a nice girl for you.” She starts to turn away from me.
“That’s...” I start when Pozz comes barging out of the shop. For some reason, Mamma goes in. She got a girl stashed in the shoppe?? That’s the kind of thing you tell a Gnome.
“Here you go Grimbledung.” He offers me what looks like a chunk of coal.
“Coal?”
He shakes his head. Then he nods. “Well, no and a yes.”
That really didn’t answer my question so I try it again. “Coal?”
“It’s tracer.”
“Tracer coal?”
He gives me a nod. “Like when you want to draw something.”
“I don’t think I have art class today.”
“No art? What kinda school doesn’t have art?”
“I don’t know. A school that focuses on magic?”
“But without-a art...”
“Listen Pozz, I’d love to stand here and discuss the benefits of having art classes,” I lie, “but I’m on a job. What’s tracer coal? It for art classes?”
A head shake this time. “No, no. It traces things that you write on. Like-a this.” He rubs the coal on my head. A lot.
“I just had a bath you know.”
He ignores me and keeps rubbing. A lot.
“Recently.”
“You got a wand?” Now his hand is out and he’s snapping his fingers. “Hand it a-over quick.”
Now Pozz is an unusual fellow. Even for a Dwarf that lives above ground. But, there’s one thing I’ve learned- he knows his business. So when Pozz gives advice, I tend t
o listen. So I hand him The Black.
He gives it a double take. “You take-a this to school?”
“No more Mister Nice Gnome.” I tell him.
He gives me a nod. Then he rubs the coal all over my wand. A lot. Then he hands it back to me. “There you go. The case, she is solved!”
“Listen Pozz, you know I always appreciate the advice you give me...” Mamma comes back out. She’s holding a plate of something steaming. The smell is amazing. I try to concentrate on what I was talking about. I have no idea what it was. Not a clue- the smell has flummoxed me. Dee-licious! “And...” I try, hoping he will fill in whatever I was talking about.
Pozz waves a hand. “It’s a simple filching hex.”
“A hex? I try to avoid them things, Pozz.” Hexes are definitely part of the dark arts, or as some people call them The Dark Arts. “Messing with that sort of thing never seems to work out like you planned. And never in a good way.”
“No, no. This a good hex.”
“There’s no such thing.”
Pozz starts to say something, then stops. Then he smiles. “Well, that-a is true. But this is a helpful hex.” He holds up the coal. “The tracing coal makes a sigil from the two things that are colored with it.” He points at my head then my wand. When that’a wand get away from you, you’ll know.”
“How?”
“You’ll feel it.” He pulls down his lower eyelid with his finger. “Then you-a know who the thief is.”
Mamma gives a nod then bends down. The plate is covered with these longish, golden-brown looking things. Fried Slugs? Giant toes??
Sure, they smell great, but I’m not sure what’s going on inside that golden coating. “What’re those, Miss Mamma?” I learned very early on that with Pozz’s wife, it was important to remain formal. Just calling her Mamma, or Miss M, or anything else besides Missus Consigliore or the preferred Miss Mamma, involved getting your ear tweaked. Being a Gnome, I had a lot of ear to tweak. I solved that particular mystery pretty quick, I have to say.
“Can’t go to school on an empty stomach.”
I give her a nod. She’s a good old broad. And a top-notch cook too. Even so. “What’re those then?” I just gave her a ‘Miss Mamma’ so I figure I’m fine for an exchange or two before I need to refresh the formality bin.
A New Hope (Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shop Book 4) Page 27