The Heart Of Devin Mackade tmb-3
Page 18
"Are you all right?" was all Cassie could manage.
"I'm fine. You?"
"Just fine." Her fingers curled and uncurled over Connor's. "We wanted to come and thank—"
"I was doing my job."
"I told her you'd say that," Connor said, and earned a mild glance from Devin.
"So, I'm predictable." He looked back at Cassie. "You handled yourself well, Cass. You want to remember that. I've got work to do."
As he started to set Emma down, Cassie moved forward. "Devin, please, don't."
"He hurt you." The words burst out of him. "He hurt all of you, and I didn't stop him."
"You were shot, for God's sake. You were lying there unconscious and bleeding."
"The bad man was going to shoot you again," Emma told him. "But Mama wouldn't let him. She lay on top of you so he couldn't."
Every ounce of his hot blood went cold at the thought of it. "Damn it, Cassie, are you crazy?"
"You needed me." She let out a shaky breath. "I couldn't stand back, Devin. I did what I had to do. Now I'm going to ask you to do what you know is right." She took his badge out of her pocket. "Don't give this up, Devin. Don't go."
He stared at the badge in her hand, then into her face again. "You know what it's like to see something you want, you need, day after day, and know you can't have it? I'm not living like that anymore, not even for you. You won't let me be part of your life. You won't marry me, and I can't go on being your friend and nothing else."
"I'll marry you." Emma curled into him. "I love you."
His heart simply shattered. He held Emma tight, then set her gently on her feet. "I can't handle this, Cassie." He rose blindly. "Go home and leave me be."
"Sheriff MacKade." Connor bolted forward, then skidded to a halt. "I'm sorry."
"You've got a right to your feelings," Devin said steadily. "And no need to apologize for them."
"Sir, I got something to say."
Devin rubbed a hand over his face, dropped his arms. "All right, get it out, then."
"I know you're mad at me. Yes, sir, you are," Connor said keeping his eyes level when Devin started to correct him. "I was mad, too, because I thought you'd come around just for me, or mostly, and then I found out it was because of Mama. And I thought if she'd let you, you'd change things, and they'd get bad again, even though you'd given your word. Bryan told me they wouldn't, but I didn't believe him. I didn't want to."
He had to take a deep breath. "Yesterday, when you came to make us go to the cabin, and Mama said she wouldn't, you were mad. You were already mad, and then you were madder than anything. Weren't you?"
"That's right."
"You yelled."
"Yeah, I did."
"I thought this is it, this is when he's going to hit her. You knew I was thinking it, but you weren't going to. You told me you'd never hurt her, not for anything. I knew you meant it. I knew when you went into the woods after her, you'd do anything to save her. It wasn't just because it was your job. It was because it was her. Because it was us."
He gathered the rest of his shaky courage and climbed the steps until he stood face-to-face with Devin. "Even after she sent you away, even after I made her send you away, you wouldn't hurt her."
"I couldn't hurt her, Connor, if my life depended on it. That's how it is."
"Yes, sir. And she cried." He ignored the murmur of protest from his mother and kept his eyes on Dev-. in's. "After she sent you away, she cried, like she used to when she was hurt and she thought I couldn't hear. But this time I made her cry, and I want to tell you I'm sorry. I want to tell you that I don't want a father. I can't help it."
"All right." Devin knew he would fall apart in a minute. "It's all right."
"I don't want a father," Connor hurried on. "Except if he was you."
The hand Devin had laid on Connor's shoulder tightened painfully. But it was a good, solid feeling, and gave him the boost he needed to finish.
"Please, I want you to be with us all the time, like families are supposed to. I know you might not want me now, after what I did, but I swear I won't get in your way. I was stupid, and I sassed you and Mama, and you can punish me, but don't go away. You don't have to love me anymore, if you'd just—"
The boy's breath whooshed out, along with hot tears as Devin hauled him hard against his chest. "You're too smart to say stupid things," Devin murmured shakily. "I haven't stopped wanting you. I couldn't stop loving you."
"Don't go away." Connor held on for his life. "Please, don't go away and leave us."
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here, okay?"
"Yes, sir."
"Stop calling me sir all the damn time." He pressed a kiss to Connor's damp brow. Gently he used his thumb to wipe the boy's cheeks as Emma wriggled between them.
"Hold me, too," she demanded. "I want you, too."
So he rose, the girl boosted in one arm, the boy wrapped under the other. Whatever happened now, he had no choice but to follow his heart.
She was standing there, her own eyes swimming, his badge clutched in one hand, the other pressed to her lips.
It wasn't the way he'd pictured it, asking her with two weepy children looking on. But it was going to have to do.
"No one's ever going to love you the way I do, Cassie. No one's ever going to love these children more or work harder to give them a good life. The fact is, I can't live without you, without all of you. You're my heart. For God's sake, Cassie, marry me."
He couldn't know what it meant to her, to hear those words, to have him say them, so simply, so plainly, while he held the children as if they were already his.
Of course, they were. How foolish she'd been to ever think otherwise.
How foolish she'd been to think about doing what Abigail had done, turning away love.
She walked up the steps, took one of Connor's hands, one of Emma's. "You are the most remarkable man I've ever known, and I love you. If you have a fault, it's that you're too patient, Devin."
"I'm running low right now."
"Then I'll make this simple. We've kept you waiting long enough."
She released Connor's hand only long enough to pin the badge back on Devin's shirt. Then, linked again, she lifted to her toes and kissed the man she loved in front of her children.
"We'd love to marry you, Devin. Soon." She laid her head on his heart. "I think all of us have waited long enough. Very, very soon."
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