Love Me or Leave Me Alone

by Nikisha Mock

  I laughed, “You must’ve been three sheets to the wind in no time.”

  “Exactly. Then I thought I was really tripping when I came back from the bathroom and I started seeing double!”

  “Double? What the hell?”

  “Yes double! When I got back to our table, I saw Mario standing there talking to another guy who looks a lot like him. But as I got closer, I could see that they were very different. He said they’re cousins. They look like twins or I was just that twisted, one or the other,” Ayanna said.

  “What? You mean there are two Marios? Aww Lawd, somebody help me!” I joked.

  “I know right? They laughed at me so hard when I put my hand on my chest and said wait a minute! There is no way there are two of y’all! Girl, my damn blood pressure must’ve shot up to stroke level. His cousin is the spitting image of him. It’s so amazing that they aren’t brothers. And he had the nerve to keep winking at me when Mario wasn’t looking.”

  “Ayanna, let me find out you into families now,” I laughed.

  She didn’t say anything right away. Maybe the call had dropped.

  “Hello? Yanna? Hello?” I yelled into the phone.

  “What? I’m still here damn, stop yelling in my ear,” she laughed finally.

  “I didn’t hear anything so how was I supposed to know? And why did you get all quiet anyway?”

  “Because I was wondering how the hell you knew?”

  “How I knew what?”

  “About me being into families,” she shyly said.

  “Hold up. What? I know yo nasty ass is not saying what I think you’re saying. Cousins, Ayanna? How in the hell did that happen?” I was floored.

  She was laughing too. “Girl I don’t know. One minute we were laughing and playing pool, and the next minute I was at Mario’s place getting served royally by him, but thinking about Dre. It was so unreal! He had me doing all kinds of freaky shit that I wouldn’t dare tell y’all! Umm, umm honey, I gotta take some of that mess from last night to the grave with me. You’ll never look at me the same if I told you the half.”

  “Well, don’t tell me all your nasty details, but c’mon now you gotta tell me something, dang. You already destroyed my fantasy dream so you gotta give me something else to work with,” I said jokingly.

  “Now wait a minute nasty-” she started but I cut her off.

  “Oh shut up. I was just playing. Now finish your story.”

  “Okay. Mario continued to put it down. I have never been tossed and turned and fucked so good in my entire life. What’s crazy is, after our freak session, I got up to go close the door and almost jumped out of my skin when I saw Dre standing at the damn door! Before I had a chance to scream, he grabbed me by my arm and jerked me out into the hallway. I opened my mouth to protest, but he shut me up with a kiss. Next thing I knew, he had turned me around and rammed his dick so far up into me from behind that I swear I could feel it in my stomach. Eva, I have no clue how I let all of that go down the way it did but I thoroughly enjoyed all of.”

  My girl said all that, but I was trying to figure out how Yanna always managed to find herself in these types of predicaments. This is some heavy shit. I let it go for the moment though.

  “Well I am not going to judge you because hell truth be told I don’t know if I would’ve been able to resist the guy either. I just want to know how you’re going to handle it when you see Dre again?” I asked.

  “I do not know. I think the next time we see each other might be a little awkward. But I hope the subject never comes up again. Honestly can’t believe it all went down like that,” Ayanna said.

  “Well, look at it this way; if nothing else, it was an experience of a lifetime.”

  “Yeah you right, girl. Well, let me let you get up and brush your teeth. I smell your funky onions all the way over here.”

  “Whateva, heffa,” I laughed and hung up the phone.

  I just stayed in bed for a while, looking up at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe the story Ayanna had just told me. As much as I hate to admit it, times like these are when I find myself foolishly thinking about Damien.

  I’m sure he isn’t sitting around somewhere thinking about me. It’s like I can’t shake it. When I wake up, I have a thought about him. When I go to sleep, he’s still there. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do about this. I was really hoping Tyler could help me make new memories and help me forget.

  As if on cue, the phone rang and when I looked at the caller ID it read IT’S HIM. I sucked my teeth real loud and then hit the ignore button. Of course, he called right back so this time I answered.

  “What Damien?” I said with much attitude.

  “Hello to you too. Don’t you think it’s kinda rude to hit the ignore button on a brutha?” he said.

  “Is it working? Can a brutha take a hint when he’s being ignored?”

  “See? That’s what I’m talking about. You can’t just talk to me. You gotta go all around the world with all that other stuff. Why don’t you just let it go, Eva? I told you I was sorry. What else do you want me to do? I don’t know what the hell I was thinking about, but I can’t change it now. All I can ask is that you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me. It was stupid and I know I fucked up. But baby please, I’m begging you. Look, can I come over for a few? I know the kids miss me and I miss them too. And I miss you, especially you.”

  He was pathetic. And so was I for even considering letting him come over. Just before I made a major fool of myself, I heard the call waiting beep. I took the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID and it read TYLER. I immediately began to smile and hit the button to switch lines and answered his call. I didn’t even tell what’s-his-name to hold on or that I’d call him back.

  “Hi,” I said with much joy in my voice.

  “Hi sexy woman. I can hear you smiling through the phone. I take it that’s a good thing,” Tyler’s sexy voice came through the line.

  I exhaled. “Boy, your timing could never have been better. What’s up?”

  “Nothing much. I just wanted to see what you were getting into today. I know it’s kinda sudden for us to be taking family trips so I figured if you’re free later on, we could get into something.”

  “Of course we can. I’m going to the mall with Ciara and the kids in a few, but we’ll be back in plenty of time for you and me to go out. I’m sure my momma won’t mind watching the kids for me. What did you have in mind?”

  “You’ll just have to see won’t you?” he said playfully.

  I laughed. “Oh okay, I see how you play it. Cool then. I’ll call you when I get back and get everyone situated.”

  “Cool. I can’t wait to see you,” I heard Tyler say and then he was gone.

  I clicked off my cell phone and it immediately began to ring. I glanced at it and it said UNKNOWN.

  “Hello?” I answered cautiously.

  “Damn, who was that? You didn’t even say hold on or nothing. You just left a brutha hangin like that!” It was Damien. Oh wow! I can’t believe the idiot was still waiting on the other line. What a lame.

  “Damien, what are you still doing on my phone? Don’t you have someone else to bother? I have things to do.”

  “Don’t you mean people to do?” he had the nerve to question me.

  “And if I did mean that, I’d just be trying to catch up with you so what’s your point?” I shot back.

  “Aight Eva, aight. That’s how you want to play it? Okay. But tell homeboy he betta watch his step because that there will always be my pussy.”

  Was he serious?

  I laughed real loud, and hung up the damn phone.

  Chapter 12

  I spent the day with Ciara and my kids at the mall. While we watched them on the carousel, I noticed my friend had a faraway look in her eyes so I asked her what was up.

  “Ya know, you can go along with your days, thinking everything is cool and you just never know do you?”

  “Truth!” I said. “But you an
d Jay have been cool since y’all worked things out, right? Anymore nonsense from Jamilla?”

  “Oh no, I meant to tell you. She actually called me to apologize. I gave her straight attitude and told her if it ever happened again, I would show no mercy. I don’t try to play hard, but I refuse to let another chick come for me like that. And Jay has been so nice and willing to do whatever to make things right again. So all’s well that ends well, I guess. Anyway, I’m a firm believer that what’s done in the dark will come to the light.”

  “You are absolutely right,” I replied.

  “So what you want to do after we leave here?” Ciara asked.

  “I’m thinking we can grab something to eat. Then I need to get the kids home to pack their things for the night,” I said, smiling at the thought of seeing Tyler later.

  “Old heffa, that’s a’ight! I see how you do. I hook you up then you forget about me,” Ciara teased.

  “Now you know it is not hardly like that. He asked me and who was I to say no?”

  “Well, I am happy for you. Anyone that can get you out of the house and away from thinking about you-know-who is alright with me. I bet his ass would just roll over and die if he knew you were moving on so fast. You should take a picture and send it to him,” she laughed.

  “Now that would just be vindictive. I like it!”

  We both laughed.

  Chapter 13

  After dropping my kids off with my mother, I rushed home to get ready for my night with Tyler. I was like a teenager on my first date complete with the butterflies in my stomach and all. I was nervous like we’d never met or been out together before. What was it about this man that excited me beyond measure?

  Ayanna would say it was the thrill of something new. Hey, maybe it is. I don’t care because I love this feeling. I turned on my CD player and Smokey Robinson’s voice filled the air while he sang about cruising with his woman. Every now and then, I had a flashback of my childhood and longed to hear one of those good old records my momma and daddy used to blast in the old record player. I missed my daddy a lot. He’d died when I was younger of cancer.

  I got ready to take a hot, relaxing bath with bubbles, candles, and a little wine. As I relaxed in the tub sipping on my wine, I let the stress of the last few days slowly ease out my body. I must have dozed off. The next thing I knew, I had slipped underwater and damn near drowned myself!

  After gagging and forcing water from my mouth and nose, I caught my breath and laughed like crazy. Then to make matters worse when I stepped out the tub, I stepped directly into a puddle of melted wax. I immediately jerked my foot back and damn near fell backwards into the tub.

  After laughing at myself and gaining my composure, I went to my room and begin to get dressed. I slipped on my short kimono robe and stood in front of my walk-in closet trying desperately to figure out what I’d wear. I pulled out three dresses. By process of elimination, I chose the new purple and black dress I’d just bought a few days earlier. It was long and strapless and hugged my body in all the right places.

  Tyler doesn’t know what he got himself into, I thought to myself as I turned side to side to admire myself.

  I’m not conceited by any means, but with everything that I’ve been through with Damien I sometimes forget to appreciate the beauty that I have within. It took me forever to realize that it wasn’t me with the problem, it was him. I was trying desperately not to slip back into my old ways of wondering if I was good enough. I made up my mind right then and there that if Tyler, or any other guy for that matter, couldn’t love me for me, then they definitely don’t deserve me.

  Before I had a chance to finish applying eye shadow, the doorbell rang. I damn near jumped out of my skin! I had to laugh at myself for the umpteenth time that night. I forced myself to walk to the door instead of run. I looked through the peephole and felt weak. I opened the door and smiled.

  Tyler was standing there looking better than Idris Elba and Mekhi Phifer all rolled up into one. He smiled and walked right up on me. I could smell his Dolce & Gabanna Light Blue cologne. I put my face into the small of his neck as he embraced me for a comforting hug. I inhaled his scent and then stepped back.

  “Boy, you must’ve known that I love Light Blue,” I said smiling at him.

  Tyler chuckled.” you know I gotta smell good for my woman.”

  I cocked my head to one side. “Your woman?”

  He stepped close to me again. I took a few steps back until the wall behind me prevented me from moving any further. For a moment, we just stared at each other. Then Tyler kissed me. I felt the kiss from my lips down to my toes. Every time Tyler kissed me, I felt weak in the knees.

  “I said my woman, didn’t I? I’m not just interested in you just for a little while. I want to see where this can go. I want to, no, I need to get to know you inside and out. So if this isn’t what you’re into, let me know now. I can step back, but I think you’ll be missing out on a good thing.”

  When Tyler stopped talking, I could feel the moisture building up in the corners of my eyes. I willed the tears not to fall. It sounded good and all, but was it for real? I don’t have a thing to lose. So I threw caution to the wind and sang the words to an old Ja Rule song.

  Tyler smiled at me, then cracked up laughing. “See? That’s why I like you, B,” quoting Cam’Ron’s character in the movie, Paid In Full.

  “Okay, stop it.” I laughed. “Let me finish getting ready. Have a seat.”

  “Cool.”

  I went back to my room and looked at myself in the mirror one more time trying to make sure every hair was in place and that my makeup was flawless. I sprayed on my J’adore perfume and walked back into the living room.

  I smiled at Tyler. “Ready?”

  “Let’s go,” he said, standing and leading me to my door.

  It was warm out so I didn’t need a jacket. Tyler opened the door to his black Mercedes CLS. The smooth leather seat felt great against my exposed legs. I leaned over and opened his door for him. He smiled from ear to ear when he got in.

  “What are you smiling at?” I asked.

  “You, with your sexy ass. Come over here” he said and I promptly did as I was told.

  Tyler kissed me again. At that moment, I felt like I could just float away. Just as I was really getting into the kiss, his phone rang. He ignored it and it stopped ringing, only to start right back up again.

  “Damn” he mumbled as we broke apart so he could check his phone. He hit a button and it stopped ringing. He put the phone down and asked me, “You ready?”

  I didn’t respond immediately. I considered saying something about him ignoring that phone call, but chose not to. I just nodded my head that I was ready and we pulled away.

  Tyler told me the objective was to have fun so I had no idea what he had in store. We drove for about thirty minutes before we were pulling into the valet parking line in front of “Exotica,” the newest, hottest nightclub in our area. There were people everywhere. Men and women alike were dressed to the nines, and a few who thought they were but couldn’t quite pull it off. I watched them all.

  Everyone was smiling, looking around, checking out the scene. You could just tell which women were on the prowl, looking for their next meal ticket. They were the ones standing off to the side of the VIP entrance, gazing and trying to give their best innocent look as if the fellas couldn’t see straight through their scandalous asses.

  The car selection was impressive. I saw so many Bentley’s, Range Rover’s, & BMW’s that it looked like either someone famous was in the building or this was where all the ballers came to play. Either way, this scene was all too familiar to me and a little tired. It was the same old thing, just a different time. When we were younger, Ciara, Ayanna, and I used to live for this type of party. But at some point, life stepped in right along with responsibilities and knowing better.

  “Yo, wassup, Ty, man?” an extra large bouncer greeted Tyler at the VIP entrance.

  “You know what it is,”
was Tyler’s cocky, yet oh so sexy response.

  The bouncer moved the rope and we walked right in. Once inside, the VIP area led straight upstairs to the second level usually reserved for those unafraid to spend more than a little money. The entire room upstairs was completely blue, even the ceiling. There was a large sunroof which opened up to reveal every star in the sky.

  The tables were setup in private sections with plush couches surrounding each table. Waitresses pranced around in barely there bras and underwear, smiling and batting their lashes, trying to rack up on tips and if they were lucky, the phone numbers of a few ballers as well. The men were scandalous to! They’d openly flirt with the waitresses in front of the many groupies they had in their VIP sections but they could do this because those same groupies had once attracted their attention in the same fashion.

  I turned to Tyler. “It’s been so long since I’ve partied at a club that I thought there would be something to surprise me. The only thing that sticks out is the fact that I’m here with someone like you.”

  He smiled at me. “Well it only gets better baby. I just wanted to show you a good time tonight. Maybe have a few drinks, and dance a little. It’s all up to you though. If you’re not feeling this scene, we can bounce right now.”

  “No, I can’t let you do that. It must’ve cost a grip to get up here. I know this is where you wanted to be so I’m cool.”

  “First of all, I ain’t hardly worried about the money. We wouldn’t be here if I was. Second, it’s all about you, Eva. Whatever you want to do tonight, I’ll do. All you have to do is say the word.”

  “Whatever I want, huh? You better be careful telling me that. You never know what kinda mess you could get into by promising me something that big,” I joked.

  “Girl you ain’t heard? I’m kinda like a big deal, something like a phenomenon. You betta ask somebody” he said and we both fell into laughter.

  “Heeey, what’s so funny y’all? I want to laugh too!” said the most irritating voice I’d heard all evening. Too bad it wasn’t an unfamiliar voice.