The Undead That Saved Christmas

by ed. Lyle Perez-Tinics

  * * *

  Mr. Peartree slid through the corridors of Santa's complex, unnoticed by the other elves that toiled there. Half of that was stealth; the other half was the overworked and burned out state that every elf went through this time of year. His walkie-talkie squawked at him once, and he stabbed the "Off" button reflexively. He had a job to do.

  The door to the medical lab was closed but unlocked. He chuckled. The creature, whatever it was, obviously hadn't worked out the basic principle of the doorknob.

  He raised his gun, keeping it up with his left hand, and placed his right hand on the knob, flattening himself against the door itself. He counted to three, slowly, under his breath, then twisted the knob and thrust the door open. He took a step inside and brought the gun's sights level with his eye.

  He had been expecting the monster to be standing right in the middle of the room, but it wasn't there. He grinned. "The chase is on," he muttered. It was the most dangerous game. Elf.

  He scanned the room slowly, then he heard a low moan to his left, like someone trying to talk through mud. "Brrraaaaaaaiiiinnnnssss!"

  Mr. Peartree spun and fired his rifle. It was a perfect shot; a tiny black hole appeared in the elf's forehead. But instead of falling over and dying, it simply kept shambling forward.

  "Oh, so you're gonna play tough, huh?" Mr. Peartree grinned; he liked a challenge. He took aim again, this time right at the undead elf's eye.

  But before he could fire, another voice welled up behind him, a high pitched squeaky voice.

  "Brrraaaaaaiiiinnnssss!"

  Mr. Peartree turned. Jenny Cupcake stood right before him. He recognized her; they'd actually been married for some time, but she'd walked out on him, claiming that she could no longer handle what he did for a living. Now, it appeared, she was an undead brain-eating monster from hell.

  Some people, it seemed, never change.

  Mr. Peartree aimed his rifle again, and a thrill went through him. "See you in hell, bitch!" he cried at her.

  He never fired. The back of his head exploded into a raging storm of sharp pain. Everything went red, then black. His head felt oddly cool, like there was a draft in the room.

  "Ah, shit," he muttered. And that was it for Mr. Peartree.

  * * *

  "What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?" Doctor Evergreen was panicking. He and Santa had not made it to the lab in time; in fact, Jenny and the first elf had just finished eating Mr. Peartree's brains when they'd shown up. If Santa hadn't thought quickly and pulled the lab door shut with a slam, they would have been eaten for sure.

  "Where are the other doors?" Santa demanded, interrupting Doctor Evergreen's frantic mantra.

  "There's only one other door," Doctor Evergreen replied. "It's in the back. It's locked and there are dozens of heavy crates in front of it."

  "What about the third door?"

  "There is no third door. Mr. Peartree was just messing with me, I'm sure of it."

  "Are you sure about that?"

  Doctor Evergreen nodded. "Of course I'm sure." He realized he was shouting, and made a deliberate effort to lower his voice. "If there was a third door, I'd know about it by now. I've been all over that lab."

  Santa regarded Doctor Evergreen for a long moment. Then he said, "All right. Let's get back to my office. I can coordinate crisis response better from there. You!" He pointed at one of the harried-looking elves who was scuttling by with a large bundle under her arm.

  "Yes, Santa?"

  "Stay here and guard this door. As of this moment you are officially relieved from toy making duties until further notice. If anything happens, you let me know immediately. Do you understand?"

  The elf saluted sharply and stood at attention, her bells jingling authoritatively. "Yes, Mr. Claus!"

  Santa didn't even acknowledge her. He simply grabbed Dr. Evergreen's arm and began to run.

  "I was afraid this would happen," he panted.

  Doctor Evergreen pulled himself to a stop, forcing Santa to turn around. They were at the intersection of two corridors. "You knew about this, didn't you! You knew something like this was going to happen!"

  "Not now, Doctor Evergreen. Come on!"

  But Doctor Evergreen was adamant. "No, Santa. Tell me what's happening."

  Santa sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I guess I did know that something was going to happen."

  "So tell me!"

  Santa took a deep breath. "Project Epiphany. It was your predecessor's idea. We thought we could reanimate dead elves by injecting them with a special formula I created, and make productivity skyrocket."

  Doctor Evergreen blinked in shock. "What! And you didn't tell me!"

  "It was a failure. The things were unstoppable. We couldn't kill them. We finally just drove them out into the Arctic waste and hoped that nature would take its course."

  "The Arctic Circle," Doctor Evergreen muttered. "It's just like a deep freeze out there. You should have known when you saw that elf encased in the ice!"

  Santa shook his head sadly. "I just assumed all the zombies were dead. I had no idea what Jenny had found."

  "You just forgot, didn't you?" Doctor Evergreen was flabbergasted. "I can't believe it! You just forgot!"

  "Okay, so I'm a bad Santa. Let's just get back to my office."

  There was a loud scream from the right. It was followed by another scream, and then the familiar moans: "Brrrrraaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnssss!" This was followed by a ghastly high pitched giggle.

  Doctor Evergreen looked back to the lab. The door was still shut. What on earth was happening?

  "The third door," Santa said.

  Doctor Evergreen's heart sank. "I swear I didn't know!"

  "I ought to just leave you here," Santa snarled. But then he grabbed Doctor Evergreen's arm and began to run again.

  * * *

  Doctor Evergreen stood silently watching the carnage on one of the closed circuit TV screens in the Big Guy's office. The number of zombies shambling through the corridors of the workshop had already tripled. Even now he could see Jenny and another elf fighting each other for the brains of a young elf in a Programmers' Union uniform. His stomach turned at the sight. "What are we going to do, Santa?"

  Santa said nothing for a long moment. Then he sighed. "We're going to have to go with emergency plan Omega Z."

  "Omega Z? Nuke the facility from orbit? But you can't! It's a week ‘til Christmas! The toys!"

  "We've got no choice. Get into the escape hatch, and I'll initiate the detonation sequence from here." He punched the intercom button again. "Miss Gingerbread, I want you to make an evacuation announcement. Anyone still able to leave the workshop must do so within ten minutes. We're going Omega Z."

  "Goodness gracious!" Miss Gingerbread squeaked. "For real?"

  "Yes, for real. Now do it! Then get out of the building as quickly as you can." He turned to Doctor Evergreen. "Move it!" He typed a series of commands into his computer, and a panel on the south wall of his office slid aside, revealing a black tunnel.

  Doctor Evergreen ran for the tunnel and ducked inside. He heard Miss Gingerbread's voice start to blast over the PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is an evacuation alert. All elves who are still alive must evacuate the facility within ten minutes. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill."

  Doctor Evergreen paused to listen to the voice. This was the worst thing he could imagine. Santa's workshop invaded by zombies. The entire facility being nuked, and only a week before Christmas! How could this be happening?

  "Move it!" Santa's voice was loud and commanding. Doctor Evergreen looked behind him to see Santa barreling on him like a giant boulder. Doctor Evergreen didn't have a chance to turn around completely before Santa was on him, shoving him backwards down the tunnel. He scrambled to get himself turned around, but he couldn't get a grip on the floor or walls. Then high pitched voices screamed out, "Santa braiiinnnssss!!!", and then Santa screamed.

  Heart pounding, Doctor Evergreen ran.
<
br />   * * *

  When he opened his eyes again, Doctor Evergreen found himself out in the snow. Before him, flames leaped skyward from the ruins of the workshop. Smoke billowed upwards, colored orange and red by the flames. Elves milled about them, looking lost and confused. Doctor Evergreen counted less than two dozen of them; Santa had employed close to five thousand.

  "Holy crumbcakes," he said. Grief welled up in Doctor Evergreen's chest, and he fell to his knees. "This is all my fault!" he wailed, pounding the sides of his head. "Everyone's dead! I should never have released that elf from the ice! I should have known where that third door was!"

  One of the other elves patted Doctor Evergreen on the shoulder. "There, there," she said. "You couldn't have known what would happen." She paused. "Could you?"

  Doctor Evergreen shook his head. "I suppose not. Well, there's nothing for us to rebuild at this point. We'll have to find a new Santa and issue some press releases. I think..."

  He was interrupted by a sound overhead, something like a jet engine, something like hoofbeats. He looked up, saw a miniature sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer.

  Santa.

  Doctor Evergreen felt his heart sink. Santa had a list, and he would be checking it twice.

  And Doctor Evergreen heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, "BRAAAAAAAAIIINNNNSSSS!!"

  Story Art Cover

  By Jason Tudor

  http://www.JasonTudor.com

  Dedication

  To my Mom

  Author Bio

  Rhonda Kachur AKA Rhonny Reaper is a 20 year old horror fan from Cleveland Ohio who's been watching horror films since the age of 4. Her favorite film is "The Bride of Frankenstein", but she has a soft spot for killer doll films. She is the creator of the horror review blog Dollar Bin Horror (dollarbinhorror.blogspot.com) and the horror picto-blog Monster Beauty (monster-beauty.blogspot.com). She is currently working on a journalistic style zombie book for the Dead On Earth series and short horror stories for various horror anthologies and magazines. You can check out her personal blog at RhonnyReaper.blogspot.com

  Merry Christmas, Sarah!

  By Rhonda E. Kachur

  Rick Anderson felt like the luckiest guy in the world. He was in wonderful health, had a great paying job, a lovely wife, and two beautiful daughters. The family had just moved to Pennsylvania from Hawaii and was excited for their first white Christmas. Rick’s wife, Mary, and his daughters, Stacy and Sarah, played for hours in the snow yesterday and were filled with the Christmas Spirit. The girls were only eight and six with Sarah being the youngest. Rick marveled at the way everything around them seemed magical and beautiful. Rick was the kind of guy who genuinely loved being a husband, a father, and an all around family man.

  Tracey Leimen was the nicest boss Rick has ever had. She always stopped to chat with the employees and gave very generous Christmas bonuses to everyone. She was a tall, skinny woman with fiery red hair. Throughout the month of December, her pantsuits were green and red, today being the exception of all red. She wasn’t a loud speaker, but her voice had a quality to it that seemed to invite conversation.

  “So what’s with the big red sack, Ricky?” she asked with a smile on her face as she looked at the large bag beside Rick’s desk.

  “Oh this?” Rick replied as he motioned to the bag beside him, “Well I thought I’d surprise my girls for Christmas and come home tonight dressed up like ole Saint Nick himself. Put them in the Christmas spirit, y’know?”

  “That sounds charming!” Tracy replied with a big smile on her face. “How are the girls by the way?”

  “They’re doing good. Stacy’s full of energy and excited about opening presents tomorrow. Sarah’s a bit under the weather though. I think she caught a cold playing in the snow over the weekend. She had a fever this morning but I’m hoping my Santa routine will cheer her up a bit. Mary’s supposed to watch The Grinch with them ‘til I get there.”

  “Well, I got them each a little something.” She nods toward her office and continues, “You can pick up the gifts on your way out they’re sitting on my desk. Tell Sarah I said get well soon, okay?”

  “Sure thing,” Rick replied. He really felt the concerned feeling coming out of Tracy. He was instantly reminded why he enjoyed working for her. “So what are your plans for tomorrow?”

  “Oh I’m hoping for a nice Christmas at home. My daughter is driving in from Ohio and the snowstorm out there has me a little worried.”

  “Don’t worry.” Rick said flashing Tracy with a cheerful look. “I’m sure she’ll make it in alright. The road crews always stock up on extra salt

  when they know the roads are gonna be a mess, plus I’m sure she’s a safe driver; if she takes it slow she’ll be just fine.”

  “Thanks Ricky, that makes me feel better, but a mother worries?” Tracy shrugged her shoulders. “Just ask Mary.”

  They both laughed at the thought.

  “Yeah, I know.” Rick said still laughing from Tracy’s comment. “This morning when she took Sarah’s temperature, I thought she was going to have a heart attack! It was a hundred degrees, but Mary reacted like it was a million!”

  “Oh my! I do hope she feels better, it’s no fun to be sick on Christmas.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be fine. It’s just a cold, maybe the flu. Sarah’s a tough cookie.”

  “She is a feisty little thing. Well, I better be off. I’ve got to get the guest room ready. Merry Christmas, Rick!”

  “Same to you Tracy!”

  Tracy grabbed her coat and left for the night. It was Christmas Eve and everyone else in the office had left for his or her winter vacations. Rick turned off his computer and headed for the restroom to change into his Santa suit. He couldn’t wait to get home and see the look on the girls’ faces when Santa comes to hand deliver their gifts.

  The suit was a perfect fit with the pillow he brought to fill up the belly. Rick wasn’t a skinny man, but he sure wasn’t as round and plump as Santa. He put on his beard and red hat to cover his brown hair with hints of gray at the temples. The suit was red with white fur trim down the middle, a black belt with a gold buckle, and had white gloves to finish the look. It was the perfect traditional Santa Claus outfit. He picked up his sack and headed for Tracy’s office. He grabbed the two gift boxes and stowed them away. Rick locked the door behind him and headed for his car.

  The radio was playing all the classic holiday songs, wishing everyone Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Rick was a little uncomfortable driving with a pillow shoved under his shirt, but nothing could put him in a bad mood tonight. He was very careful to drive slowly because the roads were pretty slick. Rick was singing along to the radio when Jingle All The Way suddenly stopped playing for a special news bulletin. Rick tried to turn up the radio, but his faux belly was in the way. His car started to swerve into the next lane as he tried to turn the dial. Not wanting to wreck with oncoming traffic, he corrected his steering and forgot about the radio. He thought he heard something about an outbreak of some sort and immediately thought of Sarah. She was running a fever this morning and coughing quite a bit, but Rick was sure it was just the common cold or the flu and nothing to get hysterical about. As soon as she saw him dressed in this ridiculous outfit, she’d have a good laugh and forget all about being sick.

  He finally pulled up into his snow-covered driveway and saw the light from the tree glowing in the front window, the star on top shining bright. He parked the car, grabbed the sack of presents, and headed for the front door.

  “Ho, Ho, Ho!” he exclaimed as loud as he could in his best Santa Claus voice. He expected Mary to come open the door, but no one answered.

  “Is anybody home? I brought some presents for a few good girls I know,” he said continuing in his Santa voice as he knocked on the door. Still, no one came to let him in.

  “Come on Mary, It’s me. Open up.” His Santa voice was now gone.

  No one ever came to answer the door. Rick didn’t even hear footsteps walking
around the house. He thought for a moment they all had fallen asleep, but Mary assured him she would keep the kids up ‘til he got there. And even if the kids fell asleep, Mary should surely be awake. He set the bag of gifts down and reached into his pocket for the house keys. He unlocked the door and walked in.

  No one was visible. The lights from the tree flashed and danced with vibrant color, the fireplace was roaring with warm, inviting flames, and the radio was on, playing the bulletin he missed from the drive home.

  “Attention all residents in the state of Pennsylvania, an epidemic of what appears to be an advanced form of rabies has stricken the northern most counties of the state. This form of rabies appears to be spread through direct saliva-to-blood contact, mainly through biting. Victims who have been bitten produce symptoms similar to that of the common cold. As the illness worsens, the pulse of the infected weakens until they expire. Soon after, they appear to miraculously come back to life, only to attempt to bite and, as some reports speculate, eat the flesh of those around them not yet infected. It is advised that those who are infected be separated from any non-infected persons and restrained until more is known about this particular strain of rabies. If no one in your household is infected yet, it is suggested you stay indoors and lock all entry points of your home until more information is gathered. Stay tuned for more updates.”

  Rick stood dazed and confused about what he had just heard. They couldn’t be serious, could they? Is this some sort of sick prank? What kind of psycho would play a prank like this on Christmas Eve? Where is my family? Oh my god! He immediately thought of Sarah and how sick she was earlier that morning. He didn’t remember anything biting her but, never the less, he thought of her.