[Measure of Devotion 01.0] Measure of Devotion

by Caethes Faron

  “If what he said was true, it would have been a colossal mistake telling you.”

  “You should have trusted me, Kale. Do you really think I’d put you in harm’s way?” Kale didn’t know. It was an interesting thought to file away for later. “And as for my stupid sense of loyalty, as you call it,” Jason smiled, and Kale was glad to see he wasn’t upset, “how do you know that’s why I did it? It’s entirely plausible that I went through this whole act to get out of seeing everyone at the party tonight. As if I would have anything to say to Carter Cartwright.”

  Kale couldn’t help it; he needed to laugh too badly and he let it out. Soon they were laughing together, and when they finally calmed down again, they settled back into that comfortable silence. Only now, it was peaceful as well.

  A little while later, Kale heard the telltale snoring and envied Jason’s ability to sleep no matter what was going on around him. Questions Kale had been holding at bay came forward. Did he trust Jason not to put him in harm’s way? Obviously not, otherwise he wouldn’t have believed Robert. But was that just instinct? Some part of him knew that Jason would never hurt him. A stupid part, Kale thought, because Jason had already hurt him plenty. But that was before.

  Before what? Before Jason’s guilt started to eat him up. But that didn’t make any sense. Guilt didn’t last this long. There was more to it than that, but he didn’t care to think on it too much. No reason for him to go diving into that well as long as he knew that he could trust Jason. With the sense of loyalty that kid had, Kale knew he could.

  There was the matter of this ridiculous fear he had of being taken. Kale had lived the last twenty-one years knowing that every aspect of his life was controlled by the whims of the men who owned him. He had never had a say in his life and never expected one. The best he could hope for was some semblance of comfort if he performed his duties well, but even that was not guaranteed. What had changed?

  Jason had said this was home now. Perdana was home. Except Kale didn’t give a crap about Perdana. He had never been made for city life. So what was it then? If that townhouse with the drafty basement, the cramped hallways, and the balcony that overlooked a pathetic plot of garden wasn’t home, then why did he fear being taken from it? Why did he feel like he was home for the first time since being separated from his mother?

  Kale felt like he had been punched in the gut. That couldn’t be it, but it had to be; and even though it was an uncomfortable thought, he knew as soon as he thought it that it was right.

  Jason was home to him now.

  Home was not a place for him like it was for Jason. It was a person, because that’s all Kale could have.

  That’s why he had been willing to risk himself for Jason. Somewhere along the way, things had changed. Kale’s happiness was no longer dependent on Jason’s the way every slave’s happiness depended on his master’s; Kale’s happiness had become intertwined with Jason’s.

  As uncomfortable as these realizations were, Kale knew that they were true. Once he accepted them, his mind eased, and he began to drift off, only slightly aware before he fell asleep that not only was he comfortable and safe with Jason as his home, he was also incredibly vulnerable.

  Twenty-Four

  Back in Perdana, life settled right back into its usual rhythm as if nothing had happened. Except something had happened, and even though the actions were the same as before, Kale couldn’t deny that a thick fog of sadness hung around Jason. Being disowned was a big deal to anyone, but to Jason, who was always keenly aware of how others thought about him, it was devastating.

  “Why don’t you just apologize to your father?” They were in Jason’s room on the bed. Jason had tried studying and then reading, but nothing held his attention, and he had taken to lying in silence.

  “What?” There was indignation in Jason’s voice. “What for?”

  “Whatever it is he wants you to apologize for. Tell him you’re sorry for interfering, for talking back to him, for defying him. It’s killing you not to have his approval.”

  “I’m not apologizing to him. I don’t even like him. I never did. We’ve never gotten along.”

  “That may be true, but he’s still your father. And like it or not, his opinion matters to you. Try to make things right. I want you to be happy.”

  “I am happy.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re not as good an actor as you think you are. You came here to climb the social ladder, to be part of the elite, and now all you do is spend time in your room or in the park with your slave.”

  “Dreams change, Kale.”

  “All right. Well, what about money? Now that you’re cut off from your father, how are you going to afford to stay here?”

  “My mother had her father set up a trust for me. She left me enough money for us to live on for a few years, at least to get me through school.” A hint of laughter entered Jason’s eyes. “What, were you scared that I’d resort to selling you to survive?” Jason was smiling, and Kale liked seeing it.

  “No, although that isn’t a bad idea. I am the one who caused all of this.”

  “Stop it, Kale.” All mirth left Jason’s face, and he knelt in front of Kale, grabbing his chin and forcing eye contact. “Stop it. I don’t want to hear that from you again. You want me to be happy? Stop blaming yourself for something that’s not your fault. You think if you weren’t here that my father and I would get along swimmingly? You’re not naïve, Kale. The problems between us go back much further than that. I was never going to be his pride and joy.” Jason let go of Kale’s face and turned away, but not before Kale saw a glint of pain in his eyes.

  Kale would never understand it. Despite Jason’s dislike for his father, he would always want his approval. Even now, he seemed to loathe himself for needing it so badly.

  After several days of Jason moping around, trying to act happy and failing miserably, Kale finally had enough. He couldn’t stand seeing Jason like this. As much as he hated the thought of going to any of the uppity parties that were going on all over the city, he knew something like that would be just the thing to cheer Jason up. Charlie was gone—his master had gone back home for the holidays—but Simon and Jacob were still around. Their masters preferred to stay in the city and attend all the local festivities. One of them might be able to help.

  Kale timed Jason’s dinner so that he had a chance of running into one of the other slaves in the kitchen. He was rewarded when he found Simon preparing his master’s tray.

  “Simon, what’s going on this week that I could get my master to?”

  Simon didn’t even look up from where he was arranging silverware. “Nothing that wouldn’t require you to go with him.”

  “That’s fine, I don’t mind.”

  “Oh, has the princess decided to actually start serving?” Simon glanced at Kale and cocked his eyebrow.

  “Stop it, Simon. I need to get him out of this house. It’s depressing seeing him up in that room all day. I can’t persuade him to go out anywhere, but I figured if there was something good enough happening, or something he would feel obligated to go to, it might help.”

  Simon went back to his work. “Well, there is an engagement party the day after tomorrow.”

  “All right, whose?”

  “My master’s cousin.”

  “How come I didn’t know about it?”

  “Come on, Kale, really?” Simon looked at him. “Why would anyone tell you or your master anything? Everyone knows he prefers to spend his time with you. None of us mentioned it because we knew you wouldn’t want to go. My master didn’t invite him because he’s not really part of his social circle. Besides, you two were supposed to be out of town.”

  Kale didn’t realize that others talked about them like this. Had people really stopped inviting Jason places because he spent all of his time with Kale? It didn’t surprise him, now that he thought about it, but he didn’t like that he hadn’t noticed. Why should it matter if he wanted to go to this party or not? Mr. Thalomew was fr
om a well-known family; this party would be the perfect opportunity for Jason to not only have a good time, but to socialize with the people he came to the city to join.

  “Can you get us an invitation?”

  “This late? Normally, no. But since Jason’s his housemate, I guess I could let it slip that it would be the polite thing to do now that he’s back in town.”

  “Thanks, Simon. I owe you one.”

  “Yes, you do.” Simon eyed him suggestively and left.

  Kale tried not to be too obvious as he shifted his shoulders. This formal clothing was too restrictive for his tastes, and the boredom of the party made it hard to focus on anything else.

  “Another glass of champagne, please.” Jason’s voice reminded Kale that he was here for a reason and was shirking his duty. It was easy to forget; slaves at this sort of thing were like accessories, people brought them to show they could afford them. When Kale stepped forward to take away the empty champagne flute, Jason leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I’m going to need it.” Kale and his master shared a smile. Nice to know that he wasn’t the only one bored.

  Walking to a refreshment table, Kale felt like he was being watched. Peering discreetly around, he saw that people were indeed throwing glances his way and going back to their conversations. Kale tried to overhear what they were talking about, but he only caught bits and pieces.

  “Did you see how he looked at him?”

  “Spends all his time with him.”

  “It isn’t right.”

  Were these people really talking about Kale and his master? It was probably just paranoia. Returning to his master’s side, he handed Jason his champagne and stood back to observe. While Jason played the part of high society gentleman well, there were little subtleties that gave away that he didn’t quite belong. For one, he had little to talk about with a lot of these people and spent most of his time listening. For the last several weeks, he had not made any social appearances and was left out of all the latest gossip. It was important to Jason to be a part of this world. Kale knew that, but he had been more than happy to push that knowledge aside when Jason offered him a comfortable existence devoid of any real responsibility.

  “To the happy couple.” Jason raised his glass of champagne in a toast.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, Jason. How do you know Cordelia?” Kale didn’t recognize the young man speaking.

  “I’m housemates with a cousin of hers, Phineas Thalomew.”

  “Ah, good fellow. A bit wild, but I guess that runs in the family, as Cordelia has shown.” The unknown man laughed at his own joke, but Jason’s expression showed that he was as in the dark as Kale was. “Oh, come now, don’t tell me you haven’t heard that story?”

  “Like you said, it’s been a while. I’m not up to date on my gossip.”

  “Well then, let me tell you that sweet Cordelia is nothing of the sort. Her fiancé, Mr. Pinkerton, is barely more than a servant. Her father forbade her to see him, but she snuck around with him anyway. When dear father found out, he was furious, and she went on and on about how she would simply die if she didn’t marry Pinkerton. It was quite the scene from what I heard. Then, when it still didn’t look like she would get her way, Cordelia threatened her father with a bastard child.”

  “She didn’t,” Jason said, aghast. “Her father couldn’t have taken kindly to that.”

  “To make matters worse, she’s his only child. So what did he do? He opened his arms to Pinkerton, gave him a position with his firm, and here we are at their engagement party pretending everything’s respectable.”

  Kale didn’t listen to the rest of their conversation. The idea that all this pomp was hiding a scandal intrigued him. Though he should hardly be surprised, the aristocracy in Perdana was known for money, not discretion. Still, what else could a good marriage hide, he wondered?

  The rest of the evening went by in a haze of champagne refills and dull conversation. Although Kale did notice that every time his master moved on to a new group of people, the other partygoers clearly sought Kale out with their eyes. From people who normally ignored slaves or regarded them the same way they would a utilitarian piece of furniture, that betrayed a deep level of interest and curiosity.

  Twenty-Five

  Jason had a good time at the party, but it was different than he remembered. Since falling for Kale, he was much less interested in society. All of the socialites’ gossip and drama seemed shallow and vapid. While it was nice to get out of the house, Jason wished that Kale could have accompanied him as a free companion so he could have gotten away with talking to him all night. Still, it was probably wise to start making himself a part of the social scene on occasion now that his father had disowned him.

  “Isn’t it interesting, Master, how a marriage could solve their problems?” Kale helped Jason undress for the night.

  “Yes, well, you know these people are more concerned with appearances than anything else. It doesn’t matter what the truth of the matter is, as long as it looks decent and respectable.”

  “I imagine there will still be gossip about them, but that will just make people love them more for providing entertainment.”

  “That’s quite the high opinion you have of the aristocracy here.” Jason smiled. He knew Kale didn’t have any patience for these people; it was nice to be privy to his real thoughts on the matter. Still, Jason knew that a part of him would always want to be invited to the party.

  “Well, they could be useful for one thing,” Kale said. Jason raised his eyebrows in question. “If it works for them, why not for you?”

  “As much as I’d like to, I can’t exactly marry you, Kale.”

  “I’m not joking.”

  “That has me worried.”

  “Why don’t we find you a nice, upstanding bride?”

  “What?” Jason jerked his hand out of Kale’s grasp where he had been unfastening a cufflink and began to do it himself.

  “You heard me.”

  Why did Kale insist on trying Jason’s patience with silly things? By his tone of voice, Jason knew that Kale was not going to back down until they talked this out. “Yes, I heard you, but what would possess you to say something like that? I’ve got you, Kale. What possible need do I have for a wife?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Money, social standing, entry into the club. You know how it is. A good marriage would do wonders for you right now.”

  “I told you, I have the money my mother left me. We’re going to be fine.”

  “Yes, but you don’t have enough to buy the place you want in society.”

  “No, but that doesn’t matter to me anymore.”

  “Yes, it does. You just deny it for my sake. It’s bad enough that you’ve split with your father over me. I’m not going to let you give up all of your dreams. Besides, you’re going to grow bored of me sooner or later, and then it’s going to be awful for you to not be able to get an invitation anywhere.”

  “First of all, I will never get bored of you.” Jason stepped close to Kale and stroked his cheek. He would spend the rest of his life reassuring Kale if he had to. “Second, I’m not giving up anything being with you. I don’t care about all that stuff anymore, and you should know that.”

  “Really? So what would you think if you knew that the real reason you didn’t get an invite to the party initially was because everyone knows you spend all of your time up in your room with your slave? Or that people talk about the way you look at your slave when you’re out with him? Hmm? What then?”

  “Are they really saying such things?” Jason couldn’t help the feeling of loss when he heard what Kale said, and he stepped away so that Kale wouldn’t see it. It felt like his stomach dropped to the floor. He didn’t mind people knowing about his feelings for Kale, not really, but it hurt to know he was being excluded because of it.

  “Yes.” Kale’s voice was close to his ear, and he felt Kale’s hands on his shoulders, turning Jason to face him.

  “It does
n’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does. You’re not thinking long-term. Remember, I’m older than you, I know what I’m talking about.”

  “Yes, three months older, and I’ll never get to be the wiser one because of it.”

  “Just think about it. Having a good wife might make your situation a lot better. Matters are only going to get worse once it gets out that your father disowned you. If you want to have any type of future, you need to be thinking of these things.”

  It was strange how their positions had reversed. Jason didn’t like the idea of getting married, but he wouldn’t dismiss what Kale had said. “Fine, I’ll think about it. Can we just go to bed now? It feels like we’re arguing, and I don’t like it. If anything, I never thought I’d have to convince you to step back from the social scene.”

  “Oh, you don’t. If I never get back into that ridiculous getup, it will be too soon. I just want to make sure you’re thinking about the future. I want to do what’s best for you.”

  “I know, and I think it’s sweet.” Jason leaned forward and kissed Kale on the tip of his nose. When Kale rolled his eyes in response, Jason caught his lips in a much more passionate kiss, dragging him backward to the bed at the same time. When the back of Jason’s legs hit the bed, he broke away. “Speaking of that getup, seeing you in it again is reason enough to start going out more. Here’s a little hint from someone who has studied battle tactics: you go for a man’s weakness in order to get what you want.” Jason didn’t give Kale a chance to reply before he dragged him down onto the bed and into another kiss. If this was going to be a battle with Kale, then he was going to fight dirty.

  Twenty-Six

  Having sex probably hadn’t been the best way to get Jason to agree to find a wife—wasn’t there some saying about a cow and milk that applied?—but Kale had never been great at turning down sex. What had seemed like harmless sex the night before, though, looked like a colossal mistake in the light of day. He knew from the look Jason gave him when he rolled over in the morning to kiss him that he had his mind made up. It was going to be a tough battle, but Kale knew it was important. There was no way a disowned man who preferred the company of his slave to anyone else stood a chance in this world. But all that could be changed with a simple engagement and wedding ceremony. That would be the easy part. The hard part was getting Jason to let go of his idealistic notions long enough to agree to it.