[Measure of Devotion 01.0] Measure of Devotion

by Caethes Faron

  “It’s not me I’m worried about. You could barely make it from the parlor to your bedroom that night. We’re going to have to go across town after this.”

  “I’ve got money for a cab. Humor me. I want to get drunk out of my mind, and I want you to get drunk with me.”

  “That’s going to be a bit of a problem.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t get drunk.”

  “What are you talking about? You’ve never gotten your hands on enough alcohol at those gambling sessions you like to think I don’t know about?”

  “It’s not that. I just hold my liquor well. You kind of have to when your life depends on how well you perform your work. You’d be passed out before I ever started to lose control.”

  “Well good, then you won’t have any problems making sure we get home. We’ll both have whiskey. Where’s the damn waiter?” Jason looked around for someone who could take their order. When he turned back to Kale, he saw him biting his lower lip, and the sides of his mouth were twitching. “What? Oh, there are no waiters here, are there?” Kale shook his head. “How am I supposed to know?”

  Kale released his lip and smiled as he stood up. “You’re not. I’ll be back with the drinks.”

  When Kale returned, he carried two glasses and a bottle. Kale pushed the fuller of the two glasses toward Jason. “Why do I get more? I thought you said you could take more liquor than I can.”

  “I can. The extra is water. You wouldn’t like it straight.”

  “How do you know?” Jason felt he was being treated like a child. Kale wasn’t helping his feeling of independent manhood.

  Kale merely looked back at him with raised eyebrows and barely disguised mirth. He held his own glass out to Jason in invitation.

  Taking the glass, Jason kept his eyes on Kale. When the glass came under his nose, it was hard not to flinch at the smell of the alcohol. It was stronger than he remembered. Then, remembering the disaster the first time he tried Kale’s breakfast while attempting to maintain eye contact, he broke off his gaze and looked down at the glass. Closing his eyes, he lifted it to his lips and tried to take a swig of the pungent liquid.

  Much of it came right back out on the table.

  In the back of his mind, Jason was aware that Kale was laughing, but all he could focus on was the liquid fire making its way down his throat. He rubbed his shirt sleeve across his mouth out of instinct. When he realized what he was doing, he paused. This was an expensive shirt, and he had just ruined it. Another moment and he realized he didn’t care. It felt good to soil clothes that were always meant to look perfect at picturesque occasions. He resumed wiping the liquid off his face. It was also on the table, and figuring he had already ruined it anyway, he took his shirt sleeve to that as well.

  When he felt a little more composed, he turned to Kale, who appeared to be at least making an effort to control his laughter. “That’s not like what I remember.”

  “I thought not.” Kale took his glass back, replacing it with the one he had originally put in front of Jason. “I would guess that the whiskey you tried was watered down. And even if it wasn’t, you weren’t drinking whiskey when I saw you that night, so you were probably already on your way to getting drunk when you switched from the champagne. Whiskey’s easier to take when you ease into it.”

  “How can you remember that so well? I have a hard time remembering the details of a book I’ve just read for a class.”

  “Again, if your life depended on it, I bet you’d remember a lot more details.”

  “But how could your life depend on what I was drinking the night I got you?”

  “Maybe not my life, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but certainly my comfort. You were my new master. I needed to be aware of the details. It helped me gauge what kind of mood you would be in when your attention settled back on me. It’s always best to know as much as you can about the man who holds your life in his hands.”

  “We didn’t get off to the best start, did we?”

  “No. I’d say that seeing fury on the face of your new owner, and knowing that you’re the cause of that fury, is about the worst way to start. But you’ve made up for it since then.”

  Jason had taken to sipping at his watered-down drink. Better to appear a cautious drinker than an inept one. “Do you ever get nervous around me anymore? I mean, are you still afraid of me?”

  Kale chuckled. “And this is why slaves know better than to get drunk; we might answer a question like that with something stupid.”

  “I want the truth, Kale.” Jason tried to look as sober as he could. “You don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. I hope you know that. Or is that my answer right there? If you’re too scared to answer me with some alcohol in you, if you really think I would hold that against you, then I guess I really haven’t changed that much.”

  “No, it’s not that, I was just illustrating a point.” Kale paused and considered Jason. His lips came together in that slight purse that always meant he was weighing his words carefully. Jason always felt when Kale took his time like this it was because he was trying to discern the truth of what he was about to say, not trying to think of the most diplomatic response. “No, I’m not scared or nervous around you. If I was, nothing short of a threat would have gotten me to drink with you here tonight.”

  “I thought you don’t get drunk.”

  “I don’t, but you do, and I’ve seen my fair share of mean drunks. If I worried about you, I wouldn’t allow myself to relax enough to drink.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m glad to hear it. The last thing I want is for you to be afraid of me. Now what’s the beer for?”

  “I thought you might like it more. If you want to stay for any length of time, you’re not going to be able to keep drinking liquor. I thought you might enjoy a more leisurely evening.”

  “Good thinking.” Jason pushed the whiskey out of the way—even watered down, he didn’t much like it—and took a swig of the beer, more because he knew he could than for any affinity for ale.

  “We’ve got to talk about these girls you keep trying to match me with. They’re dull, Kale. They are beyond dull. I would sooner marry a goldfish.”

  Kale smiled the beautiful smile that always made Jason forget what they were talking about for a moment. Was it the alcohol that made him want to fuck Kale after just seeing that smile?

  “Hey, if it was legal and the goldfish had a fortune, I’d be all for it.”

  “That’s good to know. But what are we going to do?”

  “Why is it so important to you that she be interesting?”

  “Because I’m going to have to last long enough to at least propose to her. Besides, I’m not going to just ignore this person. You should know me better than that by now. I couldn’t do that.”

  “Yes, I know that, but you used to take to these people well enough.”

  “That was before you. You have yourself to blame for this.”

  “That’s good, blame the slave, Master.”

  Jason watched as Kale continued to sip from his drink, trying not to let Kale’s use of the word “master” perturb him, especially since it was said playfully. Why couldn’t they just be two people having a drink together? He had come here tonight to get away and pretend that all the other expectations of him didn’t exist, to feel what it would be like to be with Kale as just another man. But Kale would never let him forget. There was no escaping what they legally were to each other.

  After the silence had dragged on for longer than was comfortable, Kale finally spoke. “What is it?”

  Jason hadn’t realized he’d been staring, and he shook his head and looked away, back at his drink. “Nothing.” He lifted the bottle to his lips and took a long drink. He wanted more than ever to get drunk. Perhaps that would make him forget that he couldn’t have things his way.

  “No, you were thinking about something. What was it, Master?”

  Jason gave a humorless chuckle. “Even now you won’t call me by my n
ame?”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Here we are, having a great time, drinking together in a bar, I’ve told you not to treat me like your master, and still you won’t call me by my name. You’re the only slave I know who has the audacity to demand things from his master, yet you insist on calling me by that stupid title, as if that makes a difference.”

  “You’re my master. No amount of alcohol is going to change that.”

  “I know, but why can’t you just indulge me?”

  “You know I will if you order it. Are you ordering it?”

  Jason felt disgusted, and it was hard not to lash out at Kale, but that would only prove that he was right. “No, you know that.”

  “Then as long as you give me a choice in the matter—and I am grateful for that, I hope you know—as long as you give me a choice, I’m going to call you master.”

  “Fine. Then avoid calling me anything tonight. Do you think you can do that? Or is too much to ask that you just let me forget that you’re my slave for a few hours? You’re sitting here demanding that I find a woman to marry and pretend like I don’t feel anything for you when we both know that’s a damned lie. I’ll do it. I’ll do it because I feel responsible for you and because I love you. I’ll take a wife and go work for her daddy and even have a couple of kids to keep the in-laws happy. I’ll do it all, Kale, but for the love of all that is holy, I’m going to get so drunk tonight that I forget how fucking unfair this all is. And you’re going to sit there and let me. And if you call me master one more time tonight, love you or not, I’ll beat the shit out of you.” Jason hadn’t meant to sound so nasty. He hadn’t even been fully aware of just how bitter he felt until it all came pouring out. But now that it was out, he felt good.

  As he looked back at Kale, keeping his eyes steady to see the reaction to his outburst, Jason was agitated, but not surprised, that Kale took it all in, face as calm as if he were chatting with a casual acquaintance. Why couldn’t Jason have that kind of equanimity? When Jason was confronted with anything, he always felt awash in a sea of emotion. Everything seemed so large and significant to him. How did Kale manage to always appear so tranquil? It was an even more agitating thought when Jason remembered that in Kale’s life, he actually did have occasion to fear, more than Jason ever had, and still he was steady. Only a man like that could stand to be with Jason after all he had done to him.

  After Kale had absorbed what Jason had said, he nodded. “I understand, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again tonight. If that’s what you want, you have it.”

  Jason released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Thank you, Kale. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just don’t know how to cope with all this.”

  “I know. There’s no need to apologize.” Miraculously, Jason saw that he actually meant it. “I’ll do a better job. I won’t try to push you toward anyone who isn’t suitably interesting in the future.”

  Jason nodded and went back to his drink, but he didn’t know if there was enough alcohol in Perdana to ease the ache he felt.

  Twenty-Nine

  Getting Jason home had been something of a project. Kale was right in his first impressions of Jason: the boy couldn’t hold his liquor. As Jason grew more and more drunk, he got boisterous, telling Kale exactly what he thought of all the girls he had met over the last few weeks. Thinking back on it, Kale laughed a little. At one point, Jason had flailed his arms about as if it helped him make a point about just how shallow Meredith Cartilliard was. At the time, though, it just seemed sad, because in his eyes, Kale didn’t see humor, just a sort of lost and confused pain.

  It would get better. Kale had underestimated what this undertaking would entail, that was all. He was naïve to think that Jason would be happy with merely the money and position that came from marrying into a wealthy family. He wanted someone who would be a good companion. Kale was foolish to think that Jason was so wrapped up in him that he wouldn’t want companionship, and he deserved it. Thinking back to when Eric dumped him, Kale knew that the pain he had seen in Jason was not from missed opportunities, it was from something much more substantial. Kale needed that substance to help Jason be happy. And hopefully that happiness would be connected to a substantial fortune.

  It was easy for Jason to be romantic now, but Kale knew that, in time, Jason would come to resent him. When the novelty wore off and he remembered all his dreams, he’d be bitter. And then it would be too late. Kale wasn’t going to let that happen.

  While Jason slept off his hangover, Kale slipped downstairs. When he reached the kitchen, he stopped for a moment in the doorway and took in a deep breath. The smell of something baking wafted up to his nose, and he couldn’t help the happy hum that left his mouth. As he exhaled, all the tension left his body and he remembered why he’d always loved kitchens. Opening his eyes, he caught sight of Charlie sitting at the table with a cup of tea reading while Marge pulled biscuits out of the oven.

  “Marge, my master won’t be eating breakfast this morning. He’s got a bit of a hangover, and I’m letting him sleep it off.”

  “Thanks for letting me know, hon. How nice of you to let him sleep in.” Marge flashed a grin and Kale winced. It was said in jest, but at the moment, he felt that he was getting above himself and losing perspective about his relationship with Jason. Marge noticed and laughed. “It wasn’t meant as a reprimand, hon. You want a biscuit?”

  Kale shook himself out of his thoughts and smiled. “That’d be great. I’m starved.”

  “You always did know how to get what you wanted out of me, pulling that hurt puppy dog act when you know I’ve never reprimanded you before.”

  “Aww, come on, Marge, that wasn’t it. I’m just a little preoccupied is all.” He came up behind her at the counter and planted a kiss on her cheek as he reached over her shoulder and grabbed two biscuits off the pan. “Don’t worry about fixing me anything; the biscuits will hold me until lunch.”

  “What, no oatmeal? Can’t handle the mush after what you’re used to getting?” Charlie asked.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Charlie. Marge’s oatmeal is divine.”

  “See, some people around here appreciate me.” Marge shot a not-too-serious glare at Charlie and turned to Kale. “I’ll dish some up for you, go take a seat.”

  “So what are you up to?” Kale asked. He was glad to see Charlie; he was the easiest to talk to, and he wasn’t sure he could have handled the others at the moment.

  “Just reading. Carl’s visiting his sister, and he didn’t want to take me. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

  “I’ve been busy. I’m trying to find my master a wife.”

  Charlie made like he was choking on his drink. “You what?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Yes, but what are you doing that for? Wives can be bad news for slaves, especially slaves that share their master’s bed.”

  “He’s looking for a marriage of convenience, not love. All the men around here have slaves in their beds.”

  “Yes, but don’t you think your situation is a little different?”

  “How?”

  “Dear gods, Kale. Sometimes I wonder if you’re playing dumb or if you really are that dense. Never mind. What’s with the urgent wife hunt?”

  Kale decided to let Charlie’s comment go. “You know there are rumors going around about him. His reputation’s suffering, and he doesn’t seem to care. He had a falling out with his father, and if he doesn’t get married soon, he may lose his chance for a good match altogether.”

  “What do you care?”

  Kale glared at Charlie until he realized that it was a fair question. “He wants to be a part of that world. After what happened with Eric, his reclusive behavior, and now the problems with his father that I can’t count on staying secret for long, I don’t know what’s going to happen to him when the money he has runs out. And you know the cardinal rule: if the master isn’t happy, no one is. The last thing I need
is him resenting me because he spent the best years of his life thinking he was in love with me when he could have been living the life he wanted.”

  “What he wants could have changed,” Charlie said. His soft tone and pointed stare stopped Kale for second.

  “No, not him. I know him better than you do. He’s still hurt over what happened with Eric, but he’s not ready to be out of society. Not really.”

  “If you say so. What’s the problem then? You two have been going out regularly. You’ve been to every highbrow event that’s happened since you came back.”

  “I was dumb, that’s the problem. I thought he’d be happy with a pretty face with a daddy who could offer him a good job, maybe even an inheritance if we were lucky. But no, of course nothing can be simple with him. Apparently, all the girls in this town are too dumb for him.”

  “Why don’t you try getting him introduced to Renee Arlington?”

  “Who?”

  “Renee’s an old friend of my master’s, a real intellectual. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of her yet. She’s made quite a few waves. Spends a lot of her time at the university library. Insists she’s entitled to as good an education as a man, and since they won’t let her take classes, she uses their library.”

  “Really? What about her family?”

  “Her father’s in steel, and she’s an only child. She’s not too shabby to look at either. Real nice girl. You should try to arrange a meeting.”

  “I’ll do that. Do you know where I might find her?”

  “Well, she’s been out of town the last couple of months. She studied in Calea. Just got back into town a week ago. She should start being at the same social events my master attends. I’m sure I can get him to introduce you. He likes Jason quite a bit, as much as he likes anyone. They’ll get along great.”

  “That’d be wonderful. I’d owe you if you could work it out.”

  “Yes, you would. As I recall, you owe me for quite a few things and have yet to pay up.” Charlie leered at Kale.

  “I know, Charlie. I just haven’t had time lately, you know that.”