[Measure of Devotion 01.0] Measure of Devotion

by Caethes Faron

  “When I was a little girl, I once took a diamond necklace of my mother’s and separated all the diamonds from it,” Renee said as they walked. “I pasted them to some craft paper and hung it over my bed so I could look at it and pretend I was looking up at the stars.”

  Jason laughed and Renee looked at him with a childlike grin on her face. “You were a terror, weren’t you, darling?”

  “Not a terror, just stubborn. Whenever I wanted something, I didn’t stop until I had it.”

  “An admirable quality.”

  “Thank you. I’m not sure my parents agree.”

  “Come now, I know they’re proud of you. You’re making a difference. You know, a lot of the fellows at school admire you for the stand you’re taking on education.”

  “I think most people would rather I shut up and sit at home. I’d never be able to stand it, though, being a trophy wife whose only value is in being a good hostess and producing children.”

  “That would be a waste.”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  They walked for a while in silence. Once they reached a nice quiet spot, Jason spread out the blanket he had been carrying for them, and they got comfortable to watch the eclipse.

  “I’ve always dreamed of being here, in the city,” Jason said once they were settled. “It’s quite a surreal feeling now. I’m going to the university I always admired, attending the events I’d always fantasized about, socializing with people who I used to only read about in the papers, and now I’ve met a woman I never thought existed.” Jason felt the blood rushing to his face as he looked at Renee, gauging her reaction. Why did he have to blush so easily?

  “I feel the same way. Of course, you know what it’s like being an only child. Your parents force all of their hopes and dreams on you. They all have their own expectations for what your life should be, but they never stop and ask if it’s what you want.”

  “Exactly!” This is what he loved about Renee. She understood parts of him that no one else ever had.

  “My mother nearly fainted when I told her that I would be traveling abroad for an education. She’s always wanted me to be content with the role of dutiful wife. She thinks education for a woman of my standing is pointless.”

  “It’s never pointless to better your mind.”

  Renee smiled. “You try telling her that.”

  Jason made a show of gulping. “No, I don’t think I will.”

  “See, you play the part of my dashing prince charming, here to save me, but then you bolt at the first sign of a challenge.” Renee moved as if to get up, and Jason grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back down.

  “No, you don’t, I’m not letting you get away. I’m just surprised you want me to face the fiery dragon. Where would you be if I didn’t return? You’d be heartbroken.”

  “Yes, that’s true. I suppose I shall just have to make do with you loving me.” Renee’s eyes widened, as if she was surprised at what she had said. She looked nervously at Jason, waiting for his response.

  Jason sobered and returned her gaze with as much affection as he could. “I do love you, Renee.”

  Her face transformed so quickly into a smile that Jason was momentarily stunned. Matching his soberness, she said, “I love you too.”

  Jason didn’t know which one of them leaned in first, but they came together in a passionate kiss. Just as Jason began to want to do more than just kiss, Renee spoke against his lips. “Look, it’s started.”

  Opening his eyes, he saw that she was looking into the sky and pointing to the moon as it slowly succumbed to darkness.

  Thirty-Four

  Renee hummed to herself as she sat down for tea with her old governess the next day. Cora had been with her since she was five years old, and even though Renee was past the age of needing a governess, she remained steadfast friends with the woman who had been her only confidant through childhood. The woman’s tall, austere frame hid an understanding heart, and her gray eyes could go from cold and stern to warm and compassionate in an instant.

  “And what has you so cheery this afternoon?” Cora asked as soon as Renee picked up her teacup.

  “Nothing.” Renee hoped she didn’t look as silly as she felt when her face burst into a wide grin. “Well, something.”

  “This something wouldn’t happen to be a Mr. Jason Wadsworth, now would it?”

  “There’s no point trying to hide it, is there?” Renee placed her teacup down without taking a sip. “He told me he loved me last night.”

  “Ah, that would explain it. You look like you’re walking amongst the clouds today. I didn’t think I’d ever see you get this way over a boy.”

  “I didn’t think I would either, but he’s different.”

  “That’s what they all say.” Cora fixed a stern glare on her. “I thought you were going to hold out until your parents forced you into a marriage.”

  “So did I. But that was before—”

  “Yes, before Mr. Perfect entered the picture. I understand.”

  “No, you don’t, Cora.” Renee had a feeling she was being teased, but this was important, she needed Cora’s understanding. “With him, I wouldn’t be just a trophy wife. He cares about what I have to say; he values my intellect. And he really does love me. I think he’s going to propose soon. Do you think my parents will approve?”

  “Of a young man with hardly any prospects? I don’t think he’s exactly who your parents dreamed you’d marry.”

  “I know. But he makes me happy. Doesn’t that count for something? This whole time I thought that marriage was a death sentence. The most I let myself hope for was a little respect, but now I have a chance to have it all, and I don’t want to let it go.” If only she could convince Cora how important this was to her, then perhaps she could gain her as an ally in dealing with her parents.

  “Well, your previous stubbornness toward the idea of marriage will help your cause. With your father’s health being in the state it is, I think your parents will be so grateful you’ve finally decided to settle down that they’ll approve,” Cora said. “So he’s really the one?”

  “Most definitely.” Renee couldn’t help smiling so big that her cheeks began to ache. “He doesn’t want me to change, Cora. He loves me just the way I am. I know he’ll support me in my educational and women’s rights activism. He would never want to shut me away in the house. All the parts of me that I’ve always been told are unattractive—my talkativeness, my strong opinions—he loves them all. I know he’d do an excellent job managing Papa’s company; he’s brilliant. Everything’s perfect.” Or as close as possible, she thought as she gazed off into space.

  “Except?”

  Renee glanced at Cora and saw her old governess looking back at her expectantly. “Except what?”

  Cora gave an exasperated sigh. “There’s something you’re not telling me. I’ve known you since you used to hide in your wardrobe to avoid going to church, and you’re hiding something now.”

  “It’s just that he has this slave, Kale, who he’s close to.”

  “And it bothers you?”

  “At first it didn’t. But now that our relationship is moving toward marriage, I can’t help wanting him all to myself. I know that’s unrealistic.”

  Cora gave a mirthless chuckle. “You know he’s going to take other lovers, all men do.”

  “But not him. Jason’s fiercely loyal, I know without a doubt that he would never have an affair. That’s what makes it harder in a way. The only reason he is involved with Kale is because he obviously loves him.”

  “Ah, so it’s not the physical affair that bothers you.”

  “Yes…no…I don't know.” Renee dropped the scone that she had worried into multiple pieces. “I accepted a long time ago that I would be in a loveless marriage. It seems silly now to worry about this, but that’s part of Jason’s charm. I never thought to dream that I could be this happy, but he’s also made me realize that I deserve it all. Now that this perfect life is so clo
se, I can’t help reaching for it. I can’t bring myself to settle.”

  “So tell him to sell the slave.”

  Renee let out a heartfelt sigh. “I wish I could, but I’m scared. The same loyalty that assures me he won’t have an affair also makes me believe that he won’t sell Kale. I’d be devastated if I asked him to and he didn’t. I’d lose it all. I’m already getting more than I’ve ever wished for. I just wish I could be content with it.”

  “Perhaps what you really wish is that he would be content with just you.”

  Looking at Cora’s questioning brow, Renee felt winded. Before she had known what being in love was, she had hoped for nothing more than respect from a husband; now she wanted to be the center of his world the way he was quickly becoming the center of hers.

  Thirty-Five

  Kale was eager for Jason to propose so they could settle into some sort of normalcy, but there was still one obstacle to overcome. The plan had seemed so simple in the beginning, but how would Jason convince Renee’s family to agree to let him marry her? Did Renee really hold enough sway with her parents for them to overlook the fact that he was disowned? She seemed in love with him, and she did have a penchant for taking dramatic stands, but would it work? Kale wished he had his own plan in place to ensure success, but he couldn’t think of one. Luckily, he didn’t have to.

  The solution to their problem came wrapped in a plain envelope one Saturday afternoon. Kale was in the middle of reading a novel, something he loved doing now almost as much as he loved drawing, when the hurried scratch of Jason’s chair against the wood floor startled him. He looked up to find Jason standing in front of his desk, a letter clutched in his hand.

  “That son of a bitch!”

  Kale forgot his book, dropping it without marking his place. Jason rarely cursed, or at least rarely cursed in a way not in vogue with the wealthy. “What is it?” Kale rose, stood behind Jason, and placed his hands on both of his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension so he could find out what was going on.

  “Here, see for yourself.” Jason shrugged out from under Kale’s hands and flung the letter at him. He stormed to the sofa and sat down, but it was only a moment before he was back up and pacing, running his hands through his hair while murmuring to himself.

  Kale straightened out the crumpled letter and glanced down to see the signature. When his eyes lighted on Robert Wadsworth’s name, his head snapped up to look at Jason.

  “Oh yes, it’s my father. Read the whole thing.” Jason never paused from his frantic pacing.

  Kale focused back on the letter. As he read, his heart rate sped up. Could it really be this easy? Robert was extending a peace offering. Word had travelled back to the county that Jason was courting Renee and Robert took it as a sign that he had lost his fascination with Kale. Apparently the prospect of a respectable marriage was enough to erase the disgrace of what Jason had done.

  “This is great news! What are you so upset for? I think we should celebrate; I’ll go get a bottle of champagne.” Kale headed for the door, grinning from ear to ear, reading over the letter again as he walked. It was hard to believe it was real.

  When he opened the door, his arm was jerked forward as Jason slammed it shut with Kale’s hand still on the doorknob. Looking at Jason, Kale was overwhelmed by the emotions on Jason’s face. Anger, confusion, and a hint of betrayal, but mostly anger.

  “What do you mean, this is good news?” The words came out hard between tight lips.

  “He’s taking you back. You’re no longer disowned. How is this not good news?”

  “Well, let me see. First of all, he’s only doing it because he thinks I’m over you, and I’m not. Second, he’s not taking me back; he’s taking Renee Arlington.”

  Kale backed into the room, and Jason followed. They stood facing each other, Jason looking like he was geared up for battle. “Who cares what your father believes about us? He’s not taking Renee Arlington. He’s just using her as proof that you’re not being controlled by a slave. If you think about it, getting disowned worked in your favor. Before this, he would have never approved of you marrying anyone other than a nice country girl with freckles who would churn out a litter of babies. Now he’s so happy that you’re not in love with me that anyone looks good.”

  “But I am in love with you, and that’s not going to change.”

  “So?”

  “I’m not going to pretend that I’ve discarded you.” Jason grew more agitated and stepped closer to Kale, his confused eyes pleading for understanding.

  “This romantic notion of noble love doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t prove anything. Take his money and be happy. With his blessing, you’ll be able to marry Renee and get everything you’ve ever wanted. You’ll be playing with the big boys and living the life you dreamed of.” Kale grabbed Jason’s shoulders, staring him in the eye. “You want to stick it to your father? Take his money and his blessing knowing you’re your own man.”

  Jason relaxed. The fire slowly ebbed from him, but Kale wasn’t sure if he was convinced or if he was just tired of fighting. Closing the remaining space between them, Kale took Jason in his arms in a tender embrace. He spoke into his ear, “I’m flattered at your righteous indignation, but it doesn’t serve me, and it doesn’t serve you.”

  Kale felt the rest of the tension melt from Jason as his master lifted his arms to return the embrace. “I just wish he could like me for who I am. I wish that I was good enough for him.”

  Kale pulled back and gazed steadily into Jason’s eyes. Shaking his head, he sighed. “Did you ever stop and think that maybe he knows you’re too smart for him? That it terrifies him that he has a son that never fit into the simple world he belongs to? He’ll never understand you, but I do think he loves you. Otherwise, why would he care so much about our relationship?”

  “Thanks, Kale.” Jason rested his head on Kale’s shoulder for a moment. “How about you go get that champagne you were after? I’ll need to unwind some more if I’m going to answer his letter in a respectful manner.”

  “Of course. Just relax on the bed, and I’ll be back with some champagne and whatever I can wheedle out of Marge.”

  Thirty-Six

  Jason was lying in bed with Kale. Butterflies assaulted his stomach. Tonight he’d been on another date with Renee, and he was feeling more and more like now was the time to propose. Of course, Kale had waited up for him, and even though it was late, Jason needed to talk. He had hurried to bed, not wanting to start this discussion before he was comfortable. Now that they were side by side, Jason turned to Kale. Calm and steady eyes stared back at him. In that moment, Jason felt doubt. Was it betraying Kale to feel this way about Renee? Would he be all right with the new developments in their relationship? There was only one way to find out. Jason took a deep breath and dived right in.

  “I think I should propose to Renee, and I want to know if you’re all right with it.”

  Kale smirked and shook his head. “Is that what’s got you all worked up tonight? Of course you should propose to her. I believe that was the whole point.”

  “We’ve both said ‘I love you.’”

  “Good. I already told you, you could never marry someone you couldn’t love, and it’s all the better that she loves you back.”

  “Are you just saying that because you don’t want to disappoint me? Because if you don’t want me to, I won’t. I love her, and I know I would be happy with her, but you come first.”

  “And what kind of jackass would I be if I told you no? This is great news. I’ve been rooting for you two all along. If you remember, I’m the one who introduced you.”

  Jason smiled. “Yes, you are. So how do you think I should go about it?” When he realized what he said, he dropped the smile and looked harder at Kale. “Or do you not want to talk about it?”

  “And let you mess up all my hard matchmaking work? I think not.” Good. Jason knew he needed Kale’s help in this, but he hadn’t wanted to make him uncomfortable if tal
king about it was a bit much.

  “All right, so what are your ideas?”

  “Well, don’t do all that asking the father crap. Go straight to Renee. She’ll appreciate not being treated like a commodity changing hands. Her father’s either going to agree to the marriage or not, and I think he is; going to him first is not going to change his mind one way or the other.”

  “You’re right. She’ll like that I respect her enough to get her agreement first. What else?”

  “What do you mean, what else? That’s all I have. You’re the one who’s all romantic, not me. Just be honest with her. It’s not like she’s going to say no. You two are perfect for each other. Be sincere.”

  “When should I do it?”

  “Tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow. I’d tell you to do it now, but I don’t want to risk her saying no just because you woke her up. The last thing I need is to deal with your nerves. Quick and painless. You’ll only make things worse if you wait.”

  “Tomorrow. I can do that.” The park would be the perfect place. It was romantic, was feasible at the last minute, and it would be appropriate to ask her where they’d said, “I love you” to each other. There was no need to tell Kale all those details; Jason couldn’t imagine he would like hearing them.

  “Thank you so much, Kale. I know I didn’t give you an easy time with this, but I am grateful you pushed the issue. I really think we’re going to be happy. I would never have believed this was all possible if it weren’t for you.” Jason stared at Kale until he began to shift uncomfortably.

  “Stop it. All I did was introduce you, it’s no big deal. Besides, if I hadn’t been here, you would have ended up happy anyway. Stop making me out to be more than I am.”

  “I’ll never understand how someone who is as wise as you are could be so utterly stupid when it comes to some matters.”