“Well, I see you’re wearing a very nice suit jacket, expensive if I’ve guessed the brand right. Your hair is freshly cut and that watch you’re wearing is the latest model. I’ve seen it advertised for well over one thousand dollars. Isn’t that vanity?”
He stared at me with narrowed eyes. “It’s not the same. I make enough money to sustain myself.”
“And so do I.” I waved Cyndi away as she started to walk over with our coffees. “So why is it different? Because I’m a woman? Do you have a problem with women?”
“I wouldn’t say I have a problem, but they certainly don’t always make the best decisions. I mean, you’re now alone raising two children. You have to admit that you made some bad choices to get to this place.”
“Wow.” I took a deep breath. “I could really let you have it right now. I could tell you just how stupid that statement is, but I’m not going to, because you’ll just call me irrational and further your ignorance. But let me be clear that the only bad decision I’ve made is deciding to waste my time on a date with you. Please, work on your views of women.”
As I walked away, I could hear him calling after me, but I had no interest in anything else he might have to say. Yet again, I was faced with a bad date and I was pretty angry about it. Not angry at Hancock, who could only be who he was, but mad at myself for deciding to try again.
I wanted to go home, lock the door, and never leave the house again.
When I arrived at home I still had a little time before my mother was to drop the boys off. I ignored the piles of laundry and ran a warm bath. I needed to wash my time with Hancock off of me.
As I sank down into the water, my phone rang. I picked it up and saw that it was Nicole calling.
“Hi.” I sank down farther in the water.
“Uh-oh, that tone of your voice doesn’t sound very positive.”
“No, it’s not.” I closed my eyes. “I’m done, Nicole. I am totally done.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“No, it was worse. I just think this isn’t going to work for me. I don’t want to sit through another date with a guy like that.”
“They’re not all like that. Yes, there are a few crazies out there, but—”
“But they’re the ones that like me.” I laughed.
“It does take a little sorting through the weeds to get to your prince.”
“Well, my weeds only have toads and I’m not kissing any of them.” I sighed. “It’s for the best, anyway. I don’t know how I could ever fit a relationship into my life. Things are always so busy and there’s always something new to handle.”
“When you find the right person, you’ll do whatever it takes to fit him in, trust me.”
“Maybe. But I think for now, I’m going to focus on my kids, my new job, and just let all of this go.”
“Noella, if you give up every time something doesn’t go your way, you’ll miss out on a lot. Why not just try to keep an open mind?”
I considered her words for a moment. Staying locked up in the house seemed like the safest thing to do, but was she right? Would I miss out on too much?
The thought of waiting until the boys grew up before finding a partner inspired a sense of sadness within me. I would be in my fifties by then. Sure, I could still find love, but the truth was, I really didn’t want to wait that long.
“I’ll think about it. Thanks for listening, Nicole.”
“Anytime. And I’m sorry about your date today. Just think, that’s one less weed to pluck.”
“Yes, it is.”
I hung up the phone and savored the last few minutes of my bath. I didn’t know if I’d be doing any more gardening, but I thought Nicole was probably right.
I didn’t want to close the door completely.
Chapter 21
With renewed determination to keep my focus off dating, I headed out to meet my friends the next morning for our Sunday get-together. Alex pulled me aside as I walked through the door.
“You took off so fast yesterday. Was everything okay?”
“I’m sorry about that. It was just a horrible date, and I had to leave or I would have done something worse.”
“Don’t worry, I was just concerned about you.” She met my eyes. “I know dating isn’t always easy.”
“It’s not easy at all.” I shook my head. “I don’t see a point to it. I’m not enjoying it. Is it really supposed to be fun?”
“It can have its fun moments. But in general, yes, it’s supposed to be fun. Meeting new people is supposed to be fun. Unfortunately, sometimes you meet a few people that you wish you hadn’t met. But it’s only been two dates. It may seem like a lot, but you’re just getting started.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. How much more can I take?” I frowned. “I honestly try to keep a positive attitude, but this all just seems pointless. The truth is, for me to find someone who is actually interested in the same things I am, someone who has room in his life for me and who I want to make room in my life for—well, it feels like it would take a miracle.”
“And look…” She gestured to the table full of women waiting for me. “Miracles do happen, don’t they? Weren’t you the one telling Hanna that she would find love?”
“Yes, I was and she did. But my situation is different.” I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I appreciate your support, Alex, I really do, but I just want to forget about dating right now.”
“Okay. I understand.” She gave me a light hug.
As I joined my friends at our usual table, all conversation came to a halt.
“Noella.” Hanna smiled at me. “We were hoping you were coming.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” I smiled at Cyndi as she dropped a cup of coffee off to me. “Sorry I’m a little late.”
“Don’t be.” Zoe glanced at the others, then looked at me. “We’ve been talking about next Saturday when we’ll all get to see Samantha and Blu. It’s pretty exciting, isn’t it?”
“Yes, and just the distraction I need.” I thought about the offer that Nicole had made for me to get away for a weekend. It sounded so tempting. But it wasn’t possible right now, just like a lot of other things.
“I heard things didn’t go too well.” Dawn scrunched up her nose. “Two bad dates in a row, that’s no fun.”
“No, it’s not. I’m going to put the dating idea on hold for a while.”
“Sweetheart, you don’t need to do that.” Zoe patted my knee. “What you need to do is come out dancing with me. I’ll introduce you to some decent guys.”
“Zoe, I don’t really enjoy dancing—or crowds or loud music.” I shrugged. “It’s not just the guys I’m meeting, it’s me. I have a lot going on in my life. It just isn’t going to work out right now, and honestly, I’d rather talk about anything else. Alright? How about Blu’s wedding? Any news on that?”
“Not much.” Hanna checked her phone. “Last I’d heard she had decided against the dress she’d picked out and is going to look for another one. I think she might end up in jeans.”
“Jeans?” Zoe gasped. “Never!”
“That could be interesting.” Dawn grinned. “My cousin got married on a farm and everyone dressed in jeans and plaid. It was a theme wedding.”
“That’s interesting.” I laughed. “It sounds a lot more fun than my little wedding was. Remember, Hanna?”
“Yes, I do. Your wedding was sweet, but small and short.”
“Yes, it was.” I laughed. “We were pinching every penny.”
“I think Blu is going to have the reception at AJ’s bar. That should be fun.”
“Yes.” I sipped my coffee.
I was glad focus on anything other than my love life. All of the wedding talk, however, reminded me that I would never have that again. The thought of marriage seemed impossible. I couldn’t even have a successful first date. How could I even consider the possibility of finding someone to spend the rest of my life with?
As I headed home that afternoon, my a
ttempt at a good attitude had deflated.
I reached the house and sat in the car for a moment. I wanted to get my head on straight before I saw the boys. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and tried to clear my head. Then my cell phone rang. I looked down at the screen to see Wes’s name flashing up at me.
I bit into my bottom lip, then answered.
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself. Where have you been all week?”
“Busy, busy.”
“Busy avoiding me?”
“No.” I forced a laugh.
I didn’t want to admit that maybe I had been avoiding Wes. I knew if I told him I was over the dating idea, he’d try to push me back into it.
“Hancock was no good, huh?”
“Terrible.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“Thanks. I’m just going to take a break for a while. This dating thing isn’t working out for me.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true, Wes. And I know you’re just trying to be a good friend, but honestly, if one more person tells me I just need to get back out there, I’m going to lose my mind.”
“Can’t have that.” He laughed lightly. “Alright, I won’t tell you that. But I will tell you that you’re an incredible woman who deserves love. Just don’t forget that.”
My heart warmed at his words. I was silent for a few seconds as they sank in.
“Noella?”
“I’m here.” I smiled. “Thanks, Wes. I needed to hear that.”
“I’ll tell you every day if you’ll answer the phone.”
“Right, I’m sure your girlfriend will just love that.”
“Who says I have a girlfriend?”
“I’m sorry—your many girlfriends.”
“Ouch.” He laughed. “You think I’m some kind of player?”
“I’m not exactly sure what that means, to be honest, but I’m sure you have plenty of dates.”
“You’d be wrong. I’m not interested in having plenty of dates. I’m not so different from you, you know. I’m looking for the right person too.”
“I didn’t realize. I should go relieve my babysitter. Thanks for the chat.”
“Talk to you soon.” He hung up the phone.
Chapter 22
I spent my afternoon playing games with my sons and catching up on the housework I’d gotten behind on. But my thoughts kept returning to my conversation with Wes.
Had I pegged him wrong? He seemed like such a social person, who certainly had the looks to gain the attention of any woman he was interested in. Why wouldn’t he be dating?
I considered that perhaps I had the wrong impression of him. Maybe in person he had some insufferable qualities that I didn’t know about. Or maybe, as he said, he really was looking for something serious.
I pushed the thoughts from my mind and enjoyed my time with the boys.
Monday morning came too soon and was as chaotic as usual. My head spun the entire drive to work. At least I had the visit with Samantha and Blu to look forward to.
In the few minutes I had before starting work, I decided to send Samantha an e-mail. She always had good advice for me, and I was sure that she could understand some of my frustration, since she’d done quite a bit of dating before she’d married Max.
As I sent the e-mail off, I wondered whether anything she said would change my mind. After all, I had so much to think about, not the least of which was Hanna’s pregnancy.
The more Hanna explained to me some of the challenges she was having, the more concerned I became. I knew that I was just being an overprotective big sister—that the doctors all said she was fine—but I couldn’t stand to see her in so much discomfort. I planned to make sure her last month of pregnancy and the first few months after the baby was born were full of rest and nutritious meals.
Then there was Blu’s wedding, which I was looking forward to, but that I would need to get a dress for as well as nice outfits for the boys, and arrange all of the travel. They were all wonderful things, but they would take focus and attention to detail—none of which I would have if I was checking my Forty and Free account all day or juggling a new relationship.
Still, it would be nice to have a date for the wedding—someone to dance with, someone to tease me when I cried—just someone.
My thoughts drifted off for a moment and I realized that I hadn’t been getting any work done. I got right back to it.
At the end of the day I hurried to pick up the boys. Both were happy to see me and I was so very happy to see them.
As I hugged them, the principal, Mr. Walker, paused beside us.
“Good afternoon, Noella, could I speak with you for a moment?”
I looked from the boys to him and braced myself. Brady was known for practical jokes and Tyler was still adjusting to the idea of school.
“Yes, of course, what is it?”
“Boys, why don’t you get settled in the car, hm?” He smiled as he held the door open for them.
Both boys did as they were told, but Brady shot me a guilty look.
“Is something wrong, Mr. Walker?” I studied him. He was about my age, but he carried himself as if he was much older.
“Not necessarily wrong. It just seems to me that Brady is seeking a lot of attention these days. His teacher says that his pranks have increased, and while harmless, they can be very disruptive in the classroom.”
“Absolutely, I’m so sorry about that. I’ll have a talk with him tonight about it and make sure he knows that it has to stop.”
“He’s a creative young man—smart too.” He smiled, then lowered his voice. “Maybe too smart?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Children can pick up on things far more than we think they can. I know being a single parent can be very difficult. Perhaps he’s noticing some tension at home? Or maybe he hasn’t been able to express himself about changes that might be happening?”
“I’ll have to think about that.” I gritted my teeth and tried not to be mortified. Having the principal lecture me on parenting was embarrassing enough, but to have him mention personal details about my life was even worse. “Thank you for your concern, Mr. Walker.”
“Of course. It can be difficult for children to adjust. But Brady is a very good young man. I’m sure he will come through it just fine.”
As he walked away, his words stung. He was sure that Brady would come through it just fine. As if my being a single parent was some kind of illness that my son would have to heal from.
I blinked back tears as I climbed into the car. I managed to make it out of the parking lot before my shoulders started to shake. When I felt a small hand on my shoulder. I bit hard into my bottom lip.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”
I had to laugh through my tears at his words.
“It’s okay, Brady. You didn’t get me in trouble.” I pulled into the driveway, then turned to look at him and Tyler. “Listen, guys, I know this isn’t easy for you—Dad and I not being together.”
“It’s fine.” Brady shrugged.
“Maria in my class got a new daddy. Are we going to get a new daddy?” Tyler looked at me with wide eyes.
“No. Your daddy will always be your daddy.”
“Yeah, but you could at least go on some dates, Mom.” Brady rolled his eyes. “You never have any fun.”
As he stepped out of the car, I was left reeling from his words.
Even my kids thought I was boring. Maybe I really did need to make some changes.
But first, I needed to get Brady to stop planning pranks.
Chapter 23
The rest of the week crawled by. I could barely keep my focus on work, but I must have done well enough, because my boss was very pleased with my progress. The conversation with Brady’s principal weighed on my mind.
Each night we talked about how important it was to know the difference between funny and disruptive. But I didn’t think
I was getting through to him.
Was Mr. Walker right? Were my boys missing out on something they needed because I was single? Their father was still involved, but they lived with me and they only saw him for visits. Maybe it was crazy of me to think that they still had everything they needed.
Saturday morning I woke up to my phone ringing. I grabbed it and saw that it was Dawn.
“Hello?” I attempted to talk as I looked at the digital clock. It was barely after six.
“Guess who I found at the airport?” Dawn squealed over the phone.
“Who?” I laughed, and immediately my mood brightened.
“Samantha and Blu! We’re heading to Common Grounds now. I hope to see you there soon!”
“I’ll be there.” I grinned, then hung up the phone. It was going to be a great day—that I was sure of.
After I dropped the boys off at my mother’s, I headed straight for the coffee shop. I was so excited to see Samantha and Blu that I forgot entirely about my rough dating spell.
When I arrived, I was the first one there. Alex had our usual table set up, but I noticed she had added a few delicious treats to it.
“I thought we needed to celebrate today.” She smiled as she gave me a hug. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty good actually. I’m so excited to see Samantha and Blu. I can’t believe Blu’s getting married!”
“Me either. I can remember conversations we’ve had about her never wanting to take the dive. And I have to admit, I’m so happy that it’s AJ. The way she would talk about him—it always made me think that he was the one for her.”
“The one?” I settled into my chair and Alex sat down across from me. “Do you think that’s really a thing? Even my friend Wes mentioned he’s looking for this one right person. I mean, I thought I found my one with my husband. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. So how can you be sure that the one is really the one or even that a ‘one’ exists?”
“You can’t be.”
“What?” I laughed. “That wasn’t the answer that I was expecting.”
“I’m all about honesty, Noella. You can’t be sure. The act of falling in love in itself is an act of believing in something more—something magical. And not everyone does. But I’ve seen the way Hanna looks at Jake, the way that Dawn and Garrett peek at each other when the other isn’t looking. I’ve seen things blossoming between Trent and Zoe. I’ve had the luxury of witnessing so much love, and no one will ever be able to convince me that it’s not real or that it’s not magical.”
Free to Risk (Noella’s Life Unleashed Book 1) Page 7