“That’s for sure.” I sighed as I recalled Hanna’s rough journey to accepting that Jake actually loved her. Prior to that, she had such low self-esteem that she was convinced no one ever could. I’d never really thought about my level of self-esteem. It just didn’t seem to matter in my day-to-day life. “I see what you’re saying. You can’t prove it, but you can certainly witness it. I’m still not sure that leads me to believe there’s one right person out there for everyone, though. I don’t know, I think in some way Hanna always knew there was someone out there for her, someone waiting. But I don’t feel that way.”
“That’s because you still think your ex was the one.” She gave my hand a light pat and smiled sadly. “You won’t be able to see any other possibilities until you can let that go.”
“What?” I shook my head. “Sorry, Alex, you’re absolutely wrong about that. I would never want to get back together with him.”
“I may be, but that’s not what I mean. You may not ever want to get back together with him, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t view him as your one shot at love that didn’t work out. Maybe there is even still a part of you that blames yourself for the relationship not working out. You and I both know it wasn’t your fault, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t programmed yourself to think that it might be.”
“Wow.” I slid down in my chair some as her words echoed through my mind.
I was so quick to deny her opinion at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she might be right. Maybe I wanted to give up on dating so easily because I truly didn’t think there was anyone else out there for me.
I’d been through the wedding and having babies. I’d been through marriage with one man—the man I’d intended to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I hated to admit it, there was still a deep sadness within me about that, and perhaps I didn’t expect that to ever go away.
Could the boys sense that sadness?
The thought was pushed out of my mind as Zoe and Hanna bounded through the door. Well, Zoe bounded, Hanna waddled. I grinned as I stood to greet them.
Today was about joy and I was going to be sure I was present for it.
Chapter 24
When Dawn arrived with Blu and Samantha in tow, I thought my heart might burst from the sight of them. We spent the first fifteen minutes of our reunion hugging, laughing, and crying.
Once we were all settled at the table, Alex brought us wine to go with our treats. It was a bit early for it, but none of us cared. As we toasted to all the changes in our lives, I couldn’t help but realize that I was the only one that didn’t have much to toast about. Since the divorce, my life had pretty much remained the same routine and there didn’t seem to be much chance of that changing any time soon.
Samantha leaned close to me. “I got your e-mail. I’m sorry I didn’t write back, but I wanted to talk to you about it in person. Can we get some alone time later?’
“Sure.” I smiled.
I had wondered why she hadn’t written, but I knew she was busy. Now I understood that she wanted a face-to-face conversation, which both thrilled and worried me. What would her opinion be of what I’d said?
I’d talked about being single for the rest of my life and learning to accept that. I’d pointed out how happy she had been for the long period of time that she was single and that plenty of women have fulfilling lives without a significant other. I wanted to be one of those women. I wanted to never have to worry about going on another bad date.
The only problem was, that sadness was still there, and I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to go away.
“So tell us all the details about the wedding!” Hanna wiggled in her chair as she looked at Blu.
“Too many details, that’s the problem. Luckily, I am armed with the experience of helping you with your wedding.” She grinned. “I’m ready to just grab AJ and head to the beach to get married. But he said that he’d have to face down an angry mob of women if I did that, so I guess the big wedding is still on.”
“He is right about that.” I laughed. “I wouldn’t want to miss this wedding.”
“None of us would.” Dawn smiled. “And my offer still stands. I can always bake a cake there.”
“I might take you up on that. As of now, AJ’s second cousin is supposed to be doing it, but I’m getting a little worried about what’s not going to be in the cake. She’s very into organic, healthy food. I’ve tried to sweetly tell her that I want my cake to taste like cake. I’m not sure she’s getting the message.”
“Oh boy.” Samantha winced. “Nothing worse than healthy wedding cake.”
“Oh yes, there is.” Dawn raised a hand. “Healthy birthday cake.”
“Okay, good point.” Samantha grinned.
As we finished our wine and the conversations continued I took a minute to realize how lucky I was to be surrounded by such amazing women. They were more than just friends, they were my family—my tribe that just got me.
During a lull, Samantha gestured for me to follow her.
We stepped outside and walked along the sidewalk nearby.
“I hope you don’t mind me pulling you away. I know that you don’t get to see Blu very often.”
“It’s okay.” I smiled at her. “And I’m sorry that I dumped all that in your lap. I just needed to get it all out.”
“I’m glad you did. But I’m also concerned.” She paused at the corner and turned to look at me. “I honestly didn’t think that was you that wrote that e-mail.”
“Uh, it was.” I raised my eyebrows. “Sorry if I said anything that upset you.”
“Nothing that hurt my feelings, but yes, it did upset me.” She sighed as she slid her hands into her pockets. “You know a lot about me, Noella, both from our friendship and also from the books I’ve written. But when you wrote those things to me, I thought you’d walked right beside me through a few years of my life—and that worried me.”
“Why?” I stared at her. “Samantha, you have to know how much I admire you.”
“It worried me—it still does—because that’s not a life anyone actually wants. It’s the life that you convince yourself you want when you think that there are no other possibilities. Noella, I was sad and lonely, and I’d told myself that I would find a way to love my life no matter what. I did try, but it didn’t change the sadness or the loneliness. It just covered it up for a little while. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want years of your life to slip by because you think that nothing else is possible.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “You deserve love. It’s out there waiting for you, all you have to do is be open to it.”
“It’s not that simple, Samantha. I mean, it doesn’t seem like it is.”
“No, it never seems like it is.” She pulled me in for a hug, then pressed her hand against my chest. “You have to be willing to let it in. If you’re not willing to let it in, then it’s not going to happen. You could be sitting next to the love of your life and not even notice, because your heart and mind aren’t open to it. That’s the hard part—opening up. It requires trust and an admission of need—of living with the longing that is within you. None of that is simple, but trust me, it is one hundred percent worth it.”
“Thanks, Samantha. I’m going to think about it, I promise. I just really want to enjoy today with all of you.”
“I hope you do.” She smiled. “Let’s go back in before they send out a search party.”
“Too late.” Blu laughed as she stepped outside.
Chapter 25
“I’ll let you two have a minute.” Samantha smiled as she stepped past Blu and into the coffee shop.
Blu leaned back against the wall and studied me. “So, what are you doing hiding out here?”
“Not hiding.” I grinned at her. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too. So dish.” She crossed her arms. “I keep hearing rumors about you dating and not dating—and something about naked chess? Please tel
l me that Zoe is making that up.”
“She isn’t.” I laughed. “But that has to do with my friend Wes. He started it.”
“Right, I’ve heard a little bit about Wes too. You talk with him a lot, don’t you?”
“Yes.” I shrugged. “Why?”
“I just think it’s interesting.” She offered a secretive smile that made me wonder if she was hiding something.
“He’s a great friend.”
My phone beeped. I ignored it.
“Go on, check it.” Blu shrugged. “It drives me crazy if I can’t get to mine.”
“Thanks.” I pulled out my phone and looked down at the screen. “Oh wow, I wasn’t expecting this.”
“What, what is it?” She tried to peer over my shoulder.
“I got another message on Forty and Free—a request for a connection. I thought I’d hidden my profile.” I turned the screen off. “It doesn’t matter, I’m not dating right now.”
“Wait a minute!” Blu snatched my phone from me as she laughed. “You have to at least look, Noella—otherwise it will drive you insane.”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I rolled my eyes as I tried to get my phone back from her. Sometimes she was just like Hanna.
“Fine. Then it will drive me insane.” She grinned as she turned the screen back on. “Oh my!” Her eyes grew wide. “Wow!”
“What?” I sighed. “Now I have to know.”
“Trust me, you’re going to want to go on this date.” She held up the phone and displayed the profile photo of a man—a man who nearly took my breath away with his curly blond hair, bright blue eyes, and sweet smile.
“Wow!” I took the phone back. “This can’t be for real. I bet he’s using someone else’s picture.”
“It looks pretty real to me.” Blu shrugged. “What can it hurt to contact him?”
“Let’s see, the first guy I met was aggressive and handsy. The second guy I’m pretty sure wanted me to be his little wife. So, I think it could hurt.”
“I’d be this guy’s little wife anytime.” Blu wiggled her eyebrows.
“Blu!” I laughed. “You’re about to get married!”
“Oh, right.” She cleared her throat. “I meant—you know—if I wasn’t already madly in love with the most gorgeous man on earth. And also, I wouldn’t be anyone’s little wife.”
“You’re too much.” I laughed so hard I almost dropped my phone, but that picture made me hang onto it. “Alright, I’ll give it a try. He probably clicked on my profile by mistake.” I sent a quick message back to him, then turned the screen off. “Now the rest of the day is for you and Samantha.”
“Great, because you have to help me figure out how I’m going to fit over one hundred guests into a bar without them tripping all over each other. I’ve got the seating chart.” She pulled out her phone as we stepped back inside.
I was surprised by how much had changed since I stepped outside. I intended not to date anymore, yet I was walking back in with a new date on my mind.
What if it wasn’t a mistake? What if this Justin actually wanted to meet me?
I couldn’t deny that I was dazzled by his good looks and the sweet message he’d sent.
In between conversations, seating charts, and glasses of wine, I checked out his profile. I discovered that he was just forty as well and had a son a little younger than Tyler. He was an executive for a manufacturing company and lived only about thirty minutes away. There were no drawbacks to him that I could find. So why was he still on the market? I glanced at the date that he’d joined Forty and Free and realized that he’d signed up that very day. I was one of the first people he was contacting?
I was sure I had to be near the bottom of his list, so I didn’t expect to hear back from him any time soon. But after hugging Samantha and Blu goodbye and heading home to relieve my babysitter, I heard my phone chime.
Parked in the driveway, I almost didn’t look. It was too good to be true and I knew I would be disappointed if it wasn’t from him. But with the chaos that would ensue when I stepped inside, I knew that this was my best chance to check.
I opened the message and discovered it was from Justin.
Noella, I’m so glad that you want to make a connection. Here’s my number. You can call any time. I look forward to getting to know you. Justin
“Justin.” I whispered his name and stared at the phone number he’d sent just after the message. This was real, this was happening—again.
I looked up at the house and saw Tyler peering through the front window at me with a wide grin. I smiled and waved back, then tucked my phone into my pocket.
Justin would have to wait until later.
Chapter 26
That evening I had all my friends over for dinner. Blu and Samantha wanted to see the boys and we all wanted a little more time together before our two long-distance friends had to fly back home. It was a crazy few hours filled with laughter and squeals from Tyler and Brady as their aunts chased them all over the house.
I was so grateful that my sons had such a large and positive extended family to help them grow and get through life. I didn’t even have to put them to bed, as they fell asleep on the floor before eight.
“Did you tell everyone about Justin?” Blu blurted out in the middle of one of Samantha’s stories about what it was like to date her husband Max.
“Justin?” Hanna sat forward on the couch. “Who is Justin?”
“Yes, who is Justin?” Zoe raised an eyebrow.
“Show them!” Blu pleaded. “He is seriously gorgeous.”
“Looks aren’t everything, you know.” I shot Blu a look, but I couldn’t be annoyed with her. I knew she was just excited for me. I sighed and showed the picture around the room. As expected, I heard a lot of glowing comments.
“He’s okay, I guess.” Hanna shrugged.
“Okay?” I laughed.
“I’m just kidding.” She winked and handed my phone back to me. “So are you going to call him?”
“Sometime.”
“Tonight,” said Zoe. “You can’t leave a guy like that on the market, Noella. You’ve got to jump on him.”
“Excuse me?” I laughed.
“Well, not necessarily on him—not just yet anyway—but you get what I mean.” She grinned. “That’s it, let’s go, ladies. The boys are asleep and Noella needs to call Mr. Dreamboat.”
“Dreamboat? Does anyone even say that anymore?” I groaned as I walked them to the door.
“I do, apparently.” Zoe kissed my cheek. “Go for it, girl.”
After little pep talks from each of my friends, only Hanna remained. She wrapped her arms around me, held me tight, and whispered in my ear.
“Call him, Noella. You deserve some happiness.”
“Thanks, sis.”
Once I was alone, I decided to call. It was still early and I hoped that I wouldn’t be interrupting anything.
He answered on the first ring.
“Noella, I hope?”
“It’s me.” I laughed, then blushed. “I hope it’s not too late.”
“It’s perfect, I just got my son to bed.”
“Mine are passed out too. I have two—just so you know.”
“I know, I saw it on your profile.”
“Sorry, it’s just that some men are put off by that, I suppose.”
“Not me. Not at all. I’m impressed. You must be Wonder Woman.”
“I’m not.” I laughed.
“I’ll be the judge of that. I mean, if you’ll let me.”
My heart skipped a beat. We talked for over an hour and then I did something I didn’t think I’d ever do. I asked him to meet with me on Wednesday night for dinner. It was one of the rare nights that my ex wanted to use his visitation so the boys could visit with their grandmother.
I braced myself, expecting him to say that it was too soon, or impossible, but he agreed right away.
“See you Wednesday, Noella.”
“See you then. Bye, Justin.”
I spent Sunday with my sons, running around outside. I needed the fun and they were thrilled that we had the whole day together. I noticed that Brady seemed particularly happy as he chased me during a game of tag. I made a note to myself that they not only needed me to care for them, but to also play with them. Over the past few weeks I hadn’t done much of that and I intended to make more time for it.
When Monday rolled around I realized I only had two days before my date with Justin. That’s when panic set in. I was distracted from it by a call from Wes.
“Morning, Noella. It looks like you got some sun.”
“I had a great time playing with the boys yesterday. Oh, and guess what? You’ll be proud of me.”
“I’m always proud of you.”
“Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes. “I have a date!”
“What?” His eyes widened and I thought I detected some blush in his cheeks.
“I decided to give it one more shot.” I grinned into the camera. “Third time’s a charm?”
“Oh wow, I didn’t expect that. I thought you decided to back off for a bit.” His gaze remained on me.
“I know, but his message came out of the blue, so I decided to give it one last try. He seems nice, but we both know how that goes.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “Honestly, Wes, I’m starting to wonder if it’s me. Maybe I just don’t know how to date anymore. I mean, am I too quick to judge? Or am I doing something strange when we meet? I’m probably way too old-fashioned.”
“Hm, I know something that might help, but I’m not sure you’ll go for it.”
“What is it?” I eyed him with suspicion.
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