Love Me? The Trust Me? Trilogy

by K E Osborn

  He looks at me, his mouth opened to form a perfect O. "I thought we were goofing around." His forehead creases.

  "I'm not something you can be aggressive and controlling with."

  He looks at me, shaking his head. "Jeni, I wasn't being aggressive or controlling. I promise. What's going on?" he asks his eyes full of hurt.

  "You're just like him, thinking you can hold me down and show me whose boss. I won't go through another relationship like that again. I just won't."

  I stand up and straighten myself out. I storm out to the living room, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly emotional.

  He comes out of the bedroom after me.

  "Jeni, don't walk away from me. What's going on? Talk to me."

  I can't face him. I turn my back to him and hang my head low when he grabs my shoulders and spins me around.

  "Jeni, what did I do? Why are you angry with me?"

  I huff. That's the only answer I can come up with. He didn't do anything inappropriate. I know he was goofing around, but I can't help but feel scared. Scared of him? No! I'm scared of who he might become ... This is not good. I'm so messed up.

  "Jenifer, talk to me," he pleads. He bends down to look at me. I swallow a lump down my throat. He holds me tighter, shaking me a little. I squirm under his grasp, and he lets go instantly.

  "Are you scared of me?" he asks quietly.

  I don't say anything as I try to think of the appropriate answer.

  "Oh my god!" He backs away from me, his brow furrows at the realization that I might be scared of him.

  I shake my head as guilt floods through me. "No, I'm not scared of you." I take a step toward him, trying to pacify him.

  He takes another step back as tears well in his eyes. "I'd never hurt you! Ever! You're my ... everything. There is nothing in this world that's more important to me, nothing, Jeni."

  "I know."

  "Then why are you scared of me?"

  "I don't know, I mean ... I mean I'm not scared of you."

  "Then what the hell is going on here?"

  "It's just, last night, in the shower, I don't ... I don't know who that was. It's him I'm scared of. He reminds me of Jason or, worse, your father, and I don't want you to be like them."

  His head falls to his chest as his eyes scrunch. I see the hurt look in his expression. He takes a deep breath and walks into the bedroom, leaving me in alone the living room. I shake my head. What just happened? What's wrong with me? Why did I say that to him? Why did he go into the bedroom? I've hurt him, and I guess he can't stand to look at me anymore. I walk into the bedroom and see him getting dressed.

  "Aiden?"

  He ignores me and continues to get dressed.

  "Aiden, look at me."

  He stops and looks at me.

  "I love you."

  His face crinkles while he pulls a shirt over his head.

  "You can't love someone and be afraid of them, Jeni." He walks straight past me to the living room.

  "But I do, so much. You have to know that," I plead with him.

  He makes his way to the elevator, pushing the button.

  "Aiden, please!" I reach out to take his arm, but he shakes my hand free. The elevator doors open, and he walks in.

  "I'm so sorry. Forget I said anything. Please don't leave me ..."

  Tears start to well in my eyes as I watch the doors of the elevator close.

  "Aiden!" I yell, and my man is gone.

  Chapter 12

  It's getting close to four p.m., and he's been gone for nearly two hours. I sit on the sofa staring at the elevator doors, waiting for him to come home to me. I've tried calling him, twenty-four times to be exact, but he keeps ignoring me. I've screwed up; he's going to leave me. I know it. They say couples that experience miscarriage are more likely to split. I take my eyes off the elevator and look down at my hands in my lap. My tear-soaked face feels horrible, and my eyes feel very sore. I decide to go and wash my face and put some cold water on my eyes. I make my way to the en-suite, look in the mirror, and see my blotchy red face completely overwhelmed with sadness. I turn on the cold water and splash my face.

  I hear the elevator chime. I quickly dry my face.

  "Jeni?" I hear him call out. "She's left me."

  I hang the towel up. "I'm in here." I run into the bedroom.

  "Oh, thank God." He rushes up to me. He goes to put his arms out to hug me but backs away. I swallow a lump in my throat and move in to embrace him. He inhales sharply when I hold him, he hesitates to hold me.

  "Hold me," I say softly.

  His arms wrap around me, and his head falls to my shoulder.

  "I'm so sorry. I know what happened last night was ... was not me. I let my anger control me, and it'll never ever happen again. I can promise you that unequivocally."

  "I know, and I'm sorry too."

  "You've nothing to be sorry for. I just needed to clear my head. I'm sorry I left the way I did. It was unfair to you. I can't believe what I did last night, and I'm going to spend the rest of forever making it up to you. I know things are strained with my father, and I know you're tolerating him for my sake. Jeni, I'll never be like him. I promise."

  I pull back from him, still in his arms, so I can see his face. I kiss him softly.

  "I've been thinking ... What did you mean when you said that he held you down and showed you whose boss? Whom are you talking about?" he asks, frowning with saddened eyes.

  I gulp. He caught that, did he? I exhale. Guess I'd finally better tell him. "I know I haven't told you much about Jason, and there are a couple of reasons for that. One, because he's not worth talking about and, two, because I know it'll just make you angry to hear how he treated me."

  "Baby, if it helps me to understand your fears better, then maybe it's time I knew more about your ex." He takes my hand.

  I nod and inhale sharply. "Jason, as you know, was controlling. He was very strict with me and what I was allowed to do. If I did something that wasn't what he deemed to be the right thing, he would yell, belittle me, throw things at me, and even, on occasion, raise his fists to me. He was very scary and out of control. He always had this crazy look in his eye just before he would snap. I'll never forget it. I knew he was draining my confidence, and in the end, I'd let him hold me down and do whatever he wanted to me because that was easier than fighting him off. If he wanted to hurt me, he could, easily, and he did, often. He made me believe that no one in the world would want me, and that I was pathetic, useless, and a waste of space. So when he would demand that I do something for him, I did it because I thought no one in the world wanted me but him. I thought this must be what relationships were like. Annie coming along and having an affair with him was the best thing that could've happened to me. She saved me from a life of torment with him; I only hope she isn't going through the same abuse I went through."

  He looks at me; I can see his face turning red. "I can't believe he did that to you, Jeni. I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I knew he wasn't a great boyfriend from the few things you've said before, but I never expected that." He looks like he's going to cry. "I'm so fucking furious at him right now. I swear to God, if I ever get to lay my hands on him, I probably won't be able to stop myself," he says clenching his fists.

  I take his fists, unclench them, and thread my fingers through his. He relaxes and looks into my eyes. He's breathing heavy and looks about ready to combust as I kiss each hand.

  "Aiden, it's alright. That part of my life is over."

  "I feel bad that I couldn't be there to help you back then, and just so you know, I'll never treat you the way that fucking prick treated you, ever. It's not in me to be that way. Yes, I like to have control, but I wouldn't, no, I couldn't, ever get to that extreme. God, I love you so much. I'm so sorry I left the way I did."

  "Where did you go?"

  "Not far, down to the parking garage. I sat in my car the whole time. I couldn't actually leave."

  I kiss him again on his lips. "I waited on the sofa, star
ing at the elevator, hoping you would come home."

  "I shouldn't have left. I needed to wrap my head around what you said, but you've no need to be scared because that guy, that angry guy, is never coming back. You never have to be scared, ever again."

  "Good, I'm glad. Would you like me to call Sarah and cancel tonight?"

  He shakes his head. "It'll be good to get out of the apartment for a while, I think. Unless of course, you want to cancel?"

  "No, I think it's a good idea. I'd better go and put on some makeup. My face looks horrible."

  He winces. "Let's forget about it and have a good night out with our friends."

  ***

  We pull up, get out of the Aston Martin, and walk to Sarah's front door. I hear music blaring inside the house. I giggle to myself at the memories of what that usually means. I ring the doorbell. Even though I have a key, I don't want to walk in, in case they're occupied. Chris eventually answers the door, wearing jeans, a black T-shirt, and a leather jacket. He looks amazing.

  "Hey, man." They knock their knuckles together.

  I laugh at them, typical males. I continue down the hallway to Sarah, who's in the kitchen. I lunge catching her unaware as I grab her in a tight bear hug.

  "Jeni, you're kinda squishing me."

  I let her go as Aiden and Chris walk in.

  "Hey, Sez, I've missed you."

  "I can tell, I've missed you too."

  "So what's the plan?" Aiden asks Chris.

  "Dinner and a movie?" Chris responds.

  "Are you two lover boys going on a date? Dinner and a movie. You going all Brokeback Mountain on us, you love birds?" Sarah asks sarcastically.

  "No, we're going to act it out, aren't we, gorgeous?" Aiden asks Chris, making us laugh.

  "Yeah, 'cause we're so in love, aren't we, sweetie pie?" Chris asks Aiden, making kissy faces at him.

  We laugh as we head toward the door. It's nice to have a little bit of normality back.

  "Where are we going for dinner?" Aiden asks. Sarah looks at me, and in unison, we both say.

  "Vinchenzo's!"

  Chris shakes his head. "Do we really have to go to my work?"

  "Yes," we both say.

  "Whatever," Chris says, defeated.

  "Aiden's never been. We have to pop his Vinchenzo's cherry."

  "Oh my god, Sarah," I say and the guys laugh at her innuendo.

  We make our way to Chris' car, guys in the front and girls in the back. Chris turns on the car, and the stereo blares loudly.

  "Sorry." He turns it down. I recognize the song. It's Nickelback's "Animals".

  I look at Sarah and laugh. She blushes as they sing about sexing it up in a car.

  "So that's what you guys get up to, huh?"

  "Deny everything, Sarah," Chris yells out as we start to drive to Vinchenzo's.

  "I better not be sitting on your sex stains."

  "No, I cleaned up after our mega session last night," Sarah says.

  "Yuck, way too much information."

  Chris and Aiden continue laughing as we pull up and get out of the car.

  "I can't believe I'm here on my day off," Chris says under his breath.

  We enter the small restaurant, and Chris walks up to the girl at the counter. We stand back and let him work his magic.

  "This way, guys." He leads us to a booth right at the back.

  "Do you like working here?" Aiden asks.

  "Guess I'd better say yes in case the boss is listening," Chris jokes.

  The waitress brings over menus and a breadbasket. "Here you go, Chris." She starts to flirt with him.

  I look at Sarah, who's looking at Chris, watching his reaction.

  "Thanks, Jess." He takes the menus and looks away from her quickly as she walks away.

  "Who's that, Chris?" Sarah asks, trying not to sound jealous.

  "Who? Jess? Oh, no one. She's a new girl; I think she has a crush on me."

  "Why didn't you tell me about her?" Sarah asks purposely.

  Chris laughs, making Sarah glare at him. I look away from them as I see this could get nasty. Aiden does the same.

  "I don't even talk to her, so why mention her? There's nothing to talk about. She doesn't mean anything to me. She's not even a friend."

  Sarah sighs and nuzzles into his shoulder. "Please tell me next time some teeny bopper has the hots for you."

  Chris laughs. "Sure thing, honey."

  Aiden takes my hand under the table. The food is amazing, and we finish our meal when the chef comes out.

  "Hey, Chris, bringing in your friends? That's a good lad."

  "Hey ,Tony, this is my girl, Sarah."

  "She's pretty like you said. Way too good for a punk kid like you," Tony says, making us laugh.

  "This is Jeni and Aiden." Chris points to us. I wave, and Aiden nods his head.

  "You guys are welcome anytime. Any friend of Chris' is a friend of mine." Tony chuckles and walks off.

  "What do you think about coming here for my birthday?"

  "Sounds good to me."

  "When's your birthday, man?" Chris asks Aiden.

  "It's the twenty-second of March, but I'll have my party here on the Saturday if you guys do bookings."

  "Yeah, for sure, I'll set it up for you now."

  "Thanks, Chris, and, of course, you and Sarah are invited,"

  "Cool, I'll make sure I have that night off. I'll be right back." Chris scoots out of the booth and walks to the kitchen.

  "I can't believe he didn't tell me about stupid Jessica, slutty mole face, having a crush on him," Sarah whispers sending death glares to the young waitress.

  Aiden smirks and looks away.

  "Sarah, there was obviously nothing to tell. I wouldn't get worked up about it. Chris loves you. That's obvious."

  Sarah scoffs. "Yeah, right, then why won't he say it to me?"

  "He will, when the time's right for both of you."

  "Yeah, well, he better keep his hands off slutty mole face, or I'll castrate him, and her. I mean she looks like a dude anyway. I bet she is, and I bet she has a massive sack of balls under that tiny skirt of hers."

  "Sarah, play nice."

  She glares relentlessly at Jess. Aiden is trying hard not to burst into laughter as Chris walks toward us.

  Once Chris is back, we leave the restaurant and make our way back to the car, completely full from dinner. Chris drives us to the cinema complex, and we choose a romantic comedy. We buy our tickets, drinks, and popcorn and make our way into the cinema.

  "Where do you want to sit?" Aiden asks as we walk up the stairs.

  "In the middle at the back."

  Chris goes in first then Sarah and then me, followed by Aiden. We sit down, and he moves the center arm between us so that it folds back, making it so we can cuddle easily. Chris does the same with the arm between himself and Sarah.

  Sarah moves in close to Chris while he puts his arm around her, bringing her in tight as she cuddles into her man. She throws her legs over his, almost sitting in his lap, staking her claim on him. I shake my head at them and Aiden takes my hand. I turn, resting my head on his shoulder; he then rests his head on mine. The movie previews start to roll. I hear a kissing noise coming from my right. I look over and see Sarah and Chris making out next to me. I nuzzle back into Aiden. Eventually the movie starts, and they unlock their lips to watch.

  I find myself not watching the movie but thinking. Thinking about the loss of the baby and Aiden's recent mood shifts. I look over at Sarah and Chris and see how happy they are together; it seems effortless with them. Sure, Sarah's jealousy gets the better of her sometimes, but it's obvious that Chris has eyes only for her. Why can't my relationship be easy like theirs? My breathing starts to quicken as I think more and more about the events of the last few weeks. I start to feel a cold sweat wash over me causing my leg to agitate up and down. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. I suddenly sit bolt upright and look at Aiden. He looks at me, with one eyebrow raised.

  "
You alright?" he whispers.

  "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I stand, and let go of his hand, shuffling past him to make my way to the stairs. I walk down them briskly and out of the cinema. Once out of the theater, I lean up against the wall and try to catch my breath. I close my eyes and breathe in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down. I make my way down to the end of the corridor and head for the women's restroom. I walk in and stand in front of the basin, staring at myself in the mirror, trying to calm my breathing.

  I finally calm down enough to leave the restroom. I open the door and walk out to the empty corridor. It's dimly lit and has an almost eerie sensation about it. Suddenly I hear a loud bang behind me. I quickly turn to see nothing but an upturned trash can and a soda cup rolling across the floor. I swallow a lump in my throat and look to see if I can see anyone.

  I can't see anything. I turn back toward the cinema, and I hear another loud bang from behind me again. This is not paranoia. My heart starts to race as I look again, but I still see nothing. I start to run toward the cinema, bumping straight into a young couple, knocking all three of us to the floor and spilling their popcorn everywhere. I sit up and hold my hand to my chest as my heart races.

  "Oh thank God."

  They both look at me strangely.

  "Watch where you're going next time," the girl says angrily to me. I catch my breath as they start to stand up, brushing the popcorn off themselves. I stand up quickly, looking back to where the noises came from; there's still nothing there.

  "I'm sorry, guys." I grab some money from my pocket, handing it to her to replace their popcorn. The girl rolls her eyes, snatches the money from my hand and the guy takes her by the arm and pulls her away.

  I run to the cinema and back to my seat next to Aiden. I shuffle past him and sit down.

  "Jeni, are you okay? You were gone for ages," he whispers in my ear. I nod. He moves his hand to my hair and pulls out a stray piece of popcorn, looking at me strangely.

  "I'll tell you after the movie," I whisper to him. He takes my hand in his again as I look over at Sarah and Chris, who are too busy making out to even notice I was gone.

  By the time the movie finishes, I've finally calmed down enough to be slightly relaxed. The credits roll. I look at Aiden, and the lights in the cinema brighten, making Sarah and Chris separate.