by K E Osborn
"Then what's wrong, sweetheart?"
I can't say anything because I'm sobbing uncontrollably. She brings a chair over next to my bed and sits down beside me. She takes my hand and holds on to it strongly. "Let it all out, sweetheart. You've been through something horrific, and you've every right to cry. I'm here, and I won't go until you tell me too."
"Thank you," I mumble through my sobs.
I continue to cry into the afternoon. It feels good to let all my emotions out; the nurse doesn't leave my side and continues to hold my hand. Eventually my crying subsides as my dinner is brought into my room.
"I think you should try to eat something," the nurse says to me calmly. She brings the table across so it's over me and I sit up in the bed, wincing at the pain in my stomach. She lifts the cover off the plate to reveal shepherd's pie. It instantly reminds me of Nana, and I start to feel an overwhelming sense of grief for the family I'll lose if I leave Aiden. The nurse senses my shift in mood again so she sits back down next to my bed.
"You know, everyone is worried about you. Maybe you should let some of them come in to see you, but only if you're ready of course," she says, treading carefully. "Now eat your dinner. You need to keep up your strength."
I pick up a fork and start to eat the lukewarm pie.
"That's a good girl." She leans back into her chair as I put another piece into my mouth.
"How are you feeling now?"
"Better. Thank you for staying. It helped. What time does your shift finish?"
"Never mind that. I'm here as long as you need me, Jenifer."
I know I can't keep her for much longer. She's been in here for hours.
Another nurse comes in and sees my nurse sitting next to me. "Sandy, your shift ended about ..." She looks at her watch. "Four hours ago."
I almost choke on some of my pie as Sandy looks at the new nurse, her brows furrowed.
"Oh my god, Sandy, I'm so sorry," I say, feeling completely guilty.
She takes my hand. "You needed me, and I won't go anywhere until you tell me to, remember?"
"Go, go. Don't stay here when you could be at home. Thank you so much for your help and support, but I'm fine now, I'm sure ..." I look at the new nurse.
"Gwen."
"I'm sure Gwen will help me if I need it. Please I feel horrible. You should be at home with your family, Sandy, not here with some nut job like me."
"Jenifer, you're not a nut job. Like I said before, you've been through something horrific, and it's okay to be a little confused and scared at the world, and as for family, my patients are my family, so I'm right where I need to be."
I realize that I think she needs me as much as I need her. I concede and let her stay. Gwen walks out of the room and leaves me with my new friend.
I finish my dinner and move on to my Jell-O dessert. It's hard and lacks flavor, but I eat it anyway. I look up and see Mom standing in the doorway, smiling at me.
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi, sweetheart, you look a bit better."
Sandy stands up and walks to the other side of my bed, letting Mom sit in her chair.
"Thank you," Mom says to Sandy.
"I do feel a bit better, thanks, Mom. Sandy has been helping me today." I turn my attention back to Mom.
"I was talking to the doctor, and he said you might be able to go home tomorrow."
I frown when I realize my home is with Aiden. I take in a deep breath. Mom watches me carefully.
"Sweetheart, don't you want to go home?"
I smile a fake smile as I remember Sarah's words. "Maybe take a few days to think about it. Don't make any irrational decisions yet." I realize that if I go home, I'm agreeing to go back to the apartment, with him.
"Do you want me to tell Aiden to come in?" Mom asks, obviously trying to get me to falter in my decision to not let him enter.
My whole body tenses.
"Perhaps he should wait a little longer. She's had a very rough day, and I think maybe she needs some rest now," Sandy says, sensing my angst.
Mom looks at her and frowns.
"He's still out there waiting for you to call him in. He looks terrible, and all he wants is to see you."
I feel bad, but I don't waver. My mind's made up.
"I'm tired. Maybe I should get some rest," I say as Sandy takes my hand.
Mom frowns at me but kisses my forehead.
"Know that I love you, he loves you, we all love you, and we want you back and fighting fit to the fun-loving Jeni that we all know and adore."
I swallow a lump in my throat and sigh. "I love you too."
Mom leaves the room and Sandy takes my hand and holds it tightly. "Is there a reason you don't want to see him?"
I nod.
"Is it because he's male?"
I shake my head.
"Has he ever hurt you?"
I sigh. I feel like I trust her. It seems she knows what I'm going through.
"Not intentionally. He was a bit rough and angry during sex this one time."
"So you think he could get rough and angry with you again? Jenifer, I think one time is not enough to break off your relationship with him. There must be more to it than that?"
"His father ... he's arrogant and a complete asshole. I hate him, and I'm scared Aiden is going to turn out to be like him."
"And is his father aggressive?"
I nod.
"You know, not everyone turns out like their parents."
"I know, but I hate not knowing what he'll be like in ten, twenty, fifty years' time. What if he turns out exactly like his father?"
"You deal with that then, but if you give up on him now, then won't you always wonder what if? What if he doesn't turn out like his father and you throw away a perfectly good relationship because you got scared?"
I breathe in slowly as what she says rings true. What if Aiden turns out nothing like Alistair? Then I'd be throwing us away because of Jason, which is exactly what he wanted.
I gulp a lump down my throat. "I'm not ready to see him yet, but if I go home tomorrow, I'll talk this through with him, see what he says, and decide from there."
"Good plan," she says handing me a drink of water.
"Thank you, Sandy, for everything. It's like you understand me and what I'm going through," I say to her sincerely.
She looks at me and exhales. "I do," she says quietly. "I do know what you're going through. My ex-boyfriend beat me up and my family. He killed my parents and nearly killed me, so I know exactly how you feel and understand your fear of men. I know all about that too. It gets easier with time, and I find that surrounding myself with things to keep me busy helps as well. That's why I stayed with you, Jenifer. You remind me of me when I was in here looking like you do now."
I look at her with tears in my eyes. "Oh my god, Sandy, I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'm not. Yes, of course, I wish my parents were still here with me every second of every day, but wishing never gets you anywhere. You have to move on. I feel like a stronger person because of it. I know it sounds strange, but in a way, I'm glad it happened because I can help people who go through the same thing, like you. This will only make you a stronger person. Trust me on that."
I shake my head. "I don't know how to recover from this."
"Everyone is different, but you will recover from it. Of that I'm sure."
I look at her and see a brave young woman who has the scars of torment like me, but she's coping well it seems. Maybe this will get easier. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel as they say.
"Here take this." Sandy hands me a piece of paper.
"What's this?"
"It's my cell number if you need me anytime, to talk or for some guidance or to sit with. Call me. Promise me you will if you need to."
"Of course, thank you so much. I don't think I could've gotten through this without you."
"Sometimes a stranger is more comfort than those you love. Funny, but sometimes it works that way."
"Thank y
ou, Sandy, for everything, but I think maybe you should go home and get some rest, and anyway, I'm going to sleep now."
"If you need me at anytime during the night, call me. I don't care what time it is. Promise me."
"I promise, now go. I'm sure you're hungry."
"Starving!" she says as she walks toward to door. "Anytime, okay?"
"Anytime."
She nods and walks out of the room.
I sigh, as I actually feel better. I still have mixed emotions about Aiden, but knowing that, with time, it gets easier makes me feel lighter somehow.
Chapter 23
The next day dawns, and the doctor comes in with Mom and Sarah. I notice Sarah has brought in some clothes for me to wear.
"How are you feeling, Jenifer? Ready to go home?" the doctor asks as I sit up in bed.
"Yep, sure am," I say, faking my enthusiasm as I sit on the edge of the bed.
"Now I have some numbers here for you if you need any counseling or group therapy to help with your recovery," the doctor says handing me the flyers.
"Thank you."
"Other than that, your vitals are normal, you're standing and walking on your own fine, and you're able to go to the bathroom and eat by yourself, so I think you're ready to go home. Relax and take it easy for the next few weeks. You've been through something devastating. Remember to relax and rest. No work for two weeks. Here are your discharge papers and good luck." She hands me the pieces of paper and walks out.
Mom and Sarah come over to me and look at me sympathetically.
"How are you, really?" Sarah asks, as Mom looks at me.
"I'm okay, I think. I want to go home and talk things out with Aiden."
Sarah takes out some jeans and a top for me to put on. I take off my gown and put on my clothes and some flip-flops. I go into the bathroom and put my hair up into a ponytail, looking at my bruised face. It looks better than when I first saw it, but I still look like a train wreck.
I walk back out, and Mom and Sarah have gathered my things, and we're ready to leave. I take a deep breath, as I know I'm going to see Aiden for the first time in four days. Mom takes my hand and we walk toward the door, and to the left I see that he is hunched over, sitting in the chair with his head in his hands.
"Aiden," Mom says and he looks up. His eyes are full of pain and suffering, his face has a four-day growth, giving him a slight beard, and he looks pale and thin. I wonder if he's eaten in the last few days as he stands to see me. I gulp a lump down my throat, feeling the tension in the air. He reaches out to touch me, and I flinch away. He pulls his hand back and stares into my eyes, and I can't help but look away. I hear him sigh as we all start to walk to the nurses' station.
Sarah stands next to Aiden as he stares at me. Mom puts her arm around me while I get discharged from the hospital. We walk to the parking lot, where Mike is waiting for us.
"It's good to see you, Miss Taylor."
"Hi, Mike," I say, keeping my distance from him. He opens the car door for me to get in. I turn to Mom and Sarah, a tear forming in my swollen eyes as the fear sets in.
"You'll be fine, honey. Aiden will take good care of you," Mom says, hugging me gently.
I slowly ease myself into the car, this time sitting at the window seat, not in the middle next to him like I normally do.
Aiden hugs Mom and Sarah, and they both smile at him supportively when he gets into the car. He looks and notices me as far away from him as I can possibly get. He sighs and closes the door. Mike gets into the car and starts the engine, and we're off, back to the apartment. Aiden looks at me the whole ride home, but I keep staring out the window, not saying a word. The tension is so thick I could cut it with a knife. He puts his hand out on the seat between us. I think he's hoping for me to take it, but I shuffle as close as I can to the window.
We arrive at the apartment, and Mike opens my door for me. I slowly ease out of the car and move away from Mike as quickly as I can. He watches me with his brows creased.
"Miss Taylor, are you alright?"
I nod and walk to the elevator, not waiting for Aiden. He steps out of the car and makes his way over to me as I frantically push the button for the elevator. Finally, the doors open, and I step in, Aiden hesitantly follows while Mike watches me closely.
"It's good to have you back, Miss Taylor."
I nod in response. I move sideways in the elevator, away from Aiden as he continues his relentless staring at me.
"Stop it," I whisper.
His eyes widen. "Stop what?"
"Your relentless staring. It's making me uncomfortable."
He looks away from me and sighs. "Jeni, I—"
"Don't," I say loudly, stopping him mid sentence. He huffs and folds his arms as the doors open to the apartment. The table is still smashed, and the flowers are all over the floor. I gasp as I look into the room. He looks in and instantly rushes in to clean up the mess.
"I forgot Marissa is on vacation. I was so worried about you I stayed at the hospital and forgot to clean this up before you got here. I'm so sorry you had to see this again."
I don't say anything and walk past him to the bedroom.
I sit myself down on the bed as memories of Jason walking out of the elevator fill my mind. I start to shiver as Aiden walks into the bedroom. He stands in the doorway, blocking my way out. My breathing becomes shallow as he stares at me.
"I think we should talk," he says quietly, walking into the dark room. I freeze when he approaches me, and my breathing quickens as I start to shake. He senses my rising fear and stops walking, putting his hands up.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I never could." He walks around the other side of the bed and sits on the edge, opposite me.
"Jeni, talk to me, please?" he begs.
I look at him and feel the tears forming.
"Baby, don't cry. I want to help. What can I do? Tell me, anything, I'll do anything," he pleads with me as tears fall down my cheeks. He edges closer to me, and I flinch back. He pulls back and watches me closely. "Why don't you want me to touch you?"
"Because I'm afraid you'll hurt me," I whisper.
His body slumps as he realizes I'm scared of him.
"You're scared of me?" he asks, trying to understand the concept in his own mind. "Jeni, you have no reason to be scared of me. I love you, more than anything in this universe. I adore you. Don't you understand? I'd never hurt you, not ever." He edges closer to me on the mattress, I stand up and take a step away from him; he stands up, looking at me, his face full of pain and hurt.
"Aiden ... I don't know what to say."
"Say you love me," he whispers.
I shake my head as I back away from him. He walks around the bed and toward me while I keep stepping backward. My back hits the wall, and I freeze as he continues to walk up to me quickly. My breathing quickens as panic sets in. Oh my god, he's going to hurt me. I wince when he reaches me and pulls me to him in a massive bear hug. I scream against him and cry as he holds on to me tightly. I bang my fists against his chest, trying to escape his tight hold.
"Let me go," I yell as he holds on to me tighter. "Let me go, let me go," I say struggling in his grasp. His knees give way, and we both fall to the floor. He starts to sob, distracting me from my fit. I hear him saying something as he starts to rock me back and forth.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," over and over again. I stop struggling and give in to the embrace, and he nuzzles into my neck.
"I can't lose you," he whispers into my ear. Tears stream down our faces. I gulp and he gently lets me go. I crawl away from him, and he stays stationary on the spot where I leave him. He looks broken. I've broken him. I swallow a lump in my throat while I cry uncontrollably.
"Why weren't you there?" I yell at him, suddenly feeling an outburst of anger.
He looks at me. "Where?" He scratches his head, while his brows furrow.
"Here? When Jason came in, you were only going to be five minutes. Why did you take so long? Why? Why didn't
you protect me? You said you would never let anyone hurt me," I yell at him, and it hits me. I'm angry, angry with him for leaving when he did and not protecting me, and I realize that I think it's his fault. It's a revelation to both him and me.
"I keep asking myself the same question, baby. All I want to do is protect and love you and keep you safe, and I failed. I know I did. I'll take the rest of forever to make it up to you, to prove that I love you beyond a shadow of a doubt and that we belong together. You know it's true, don't you?"
I stand up and make my way past him and to the closet to get a suitcase.
He stands up and walks in behind me. "What are you doing?"
"I have to go. I can't stay here. There are too many memories, and I can't stay here with you. I'm too angry," I say piling my clothes into the suitcase.
He touches my arm, and I don't flinch. I turn around and stare into his eyes.
"You did this." I point to my face.
He gulps and shakes his head. "Jeni, Jason did that," he rebuts.
"Yeah, but you could've stopped it. This is your fault, Aiden, and I can't be with you."
He holds my arm softly. "Jeni, no!"
I shake my arm to push him off.
"Jeni, please," he begs.
I continue packing my suitcase. I take the suitcase and make my way to the en-suite. He follows me every step of the way.
"Jeni, c'mon, we can talk about this. You don't have to leave. I'll sleep on the sofa. Anything. Just don't leave me."
I sigh and shake my head. "I have to. I can't stay here."
"Then we'll go somewhere else. We can go on a vacation, just you and me, anywhere you want to go."
I shake my head as I pack my toiletries. "No," I respond simply.
He looks around the room, frantically searching for something to help him with his plight. "What about us? What does this mean?"
I shake my head.
"There is no us. I can't trust you." I move back into the bedroom and he follows like a lost puppy.
"Trust. We're back to you can't trust me?"
"Yes, I can't trust you. You weren't here when I needed you."
He shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm so sorry, and I wish I could've been there sooner. I don't even know why I took longer than five minutes, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life."