by Dena Christy
“Oh. I can see I was mistaken, since Simone was human as opposed to a werewolf. Why haven’t you seen your sister in so long?”
“Our mother died when we were young, and we became wards of the state. She was adopted and I wasn’t.”
A frown knotted his forehead. “Why would you become wards of the state? Didn’t you have a pack to look after you?”
“Considering I’ve been a werewolf for the grand total of three months, the answer to that would be no to the wolf pack.” The wheels spun in Kate’s head, as thoughts whirled at the possibility he was presenting. It may be possible that Lizzy had changed her name, maybe it was her sister he was talking about. Kate reeled at the implications. When she’d turned eighteen she tried to look for her, but the process was long and frustrating, and eventually she came to the conclusion that perhaps it was best if she and Lizzy lived their own lives. It’s not like her sister would have remembered her anyway. “What happened to this Simone? Do you still keep in contact with her.”
A look of pain crossed his face, and Kate experienced regret at having opened what was obviously a wound for him.
“I believe she died, although I wasn’t around when it happened. I was told by someone I trust, and I have no reason to disbelieve it. I’m sorry to have bothered you with all this,” he turned to walk away.
“Wait,” she said as she stood and put her hand on his arm. She needed to know if this Simone could have been her sister. She’d always imagined her sister living a long and happy life, and she really wanted to know if she was the same woman he knew. Maybe he knew things that could confirm if this woman had really been her sister. “I have things to do for the next couple of days, but do you think we could talk again? I’d really like to know if there is a possibility that the woman you knew as Simone could have been my sister.”
“I guess we could, but why would you want to put yourself through the pain if it turns out that she was your sister. She’s gone.”
“I know, but I haven’t seen her since she was three. If it was her, I’d like to know what she was like as an adult. I’ve always wondered what happened to her, and if she is gone, at least I could get some sort of closure.”
He nodded his head, and reached into his pocket and pulled out a small square of paper. He handed it to her, and she read the name. Lee Cavanaugh, MD.
“My cell number is listed there, so call me when you want to get together. And what is your name?”
“Kate,” she said as she stuck the paper in her pocket, and stuck out her hand. He gripped it, and shook it gently. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and watched as Rowan walked down the hall with Nick at his side. She quickly dropped Lee’s hand, but not before Rowan’s gaze landed on hers. He frowned as he looked at her and then at Lee. He picked up his pace, and was there in front of them before she could say goodbye to Lee.
“Rowan, how are you?” Lee asked heartily as he took a step away from Kate. A look Kate couldn’t decipher passed between Rowan and Lee. “Kate, it was nice to meet you. I see you’re in good hands, so I’ll leave you to it.”
Nick looked at Kate and then Rowan, and he had to notice the tension radiating off his brother, because he mumbled something about wanting to talk to Lee and beat a hasty retreat.
“Is everything okay?” Kate asked, knowing full well what was causing the bug burrowing up Rowan’s ass, but she wanted to hear him say it.
“What did Lee want? I didn’t think you knew anyone else in town.”
“I don’t. He thought I was someone else. Why? Is he a bad person? Is there something I need to know about him that would make it wrong for me to have talked to him?” Kate schooled her features into a neutral expression as she looked him in the eye. The muscle flexed in his jaw, and that was the only sign that he hadn’t liked the position she’d put him in.
“No, Lee’s a great guy,” he said, his voice soft as he put his hand on the small of her back and escorted her down the hall.
* * *
The acidic burn of jealousy settled in Rowan’s gut as he and Kate got into his truck to go back to his house. He’d been monosyllabic since he’d seen Kate in the hall talking to Lee. He sat silently outside the room where they interviewed Kate about her ordeal. The longer he sat, the deeper that feeling burrowed. Rationally he told himself that he didn’t own her, and while that was true, his inner wolf begged to differ. It was his job to protect her. He was attracted to her, and he hadn’t like seeing Lee touching her, even if it was only a handshake.
“So I think it went okay, but I couldn’t really tell them the exact location of the building I was in. It’s weird, I was so focused on escaping and following the signal in my head, that I didn’t pay much attention to where I was. Do you think it matters? That I couldn’t tell them exactly where I was?”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. The Order is very resourceful.” Rowan congratulated himself for saying more then one word to her. He told himself to relax, that she didn’t deserve to endure his behavior. But he couldn’t let it go. He could blame it on the tension that always ramped up in him just before the full moon, but he didn’t think that was it. He had a feeling he knew what his problem was, and it was his problem, not hers. When he’d seen Kate shaking Lee’s hand, he couldn’t help but compare himself to the other wolf, and had found himself wanting. Lee was a doctor, he had himself together, and he certainly wouldn’t have been dumb enough to let someone experiment on him with an unknown formula. He wouldn’t have lost control of himself and bitten someone.
“So what exactly is your problem?” Kate asked casually. Rowan looked over at her, and she was looking at him with one eyebrow elevated.
“I’ve been bitten by a monster of the green eyed variety,” Rowan admitted. He couldn’t see the point in pretending nothing was wrong, since she was smart enough to see there was. He had a feeling that she knew what his problem was before he said it, so why pretend.
“I didn’t expect you to admit it,” Kate said with surprise in her voice. “You know you have no reason to be jealous of Lee, don’t you?”
“I know. I don’t own you and you can do what you want, with whomever you want.” And wasn’t that the real part of his problem. He felt inordinately possessive of her, and he had no right to be.
Neither of them said anything more as Rowan pulled into his driveway and cut the engine. They got out of the truck, and Rowan unlocked his front door and motioned for Kate to precede him.
“You’re right that you don’t own me, but that’s not what I meant when I said you had no reason to be jealous,” Kate said as she hung her jacket on the hook by the front door. Rowan did the same with his and looked at her in puzzlement. She walked over to the kitchen counter, and filled the coffee maker. “I think we need to talk about some stuff while we are both in a rational frame of mind. Although with this moon fever I don’t know how long it will last.”
“Okay,” Rowan said warily as he sat down at the kitchen table. Kate sat across from him and put her hand on his.
“Don’t look so worried, I don’t think this is going to be a bad conversation. I guess the problem I’m having is that I don’t know what parts of what I’m feeling are real and what parts are a result of this werewolf thing.”
“If this is about the fight in the truck earlier, I told you not to sweat it. The moon’s influence on all wolves’ moods gets stronger the last few days before the full moon. Things will be better after tomorrow.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I know the turbo PMS will pass, at least until next month. I’m talking about other feelings I’ve been having. Actually, this might not be a good time to talk about this. Do you want a coffee?” Kate avoided his eyes, and stood, turning to the direction of the coffee maker. She got mugs down from the cupboard. Rowan stood, and put his hand on her arm to pause her movements.
“What is it Kate? Talk to me,” Rowan said as he turned her to face him. He put his finger under her chin and tilted her head back so he could
look into her eyes.
“Is it the werewolf thing, the signal that made me come here, also making me want you?”
Rowan dropped his hand, and took a step back. She wanted him? He had to fight back the stupid grin that wanted to curl onto his mouth. He tried to school his features when he saw the impatience rising on her face.
“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know. I suspect that it’s not the case, because I’ve known of a few bitten wolves, who are close with the person that turned them, but not in a sexual way. More like a family bond. But then again, the ones I knew of were males, turn by other males, and as far as I know they were heterosexual. I don’t know how it works for those who are hetrosexual turned by the opposite sex, or those who are gay turned by the same sex.”
“So it could be the werewolf thing,” she said, and Rowan thought he detected some disappointment in her tone.
“Don’t you want it to be? That way once you go through the change tomorrow night, you can be free of me, and everything. You can get on with your own life. I thought that was what you wanted,” Rowan said, trying to be neutral even though that was the farthest thing from what he was thinking. He didn’t want her to go anywhere. He was sure of the attraction he felt for her, and it wasn’t the result of biting her. But he wasn’t sure if that was the case for her. He knew she wanted him, and if he’d been a total douche bag, he could have taken advantage of that. But he figured he’d screwed up her life enough at this point to do anything with her that wasn’t completely her free choice. Until she transitioned for the first time, neither of them could be sure if it was her choice or not.
“To be honest, I don’t know what I want. I’ve been living in the moment, and to be frank, I can’t leave you right now. If I get too far way from you, I feel a pull inside me, almost like a magnet. When we were at headquarters, I noticed when you went with Nick, and again to a lessor degree when they were questioning me. Will that feeling ever go away? No offense, I like you and God knows I’d jump your bones in a heartbeat if I was sure it wasn’t the werewolf thing messing with my head. But I don’t want to have to be conjoined twins with you for the rest of my life.”
“You won’t have to worry about that. From what I know the purpose of that feeling is so you can be with your maker during your first transition. That feeling will go away, and we don’t have to be attached at the hip after that.”
She was quiet for a moment, and he hoped he’d assured her that she wasn’t trapped here. As much as he wanted her to stay, so he could protect her and maybe make up for what he’d done to her, at least in some small way, he didn’t want her to feel trapped. She looked up at him, with apprehension on her face.
“I”m scared, Rowan. What if something bad happens?”
The vulnerable look in her eyes put Rowan into action. He pulled her close, and put his arms around her. “It will be fine. I’ll be with you every second, and once I explain how to do it, your body will know. We will be going out to Nick’s place, and if anything goes wrong, he’ll be there to intervene.”
She pulled back, an alarmed look on her face. “Nick is going to be there? Won’t I have to be naked?”
“Yes you will, but he won’t be there when you turn. He’ll have to go on his own run, but we will be on his property so he will be close if there is a problem. You do realize that I will have to be with you though, and I will be turning to,” Rowan said. His voice grew husky. “So we’ll both be naked.”
And it hadn’t even occurred to him that they would be. Wolves were quite casual about their bodies, since everyone was naked when they turned. While it wasn’t necessary to be naked, it was more convenient.
“The weird thing is, I’m not creeped out by the thought of seeing you naked, or you me.”
A laugh escaped Rowan, breaking some of the tension inside him. Hardly the most complimentary way to phrase it, but at least she wasn’t repulsed by him.
“You know what I mean,” she said as she turned away. “I’m trying to be honest about how I feel about this stuff. It’s really important to me to talk about it, so that I’m not terrified out of my mind. I don’t need you laughing at me.”
Her statement sobered him up quickly, and wiped the smile off his face. “I wasn’t laughing at you, I was laughing at myself. Look at me sweetheart,” Rowan said as he turned her toward him. “I know you’re scared. If there is anyone who knows exactly how you feel it’s me.”
“How can you know? You were born a werewolf.”
“True, but I didn’t have my first transition until puberty. I was nervous and scared at first, but I had my father with me, and Eric went through it at the same time. I will be there with you through every step and every second. Nothing bad will happen to you, I swear.”
Kate looked up at him, and he could see trust shining in her eyes, and he swore to himself in that moment that he would do everything in his power to deserve it. Her hands came up to his chest, and he could feel their warmth through his T-shirt. He reached up and clasped her hands, removing them gently from his body.
“I want you to kiss me,” Kate said as she pulled her hands from his and put them back on his chest.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Rowan said as he tried his damnedest to be noble. He would not take advantage of her, no matter how much his primal male side was telling him to.
“I think it’s an awesome idea. I’m not suggesting that we have sex, because I want to be sure that it’s me that wants it, and not the result of the magnetic pull between us.” She looked down for a minute, and Rowan thought that perhaps she had succeeded in talking herself out of this madness. And it was madness. He wanted her, and even holding her like this was fanning the flames of his attraction. And with the full moon so close, his control of his wolf side wasn’t as firm as it should be. “But I need to kiss you.”
“No, you don’t,” he said as he took a step back. “It’s just the moon madness talking. Everything we feel at this time is heightened.”
“And what if I never feel it again with you? What if it goes away once I transition? I want one more kiss to remember what it was like to want someone this much, even if it’s only a trick of the moon,” she stated as she pulled his head down and kissed him with an aggression that he had no hesitation in matching.
He yanked her to him, pressing her body tight against his. His conscious was screaming at him to stop, but Christ she felt so good. His mouth devoured hers and he grasped her waist and lifted her onto the kitchen table. Her legs came around his waist, and he rubbed his hardening cock against her as his hands slid up her shirt. She ripped her mouth away from his with a hiss. As he took in the sight of her swollen mouth, and the feel of the warm silky skin on her back, he wanted so badly to strip her and take her right there on the kitchen table. Clenching his jaw, he removed his hands from underneath her shirt, and stepped back as her legs fell away from his waist. His breath moved in and out of his lungs like a bellows, and he could see she was having the same struggle.
‘I am going to have a shower,” he said as he took another step back. “It might be a good idea if you stayed away from me for a while.”
“Are you angry with me?” she asked as she slid off the table. He put his hand up to stop her from coming any closer. His control was hanging by a thread, and it wouldn’t take much to destroy it.
“When and if we ever have sex I want it to be because you genuinely want me,” he said, his voice deepening at the thought of it. “Until we can be sure that it’s not the moon, not the fact that I turned you that’s causing this feeling between us, I need you to keep your distance. I’ve already taken a huge choice away from you when I bit you without your consent, I’m not taking this choice from you too. And I would be if I slept with you right now. I’m putting this distance between us, not because I’m angry, it’s because I don’t want to fuck with your life anymore than I already have.”
Rowan didn’t wait for her to respond as he turned on his heel and made his way to the bathroom
.
Chapter 6
Kate did her best to avoid Rowan for the bulk of the following day. He’d suggested in the morning that she might want to go shopping, and that he could arrange for Samara to go with her. He looked slightly haggard, as if he had about as much sleep as she had. She’d tossed and turned all night, with her body calling out for his. She thought the time away might make things better, but she should have known it wouldn’t. She managed to get some new clothes for herself, but after a couple of hours, she couldn’t stand the feeling that she got when she was away from him for too long. It was almost painful, that magnetic, pining feeling and Samara must have sensed it, since she suggested that Kate go back to Rowan’s house. The feeling of relief when she walked in the door was palpable. She didn’t even have to see where he was to know he was there.
The rest of the day had been spent with both of them pacing around the house, each trying to avoid the other. Now that dusk was approaching, and it was almost time for them to leave for Nick’s place, the anxiety twisting in Kate’s stomach had her doubled over.
“You okay?” Rowan asked as he looked at her fully for the first time that day.
Kate took several deep breaths, trying to paste a smile on her face to assure him, but she couldn’t. Nausea so strong that it almost sent her to knees slammed thorough her, and she bolted for the bathroom. She made it in time to be sick, only vaguely aware of the sound of Rowan’s pounding feet on the floor in the hall, before he came into the bathroom.
“Go away,” she whispered as she kneeled in front of the toilet, her head hanging down. How embarrassing for him to see her toss her cookies like this. She heard water running, and realized that he wasn’t leaving.
“Not going anywhere,” he said quietly as he pressed a warm wash cloth into her hand. She grasped it gratefully as she washed her face with it. The water ran again, and when it stopped she looked at him. He took the cloth and handed her a glass of water. She drank it down, it’s cool sweetness taking the sour taste from her mouth. He took the glass from her, and pulled her to her feet. He reached over and flushed the toilet, before running his hands up and down her arms.