Nine Months to Redeem Him

by Jennie Lucas

Thinking of Jason, sitting next to Madison on the couch as he said patronizingly, If there’s no sex, there’s no relationship, I shook my head. “I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

  “Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Pull yourself together. You’re better than this, Diana. And I’m not interested in watching you let them wipe their feet on you.” He glared at me. “Either stop acting like a doormat or you can ask them for a ride back to London.”

  I stared up at him, feeling faint, assaulted on all sides. How I wished I could be the woman he described—the one who was brave and strong. But the thought of facing them and telling them what I really thought.... Jason...and Madison...

  “I don’t think I can do it,” I choked out.

  “You have twenty minutes to decide.” Edward’s jaw tightened. Turning away, he stopped at the bedroom door. “Take a shower. Brush your hair. Get on dry clothes. When you come back downstairs for dinner, I’ll see your answer.”

  * * *

  My legs were shaking as I came downstairs a half hour later. I’d taken my time in the shower, closing my eyes beneath the hot steam. I combed out my wet hair, then started to reach in the closet for my typical wardrobe of casual T-shirt and cargo pants. Then I stopped.

  Instead, I took out a skirt and blouse, and black high-heeled shoes. I put on red lipstick, which I’d almost forgotten I owned, and a headband. Then I looked at myself in the mirror. It looked like me, but not me. It looked like the me that I used to be, in high school. Before Mom had gotten sick. Before Madison had taken the dream I’d wanted.

  You’re strong, Diana. And brave. Why are you suddenly pretending not to be?

  As I came downstairs, I could hear that the three of them had already started dinner without me in the medieval great hall. Well, Edward had told me twenty minutes. He was probably starting to wonder if I’d decided to pack for London.

  I was still wondering myself.

  I could play it safe, say nothing tonight and quietly leave with Madison, back to my old life. I could plan their wedding, be silently helpful and invisible.

  Or—

  Or I could be brave enough to be myself. And tell Jason and Madison how I really felt. Then I could remain at Penryth Hall—but I’d almost certainly end up in Edward’s bed.

  Let him keep your heart. I will have your body. Very soon. And we both know it.

  Yes. I swallowed. If I stayed here, it would happen. Sooner or later. Probably sooner. I wouldn’t be able to resist for much longer. I’d give my virginity to a playboy who wanted only a physical affair. It would be just sex, as he’d said.

  Sex. And fire.

  I felt dizzy just thinking of it.

  So which would it be?

  Remain invisible, mute and untouched?

  Or risk everything, be honest and brave—but know that it would irrevocably change my life?

  Standing outside the great hall, I still didn’t know. I was caught between longing and fear. But I was already late. Clutching my hands into fists, I took a deep breath and walked in.

  Madison had appropriated the place of honor at the long, candlelit dining table, with Jason on her right side and Edward on her left. Edward saw me, and his expression sharpened.

  “You’re here,” he said, motioning toward the place to his left. Avoiding his gaze, I slid quietly into the chair beside him at the table.

  Glancing at me dismissively, my stepsister didn’t break stride in her story, which was mostly explaining the unbearable burdens of being young, rich, famous and beautiful. “You’d think I’d be used to press junkets by now,” she finished with a sigh, moving her hands gracefully over the long, gleaming table, to make her enormous diamond ring sparkle in the candlelight. “But the one this morning was especially exhausting. They barely let me plug the movie. They just wanted to know about our engagement.” She gave Jason a flirtatious sideways glance. “They wanted every detail. How he proposed, when the wedding will be...” Madison turned to me. “Why did you take so long, Diana? We’re halfway through our dinner.”

  It was worth it, to miss most of your story, I thought. But I didn’t have the nerve to say it.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, and reaching for the silver tray at the center of the table, I pulled off the lid and served myself some rosemary lamb, herbed red potatoes and vegetables. Then I saw the basket, and gave a happy smile. “Mrs. MacWhirter made fresh rolls!”

  “I asked her to, this morning,” Edward said, smiling back. “I know they’re your favorite.”

  “Bread makes you fat, you know,” Madison said.

  But skipping bread makes you mean, I thought. I said only, “Aren’t Damian and Luis joining us?”

  “They’re eating in the kitchen with the staff.”

  “Smart,” I mumbled.

  “What?” Madison said.

  “Nothing.” I sighed. I felt Edward tighten up beside me. I could almost feel his glower.

  I tried to eat, but sitting with Madison and Edward I could barely taste the food. Even the freshly baked white bun tasted ashy.

  “Anyway,” Madison continued, “sometimes I just get tired of all the attention.” She yawned in a showy way, stretching her hands upward, showing off her figure to clear advantage. Then she flashed her beguiling smile, her trademark that no man could resist, first at Jason, then—at Edward. “Our engagement is news all over the world. My fans everywhere are thrilled... They’re so sweet, sending congratulations and gifts.” She gave a tinkly laugh that sounded like music. “Though I’ve had a few male fans threaten to throw themselves out windows unless I cancel the wedding. You know how it is, I’m sure.” Reaching out, she patted Edward’s hand. “How difficult it is, when people want you constantly.”

  My eyes went wide as I stared at Madison’s perfectly manicured hand. Patting over Edward’s. Slowly. Languorously. Like a dance.

  Pat, pat, pat.

  With the same hand that held the ten-carat diamond engagement ring given to her by another man.

  She wanted Edward’s attention now, too, I realized. Why was I surprised? It had happened all our lives. Madison always had to be the center of male approval. Even when we were teenagers, and my mother was dying, Madison had snuck away with the pool cleaner and smashed her father’s car into a palm tree—effectively pulling Howard’s attention away from my mom.

  All our lives, I’d tried to look out for Madison. I’d tried to treat her like the sister I’d always wanted, back when I was a lonely only child. But she’d just taken from me, and taken more.

  But as I watched her hand with the huge diamond ring pat Edward’s on the table—pat, pat, pat—I suddenly couldn’t stand it one second more.

  “Are you seriously flirting with Edward now?” I said incredulously. “What the hell is wrong with you, Madison?”

  She stared at me, her gorgeous pink mouth a round O. Then she ripped her hand off Edward’s as if it had burned her. “I wasn’t flirting with him! I’m an engaged woman!” She glared at me, then turned to give her fiancé a tender glance. “I’m in love with Jason.”

  “Are you? Are you really? Do you even know what it means?”

  “Of course I do—we’re engaged!”

  “So what? You’ve been engaged five times!”

  “Really?” Edward said, looking at me with growing joy.

  “Five?” Jason gasped.

  “You’re crazy!” she said in outrage. Then, as the two men stared at her, she moderated her expression and said more calmly, “I haven’t been engaged five times.”

  “No? Let’s see.” I tilted my head thoughtfully. “That punk rock musician you met on Hollywood Boulevard...”

  “You call that an engagement?” Glancing at Jason and Edward, she trilled a little laugh. “I was fifteen! It lasted six days!”

  “But Rhiannon never talked to yo
u again.”

  Madison tossed her head. “He loved me, not her. She should have accepted that.”

  “Yes. He loved you. For six days, till his band left for Las Vegas. For that, you destroyed a friendship you’d had since kindergarten.” I lifted an eyebrow and inquired coolly, “How many friends do you have left now, by the way, Maddy?”

  She looked at me in wide-eyed fury. “I have plenty of friends, believe me!”

  “Friends. People who suck up to you,” I murmured. “People who need something from you. People who laugh at your jokes even when they’re not funny. Are those really friends? Or are they employees?”

  “Shut up!”

  Picking up my fork, I idly traced it along my plate, crushing my potatoes against the gold-rimmed china, creating a pattern like tracks through snow. “Then when you were sixteen, there was the man who cleaned our pools...”

  “A pool cleaner? That wasn’t an engagement, it was a cry for help!”

  “Right.” I gave her a tight smile. “You were trying to get Howard’s attention. He’d been neglecting you, spending so much time at my mom’s deathbed. Drove you crazy.”

  She tossed me an irritated, petulant glance. “You make me sound selfish, but for months and months it dragged on. A girl needs her father!”

  The casual cruelty of her words took my breath away. For months and months it dragged on. Yes. It had taken my mom months and months to die. Months of her fighting her illness with courage, long after hope was gone. Months of her fading away, so sweet and brave, still trying so hard to take care of everyone, even Madison. My jaw hardened.

  “I know. I was there. Every day. All day.” I ticked off another finger in a violent gesture. “Third engagement. My agent.”

  “Your agent?” Edward said in surprise.

  “Yeah.” I looked at him. “We met at Howard’s wrap party for a film. Lenny signed me when I was almost seventeen. I worked on a soap opera for about six months before Mom got sick.”

  “You were on a television show?” he said incredulously.

  “I quit to stay home with her.” And I’d quit without regret. I’d missed my friends, and the tutor was a poor replacement for school. I’d felt lonely. “I didn’t try to act again until months later, when my agent sent me a script. He wanted to pitch me as a ‘fresh new face’ to star in a Disney show for preteens. My mom convinced me to go to the audition. But on my way there, I got a message from Howard that Mom had just had a seizure. He wasn’t sure she’d make it....” My lips quivered at the edges. “She did. That time. But when I went back to do the audition two days later, the part was gone. The show had already hired someone else.” I turned to look at Madison. “Moxie McSocksie made you a star.”

  Edward frowned. “Moxie what?”

  “I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it.” I turned to him wearily. “Moxie. You know. Regular student by day, adventurous cub reporter by night. It was a huge hit.”

  “Moxie Mc—” Frowning, he looked at Madison, his eyes wide. “I remember. Your face was on the side of buses for months when the show came to London. It was your big break, wasn’t it? Made you famous. Made you rich.”

  Wide-eyed, Madison looked from Edward, to Jason, to me. She abruptly slapped her hands hard against the table.

  “I deserved the role, not you!” she cried in a shrill voice. “I’d been doing commercials since I was a baby! I was the actress, not you. And you were eighteen by then, Diana, way too old for the role!”

  “Compared to you?”

  “I was seventeen—the perfect age!”

  “For getting engaged to my agent?” I said dryly. “The second you heard about the role, you went for him. You knew he could get you that audition, and more. He could get you the career you wanted.”

  “You make it sound sordid,” she gasped, putting her manicured hand against her chest in a fake laugh. “It wasn’t like that!”

  “Oh?” I said coolly. “So you didn’t seduce him to get him to take you on as a client, and sell you to the show?”

  “You’re jealous! It’s not my fault you gave up the audition and rushed home. The next day, when Lenny and I spent time together, he realized I was the perfect Moxie, not you. That’s all!”

  “He was fifty,” I said.

  “I loved him!”

  “You dumped him fast enough, after he got you your first movie role, and you realized that dating a big Hollywood director would help you further up the ladder. You didn’t mind that he had to break up with his wife to do it.”

  “Enough.” Jason rose from the table, his face like granite. He looked at Madison. “So I’m number five, am I?”

  “You’re different,” she whispered. “Special.”

  “I don’t feel special.” Jason looked at me. “I’m starting to think I chose the wrong sister.”

  Madison looked frightened. “Jason—”

  “Here.” Reaching into his pocket, he tossed a set of car keys onto the table. They skittered helter-skelter down the long polished wood. “I’m taking a car back to London. I’ll leave the keys at the front desk of your hotel.”

  “Wait,” she said desperately, rising to her feet. “You can’t leave. I need you—”

  He left without a backward glance.

  Madison staggered back.

  “Does this mean the wedding is off?” Edward inquired pleasantly.

  Ignoring him, she slowly turned to face me. “Diana. I know I’ve done a lot of stupid and selfish things. But I never thought you would be the one to list them out. Not you.”

  The injured fury in my heart deserted me, just when I needed it most. I rose to my feet.

  “I never thought you would attack me like that.” Her crystalline eyes glimmered in the candlelight. Her voice caught as she looked away. “You’re not my big sister. You’re just like all the rest.”

  My throat suddenly hurt as I remembered how we first met, virtual strangers to each other attending our parents’ wedding as slightly-too-old flower girls, both feeling awkward, uncertain. My mom had told me Madison’s mother died of a drug overdose when she was a toddler. So be nice to her, she’d chided.

  Seeing her sad little face, I’d wanted to protect her. We’re family now, I’d said at the wedding, hugging her over the flowers. I’m gonna be your big sister, Maddy. So don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.

  “Maddy—” I whispered.

  “Forget it,” Madison choked out. “Just forget it.”

  She turned away in a cloud of grief and expensive perfume, stumbling out of Penryth Hall, calling Jason’s name, then her bodyguards’.

  The great hall was suddenly quiet, the only sound the whipping of the wind outside rattling the glass panes of the windows.

  Edward looked at me.

  “I wondered what it would be like, if you ever really let yourself go,” he said quietly. “Now I know.”

  A sob lifted to my throat. My knees wobbled beneath me, and suddenly Edward was there, catching me before I could fall. I stared up at him in bewilderment, wondering how he’d moved so fast.

  “I was horrible,” I whispered.

  “You were magnificent,” he said softly, brushing hair from my face.

  “Magnificent?” I gave a harsh laugh. “I was so determined to list all her faults. But what I’ve done is worse.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I told her I’d always take care of her,” I whispered. “Then I hurt her like this....”

  “Seems like she had it coming,” he said softly, caressing my cheek.

  I shuddered at his touch, longing for his comfort, fighting the desire to turn my cheek into his caress. “All these years I’ve blamed her for taking the role that might have made me a star. But it was never mine in the first place. She was right. I had the chance to audi
tion. I went home.”

  “To be with your mother...”

  “Whatever the reason. It was a choice I made.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “After losing my parents, and the role of Moxie, I never wanted to have my heart crushed again. It’s not Madison’s fault I spent the next ten years hiding, not letting myself feel or want too much....”

  “Until you fell for Jason,” he said.

  But was Jason the exception? Or had he just been one more example of me taking the safe path? The thought was new and troubling.

  Swallowing, I looked up at Edward through shimmering tears.

  “It wasn’t Madison’s fault,” I whispered. “I did it to myself. I chose to be a coward.” My voice caught as I turned away. “Playing it safe has ruined my life.”

  Edward said quietly, “Your life isn’t over yet.”

  Our eyes locked in the shadowy great hall. An almost palpable electricity crackled between us.

  “I have a private island in the Caribbean,” he said huskily. “That’s where I’d go if I needed to escape a broken heart. I stayed there after my accident. I needed to be alone.” He gave a grim smile. “Well, alone with a doctor and two round-the-clock nurses.” Reaching out, he gently twisted a long tendril of my hair. “No one can get at you there, Diana. There’s no internet, no phones, no way to even get on the island except by my plane.” He gave me a smile. “Want to go?”

  Looking up at him, I tried to smile back, but couldn’t quite manage. “Thanks, but it wouldn’t help.” I looked down at my hands. “Not when the person I want to escape from is myself.”

  Reaching out, Edward tilted up my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. His dark blue eyes gleamed with silver and sapphire light, like the half-bright sky at dawn. “I understand,” he said quietly. “Better than you might think.”

  “You do?” I whispered. Of its own will, my hand reached up to stroke his tousled black hair. It was so thick, and soft, just as I’d thought it would be. Five o’clock shadow traced the sharp edges of his jaw. Everything about him was masculine and foreign to me. I didn’t understand him at all. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  He gave a sudden crooked smile. “Maybe it’s just to lure you in my bed.” His hand moved gently from my hair to my cheek. “Did you ever think of that?”