The Happiness List

by Annie Lyons

  ‘You have to be brave when you lose someone. People give you weird looks if you walk down the street wailing all the time,’ pointed out Heather.

  Fran laughed. ‘Sounds like the kind of pithy thing I’d say.’

  ‘You’ve taught me well, oh wise one,’ said Heather, taking a bow.

  Pamela put an arm around Fran’s shoulder. ‘You know where we are if you need us. As Heather will tell you, I’m always ready with tea, cake and sympathy!’

  Fran planted a smacker on her cheek. ‘We should rename your house the Happiness Hub,’ she joked.

  ‘The Happiness Hub.’ Pamela smiled as the whisper of an idea floated through her mind. ‘I like it.’

  They left Hope Street Hall later that evening in good spirits. It had been an interesting session and Pamela felt as if the world was full of possibility as her brain buzzed with ideas. The three friends stopped in their tracks when they saw Luke waiting outside the hall. Pamela took hold of Heather’s hand as he approached.

  ‘Heather,’ he began.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she demanded.

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ he said. He glanced at Pamela and Fran. ‘Alone, if possible.’

  ‘We’re going nowhere,’ declared Pamela, tightening her grip on Heather’s hand.

  ‘Yeah. What she said,’ agreed Fran.

  Luke sighed. ‘Okay, fine. I’ve come to say I’m sorry.’

  ‘I should bloody well think so,’ said Fran.

  Luke stared at Heather. ‘I have tried to call you. I understand why you wouldn’t answer but the whole thing with Gemma was a huge, huge mistake.’

  ‘You said you saw her first in the club and that you wanted to ask her out. Not me. Those were your words.’ Pamela could feel Heather’s hand trembling in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

  ‘I didn’t mean it. I said that because I was angry with Gemma. But I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I know I screwed everything up and I deserve this.’

  ‘You can say that again, mate,’ snapped Fran.

  Luke tried to ignore her. ‘But I mean it when I say that I’m sorry and I love you.’

  ‘If you’re about to ask for another chance, you can save your breath,’ said Heather.

  ‘Attagirl,’ whispered Pamela.

  ‘Actually, I’ve come to tell you that I’m leaving.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Pamela shocked.

  ‘Where are you going?’ asked Heather.

  ‘New York. They’ve offered me a placement, which could end up being permanent so I thought I’d take it, unless…’

  ‘Unless?’ demanded Fran. ‘Unless Heather has taken leave of her senses and suddenly stopped seeing you as an utter cockwomble? Honestly, if I was her, I would have punched your lights out.’

  Luke took a step back and held up his hands. ‘Okay, okay, I get it. I’m the villain here and you all want a piece of me.’

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ retorted Fran.

  Luke turned to Heather. ‘I can see that you’ve got some good, supportive friends here and I’m glad, but I would love to talk to you alone because I honestly believe that if you came with me to New York, we could be happy.’

  ‘What?’ chorused the three friends.

  Luke held open his hands. ‘Think about it, Heather – a new start, a new city. You love New York. We could get away and start over. Away from all this.’

  Heather was silent for a moment. Pamela stared at her in amazement. ‘You’re not thinking about going, are you?’

  Heather shook her head. ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘Can we at least talk?’ asked Luke. ‘Just the two of us? Please?’

  ‘You don’t have to,’ said Fran. ‘I can still punch his lights out if you want me to.’

  Heather gave a weak smile. ‘I’ll be fine.’ She turned to Luke. ‘You have half an hour to talk and then you leave, understood?’

  He nodded. ‘Okay.’

  Pamela and Fran watched them go. ‘Oh Fran, I hope she’ll be all right,’ said Pamela feeling fiercely protective.

  She’ll be fine. Although I’m not so sure about Luke. Right, I’d better get back. I promised Charlie I’d kiss her goodnight before she goes to sleep.’

  Give her a hug from me, won’t you?’

  Fran smiled. ‘Will do.’

  Pamela did her best to heed Fran’s words and stop fretting about Heather as she made her way home. She’d become so fond of her. And Fran. They felt like family. She started to think about the anniversary party and who she would invite. She might have to hire Hope Street Hall because she’d want all the people from the course to be there as well as family, her baking mums, people from choir. Her mind was bubbling with ideas as she let herself into the house. It seemed very quiet and she was surprised to find the place in darkness.

  ‘Barry?’ she called, turning on the hall light.

  No reply. That was odd. When she and Heather left earlier, he’d been about to go out into the garden on slug patrol.

  ‘Always best to catch the little blighters when they least expect it!’ he said, eyes glinting with intent.

  Pamela made her way down the hall. Surely he wasn’t still out there, although there had been evenings when she’d found him planting out seedlings in the greenhouse to way past nine o’clock.

  ‘Barry!’ she called again, louder this time. Pamela walked into the kitchen and turned on the light. The back door was open. She gave an exasperated shake of the head. He was still out there! At this time of night!

  ‘Barry, what are you doing out there? You’ll catch your death!’ she cried, standing at the back door, peering into the gloom of the garden. It was then that she noticed the torch, shining its beam across the grass as if it had been dropped there. Pamela’s mouth went dry and the panic rose up inside her like a scream as her eyes adjusted to the dark and she noticed Barry lying on the floor, face down, not moving.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Heather

  Happiness List

  1. Marry Luke!

  2. Sunday walk and choose wedding venue with Luke Fran & Charlie

  WEDDING CANCELLED

  3. Exercise more (persuade Luke to go running?)

  - Boot camp with Fran & Pamela

  4. Go dress shopping with Gemma and laugh like we used to!

  Fran & Pamela - laughed like teenagers!

  DRESS SOLD ON EBAY

  5. Surprise Luke at work

  6. Ask Pamela for help with first dance for wedding!

  7. Help Pamela & Barry fall in love again - mission accomplished!

  8. Treasure my friends

  9. Have the courage to take what I need from life

  Heather was starting to realize that it would be a lot easier if she could simply hate Luke. She’d managed it pretty well since the christening because she hadn’t seen him. Absence may make the heart grow fonder but it also keeps it pulsing with fury. Every time she felt her anger subside as the sadness threatened to take its place, she’d remind herself of all the times Luke had lied to her: the late-working, the phone calls in the evenings and at weekends, the guilt-presents and the weekend away. The list was endless – it made her skin crawl and her rage burn red hot.

  And then there was Gemma; Heather’s best and oldest friend – the one who’d held her like a child when her parents died, who’d always been there. A constant friend and support. Her anger almost tipped into self-pitying hurt at the thought of this so she focused on the betrayal and disappointment instead. Heather forced herself to push Freddy from her mind too because she couldn’t bear to think about him. She told herself it was easier that way. She wondered if Ed might get in touch and was relieved when he didn’t. All Heather could do was focus on herself and what she was going to do now.

  Needless to say, she would have collapsed without Pamela and Fran to nudge her gently back onto her feet. Like a surrogate mother and teasing older sister, they surrounded her with love and told her that she would be okay. And she believed them.


  So Heather was ready for Luke that evening. Ready to deflect his hand-wringing apologies with curt anger. And ready to send him packing if he continued with his ridiculous suggestion that they give their dead-in-the-water relationship another chance.

  However, as she sat opposite him at the kitchen table and did her best to be standoffish and cold, Heather realized that hating someone you’d invested three years of your life in was nigh on impossible.

  ‘Thank you for letting me come here,’ Luke was saying. ‘I know Pamela and Fran have got your best interests at heart but it is good to talk to you alone.’

  ‘Why? So you can try to convince me that your affair with Gemma was all a mistake and that we should give this shambles of a relationship another go?’

  Luke looked into her eyes. Heather stared back, her gaze steely and determined. Two weeks ago he could have seduced her with that gaze. ‘I am really, truly sorry. I have been a complete asshole and you have every right to hate me.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said bitterly.

  ‘But the point is that I don’t think you do hate me.’

  She fixed him with a look. ‘Don’t be so sure of yourself.’

  ‘Okay. Fair enough. Listen. I’m leaving for New York in two weeks and would love you to come with me.’

  Heather narrowed her eyes. ‘I’m surprised you’re not begging Gemma to go with you. Or does the thought of playing stepdad to Freddy repel you?’

  Luke sighed. ‘It’s all off with Gemma. To be honest, it was never really on. We didn’t even sleep together.’

  ‘Oh well, that’s a blessing.’

  ‘It was a stupid moment of madness – a fleeting attraction – we never did anything except kiss.’

  ‘Please. Spare me the details.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘I’m just going to say this and then I’ll go. I screwed up and I’m sorry. I love you and I always will. I would be the happiest man alive if you came to New York and let me make amends.’

  Heather’s phone buzzed with a call. She frowned at the screen. Fran. That was odd. Heather held up a hand to silence Luke as she took the call.

  ‘Are you phoning to check up on me?’ she answered with a smile.

  ‘Heather.’ Fran sounded upset.

  ‘What’s the matter, Fran? What’s happened?’

  ‘It’s Barry. He’s had a heart attack. Can you come with me to the hospital?’

  ‘I’m on my way,’ said Heather, jumping to her feet and shepherding Luke towards the door.

  ‘I hope he’s okay,’ said Luke as they parted. ‘Think about what I said.’

  She nodded gravely. ‘I’ll let you know.’

  Heather wondered why hospital corridors always smelt like this – that sharp antiseptic tang mixed with the cabbagey whiff of yesterday’s dinner. She gave a weak smile of thanks as Fran handed her a cup of tea, which was the exact same colour as old dishwater.

  ‘I considered the Cup a Soup as a more palatable option but couldn’t decide between minestrone and chicken noodle,’ remarked Fran. ‘Sorry. Possibly not the right time for jokes,’ she added, sinking into the chair next to Heather.

  ‘Poor Pamela,’ breathed Heather. ‘She was so excited about their anniversary party – she had all those plans. And she and Barry were like a couple of teenagers again.’

  ‘I know,’ sighed Fran. ‘It is a truth universally acknowledged that when your world is rosy, life will usually find a way to shit on you from a great height.’

  Heather nodded sadly. ‘Is your mum staying the night?’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Fran. ‘Thankfully, Charlie was asleep when I left. I’m dreading what will happen if I have to give her more bad news.’

  ‘Don’t think about it,’ said Heather, grasping her hand. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the beeps and hisses of hospital life, each woman understanding the enormity of loss and praying that Pamela wasn’t about to face it too.

  The door to Barry’s room opened and a weary-looking doctor emerged, closely followed by Pamela and her daughter, Laura.

  ‘How is he?’ asked Heather.

  ‘The next twelve hours are critical,’ reported the doctor. ‘It was quite a large heart attack. We’ll be monitoring him closely.’

  ‘It’s my fault!’ cried Pamela. ‘All those cakes and big dinners!’

  Heather and Fran put their arms around her. ‘It’s not your fault. It could happen to anyone,’ said Fran.

  ‘The important thing is to get Dad better,’ said Laura. ‘I’ll stay, Mum. You go home and rest.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ declared Pamela. ‘I promised to look after him for better or for worse and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.’

  ‘I have other patients to see but the nurses will page me if anything happens,’ said the doctor.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Laura. She turned to her mother. ‘I’m going to call Simon with an update and try to get hold of Matthew. Will you be okay?’

  ‘We’ll look after her,’ promised Heather. Laura nodded her thanks and headed down the corridor.

  Fran and Heather led Pamela into Barry’s room. He looked shrunken in his bed, surrounded by machines and wires. They stood together with their arms around one another. ‘He looks so poorly!’ cried Pamela as the tears flowed. ‘What will I do if he doesn’t make it?’

  Fran and Heather exchanged glances and hugged Pamela tight. ‘Don’t think about that,’ said Fran.

  ‘Barry’s strong. And so are you. Everything’s going to be okay,’ said Heather, hoping and praying that this was true.

  Heather woke to the sound of a series of loud, repetitive beeps and panicked. Disorientated, she opened her eyes, realizing that she was in bed and the piercing noise was her alarm. She felt as if her brain was filled with glue as she rolled over and looked at her clock. 6 a.m.

  On Pamela’s insistence, she and Fran had left the hospital at two in the morning.

  ‘I don’t want Charlie worrying,’ she said to Fran before turning to Heather like a mother hen. ‘And you’ve got work tomorrow. Laura’s here and Simon’s on his way. I’ll call you if there’s any change.’ They had hugged – a tight, heartfelt embrace which said everything.

  Heather grabbed her phone and flicked it into life. No messages. That had to be a positive. She dialled Fran’s number.

  ‘Heather? Any word?’

  ‘No, nothing. That has to be a good sign, right?’

  ‘I live my life by the “no news is good news” mantra so yeah, I reckon. Hang on, Charlie wants to speak to you. I told her Barry was poorly.’

  ‘Hey, Heather.’ Charlie’s voice was squeakier on the phone – she sounded much younger than her ten years. Heather’s heart surged with fondness.

  ‘Hi, Charlie. How are you doing?’

  ‘I’m okay but I am worried about Barry. I like him. Do you think he’ll be okay?’

  What did you say to a ten-year-old who’d already lost their father and was naturally anxious about death? How did you tell the truth without upsetting them? ‘I hope so, Charlie. I really do.’

  ‘Me too. I’m going to send up lots of prayers today.’

  ‘You do that, sweetie, and tell your mum to call me if she hears anything.’

  ‘’Kay.’

  Heather felt sluggish with worry and fatigue as she dressed ready for work. She forced herself to eat some breakfast before making her way along Hope Street. The sky was the colour of a headache – yellow and oppressive. She wasn’t sure how she was going to paint on a happy face for the customers today. All she could think about was Pamela and Barry. They’d only recently found one another again. She couldn’t bear the thought of that being ripped apart.

  Thankfully, the bakery was unrelentingly busy, so Heather had little time to dwell on her churning concerns. She was surprised at how quickly Georg picked up on her mood.

  ‘You are sad. What is wrong? Is it Luke?’

  She shook her head. ‘It’s Pamela. Her husband Barry had a heart
attack last night. He’s in a critical condition.’

  Georg’s face furrowed with a deep frown. ‘That is terrible. Poor Pamela – she is a very kind woman.’

  Heather nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, she is.’

  ‘Are you going to the hospital?’

  ‘Probably later, after work – why?’

  ‘I will come with you. Pamela is always very good to me – I would like to show support.’

  Heather noticed something soften around his eyes. She realized that she wanted Georg to go with her – she needed his straightforward reassurance today. ‘That would be great. I’m sure Pamela would be very pleased to see you and I’d be glad of the company to be honest.’ He nodded before turning back to his coffee orders.

  ‘Make sure you give Pamela our love, won’t you?’ said Caroline as Heather’s shift ended and she got ready to leave. ‘I’ll organize some flowers and a card from us all.’

  Heather smiled. ‘Of course. Georg, shall we go? I need to pop home quickly and then we can head to the hospital.’

  ‘Okay.’ Georg nodded.

  They walked back to Heather’s house in silence. Usually, she would have found this uncomfortable but today, she was relieved not to have to make small talk. As Heather opened the front door to let them in, her phone rang. She grabbed it from her bag, spotting the caller ID immediately.

  ‘Pamela? Are you okay?’ Georg was studying her face, trying to read what was happening.

  ‘Oh, Heather,’ sobbed Pamela.

  Heather felt tears spring to her eyes. ‘What’s happened? What is it?’ she cried.

  ‘He’s okay, Heather. I think he’s going to be okay.’

  ‘Oh, Pamela, you had me worried there. Thank goodness.’

  ‘Sorry, lovey – it’s all a bit overwhelming. I mean he’s got a way to go and he’s going on a strict diet starting today but we’ll get there.’

  ‘You will. I’m so glad, Pamela. Thanks for letting me know.’

  ‘And thank you, Heather – for everything. I mean it. I’ve got to go but I’ll see you soon.’

  ‘Bye,’ said Heather, hanging up as an unexpected wave of old familiar grief hit her and she started to cry. ‘He’s okay. He’s okay,’ she repeated to reassure Georg, who looked worried.