Cross Me

by Geneva Lee

  He crossed to me with tired eyes, and I didn’t resist as he took me in his arms. No matter what happened this was where I belonged. It was what I had promised him. My heart. My life. My faith.

  “No matter how hard I push back, nothing changes between us. I love you. I chose you. You are a good man,” I repeated.

  He looked down at me, sorrow tinging his blue eyes, and smiled sadly. “I’m not, but you make me think I could be.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ALEXANDER

  Clara had not budged on her position by morning. I’d pulled out every argument I could think of and she still wouldn’t acquiesce. It was a dangerous play on my part. The last time I tried to talk her out of doing something had nearly gotten her killed. That was probably the only reason she was still at Buckingham the next morning. Even she couldn’t deny my concern was warranted. Not that she would admit that to me. She’d made that clear last night. When I brought it up, she’d laughed, albeit nervously, and reminded me that we still have no proof she had been a target at all. To her, it was simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  That was bullshit. Members of the Royal Family didn’t coincidentally walk into a place where a bomb was about to go off. I wouldn’t admit this to her—but we didn’t have any proof the attack had had anything to do with her yet. It was frustrating. It was exhausting. I was at the end of my patience trying to understand what had happened. We almost got the intel too late that day. There had been a breakdown somewhere in our communications and in our security precautions. I was determined that wouldn’t happen again.

  However, maintaining my family’s safety was going to be infinitely harder if Clara continued to insist on putting herself in the spotlight with these stupid games.

  I reached my office before sunrise and found Norris already there. I took a long look at my old friend, noting the dark circles under his eyes and how much deeper the creases in his face ran these days. He carried the responsibility of protecting my family on his shoulders as much as I did. I shouldn’t have been surprised to find him here, waiting to consider our options.

  He didn’t move from the sofa as I came in. There was no point. Norris and I didn’t rely on ceremony and protocol. I liked to pretend that he felt he was my equal. Still, I couldn’t deny that on more than one occasion I had played my trump card by issuing a command. He had always followed them. It was the one lingering sign our relationship was not built entirely on love and accountability, but rather respect and duty. Sometimes I wished my wife shared his amenability.

  “I took the liberty of ordering coffees,” he told me as I shut the door behind me.

  What I had to say to him needed to remain between the two of us, and the staff would be arriving within the hour. I only wished we could sort out this mess in that short an amount of time.

  “Did you sleep at all?” I asked him, taking the sofa opposite his. Someone had lit a fire, perhaps Norris, and I was grateful. Even inside the palace’s thick walls, I felt January’s chill.

  He studied me for a moment, no doubt taking in my haggard features, and shook his head. “Did you?”

  “I had to reason with her,” I said. I didn’t bother to tell him what methods of persuasion I’d resorted to. He could probably guess.

  “Maybe reasoning with her isn’t the right method,” he suggested.

  I arched an eyebrow in surprise. It wasn’t like Norris to take my side so easily. If he could see that Clara was being irrational, then maybe I’d been right to try to stop her. “What would you suggest? I could demand she not host the games. I could—”

  “I don’t think that will work out the way you hope.” Norris snorted as if in on his own private joke.

  He was probably right about that, which left me fewer options, but much more decisive ones. “I could call off the games. If I announce it publicly, no one will dare to undermine me, not even Clara.”

  “You should consider how the people will feel about it, though,” Norris said. “It won’t be a popular decision. I don’t need to remind you that when certain other matters come to light, there might be a public reaction. I wouldn’t court more controversy if I were you.”

  “And what would you have me do?” I exploded, all of the frustration I felt for the last twelve hours coming to a head.

  “Have you spoken to your grandmother?”

  “What do you think?” He knew enough about our relationship to know better. She hadn’t come here on my invitation, but rather left a message telling me to expect her. She still believed that this palace—that this monarchy—belonged to her. Now, she wanted to come stir an already simmering pot. No, I hadn’t invited her. In fact, I should have told her she wasn’t welcome at all.

  “I suspected.” Norris, who’d been fiddling with his cufflinks, abandoned them and turned his attention to me. “Perhaps, that’s where you start. Speak with your grandmother. Speak with your uncle. Explain to them the security issues that we’re facing and how the games would exacerbate the situation. You always presume one will respond unreasonably, but you might be surprised how they will react when given the facts.”

  “I doubt that. Besides, what good will it do me?” It wouldn’t convince Clara to let this go. Even if my grandmother agreed to cancel the games, would my wife?

  “Who cancels the games will make a difference,” he advised me. “Most of the countries still perceive your grandmother as a grieving mother. If she were to announce a stay in the plans out of respect for your father’s memory, no one would question that.”

  “And you really believe she’d go along with that?”

  There was a knock on the door and we exchanged a glance. It appeared our time was up, and we were no closer to finding a solution to our problems. Norris stood, straightening his suit jacket and offered me a sympathetic smile. “We won’t know until we ask.”

  I wished I had his optimism.

  * * *

  Norris told me my grandmother had agreed to speak later in the morning, which was a promising sign. She’d agreed to come with Henry. Even though the meeting would be in my office and on my terms, I still wondered how a man like Norris—who’d seen so much—could hope for a good outcome.

  She arrived wearing one of the stiff, formal dress suits that had been her signature when she’d held the role my wife now did. That was the difference between her and Clara. Mary had made every decision, even when choosing how to dress each day, out of a sense of duty. Even now, when she was free from the restrictions of her previous title, she continued to uphold an outdated persona. That was probably why she despised my wife so much. Not only had Clara been an outsider, but she’d fought me and my family’s rules nearly every step of the way. I loved her for it, even when it drove me insane. I could only imagine how Clara would punish me when she found out this meeting had been held without her.

  My cock twitched at the thought of my wife’s face flushed with anger. It always did when I pictured her rising to challenge me. It was a bad habit—getting turned on by angering my wife—and one I needed to break.

  Norris coughed politely, and I shook myself from my thoughts. Now definitely wasn’t the time to be thinking about Clara in that way. One look at my grandmother erased the thought from my mind entirely.

  I left my desk and joined them in the sitting area. “I’ve ordered some tea.”

  “It’s a bit early for that,” Mary sniffed as though somehow the thought of tea before noon was offensive.

  “Thank you,” Henry added hastily, shooting a barbed look at her. She huffed but didn’t say another word.

  In some ways the dynamic of their relationship reminded me of what she’d been like when my father was alive. My grandmother had always been prone to insulting everyone around her. The only person she’d respected had been my father, probably because he was also cruel. Now, it seemed that Henry had taken his place in her eyes without being the cold, domineering man my father had been. It was strange to think that a woman as opinionated a
nd outspoken as her needed a man to oversee her affairs, but that was clearly the case. She’d left to live with him before my coronation. I’d nearly sent my apologies to my uncle ahead of time. Judging by the interactions we’d had so far, my concern had been unwarranted. The two of them seemed to work. My uncle actually held her in check, something she desperately needed if she was going to have any relationship with me or my family going forward. It seemed Henry understood their place in the family. Perhaps that meant he would see reason today.

  “You’re probably wondering why you’re here,” I began.

  “Of course, we aren’t. Your wife made it quite clear that you two were taking over the games.” There was another sniffle of resentment from her at these words. Despite her earlier objections, she’d taken a cup of tea. Hypocrite.

  I hadn’t expected her to interpret last night that way. Surely, she had seen my reaction. How could she think I wanted anything to do with the bloody games? Then again, after Clara had made her announcement at dinner, I’d waited until we were in private quarters before I’d disagreed with it. Allowing my grandmother to see even a hint of division between us wasn’t an option. She would take advantage of that, which would only make matters worse. This now left me on dangerous ground. If I admitted to her this was Clara’s idea and appealed to her for the cancellation of the games, she would know that division existed. On the one hand, she would have no reason to stay in London once the games were canceled. On the other, I wouldn’t put it past her to make breaking up my marriage her new hobby. I needed to tread carefully. I couldn’t admit to her that I wanted the games discontinued any more than I could do nothing. I had to spin this.

  Next to me, Norris spoke before I’d landed on an answer. “This morning, I had the unpleasant duty to inform his Majesty that early security assessments for the games have revealed a number of concerns.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” she hissed, abandoning her teacup to its saucer and glaring at us.

  “We’re still conducting an investigation into last week’s attack,” he explained.

  “We are aware of that,” Henry said in a clipped tone that chipped away my confidence that he would see our side. “Our own advisers informed us there’s no reason to think the attack had anything to do with the Royal Family.”

  It took every ounce of restraint I had to stay silent. I’d heard this before—from my own team. Even Clara had thrown it in my face. I didn’t believe it and I refused to write it off as paranoia.

  “Yes,” Norris confirmed, and I shot a scathing look in his direction. He was supposed to be on my side. He continued without acknowledging me. “Our teams seem to be reaching the same conclusion. We will, of course, continue to look into the matter. It’s important to consider, though, that the general state of security in the country—and indeed, the world—is unstable. We’re seeing more and more attacks of this nature at public events, targeting ordinary citizens and charity organizations, as well as the usual targets. In a way, these attacks are aimed at our very way of life.”

  “I don’t see what this has to do with the games,” Mary said, but her attention had turned to the floor. My grandmother had always had a knack for ignoring what she didn’t want to hear.

  “What Norris is saying,” I interjected, “is that hosting a large, public charity event will be a risk to everyone involved, even ordinary citizens. This isn’t a matter of our personal security. This is a matter of protecting our people.”

  I had to hand it to Norris. It was brilliant. More than that, it was the truth. I’d been so focused on Clara and my family’s personal safety that I’d failed in my other responsibilities as King. Hosting the games would put more than the people closest to me at risk. It endangered the lives of attendees.

  “I understand where you’re coming from,” Henry began slowly, taking the measure of the room as he spoke, “but to cancel the games would be a clear show of cowardice.”

  “I’m not interested in what people think of me,” I said roughly.

  “Well, that’s obvious.” Mary shook her head as if she was recalling every moment in which I’d disappointed her. If she was going to try to get through them all, she would probably be on the couch next week.

  “It isn’t about perception, Alexander. It’s about how you choose to reign over this country. I hadn’t expected you to allow fear to control you. It wouldn’t have influenced your father, at least.” Henry leaned against the arm of the sofa. He’d never bothered to take a cup of tea, and I realized that of everyone here, he’d been most aware of the path this meeting would take. He’d foreseen it. I’d never had a shot at making him my ally. He’d come here to call me out.

  I’d always thought of my uncle as a friendly type that showed up on occasion with a birthday present or in his funeral suit. He seemed so unlike my father, but maybe that had changed with Albert’s death. He’d stepped into the role of dutiful son, but I hadn’t expected him to take up the mantle of disappointed father as well. That was what he was doing now, trying to get me to do something by accusing me of being afraid. But this wasn’t a matter of refusing to eat my vegetables. Lives were at stake.

  “I don’t expect you to understand.” I met his eyes as I spoke and he didn’t look away. I’d drawn a line in the sand. Would he cross it?

  “Could Clara not join us?” he asked.

  There was my answer. He’d taken a look at my boundary and stepped right over it.

  “She’s quite tired these days.” I gave him a tight smile. This battle would be fought with civility—handshakes and apologies and outsmarting one another.

  “Given her interest in being the one to host the games—and given your obvious responsibilities in addressing current security measures—perhaps we should continue our plans with her,” he suggested.

  “Henry,” Mary said sharply.

  “Mother, we discussed this,” he said to her in a low voice. “Clara is Alexander’s wife now. We should respect her contributions to the family.”

  He had me by the balls, and he knew it. I couldn’t help but see him in a whole new light. Perhaps Henry was more like my father than I had ever realized. He wouldn’t be my ally, but he would be Clara’s. How hadn’t I seen this outcome? Siding with her got everyone what they wanted. The games would go on, my wife would be happy, and Mary and her son would be in a new position of power. Everyone got their way, but me.

  I only had one way to play out the lie we’d told. Had Norris foreseen this? Was that why he’d broached security concerns? Either way, it was my only way to save face and avoid all out civil war.

  “I’m certain she’ll want to talk to you further,” I said. “I had a duty to inform you of what we knew.”

  Norris stiffened, the movement was imperceptible to the others, but I caught it. He knew, as did I, that I’d just given my unofficial approval to the games and thrown him under the bus at the same time.

  “You understand,” I added, more for his benefit than theirs.

  “Of course, a king must consider all his movements carefully.” Henry’s genial smile stopped at his watery, blue eyes.

  My family left after exacting more promises they would hear from Clara soon. Mary stopped on her way out and turned her shrewd gaze on me. “We’ve already delayed enough. Don’t try to drag this out any further, Alexander.”

  I’d fooled neither of them.

  She left her warning hanging in the air between us. I didn’t bother to shut the door. Soon we’d move onto the next appointment on the agenda, leaving me no time to consider my next move.

  “That went well,” I said flatly.

  “No matter what you might’ve said, we still have options.”

  I shook my head, laughing a little at the idea. “I think our options just walked out the door.”

  “Talk to Clara further. Maybe try a different form of persuasion,” Norris said.

  “What did you have in mind?” I’d tried every persuasion I could think of with her. Some twice.
/>   “Perhaps, actually talking.”

  “She doesn’t listen to me,” I said, leaning against the wall, frustration overtaking me. “I’m supposed to be the King, but I can’t control my wife.”

  “Maybe you should stop trying to control her,” Edward’s voice broke into our conversation. He stood in the doorway, eyeing me reproachfully. He was dressed down for the day in a sweater and jeans. There were no meetings or debates on his agenda, which left him all the time in the world to harass me. My brother had always sided with Clara. They were best friends, and I wouldn’t take that away from either of them. Even having him here, discussing this now, seemed to undermine the trust between them.

  When I didn’t respond, Edward walked to my desk and picked up the framed picture of Clara and Elizabeth. “Have you ever asked yourself why you believe Clara needs to be controlled?”

  “She needs to be protected,” I corrected him.

  “You said controlled. You said ‘I can’t control my wife,’” he repeated my words back to me.

  I hated the way they sounded, but it didn’t change facts. Why couldn’t he see that? He’d panicked after the attack. I’d spoken with him. Now he was acting like there was nothing to fear.

  “Why do you want to control her?” he asked again.

  “She’s in danger.” That was the most obvious thing in the world.

  Edward replaced the photo and turned a penetrating stare on me. “So are you.”

  “That’s different.” He was baiting me and I was biting.

  “How?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, daring me to come up with a good answer.

  I couldn’t.

  “That’s what I thought,” Edward said. “I’m in danger. David is in danger. Elizabeth is in danger. It’s a fact of our lives and one you must come to grips with.”

  “It’s not the same thing. There’ve been no attacks on you or David. Elizabeth is home safe.”

  “She won’t always be. Someday, she’ll fight you on this, too. And you better have found a better way to handle it by then or you’ll wind up becoming our father.”