It is What it is: A Hood Love Story

by B. , Ivory

  Jah walks to the table and he like Keem what up? Why you ain’t come get this food? I didn’t even turn my head to look at him. I was mad as hell at him. I felt he should’ve stuck up for me more when that chick was trying to be funny. At the same time I wanted to know just what his real motives of playing me so close was. I ignored him and got up to walk out the lunch room. He was right on my ass asking me the same shit this time getting a little louder. “Yo you don’t want this food? I still didn’t answer him, I continued to walk. “Fuck it! Starve then.” He said before he threw the McDonalds bag in the garbage.

  After school that day I was waiting at the bus stop for the school bus to pull up with Tami. She kept asking me what happened. And why I wasn’t talking to Jah? But I wouldn’t say. “Girl, well I’m glad you stopped being stupid and messing with that nigga. He got a girl he lives with anyways, that’s why I knew he wasn’t serious about you. That hurt like hell, yeah I knew he had a girl but I was just upset. When the bus pulls up Jah had pulled up right in back of the bus. He beeped his horn but I acted as if I didn’t hear or see him and got on the bus. Now to get Jah really pissed off that’s all you gotta do is ignore him. Listen, I’m on the bus and we get like ten minutes away from the school and I hear a car horn beeping then the bus screeched to a stop. Everybody on the bus cursing and shit like what the fuck? Cause we flying forward hitting into the seat in front of us. I heard the bus driver cursing someone out about stopping in the middle of the street. Then I hear some people on the bus like “Yoo that’s Jah!” “What!” Ty screamed excitedly. Keema waved her off and continued. “My heart beating hard as hell, I’m thinkin this nigga bugged out. The bus driver opens the door and her and Jah arguing a little and he tells her he needs to get his girl off the bus. She was asking him was he crazy cutting her off in the middle of the road and telling him he can’t come on the bus. Then she was like she was about to radio the school to call the cops. He was like, yeah Shirley you know me so go radio back to the school you already know how I get down. Now listen, Shirley and her man used to come on Broad to cop so yeah she knew Jah very well. I’m like fuck! Let me just get off the bus cause this dude is acting up. I never knew he was gonna go off like that; I don’t know him all that well at this point. I get up to leave and Tami giving me a dirty look but I just act like I didn’t catch it. I walk to the front of the bus with everyone looking at me. As soon as the fool sees me he starts screaming. “Yo Keema you didn’t hear me talking to you? You didn’t hear me calling you?!” So Shirley like “Keema you okay? I told her I was okay and got off the bus. That nigga grabbed me by the arm and pulled my ass to his car pushed me in and took off with a screech mad as hell. He drove up on his block and parked. “Yo Keema why you acting stupid? You out here acting stupid bout to get a nigga bagged over ya ass cause you out here acting stupid.” “Oh I’m acting stupid, nah I’m not stupid. What I’m trying to figure out is what you want with my stupid dusty ass!” “Are you serious! This is what this shit is all about? What that loud mouth hoe said you trippin off that Keem, come on now.” “Bring me home Jah.” “Nah I’m not bringing you home. You can walk ya ass home.”

  I got my ass out to walk home and he hops out the car and snatch me up. “Keem what’s wrong with you?” So I tell him in so many words I wanna know why he around me. I’m not the flyest bitch in school or nothing like that so what’s his real motive of playing me so close? I came out and asked him if he had a deal with his people that he could fuck me or something or did all his boys want in too? Mind you Tami kept spitting that hating shit about them wanting to run a train on me so I really started to believe it. The look on Jah’s face was too funny he looked at me as if I were crazy. “What type of shit is you on? Who putting shit in ya head? First off I don’t share pussy with no man. I never came at you on some I wanna hit it shit so what’s your problem. As far as your clothes, your situation is obvious with your gear but I don’t give a fuck about shit like that Keema.” Ladies when he said that. I was so hurt, I started crying. He hugged me and then we kissed and I knew then that I really was falling in love with that boy.

  We got back in the car and drove to the West Kensington Park in a secluded area. We got out and we hugged each other and talked. That night I found myself really wanting that boy so I had to remind him and myself that he had a girlfriend. That’s when he told me he had her out of necessity and not want. He explained to me that his mother had passed away a few years ago and that he was staying with his aunt but things didn’t work out there. So he was living with this chick and she was also letting him and his boys stash drugs, guns and money in her house. Now at the time I was young so I went along with he’s just there for those reasons and those reasons only bullshit and believed that he wasn’t fucking her as well. But you live and learn right?

  That night he told me a lot about himself. How he never knew his father and how his uncle Carlos who was like a father to him, had gotten killed the year before. He told me that his uncle was the one who copped him the car for his 16th birthday before he even turned 16 and he was really close with his Uncle. It was the closest to me ever seeing someone about to cry and not actually crying. I told him about my crackhead ass mom and my absentee father. We had a connection in the fact we didn’t know who our fathers were. But that night he was like until I’m no longer mad with him I won’t be able to go home. So my stubborn ass would not give in till I looked and noticed it was damn near 1 in the morning and y’all know how sister G was. When I got in the house Sister G was knocked out in her recliner with a bottle in her hand, she didn’t see me come in.

  The next day he didn’t come to school. I never felt more naked in my life I swear it felt really different without him being there. I get a call in the middle of the day from a number I’m not familiar with. I go to the office and fake as if the number is my grandmother’s number and I have to call her back. It’s Jah and he telling me how he misses me, and asks me what sizes I wear, I tell him. So that whole day I didn’t see him I had to even take the school bus home.

  The next morning while I’m getting ready for school there’s a knock at the door. Why it’s Jah wit about ten bags full of shit; thank god Sister G was at bible study. I eyed the bags surprised as hell, He hands me the bags while I’m standing in the doorway looking stupid. I don’t even say thanks I’m just like wow. “Yo ain’t you gonna go change?” he asks me. I went to close the door to look through the bags and change for school and looks at me as if I lost my mind. He asked me if I was gonna invite him in? I was so embarrassed about the condition of my house. My grandmother had shit all over the place and there were roaches crawling all on the countertops in the kitchen like they owned the place. He pushed past me and I know he was shocked although he didn’t say anything I saw his facial expression. He could see the embarrassment in my face. I walked fast to my room and I could see once we made it in my room he was surprised as well in how different it looked compared to the rest of the house. Ladies I can still remember what I wore to school that day. And Jah suggested I wear my hair out for a change so I did. I went to school and bitches were breaking they neck to look me up and down. I mean people heads were turning left and right. Chicks were mean muggin and even niggaz that didn’t seem to notice me before all of a sudden was trying to holla, on the low though. They had already considered me to be Jah’s property and they knew of Jah’s reputation to be crazy as hell.

  That day in lunch period I spot Jah sitting at his normal table. He was sitting on the table sipping on a drink from McDonald’s with a McDonald’s bag in his hand, which I already knew was for me. He called me over to the table. I walk over and all eyes were on me. He stands up as I get close, he hands me the bag with the food in it and the drink he was just sipping right. “So hold up! Hold up! Hold up! Lucky stand up so I can show you how it was;” Keema said in a excited tone. Lucky looked at her as if she were crazy. “Hell no example on Ty. Y’all best friends you show her.” The room burst out in laughter. Ty jumped up “C’mon Keem
.” “Okay just stand there act like you me I’ma act like Jah,” Keema instructed causing everyone to giggle. “So he hand me the bag and the soda right. Then he steps to me and wraps his arm around my waist and scoops my ass up at the same time kissing me.” Keema did the move on Ty without any tongue action just kissed her on the lips and Ty giggled. Lucky and Tamika fell out laughing “Uhhh I always knew you two bitches were undercover,” Lucky joked. “Yeah and we turning your pretty ass out next,” Ty joked. “So anyways listen, after he did that in the middle of the lunch room, Niggaz was staring and bitches were hating like a muthafucka. I was even shocked when he did it. The chick that had the nerve to call me dusty was sitting there and you could have fried a egg on her head, she was so heated. She had the nerve to tell me my outfit was nice and I said thanks. Then she asked me where I got the outfit from? I told her to ask Jah. That got under her skin like a muthafucka cause I heard her and her girls talking about how Jah was a stingy nigga. How he got paper and don’t like breaking bitches off with shit. Now mind you they fucked him, and I didn’t do shit with him, he just laced me.”

  “Jah had copped me so much stuff it was ridiculous. I had new shit to wear for like three weeks straight. Expensive Gucci hand bags, boots, sneakers and he just kept buying me things and we hadn’t even fucked. Tami would act really funny, we stopped hanging as much as we used to outside of school. Now when I say I let this girl wear everything, I mean everything! My bags, clothes, shoes it didn’t matter. Even my favorite Gucci bag. If she came over and was like she needed a outfit she was going out or whatever I would let her go through my things and just pick something out. It didn’t matter to me because she was a friend and I remember how it was for me not to have, you know. Jah used to get mad though. He would see her in things he copped me that I hadn’t even worn yet and catch an attitude.

  Now, Jah and I have been messing for like three months, and people in school and in the streets know us as boyfriend and girlfriend. Even though mind you this nigga has not even hit it yet. I can remember in my young mind thinking what a good guy Jah was. He wasn’t even pressing me for any pussy and he was taking care of me. The reason he wasn’t pressing is he was fucking the bitch he was living wit. That’s why he wasn’t pressed for no pussy.” The room erupted in laughter and Keema laughed too.

  “Anyways, on this particular day Jah and his boy Boobie wanted to go to the Galleria after school to cop the new Jordan’s that came out that day. We went to the Galleria right after school and shopped of course Jah copped himself those Jordan’s and like two other pairs of sneakers with shit to match. He copped me a pair of matching Jordan’s and a couple outfits. We left the Galleria everybody hands full of bags and we were heading back to Jah’s car. All of a sudden Jah stops and tells Boobie that some cops are right there at the corner and he know they gonna fuck wit them and that he’s dirty. I suggested we turn around and walk the other way or cross the street and he like nah we gonna look hot as hell doing that. Jah pulls me to the side.” “Keem I need you to do something. Hold this shit for me.” “Now I know I should of said hell no! But that was my man so I agree. He had like ten eight balls on him. He pulls them out and pulls the back of my jeans down and stuffs them in my damn panties. I’m freaking out, I’m telling him it’s not gonna work, that it’s gonna fall and run down my leg. The cops gonna notice it in my jeans I was panicking.” “Keem calm down, trust me it’s goin to work.” “He makes me put both straps of my book bag on instead of just one so that the bag is covering my entire back and the top of my butt. “Keem you a chick they not gonna fuck wit you, but they gonna be all over us. Just walk by them. You hear me? Don’t look at them, just walk by. Whatever you do don’t turn around and let them niggaz know you wit us. No matter what just keep walking alright.” “He gave me a kiss and off I went. As I was walking by I could of sworn I was gon pass out I was so freakin scared. The cops didn’t stop me; as a matter of fact they were staring at my ass and one of them whistled as I walked by. Just as I hit the corner to turn I saw both Boogie and Jah get grabbed up. I looked at Jah and he eyed me as he was being thrown up against the wall.” “So y’all D-boys ha? Ha? Where it at?” The cop was saying as they searched them. The last thing I saw before heading to the subway is the cops actually opening up the bags and dumping their brand new shit out on the ground searching through the bags

  I got home and didn’t know what the fuck to do. I hid the drugs in my top drawer of my dresser underneath my panties and bras. I should’ve thought of a better place but I was so nervous I knew if Sister G found that mess in the house she would flip. I waited for Jah to call for hours and he never did. Finally, he called when I was asleep, when I heard his voice I almost cried. He said they didn’t get arrested but the cops harassed them for a while after they searched them and didn’t find anything they let them go. He tells me he’s on his way to New York to cop something and won’t be in school the next day. He would check me after and to keep what I have somewhere safe. I had a real bad feeling about it but I agreed to it like a dummy.

  When I got home from school the next day everything was everything. I checked my drawer Jah’s work was still there. Sister G was at choir practice. So I decided to go up on Broad Street and just chill. That night when I got home I thought I got there before Sister G. I went and took a shower and on my way out I never saw it coming but I felt that cane hit me. That old bitch hit me right in the side of the face with her cane and she kept swinging. “You little trifling bitch! You gonna end up just like ya mother! A dope fiend prostituting ya body for drugs. Around here messing with those drug dealers, you think I don’t know, the neighbors done told me you had that demon in my house! Those sinners! And then you bring this ungodly mess in my house. Get outta my house! You bring a baby in here I will beat it outta you! You hear me! You lucky I ain’t call the police on ya little heathen fast ass. I was just finna, when I called Pastor Jenkins and he told me to bring those drugs to him and he would pray on them, and get rid of them for me. He said not to call the police on you. He was gonna pray for you.”

  Ladies, I hauled ass in my room and started to get dressed on the first mention of the cops. And I was thinking to myself Pastor Jenkins was getting rid of them drugs alright, smokin them the fuck up! It was crazy that he was a crackhead but you couldn’t tell any of his followers that, especially my Grandmother. She donated just about all of my monthly social security checks to the church, whatever money she kept she drank it up. We didn’t even have food in the house half the time we would go to the church for the food pantry. For real, the first time we had real peanut butter in the house instead of the shit that had the picture of a peanut on it with peanut butter written across it, in a big ass tin can was when Jah started giving me food stamps cards that the crackheads would give him for drugs. He would accept the EBT cards as payments to give them to me. Shit both my grandmother and myself ate like royalty off them stamps. I would go to the grocery store and stock my closet to the max with snacks. And my grandmother would make huge Sunday styled dinners and she never complained.

  I remember our lights and hot water got cut off at the same damn time, can you imagine? My grandmother peaced off on me, left a letter on the door telling me she was gonna stay at a church member house and figure out a way to go down to the energy program to sign up for assistance. I was sitting out on the porch because it was lighter outside than inside, then cause it was dark all our pets was running around like they owned the place. Jah pulls up, said he been calling all day. I told him the deal and he was like come on. We went to a hotel and I stayed there for two days with him. And I swear on everything, when those two days was up that nigga had the light bill and the oil bill paid the fuck up so that I could go back home to lights, heat and hot water. But my grandmother wasn’t talking about how that drug money or that evil did all that.” All the women looked at Keema with sad eyes. Ty and Lucky with knowing eyes, they lived right next door to Keema growing up for years. They knew firsthand what she went through. />
  “But anyways, I was outside with nothing. I didn’t even grab my pocketbook; I had the change in my jeans that’s it. I was walking down the street embarrassed and crying. I knew my face was fucked up because I could feel it swelling and people staring. I didn’t have y’all number because Aunty Tina changed it. I couldn’t remember the new number and my phone book was at home. To make matters worse Jah had just started blowing my phone up and it was so low in battery the bar was red. I don’t know who I was more afraid of Sister G or him. I had fucked over his money and I knew firsthand how Jah could be. He even took it to his boy’s ass for coming short with his money. I was sitting at a bus stop on a bench with my hoodie over my head crying, like 5 busses had came by the stop and pulled off when they noticed I didn’t attempt to get on. Then if shit couldn’t get worst it started raining and I mean pouring thundering too. I ran to a pay phone that was on the corner of the street and dialed Jah’s number. As soon as the he picked up the phone it sounded like he had an attitude. I started crying. “Yo who this?!” “Jah, Jah I fucked up, I fucked up baby I’m sorry.” “Keema! Keema what’s wrong?” “My grandmother found that work in the house Jah; she found it and got rid of it.” “What?! What the fuck you mean she got rid of it?” “I’m sorry! I’ll give you the money for it, I swear.” “Where you at?” “I’m…I’m sorry Jah.” “Keem yo calm down where you at?”

  When he pulled up, he knocked on the phone booth door and scared the shit out of me. I was in there because it was pouring down raining outside. As soon as he saw my face I knew I must’ve looked horrible cause he froze at first. He hugged me I was crying so bad I was shaking. I thought he was gonna do something to me for all them damn drugs. “Yo your grandmother did this to you?” I couldn’t even answer I was too hurt, I just shook my head yes.