Free Bird

by Amelia Oliver

  “Wow! Already?” she says, looking over her shoulder at me.

  “You’re telling me. Times flying.”

  She nods and as we get to the top of the steps, Sweetie hears us and comes running out of her bedroom, her pigtails bouncing against the front of her overalls.

  “Gwen!” she squeals, and Gwen kneels to hug her.

  “Wow! You’ve grown at least three inches since I last saw you,” Gwen says.

  Sweetie giggles.

  “You’re getting so big, stop growing!” Gwen adds. “But what I really wanna know is,” and Gwen leans in to whisper something in her ear and I see Sweetie’s eyes light up.

  “Yes,” she nods. “I saw three trolls, an elf, eleven fairies, and a witch… maaaaybe a warlock.”

  The afternoon goes quickly, and after dinner we’re in the sun room. Gwen’s talking about rolling my hair for me tonight and we try on all my clothes, making funny and bold combinations for a laugh. The Contours’ “Do You Love Me” is playing on my record player, and we’re dancing around like mad and singing along into hair brushes.

  “It’s after seven, girls,” Gaye says as she opens the door.

  “Sorry,” Gwen immediately says and sits on the bed.

  “If you two aren’t tired then maybe you should go into town, find something to do, and turn your music down.”

  I turn the record off and the room is silent. Gaye gives us one more look before closing the door.

  “I need to move out,” I sigh.

  “Yeah you do, but I’m hungry, and we both know Gaye can’t cook to save her life, so let’s go into town.”

  It is true. For as hard as Gaye tries to be perfect, she’s never bothered to master the art of cooking. We begin to remove the necklaces and all the other things we piled onto our bodies when I have an idea. Going into town, I want to wear something different. It’s not day time, no one I know will be out. Going to my boxes, I pull out a floor length floral silk dress that has a deep V and ties around the back of my neck, leaving the entire back exposed. I’ve worn this dress before, but with a bra and a shawl. This time, no bra or cover, and I grab my highest platform sandals.

  “Okay, Faye, you aren’t supposed to look too much better than me,” she teases, going through my things. She finds a dress I’ve never looked good in because of my large chest, but she’s able to pull it off and look flawless.

  We sneak out the front door, because I don’t want Gaye to see me and make me change like I’m a teenager or something. Gwen and I jog and giggle down the street as we make it out undetected. Linking arms, we cross the street and head into town.

  “Are there any studs here, or just duds?” she asks.

  “There’s some good-looking guys, actually the ones working on the house are.”

  “Ohhh, really?”

  “Yeah,” I sigh and bite my lip.

  “Okay, that reaction’s definitely worth you telling me about,” she says giggling.

  “There’s one guy, Sven,” I sigh again. “He kissed me, took me on a ride on his bike, and we fooled around at the movies. He makes me feel crazy inside and I want it, I need it, I crave that feeling, but then he also told me I should stay away from him. So other than a few random times, I haven’t seen him since.”

  “Fooled around at a movie? Tell me EVERYTHING!”

  I smile. “It got my juices flowing and blood pumping, amongst other things,” I tease.

  “Maybe we’ll see him tonight,” she says with raised brows, as the lights from downtown Plantain start guiding our path.

  “I hope not,” I confess.

  “Why not?”

  “I think he’s nothing but trouble for me. When he kissed me Gwen, I felt it, like really felt it. I’ve just been thinking about the things I want him to do with me, and-” I inhale, “I can’t do that.”

  Gwen stops, putting her hands on my biceps as she steps in front of me. “Yes, you can! You’re an adult woman, it’s 1972. You can do anything you want…besides, you’ll be leaving here in a few months. A summer fling isn’t anything to worry about.”

  I inhale deeply, knowing she’s right, and I nod.

  “Now let’s go put these dresses to good use.”

  Linking arms again, we walk towards the diner and it’s busy. The street is lined with hot rods, muscle cars, and motorcycles. I can see through the windows that every table is taken, including the stools along the counter. Just like my first night working here, I’m still not at ease walking up. I can hear “You Wear It Well” by Rod Stewart coming from the jukebox inside, and I can’t help but scan the faces for Sven. I get nervous, like right before I used to walk on stage nervous, even though I don’t see him.

  “Wait,” I say as my feet stop.

  “What’s wrong?” Gwen asks, looking at me with confusion.

  “I don’t wanna go here, let’s go to the malt shop.”

  Her brow arches and she gives me a long look. I can tell she’s debating on whether or not to give me a hard time, which would push me out of my comfort zone. Then her look softens and she nods. With arms still linked, we turn and continue down the street. I can’t explain the heaviness that lifts off my shoulders. Even though Sven’s not there, I know he’ll probably come in at some point and there’s nothing good that can come from us seeing each other. It takes me and Gwen sitting at a booth in the dated malt shop, ordering milkshakes and talking about her family to get me back to normal.

  “So how was graduation?” I ask.

  “Good. Boring. Went and got hammered on the fifty-yard line that night,” she shrugs.

  “Of course you did,” I tease.

  Gwen’s a few years younger than me, yet I feel like she’s the older one of us. She’s well-adjusted and doesn’t get hung up on crap. She just breezes through life. I want that disposition, I want to be like that.

  “So, tell me more about Sven,” she smiles widely with a raise of her eyebrows.

  I sigh and look down at my hands on the table. The tinkle of the bell above the entrance door and voices filling the once quieted establishment alert me to knew patrons.

  “He’s over six-feet tall, massive shoulders, blond hair, beard,” I tick off and when Gwen says nothing, I look up to see her glancing over my shoulder.

  “Set of killer blue eyes?”

  “Yeah,” I answer. “Why?”

  “Well, the group of guys that just walked in have a guy fitting that description and he’s currently staring at the back of your head like it will control your brain and make you look over there.”

  Instantly my back straightens, my heart rate picks up, and my palms begin to sweat.

  “Jeez, Faye. I thought you liked the guy, why do you look like you’re terrified.”

  “Oh God,” I breathe out. “This man, he has me in a state I don’t know how to describe. But the things we’ve done, the signals he’s given me, the way he’s made it clear we shouldn’t do this…I feel…stupid.”

  Gwen’s expression screws up her face. “You what? Stupid?”

  “More foolish, maybe. I can’t explain it. I’ve never felt this way. Me, normal me, would claim what we did and go back for more…but…I can’t be with him Gwen, not even for the summer and he’s voiced the same.”

  “Again, that’s Gaye in your head. Tell me why, like really why.”

  I shake my head slightly, looking out the window. “I think, no, I know that we’d be fire together or something. He lights me up and makes me want to do insane things. I’m half out of my head when we’re together and that isn’t good. I need to live my life on the straight and narrow, my feet on the ground.”

  “Why? There’s no fun in that. You want to live a boring life, potentially marrying a man who doesn’t light you up?”

  Our milkshakes come and our conversation halts as we dig in. Someone begins playing music on the jukebox and thankfully it helps drown out the other conversations. I hear them, the guys I mean. I can’t see them but I imagine them and the female voices I hear. Gwen
keeps looking up and over toward them, smiling at someone, her cheeks pinking the more she does it. I know she’s not doing it with Sven…or is she? No, Gwen wouldn’t do that, but maybe she would? I don’t want any more of my treat and slide the glass away, just as laughter and some sort of taunting comes from behind us.

  “Are you ready?” I ask Gwen, putting my money onto the table.

  She looks at me surprised and then swallows the shake in her mouth, nodding as she grabs her purse. We have to pass by their table to get out the door so I stand, putting my head down as I prepare to walk by. I swear I hear my name said softly but I’m not sure since my heartbeat is blasting in my ears.

  “Hi,” Gwen says to someone as she walks behind me, but I just keep going.

  Inhaling deeply once I push through the doors, I take a few steps then stop, looking back at Gwen who smiles and puts her hand on my back.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her.

  “No need to be,” she tells me.

  “Wanna go sit in the park?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I got some rum in my bag.” She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows.

  I giggle and we begin walking, until I hear someone call out. “Missy!”

  The voice, it’s Sven’s voice and I halt. Gwen and I turn to face him and I see her smiling before noticing Sven and his friend walking up behind us. I literally hear Gwen squeal inside her mouth as they approach us.

  “Hi,” the friend says to Gwen as Sven’s eyes lock on me, yet I just watch the exchange between the other two people.

  “Hi. Gwen,” she says, outstretching her hand and saying her name with a thicker than usual accent.

  “Joseph,” he smiles as his eyes trail along her body as he shakes her hand. “I don’t think we’ve met,” he says to me. “Joseph,” he states.

  “Faye,” I nod.

  “Wait a minute, you ladies from the same place?” he asks, hearing my equally southern accent.

  “She’s from Mississippi, I’m from Alabama,” Gwen says and I finally glance over at Sven who’s silent.

  “This is Sven,” I introduce, still looking at him.

  He gives me a small smile, before his eyes meet Gwen’s and he’s extending his hand.

  “Where you ladies headed?” Joseph asks.

  I open my mouth to tell them we’re going home, when Gwen reveals our actual plan.

  “Mind if we join you?” Sven asks.

  “Of course not,” Gwen says with a giggle to her voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as her and Joseph begin walking again.

  Blinking, I lower my head and turn to follow, inhaling deeply and reminding myself to keep it together. I don’t know why I’m so tense right now. Maybe because I feel the heat radiating off Sven and it’s an exhausting battle of self-control that’s keeping me from tearing his clothes off. A few steps and he’s beside me. For some reason, I think he finds my behavior amusing or something.

  “You mad at me, for what happened at the clothing shop?” he asks quietly. Okay, maybe he took my avoidance for anger.

  “No, no, I get it.” I reply coolly, lifting my chin, because I do get it. And I’m thankful that one of us can voice that our being together would be a bad thing.

  “I’m surprised you listened to me,” he replies and I look over.

  “Why surprised?” I smile. “Because normally when you tell that to a girl she comes after you?”

  He shrugs and gives me a wicked grin.

  “Oh no, that’s not me. I won’t chase a guy.”

  Our eyes lock, connect, spark, ignite.

  “I wanted you to, to ignore what I said and come after me.”

  No, no, Sven you’re supposed to be the strong one! I don’t like that his words cause my legs to tremble with anticipation.

  “Why?” I breathe out.

  He stops walking, putting his hand on my forearm and urging me to stop, causing me to face him with wide eyes. He inhales deeply, leaning in closer until his nose is pressed in my hair beside my ear.

  “Because you’re all I think about. Your body, that kiss, the way your hot little pussy felt on my fingers. I think about that a lot.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but I don’t really know what to say. He’s confusing me and turning me on all at the same time. His language has my ‘hot little pussy’ perking up like she’s just been awakened.

  Joseph saying, “I love me a southern belle,” cuts between our conversation and I remember we’re not alone. How does he do this to me? Cause everything to disappear but us.

  I pick up walking and step onto the park grounds just off Main Street. It’s dark aside from the faint glow of various street lights surrounding it, but massive trees and bushes cocoon the park with shadows. Gwen and Joseph walk further in and I follow, until they stop and Gwen drops her purse and Joseph removes his cigarette pack from his back pocket before plopping onto the grass. Sven brushes past my bare arm and glances at me, before he too sits. Gwen practically sits on Joseph’s lap and I sit beside Sven. He’s humming “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper. My eyes scan the surroundings as I listen to the crickets chirping in the background to Joseph and Sven talking.

  His voice is deep but also melodic, and he talks with such a rhythm that it takes on a song in a way. There’s a very faint hint of an accent, and I remember he told Sweetie his family was Norwegian. All the while, he slowly moves closer to me like we did in his truck. When we’re this close, our bodies automatically shift to remove the distance between us. Eventually our legs are touching, and his arm is around the back of my shoulders. The move surprises me, but then again, it doesn’t. He told me on the walk over that me staying away wasn’t what he wanted. I think about Gwen’s words, to live my life and not worry about the future. That I’m me and not Gaye.

  “You want one, Missy?” Sven asks, lifting a cigarette up.

  “You know my name’s Faye, right? Not Missy.”

  “I know,” he replies, not looking at me.

  “Then why did you call me that?”

  “Mississippi, Missy, it suits you,” he says, finally turning his head toward me. “You’ve heard that song ‘Mississippi Queen’ by Mountain?”

  “I have,” I nod, and feel something light me up inside that he had a nickname for me. I felt chosen or something, selected in a way. Special.

  “We can always go to the diner. I think Tippy’s working, she’d give us free dinner,” Joseph says to Gwen.

  “You dated her?” I ask Sven, surprised by my own boldness.

  “Who?” he asks with confusion, inhaling the cigarette smoke.

  “The girl from the diner?”

  “No,” he replies with a shake of his head.

  “You were intimate with her? She’s clearly territorial with you guys.”

  He shakes his head again. “She blew me one time, but that’s all,” he shrugs.

  His candor has me squeezing my legs together, causing that tremble to grow more intense. Such openness and language is something I’m not used to, but I like it.

  “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you-”

  “Why? Because I’m a woman?” I ask.

  His brows furrow as he really contemplates my question.

  “No. It was just rude of me to be so vulgar,” he says softly. “You disarm me, little Missy.”

  I learn from Sven that he, Joseph, Owen and Jasper grew up together and consider one another brothers. He tells me Jasper and Owen fight all the time, sometimes physically, and really can’t stand each other, but they put up with each other because they just always have. I ask him quietly if Joseph is a good guy because I don’t want my friend falling for a jerk, and Sven assures me he’s the best guy he knows. I tell Sven a little about my pageants and he tells me he can absolutely see me in something like that. He’s not shocked my talent was singing, and tells me he wants to take me to this bar where they have open mic for anyone to get on stage and do a few songs. I take this as a potential future date, even though he didn’t outrig
ht ask or specifically tell me when. I knew from this moment on, that he will be mine. I don’t know what exactly triggered it, but something clicked inside me that he was going to be my guy and I would be his girl. That no matter what Sven says or how hard he tries to tell me we can’t, I know we can and we will. When I see it’s nearly midnight, I think maybe Gwen and I should head home, since I know my mom probably won’t be happy we’ve been out so late.

  “What are you guys doing for the fourth?” Sven asks as we stand near the crosswalk on Main Street.

  “Nothing. My dad’s working, and my mom and Sweetie are going to the church barbeque.”

  “The club’s having a party out at the state park. You guys wanna come?”

  “Club?” I ask.

  “We’re of a member’s only club. It’d be cool for you guys to come,” Joseph says.

  Gwen and I look at each other, doing that silent talking with your facial expressions and shoulders.

  “Okay, yeah, we’ll come.”

  We decide to meet at the diner, and say our goodbyes. Before we part, Sven takes my hand and gives it a squeeze, and it’s so full of promise and things to come. I wish I didn’t have to go, or that we were getting together tomorrow. Gwen and I giggle the entire walk home, both in a dreamy state of euphoria. I notice a lamp on in the front room of the house as we walk up the gravel driveway and know Gaye’s still up. Quietly we enter the house, the large wood door creaking as the moonlight shines in behind us, and I see her sitting in one of the tall paisley wingback chairs by the window. I pause and close the door. Gwen heads towards the sunroom that’s currently my bedroom and I head towards Gaye. She looks tired, and like maybe she’s been crying. I feel a flicker of empathy towards her, but it’s quickly overtaken when I remember the way she’s made my life hell over the years.

  “Did you see your father in town?”

  It’s then I realize my dad isn’t home, and I know exactly where this is going.

  “No,” I reply.

  “Not that you’d tell me,” she says, letting out a humorless laugh. “You worship the ground that man walks on,” she adds with a sniffle and dabs her nose with the tissue in her hand.