by Amy Clipston
When they were finished singing, Emma yawned.
“We’re keeping you up too late,” Katie Ann said. “You should go to bed.”
“Nee, I’m not ready just yet.” Though her tea must have grown cool, Emma lifted her mug from the end table beside her. “You all sound fantastic together. When you visit other older people in the community, do you usually go as a group?”
Mandy nodded as she settled back against the sofa. “We do. We sang for Mary Dienner last week.”
“She has cancer, right?” Emma asked.
“That’s right.” Mandy fingered the arm of the sofa. “She’s doing a little better, but the treatments have been difficult.”
Emma’s smile faded and alarm raced through Katie Ann. One minute Emma seemed fine, and the next she didn’t seem fine at all. Yet perhaps, Katie Ann thought, that was the way grief worked for someone who had lost a loved one.
“Are you all right?” Katie Ann reached over and touched Emma’s arm. “You look upset.”
“Did I say something wrong?” Mandy asked.
“Nee, nee, it’s not you. I was just thinking about Henry. Maybe you didn’t know, but he had brain cancer. It was a difficult illness.” Emma took another sip from her mug and then set it on the table. “Cancer stole his life. He was so active and funny, and then one day he started to change. He had nee energy and he began to forget things. We laughed about it at first, saying we were getting old. But then Urie told Ella and me he noticed it at the store too, and we all started to suspect something was wrong.”
“That had to be so heartbreaking for you.” Katie Ann’s eyes filled with tears.
“It was.” Emma gave her a sad smile. “One day Henry forgot his way home, and we knew we had to get help. A scan showed he had a brain tumor, and a biopsy revealed it was malignant.”
Emma seemed to forget about Hank for the moment, but Katie Ann noticed him looking up at her, as though he somehow understood his new friend was grieving. Katie Ann wiped away a tear as sadness overcame her.
“It almost felt surreal,” Emma went on. “As if I were imagining the entire thing. I almost asked the doctor if he had read the wrong test results, but it made sense. By then Henry had all the symptoms—fatigue, confusion, nausea, dizziness, headaches, and personality changes. It hit me like a smack to the face—I was going to lose him.”
“I can’t imagine how you felt when you heard the news.” Katie Ann’s voice held a quaver as she swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.
“It had to be just devastating,” Mandy chimed in. When she sniffed, Ephraim handed her a napkin from the coffee table.
“It was.” Emma cleared her throat. “The illness was advanced by the time the doctors found it, so there wasn’t much they could do. We tried a couple rounds of treatment, but it didn’t help. The treatments were tough on him too. It was difficult to watch his transformation, the slow deterioration. I went from being Henry’s partner to being his nurse. I didn’t mind taking care of him. After all, he was my husband and my best freind. But I missed the man he’d been.”
Grief overwhelmed Katie Ann as her heart broke for Emma. Her parents had mentioned Henry’s illness before he died, but Katie Ann hadn’t realized what Emma and Henry were enduring. She swallowed against the lump swelling in her throat.
“Was it when you got the diagnosis that he decided to retire and sell the store?” Ephraim asked.
“Ya.” Now Emma started to rub the cat’s chin as she spoke, and Hank’s purring grew louder. “He was already too ill to run it. He wanted to stay on and work part-time, but he didn’t have the strength. He had to retire. Urie, who’d become a partner in the business by then, bought him out, and he got a gut, fair price. It was enough for us to live on and put money in savings for me.”
She ran her fingers over Hank’s back. “It was tough for him. That store was his dream. It was something he’d wanted since he’d visited his onkel’s store in Indiana when he was a teenager. He thought he’d work there until he was much older, but it wasn’t in God’s plan. He also thought he’d leave the store to our kinner, but . . .”
“I’m sorry he was so ill.” Mandy sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You’ve been through so much.”
“Danki.” Emma’s lower lip trembled. “The doctors gave him a year, but he lived eighteen months. God gave us a little more time than we’d expected, and I’m thankful for that, though I confess I’ve often wished we’d had more—even though it was a difficult time.” Her voice grew thick. “He was so very ill. I had some assistance with things like bathing, but I had to help him dress, eat . . . He became like an infant, dependent on me for everything.”
Tears glistened in Emma’s eyes, and soon she was truly crying and covering her face with her hands.
“Ach, I’m so sorry.” Katie Ann leaned over and rubbed her back. She longed to take away Emma’s pain.
“I’m sorry too,” Mandy echoed. “I didn’t know.”
“We should have come to see you then,” Katie Ann said softly as guilt seeped in. “I’m sorry we didn’t help you through that.”
“It’s not your fault, and others did help. But danki.” Emma sniffed and wiped her face with a tissue from her apron pocket. “I’m sorry for being so emotional.”
Emma looked at the cat rubbing against her as if to get her attention. With a chuckle, she leaned down and patted Hank’s head. “You gegisch cat.”
“He can tell when you’re upset,” Mandy said as she ran her fingers over her mug. “They’re gut at detecting our emotions.”
Ephraim snickered and shook his head. “You and those barn cats.”
“What?” Mandy swatted him with her hand. “It’s true. I was upset one day, and one of the cats in mei dat’s barn climbed into my lap.”
“He was probably looking for food,” Wayne quipped, and Mandy glared at him.
Emma laughed. “Danki for coming over and cheering me up. You’ve really made today easier.”
“I’m froh to hear that,” Katie Ann said, pushing her new curiosity about her brother and Mandy from her mind. “We’d like to visit you more often. Right?” She glanced around the room, and her friends and Ephraim nodded.
“I would like that,” Emma said.
An idea came to Katie Ann and she snapped her fingers. “I know what we can do in memory of Henry.” She turned toward Emma. “It’s sort of a community service project.”
“What is it?” Emma asked.
“We could create a community garden here next spring.” She pointed toward the back of the house. “I remember from when you hosted church that you have a large garden. We could add on to it and then grow and can vegetables to donate to the homeless shelter. We could even call it ‘Henry’s Garden.’ The food would help our community.” She gestured around the room. “We could all take turns planting, weeding, and harvesting the vegetables. Then we could get together to can them. What do you think of that?”
“That would be so fun,” Mandy said. “I love the idea.”
The boys nodded.
Emma’s eyes glistened with renewed tears. “I love that idea, Katie Ann. Henry would have too. He was a caring man. Danki.”
“Great.” Katie Ann rubbed her hands together as more ideas popped into her mind. The four of them could bring happiness to Emma’s life and help other people too. “But I plan to visit you plenty of times before we plant the garden.”
“I would love that as well,” Emma said.
“Gut.” Katie Ann stifled a yawn with the palm of her hand. “I guess we should do a final cleanup and then try to get some sleep.” She stood and grabbed two of the mugs.
Emma gnawed her lower lip as Katie Ann and Mandy cleared the dishes and the boys made sure they were safe from any sparks from what remained of the fire. How could she make her friends comfortable overnight?
“I don’t have a guest room anymore. Henry and I were both only kinner, and the two bedrooms upstairs are stacked high with furniture and other items we inher
ited from our parents. We were going to finally sort through it all, but then Henry got sick—”
“That’s not a problem, Emma,” Ephraim said. “If you have pillows and quilts, Wayne and I can sleep on the floor, and the maed can have the sofa and chairs.”
“Ya,” Mandy agreed.
“That will be just fine,” Katie Ann agreed. “I’ll wash the dishes first.”
Mandy stood. “I’ll help you get the blankets and pillows while the buwe make room for their beds.”
“Danki.” Emma gently nudged Hank off her lap and hurried upstairs to the hall closet where she and Mandy gathered four pillows and pillowcases and some quilts. Then they made a second trip for more quilts.
They made beds on the family room floor and then fixed up the sofa and wing chair.
“Will you be comfortable enough?” Emma asked when the makeshift beds were ready.
“Ya.” Ephraim settled onto his pile of quilts on the floor. “This is perfect.”
“Ya, it’s gut,” Wayne agreed beside him on his quilts.
“We’ll be fine,” Mandy said from the sofa. “You get some sleep.”
“See you in the morning,” Katie Ann added from the wing chair. “Gut nacht.”
“All right.” Emma gave them a little wave and headed to her bedroom.
Hank followed her and jumped up on the bed as she removed her prayer covering and bobby pins. After brushing her hair, she changed into her nightgown and, in her bathrobe, moved to the bathroom, where she washed her face and brushed her teeth. She was going to be much more comfortable than her guests, but there wasn’t much more she could do about it.
Back in her bedroom, the cat patiently watched her. “We had a gut evening, didn’t we, Hank? Sharing my memories was difficult, but afterward I felt better. And we had fun with our new freinden too.”
The cat blinked before sitting back on his haunches, as if agreeing with her assessment of the evening.
She lowered herself onto the bed beside him and massaged his head. Hank closed his eyes and purred as if drinking in her affection. Emma’s gaze went to the devotional on her nightstand. As her thoughts moved to her husband, she smiled.
“Danki for the life we had together, Henry,” she said softly as she tweaked the cat’s ear. “We were blessed to have each other for as long as we did. Danki for choosing me and for loving me. I miss you, but I’m so very grateful for the wunderbaar life we had together.”
Hank rolled onto his side, and Emma laughed. “You are the funniest kitty I have ever known, and I’m froh you’re my Christmas cat. Maybe you knew I needed company, just like those freinden sleeping in my family room did.”
Hank opened his eyes and gave a low meow in response.
“Why don’t we let you outside one more time and then go check on them?” He jumped off the bed. “I’ll take that as a ya.”
Emma pushed her feet into her slippers, and after Hank’s visit outside, she walked quietly into the family room. She stopped in the doorway and took in the sight of the four young people sprawled on the floor, sofa, and chair. The soft glow of the dying fire gave their hair a golden hue.
She felt Hank brush against her leg, and he entered the room. He crossed the floor and stopped to smell Ephraim’s hair before moving on to Mandy’s. Emma cupped her hand to her mouth to stop a laugh from escaping. Hank turned to look at her as if to say, I know something you don’t. Then he smelled Wayne’s hair and Katie Ann’s hair before looking at Emma again, this time with what she imagined was a questioning look.
Don’t look at me, Hank, she thought. I really have little idea what’s going on with these four. But, like you, I suppose, I do have suspicions.
Wondering what in the world she was going to do with such a cat, Emma simply nodded her head. That’s enough, Hank. He came to sit at her feet.
As she listened to the last crackles of the fire, Emma opened her heart and began to pray.
God, please guide these young people and bless them richly, giving each of them the kind of love Henry and I cherished for so many years.
Hank at her side, Emma padded down the hallway and felt God’s embrace like a warm hug. In the morning they would continue celebrating the gift of his Son. She was so grateful that amid her heightened grief and loneliness, he’d sent her not only friends, but a fresh purpose: she was going to help create Henry’s Garden.
God had sent her a furry companion too. And to that, Hank seemed to meow a quiet, Christmas amen.
Discussion Questions
1.Emma is grieving the loss of her husband. Have you faced a difficult loss? What Bible verses helped you? Share your answers with the group.
2.Katie Ann, Ephraim, and their friends are like guardian angels to Emma when she’s alone for her first Christmas without her husband. Why do you think they feel compelled to continue ministering to Emma even after the Christmas holiday?
3.Emma recalls Henry’s favorite verse, Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” What does this verse mean to you?
4.Katie Ann suggests they plant a community garden in Henry’s memory and donate canned vegetables to the local homeless shelter. Have you ever participated in a community project? If so, what was the project? Was it successful?
5.Which character can you identify with the most? Which character seemed to carry the most emotional stake in the story? Was it Emma, Katie Ann, Ephraim, or someone else?
6.Emma lost her husband five months ago, and she has no family. Think of a time when you felt lost and alone. Where did you find your strength? What Bible verses would help during a time like this?
7.What significance did Hank have in the story? How did he help Emma during her first Christmas alone?
8.By the end of the story, Emma realizes these young people have become like her family. Was there ever a time when your friends felt like family members?
9.What did you know about the Amish before reading this book? What did you learn?
Acknowledgments
As always, I’m thankful for my loving family. I’m also grateful for my special Amish friend who patiently answers my endless stream of questions. You’re a blessing in my life.
Thank you to my wonderful church family at Morning Star Lutheran in Matthews, North Carolina, for your encouragement, prayers, love, and friendship. You all mean so much to my family and me.
Thank you to Zac Weikal and the fabulous members of my Bakery Bunch! I’m so grateful for your friendship and your excitement about my books. You all are amazing!
To my agent, Natasha Kern—I can’t thank you enough for your guidance, advice, and friendship. You are a tremendous blessing in my life.
Thank you to my amazing editor, Becky Monds, for your friendship and guidance. I’m grateful to each and every person at HarperCollins Christian Publishing who helped make this book a reality.
Thank you most of all to God—for giving me the inspiration and the words to glorify You. I’m grateful and humbled You’ve chosen this path for me.
An Excerpt From Winter Kisses
Chapter 1
Naomi Stoltzfus carried an arrangement of red roses as she crossed the living room. “Mammi, Mr. Cotter will be by later today to pick these up. I’m going to put them on the kitchen counter.” The older Englisch man ordered flowers for his wife, Ann, on the first Monday of each month. The gesture was romantic, even by Amish standards, but such extravagance wasn’t in Naomi’s future. She’d seen what an emotional attachment could do to a person.
“Ya, ya. Okay.” Naomi’s grandmother didn’t lower her binoculars as she peered out the window toward the daadi haus.
Naomi slowed her stride, stopped in the middle of the room, and studied the older woman. Ruth Stoltzfus was barely five feet tall, walked with a cane, and wore thick black-rimmed glasses. Pride and vanity were frowned upon, but both Naomi and her mother had tried numerous times to convince Ruth to get more d
elicate gold-rimmed frames that didn’t take over her face. “Mammi, what are you looking at?”
“The renters moving into the daadi haus for the month of December. There are three men carting suitcases inside.”
Naomi edged closer to the window until she was looking over her grandmother’s shoulder across the snow-blanketed yard. A layer of white topped the silo like a winter cap, and the pond in between the main house and the daadi haus was partially frozen. “I thought only two people rented the haus,” she said as she squinted to see the men.
“Ya. That’s what your mudder said. But three men got out of the taxicab and are carrying suitcases up the porch steps.” Mammi’s binoculars clinked against the lenses of her glasses. “Ouch,” she whispered as she lowered the binoculars, but her scowl was quickly replaced with a twinkle in her eyes. “One man looks to be about seventy, another maybe fortyish, and there’s even a young lad that looks about your age.”
Naomi shook her head but grinned as she walked across the wood floor to the kitchen. “That’s not appropriate talk, Mammi,” she said as she heard her grandmother’s steps behind her.
“You sound like your mudder.” Mammi slid into a chair at the kitchen table and reached for a biscuit left over from breakfast. “It fears me that the both of you will end up lonely old maids if you don’t make an effort to find a husband.”
Naomi was definitely of marrying age at twenty, but every time she saw the pain in her mother’s eyes, it solidified her decision not to marry. “We are not in a hurry to find spouses.”
“Ach, well, you should be. Almost every single fellow your age is promised for marriage, or you’ve already kicked the poor suitor to the curb.” Mammi chewed on the biscuit. “And your mudder isn’t getting any younger either. Your daed died three years ago, and that’s more than enough time to grieve and remarry.”