We hadn’t been on the road very long before Johnny told me to pull my ass over so he could drive. He said getting us there in one piece was his top priority. Instead of moving to the front passenger seat, I asked Shelby to trade with me so I could lay down in the back seat. She and Johnny shared a concerned look but they chose not to say anything.
I laid down in the seat and fell fast asleep.
CHAPTER 10
I was at a crossroads in my life, and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I just knew I wasn’t happy. Not really.
I knew that before Max proposed.
Trevor sighed loudly. He walked across the room and looked out the window.
“You know I have supported you every step of the way. Your leaving everything behind was one of the bravest things you could’ve done.”
He turned slightly, and looked at me over his shoulder. He stuck his hands in his pockets. I could hear his keys jingle.
I walked across the room and stood next to my brother. I stared out at the beautiful view before me. Unfortunately, it didn’t have the allure it once did.
“But?” I knew there was more he wanted to say.
“But…I believe you gave up more than you realized at the time.” He sighed again and then faced me.
Trevor looked at me intently. I had to look away. I know he means well, but I don’t want to hear this bullshit right now.
“I know I lost a lot when I left, but it was my choice.” My voice shook a little.
“I get that. I really do, but Becky…you weren’t there to see how he was after you left.”
My brother didn’t have to tell me who he was talking about.
Trevor was worried about me by the time he arrived in Fairhope. He called Lynn and spoke with her before he left his house.
So, he already knew all that had transpired before he saw me.
I turned away from the window and leaned against the wall beside it. Trevor looked at me for moment. It was like he was making up his mind about something.
He nodded to himself.
“I have something for you.”
What was he talking about? I was afraid to ask, but he had my full attention.
Trevor walked over to his bags and unzipped a side compartment. When he stood up, there was an envelope in his hands. He looked at me, but hesitated for a moment.
Suddenly, I broke out in chill bumps.
Shit!
I had a bad feeling about this.
Trevor walked to me.
“I was asked to give you this when I felt you were ready to read it.”
“What…?”
Trevor held up his hand to stop me.
“You are ready.” He said quietly as he handed the envelope to me.
My hand shook when I saw the handwriting on the front. I swallowed.
It was from Chad.
“When did he give this to you?”
Trevor looked away.
“Trev?”
He took a deep breath before looking back at me. I could see the conflict in them.
He cleared his throat.
“About a year ago.”
The chills I had a few moments ago, came back.
“A year? Why have you kept it so long?”
“I knew you weren’t ready to read it, and he was adamant that I wait until I was sure. No matter how long it took.”
I nodded.
I felt numb as I walked back to my bedroom. I needed a minute to wrap my head around it. After all this time!
A letter.
I sat down on the bed and placed the letter beside me. I stared at his handwriting. At the way he had written my name on the front of the envelope. Becky. I picked it up and slid my finger under the sealed flap. I pulled out the letter.
I took a deep breath to try to steady my rapidly beating heart.
Becky,
I have rewritten this so many times. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this. I won’t lie. When you left, I was hurt and pissed.
I think I finally understand why you left. I thought at first, it was the incident at the restaurant, but that wasn’t it. It was a combination of everything. I have talked to your brother lots of times, and he helped me to understand. We were both under so much pressure from our mothers, but I never knew how harsh yours was being to you. You kept it all inside and never confided in me. I wish I had known. You know I would’ve tried to help.
I know that I can’t let myself hold onto this anger anymore. You have been the love of my life. I didn’t think I could breathe without you, when the months went by with no word from you.
If I could go back and change so many things, I would. I’ll never get the chance to tell you to your face how sorry I am we left so many things unsaid. Or how I wish I had married you long ago. Just so I could keep you.
I have finally accepted you are not coming back.
Now, I can let you go.
Chad
Tears were rolling down my face. It felt like I had been hit in the gut. I heard an awful sound come from my throat. I clutched his letter and felt myself rock back and forth.
The mattress dipped down beside me, and my brother’s arms went around me.
“Shh…it’s alright. Let it out. You need to let it all out.” Trevor whispered.
He rocked with me, but I didn’t feel consoled. I felt…empty. I handed my brother the letter to read.
I heard him sigh after he finished.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I kept saying that Chad just needed to move on. That I needed to move on.
Now…now…? I felt sick!
I couldn’t stop crying. And it was an ugly cry.
You know that awful sound you make when you can’t catch your breath because you’re crying so hard?
That’s me.
My heart had been ripped out when I read that letter. I know I have no right to feel that way, because I am the one who left.
But damn it, I just want to shake him and tell him to…
What?
Wait.
Wait just a little longer.
I know I am selfish and don’t deserve it.
Don’t deserve him.
“It hurts because you still love him.” Trevor was trying his best to calm me down.
I nodded and cried harder.
Trevor knew the one thing I had denied all this time. He just never said anything. I guess he was waiting for me to realize what was so obvious to him.
We stopped rocking and just sat there. I stared into space for I don’t know how long.
“So, what do you want to do?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I think you do.” Trevor squeezed my shoulder.
He really didn’t need to make so much sense right now.
“I’m sure he has moved on with his life. Right?”
Trevor was quiet for a moment. Then he nodded.
I felt fresh tears swell up in my eyes. Of course, he moved on.
“You have to decide what’s best for you. I guess the question you need to ask yourself is, are you ready to stop running away from everything?”
I knew the answer without thinking.
Yes.
I didn’t know what awaited me there, but sometimes…you have go back.
Thank you for reading my book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take a moment to leave me a review?
Thanks!
Sienna Duncan
COMING SUMMER 2017
It’s the conclusion to the series!!
Full Circle (The Becky Chronicles, Book 5)
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BOOKS BY SIENNA DUNCAN:
Averly
The Becky Chronicles:
Don’t Look Back
Untamed
Uninhibited in New Orleans
When in Vegas…
What Happens in Vegas...: The Becky Chronicles Book 4 Page 12