The Complete Veterans Affairs Romances: Gay Military Romances

by A. E. Wasp

  Mikey shrugged. “He said some stuff that made sense. And I know he’s important to you, and you care about him, so he’s important to me.”

  “I’m going to be ill if you two get any more lovey dovey,” Vanessa said. “It’s disgusting.”

  “That’s homophobic,” Benny said with a lift of an eyebrow.

  “No, it’s not. I love all my queer brothers and sisters. It’s just you I don’t like.” She gave Benny a broad smile with a lot of teeth.

  He blew her a kiss.

  “So what’s up?” Vanessa asked, sitting down on the low wall.

  Mikey gave her a quick rundown of the phone call with Julia’s dad. “I’m just worried that they’re going to try and take her. The older she gets, the harder it gets to keep them away.”

  Vanessa and Benny exchanged glances.

  “What?” Mikey crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to let them see her more.”

  Mikey couldn’t believe it. “But they want to take her away. They want her to come stay with them for the whole summer next year! She’s too little. She can’t do that!” Mikey breathed faster, his heart pounding.

  Vanessa put a hand on his arm. “Hey. I’m not saying anything about letting them take her, for even a month. It’s just,” she threw a glance at the group of friends that was starting to mean a lot to Mikey. “I like your friends a lot.”

  “But?” Benny asked.

  Vanessa looked right at him. “But none of them is black. Come on, admit it, Benny. This town has a lot of good things going for it, and it’s probably a great place to raise a family, but it is the whitest town I’ve ever lived in.”

  Mikey couldn’t argue with that. So far he’d seen one other black family in a supermarket once, but they were older and had teenagers. Great. Just another thing to worry about.

  “She needs to see some strong black role models. I know she has us, but she needs more. And God knows mom and dad aren’t going to do it. They’re barely in the country.”

  “Yeah. I know.” He rubbed his forehead and watched Jasmine having an animated conversation with Chris. It looked like they were discussing the merits of certain crayons.

  “She needs some community. She doesn’t know it, obviously, but soon enough she’s going to start asking questions.”

  “Community is important,” Benny agreed, surprising Mikey. “You need to know who you are, to learn your history. The real history, by people who lived it. And you know people like us, we don’t get it in school that much. I learned more about gay rights history by just listening to the old drag queens in San Diego than I ever learned anywhere else.”

  “Exactly,” Vanessa said.

  Mikey sighed and rested his hands on his hips. He looked at the ground, looked up, squinting into the sun, letting it burn his vision a little as if he could burn away his worries. “I know. I know.”

  Vanessa hugged him. “Just meet them with an open mind. Whether it’s painful or not, they’re family, Michael. They’re going to be in Jasmine’s life for at least the next fourteen years. You just have to negotiate the terms in a way you can all live with.”

  “Fuck.”

  Benny put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. A pale imitation of what Mikey wanted, which was to pull him close and bury his face in Benny’s shoulder and hide from the world.

  Two servers came carried their food over to the tables. “Come let’s get back,” Benny said. “We can eat and worry about this another day. We’ll talk to Kevin, see if he has any preemptive advice. You don’t have to make any decisions today, do you?”

  Mikey shook his head.

  “Good. I find food always makes everything better.” Benny rubbed his stomach.

  “You would,” Vanessa joked.

  “Hey, it’s one of the few pleasures I have left.”

  Vanessa rolled her eyes and walked back to the table. Mikey and Benny followed slowly, the backs of their hands brushing as they walked.

  chapter sixteen

  The sun dropped even lower, and the light shifted to oranges and reds. Shadows stretched long in the courtyard, and the temperature dropped. All that was left of the food were scraps that Jasmine was busy feeding to the dogs when she thought no one was looking. The way they huddled around her chair like she was their goddess gave her away.

  “You and Jay move in together yet?” Benny asked Angel.

  “No. We’re taking it slow.” She made a face. “Glacial, you could say. We’re like the unicorns of the lesbian world.”

  “The chupacabras of the lesbian world,” Dmitri said, then ducked the flying french fry. “You have to stop throwing things at me. We’re not twelve anymore.”

  She stuck her tongue out at him.

  Chris had his sketchbook out again. He hadn’t said much at all during dinner, and despite his reassurances to Mikey, Benny was a little worried about him. He smacked Chris gently on the arm to get his attention. “Whatcha working on?”

  Chris turned his sketchbook around so they all could see. One big picture of the whole group spread across two pages. With a minimum of lines and a few strokes of color from the cheap waxy crayons, he managed to capture not only their individual personalities but also the feel of the long, lazy Sunday afternoon and the golden haze of the sunlight streaming through the trees.

  Benny was torn between admiration for his gorgeous friend’s talent and the years of hard work he had put into his art, and total green-eyed jealousy.

  “¡No mames!” Angel exclaimed, the front two legs of her chair hitting the ground as she lunged for the sketchbook.

  Chris handed it to her. “Gentle,” he said.

  They all crowded around her chair, looking over her shoulder. She started to flip the pages and then stopped. “Do you mind?”

  Chris shook his head.

  On the other pages were more charcoal sketches of them from throughout the meal. A few of each of them, and a beautiful one of Jasmine that caught her open mouth smile as she laughed in delight at something. Angel turned it so Mikey could get a better look at it.

  “Oh, my God. That’s gorgeous.” Mikey looked at Chris in amazement. “The first thing Benny ever said to me about you was how talented you were. I saw your artwork in your apartment in Denver. It was amazing. But I love this.”

  Chris waved for Angel to hand the book back. She did, reluctantly. Chris signed his name with a flourish at the bottom of the page and ripped it out, handing it to Mikey. “Here you go. I’m jealous of you. You have such a lovely family.”

  Mikey took it and nodded, not really listening, as he stared at the picture. Benny examined the drawing, starting to see what Chris’ drawing had that he had never been able to duplicate. Chris had drawn through the eyes of someone who loved what he was looking at, and it showed.

  “Fix?” he mouthed to Chris. Chris nodded towards the backpack he always traveled with.

  Benny went to dig through it for the clear spray that would protect the drawing.

  “Can I pay you for this?” Mikey asked.

  “No,” Chris said, leaning forward over the table. “But I’ll take it in trade. Would you model for me one day?”

  Mikey blinked. “Me?”

  “Yeah. You’re really striking looking, and I’ve just been dying to draw you. Jay-Cee and I are working a new concept, and I think you’d be perfect.” This wasn’t flirty Chris, this was Chris being serious about the only thing that had ever mattered to him, his art.

  “Say yes,” Benny called from the other table where he sprayed the paper in long smooth strokes back and forth. “Don’t be an idiot. This guy is going to be famous one day, and we’ll sell the sketches for thousands and ride on his coattails.”

  “Nice plan,” Chris said. “But if you’re going to be my hangers on, I’m going to expect favors. Special favors. From all of you.” He waggled his eyebrows salaciously at the whole group. Flirty, party boy Chris was back.

  “Even me?” Angel asked.

>   Chris frowned thoughtfully and shrugged. “Why not? First time for everything.”

  Benny knew that art had once again pulled Chris out of his head and back into the world. That was another difference between them. Benny loved art, loved making it, and being part of the world. But Chris needed it to live. Sometimes it was the only thing between him and the siren call of nothingness.

  “Do I need to do favors, too?” Jasmine asked. She sounded exhausted, Benny thought. Time to get her home. “Can I see my picture?”

  Chris hugged her from the side. “You do me a favor every time you smile, Sunshine. You are perfect. And as soon as the fix sets - that’s the stuff Benny is spraying that protects the picture - you can see it. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She reached for her backpack. “I made some art, too.” She pulled her backpack off the back of the chair, while Chris and Mikey exchanged numbers.

  Unzipping her backpack, she pulled out her stack of paper hearts. She leaned over and whispered something to Chris. He nodded solemnly and took the pile.

  Jasmine concentrated on shoving cold fries through the metal grate table top. Benny watched her. Granted, he had only known her for a little while, but something seemed off.

  “This one is for Angel,” Chris said, reaching across the table to hand Angel and pink and white heart.

  Benny cocked his head in Jasmine’s direction, asking Mikey with a lift of his eyebrows what was wrong.

  “She’s exhausted,” Mikey whispered, leaning his arm across the back of Benny’s chair. “She’s giving up her naps, and it’s killing both of us. And it’s almost her bedtime.”

  Chris passed out hearts to everyone, getting the expected oohs and ahs, but even the compliments didn’t bring a smile to Jasmine’s face.

  “None for Benny?” Chris asked.

  Jasmine burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed out.

  Benny reached over and patted her gently on the head. “Hey, hey, baby don’t cry. It’s okay. You make me hearts all the time.”

  Still crying Jasmine shook her head. “I’m sorry. I did a bad thing.”

  She reached into her bag and pulled out a rectangular box about five inches long and put it on the table in front of her.

  Benny’s blood froze. He couldn’t really be seeing what he thought he was.

  “Oh, shit,” Troy said.

  Benny couldn’t even move to grab the box, he just looked at it as if it was a snake that would bite him.

  “It was just so pretty,” Jasmine said. “It was a heart, and it was shiny.”

  Benny watched Mikey reach across for the box in slow-motion. The snap of the lid as he opened it echoed in Benny’s mind.

  “Is that what I think it is?” Chris looked at Benny as if seeing him for the first time.

  “What is it, daddy?” Jasmine asked through her tears.

  “It’s called a Purple Heart,” Troy answered. “It’s a medal you get for being very brave.”

  Benny stood up, knocking his chair over backward. “No, it’s a consolation prize they give you for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then they kick your ass out into the cold with a nice fat ‘thanks for killing for us,’ but it’s not really working out. Buh-bye. Sorry about the brain damage.”

  “You know?” Dmitri stared wide-eyed at Benny.

  “That there’s something wrong with my brain? Yeah. I know. I’m not an idiot, regardless of how fucked up my head is now.” He needed to get out of there, and not through the bar because truthfully he wasn’t sure he could keep from grabbing a bottle on his way out. Desperate, he scanned the patio. There had to be a gate or a way out right? Spotting one behind the band shell, he ran toward it, red hot rage surging up from inside him to cloud his vision and set his head pounding.

  Troy and Mikey caught up with him as he struggled with the latch. Troy reached for his arm, and Benny spun around and aimed a punched at him.

  Troy ducked it easily, grabbing Benny’s arm. He pulled Benny tightly against him. “Stop it,” he hissed. “Jasmine can see you.”

  Benny labored to breathe, his whole body struggling. He shuddered in Troy’s arms, bent over at the waist, confused and afraid of himself. Seeing that thing had been a shock and he would rather it had never come up, but this sudden rage terrified him. It was as if he couldn’t think straight like his brain and body weren’t under his control.

  “Breathe,” Troy said, repeating it and breathing deeply and slowly. Benny could feel Troy’s chest rising and falling against his back, and he fought to match his breathing to Troy’s. He stared at the ground, eyes caught by the sight of Mikey’s sandaled feet in front of him. Were those his shoes? They were. Mikey was wearing his shoes. For some reason, it struck him as the most ridiculous thing ever, and he broke out in breathless laughter.

  Troy’s hold on him loosened. “You gonna run if I let you go?”

  Benny shook his head, still laughing.

  “Are you okay with him for a second?” Mikey asked, “I’m going to go ask Vanessa to take Jasmine home.”

  “We’ll be fine.” Troy rubbed Benny’s back as he stayed bent over, hands on his knees, staring at the ground. His touch soothed Benny, but he wasn’t ready to look up yet. His world had narrowed to the one small patch of ground, and it was all he could deal with. Mikey’s feet in his shoes left his field of vision, so he concentrated on the cracks in the cement and the blades of grass pushing their way through. It seemed like there should be a metaphor in there somewhere but it slipped away as he watched a line of ants march off to his left.

  “Nice breeze, ain’t it?” Troy asked conversationally, hand still on Benny’s back. The question pulled his awareness from the ants and the grass, and he realized he could feel the chill of the breeze drying the sweat on his face and tugging gently at his hair. The warm weight of Troy’s hand on his back grounded him. His head pounded, and his back and knees screamed for him to straighten up. With a deep groan, he slowly pushed himself up, Troy’s hand never leaving his back.

  He looked across the field behind the patio, squinting as the red light of the setting sun forced tears from his eyes.

  “You back with us?” Troy asked.

  “Yeah. I think so. Thanks, man.”

  “De nada. How ‘bout you and I go into Vincent’s office and have us a talk.”

  Benny looked over at the table. Only Chris and Mikey were left. Chris was curled up in his chair, sketching in his book, platinum blonde spiked hair trembling in the breeze. Mikey stood with his hand on the back of Chris’ chair, looking over at Benny and Troy.

  “Mikey, too,” Benny said.

  “Yeah, of course. Just meet me inside.” Troy thumped him firmly on the back and left. Benny made his way to the table, joints aching and arms and legs like lead.

  Chris had put his sunglasses on. In their mirrored surface, Benny saw his distorted reflection and the reflection of tables filled with people who’d come to listen to the music and have some fun with friends. At least Benny had given them something to look at.

  The box with the Purple Heart sat in the center of the table. “I’m sorry,” Mikey said. “I don’t know how she got into your stuff.”

  Benny shook his head and pulled the box towards him. “It was in the nightstand. I threw it in there when I moved in because I didn’t know what else to do with it. I can’t quite bring myself to throw it out.”

  “Don’t,” Chris said fiercely. “Don’t do that. It’s part of you. You don’t get to throw parts of yourself out.” He carefully stuck his sketchbook back in his bag and stood up.

  Benny pulled him in for a rough hug, gripping Chris tightly, and felt tears he couldn’t blame on the sun well up in his eyes. It wasn’t the first time one of them had clung to the other for support. Wouldn’t be the last.

  Chris kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, you fucking idiot. Stop keeping every fucking thing a secret. That’s not how you get better. Honey D would kick your ass.”

  “I know.” Benny pulled away, wi
ping his eyes with the back of his hand. The band started playing some upbeat, bouncy bluegrass. The perfect soundtrack to the dark comedy of his life.

  “Call me later. Thanks for the dinner invite, let’s not do it again.” To Benny’s and Mikey’s surprise, Chris turned and grabbed Mikey in a tight hug. “Take care of this idiot.”

  Mikey hugged back. “I’ll try. He doesn’t make it easy.”

  With a farewell back thump, Chris left.

  “You okay?” Mikey asked, frowning.

  Benny couldn’t get a read on Mikey. He felt angry. Benny sighed, best to get this over with. He had a feeling he was going to get the riot act read to him, and he probably deserved it. He only hoped Mikey wouldn’t kick him out of his own house too quickly. Maybe he could stay with Chris for a while.

  A flutter of yellow construction paper caught his eye, and he bent down to pick it up. It was one of Jasmine’s hearts. One she had made for Sweetie. Christ. What the fuck was he doing being around her?

  “You going to say anything?” Mikey asked when the silence stretched too long.

  “Troy’s waiting for us inside. Come, and I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

  Mikey looked skeptical. Benny didn’t blame him.

  The three of them barely fit in Vincent’s small office. Troy sat behind the old gray metal work desk, and Mikey perched on a beer cask in the corner. Benny leaned against the door and tried to look calm.

  “Can I see it?” Troy asked.

  Benny handed the box over to Troy. “It’s really no big deal. It would be more of a big deal if you got out without getting one.”

  Troy snapped open the case. “The star is for your second Purple Heart? Like an oak leaf?”

  “Yeah, that one was bad,” Benny said without thinking.

  Mikey made a noise of protest. “And the first one wasn’t?”

  “What happened?” Troy asked.

  Benny crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the vendor Equal Opportunity Employer poster on the bulletin board. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “Too bad,” Mikey said. “You haven’t wanted to talk about anything and look how well that’s working out.”