The Complete Veterans Affairs Romances: Gay Military Romances

by A. E. Wasp

  Chris was ready to hurl from nerves by the time Mikey pulled the car into the drop off lane at Denver airport. Chris popped open the back door and slid out.

  “You sure you have everything? Shirt? Shoes? Jay-Cee’s address? Toothpaste? Lube? A plan?” Benny asked from the passenger’s seat.

  “Yes, Dad. Everything but that last one. And extra underwear.”

  “We’d better go. That asshole security guy is coming to yell at us,” Mikey said, peering anxiously out the front window. “I swear they’re all failed cops. Give them a little power to police the unloading zone, and they go all Stormtrooper.”

  Chris bent into the window to kiss Benny good-bye. “Thanks for driving me, guys. You didn’t have to.”

  Benny waved him away. “Go. Have your big reunion scene, lots of hot sex, and text me the details. All the details,” he said meaningfully.

  The scrawny guy in a DIA vest blew his whistle at them and pointed angrily. “Move along!” he shouted.

  Chris blew him a kiss. “Just one second, honey. I’m kissing my boyfriends goodbye. I’m going to bible camp, and I’m going to miss them so terribly much.” He batted his eyes at the guy.

  Flustered the guy stopped, and then gave Chris a good up and down look. “Well. Just make it quick then.”

  “I think that guy just eye-fucked you,” Benny said.

  “It happens.” Chris smiled. He patted the side of the car. “Go. I’ll text you when I have news.”

  “Besos!” Benny said, tossing a kiss out the window as Mikey pulled away.

  Chris watched them leave before going inside.

  By the time he landed in New York, he had finished both the books Jay-Cee had given him. Plugging in Jay-Cee’s address into his phone, he headed out and hoped he wasn’t making a total ass of himself.

  33 – We bottled & shelved all our regrets

  Jay-Cee talked directly to the doctors the next morning and got a clearer idea of his father’s condition. He’d had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and trouble breathing on his own afterwards due to the damage to his lungs. It had been touch and go for a while, but they seemed optimistic that the General would come out of it as soon as the drugs worked their way out of his system.

  Of course, nothing was guaranteed, and Jay-Cee’s mother would worry until her husband was home. His test results had been troubling but not unexpected. Eventually, the scleroderma would kill him but not this week.

  With Aunt Sissy and his mother resting in their rooms after morning visiting hours, Jay-Cee decided to do some research on the ideas knocking around his head, maybe find some reference photos online. If he had time, he might drive down to the city and check out some art books at the library. Maybe even check out some of the galleries. He loved Colorado, but there were definitely things he missed about living in big cities.

  The doorbell rang as he was reading about an exhibit at the National Veterans Art Museum based on the book “The Things They Carried.” Bookmarking the page, he pulled himself back to the present, and he got up to answer the door. It was mostly likely one of his mother’s friends bringing food or flowers. One or the other of the ladies stopped in once a day to check on Lizzy. Jay-Cee appreciated the care even as he dreaded the visit.

  He walked down the hall, bracing himself for the conversation about how long it had been since they had seen him. Putting on his company face, he pulled the door open.

  To his surprise, the person at the door was one person he had never expected. Colonel Matthew Rand in the flesh. Jay-Cee’s smile shifted into genuine delight. “Matt!”

  “Jay-Cee.” Matt pulled him in for a one-armed, back-thumping hug right on the doorstep.

  “Come in, please. Am I happy to see you. What are you doing here?”

  “A little birdy told me you were in town. I forgive you for not telling me yourself.” Matt wore civilian clothing; khaki pants and a polo shirt, the uniform of the men in that town.

  “I just got in yesterday afternoon,” Jay-Cee said, leading Matt into the study. That’s where the comfortable chairs and the alcohol lived. Jay-Cee felt the need for both. “Besides, I thought you were still at Bragg.”

  “I was, but Melissa is due any day, so I took some time off and came up. Nancy’s been here a week already,” Matt explained.

  “I can’t believe you’re going to be a grandfather again. How many is this now?”

  “Three. This is the second for Melissa.” Matt sounded so damn happy. Jay-Cee was glad for him and envied his beautiful family. He should visit them, too. Nancy, Matt’s wife, had always been gracious to Jay-Cee and even now still invited him to holiday parties and dinners despite his abysmal track record at even responding.

  He really had become a hermit. Time to stop that.

  “This calls for a toast.” Jay-Cee dug through the alcohol on offer. His parents didn’t drink much anymore, but old habits die hard, and they kept a well-stocked bar. His father was partial to bourbon, so there had to be some. Yep, there was an untouched bottle of Knob Creek bourbon. Perfect. The ice maker in the tiny bar fridge still worked, so Jay-Cee dropped two ice cubes into each glass and poured them both three fingers of the golden liquid.

  They settled into the two leather wingback chairs facing each other across a deep red Persian rug his father had gotten in Iran decades ago. “To absent friends,” he said, lifting his glass.

  Matt tapped his glass gently against Jay-Cee’s. “To absent friends.”

  That first sip went down nicely. Jay-Cee didn’t usually drink before lunch, and he’d probably hear about it from his mother, but she’d be so thrilled to see Matt, he might get away with it.

  They drank the next toast to Melissa and her baby-to-be. They drank and talked about Jay-Cee’s father and caught up on people they both knew. It was good to talk to someone who knew everything about him. To be able to talk about the past without any awkwardness or need to explain things. God, he hadn’t realized how much he missed that.

  “We need to do this more often,” he said to Matt. “I’m going to be better about keeping in touch. I was thinking of taking Nancy up on those invitations she keeps sending me.”

  Matt’s smile took ten years off his face. “That is good to hear. I was getting worried about you living alone all the way out there in the Wild West. You were getting too stuck in your own head. I know how you can get, son.”

  Jay-Cee made a face. “Can you call me son if you’re not old enough to be my father?”

  “I am old enough to be your father,” Matt reminded him.

  “Twenty years older. Barely a blip.” Jay-Cee ignored the voice in his head reminding him he was twenty-years older than Chris.

  “So, you’re looking good,” Matt said. “When are you going to age like the rest of us?” He patted his stomach, still flat at sixty but softer and wider than it had been in his youth. He had short curly dark hair shot through with gray, kind dark eyes, and shoulders broad enough to handle any burden.

  “I’ve almost totally gray.”

  Matt waved his comment away. “You’ve been gray for years, and it looks amazing on you, you bastard.”

  “Well, I’ve been feeling very old lately.”

  “Hanging around the youngsters will do that to you. Sometimes it keeps you young, and sometimes you feel every second of the age gap.” Matt finished his bourbon. “Speaking of the youths, whatever happened with that young man who had you all shook up? I never did get an update.”

  Jay-Cee snorted and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He shook his head back and forth.

  Matt raised his eyebrows. “Oh, James. That bad?”

  Jay-Cee was half tempted to lie, to make something up, but he desperately wanted to talk to someone. And who else was there? Matt had been there for him through worse things than an inappropriate relationship.

  He lifted his head and looked Matt in the eyes. “I think I love him.”

  “Oh, my.” Matt stood. “I think this calls for anot
her drink.” He took Jay-Cee’s glass.

  Jay-Cee watched Matt pour, grateful for his calm presence. He hadn’t thought to call Matt, but he was so glad he had shown up.

  Matt handed Jay-Cee his drink. “Thanks,” Jay-Cee said.

  Matt settled back into his chair. “So. I’m assuming you have been having a relationship since the last time we spoke?”

  “Kind of?” Jay-Cee answered. He groaned and leaned back in his chair, covering his face with his hands. “I sound like an idiot, don’t I?”

  “Truthfully?” Matt asked.

  Jay-Cee nodded.

  “You sound like a man who got more than he was expecting and now doesn’t know what to do with it. Though I can’t say I’m surprised, given how you talked about him when we spoke that first night.”

  “What did I say?”

  “That he was beautiful, inside and out.”

  “Well, that he is. And the more I know him, the more beautiful he gets.” If Chris never wanted to see him again, how was he going to live without that in his life now that he knew it existed?

  Matt clicked his tongue. “Oh, Jimmy boy, you got it bad. There’s no ‘think’ about it.”

  “I’m an old fool.”

  “Possibly. But love makes fools of all of us at one point or another. How does this boy feel about you?”

  “The last time I saw him, he kicked me out of his apartment,” Jay-Cee confessed.

  Matt sighed and took a sip. “When was this?”

  Jay-Cee tried to think, between the lack of sleep, his father being in the hospital, and his whirling emotion the days had blurred together. “Sunday night, I think? What day is it today?”

  “Wednesday,” Matt answered. “Have you talked to him since then?”

  Jay-Cee shook his head. “Monday I gave him his space. Then I left Denver about four a.m. on Tuesday. I texted him this morning but,” he shook his head, “no response. I feel like a fucking teenage girl checking my phone every five minutes.”

  Matt chuckled. Jay-Cee had to join in. It was ridiculous.

  “What did that boy do to you?” Matt asked.

  34 – We’re just two lost souls

  What hadn’t Chris done? Jay-Cee gave him an abridged version of everything that had gone down, everything Chris had made him feel. Matt listened attentively.

  “So basically, I did everything wrong,” Jay-Cee admitted. “But I can’t think straight around him. Somehow, without even trying, he cracked me open. Then when he saw that I was just a man, barely holding it together any better than he was, he kicked me to the curb.”

  Matt sighed and shifted in his chair. “I think you’re being a little harsh on both of you. Chris is only twenty-two. He’s young. He’s scared. You’re, how do I say this nicely? You’re an intense person. The whole you can be a lot to take.” Matt smiled to take the edge off, but Jay-Cee knew it was true.

  “I asked him if he wanted this. Over and over. I asked if wanted all of it.”

  “And because you’re such an open book, you thought he knew what that meant?” Matt gave him a skeptical look. “Has he ever had a relationship before?”

  Jay-Cee touched the hollow of his throat, thinking of the lightning bolt necklace Chris wore. “There was one kid, Toby. Chris has this necklace he never takes off that I think must have belonged to Toby. I never asked the details, but going from some things I’ve seen, I’m sure he died of an overdose. I think they were lovers.”

  “And how old was he then?”

  Jay-Cee did the math. “The oldest he could have been was twenty.”

  “And still using heroin then?” Matt pressed.

  Damn Matt for his insight. Jay-Cee sighed. “Yes.”

  “Then I think it’s safe to say you were a whole new experience for him. You’re not a beginner relationship, Jay-Cee. Chris jumped right into the deep end and got in over his head. And you never gave him time to catch his breath.”

  “Way to stretch a metaphor.”

  “Hush.” Matt gave Jay-Cee an assessing look. “Is this a better one? I seem to remember you being in some scary places. Can you imagine going in there untrained? Alone? No one to tell you what was going on? That’s what he’s doing, wading into you with no backup.”

  “I know. I know,” Jay-Cee stood up. He needed to move. Pacing in front of the fireplace, he tried to find the words to explain. “He’s just such, such an amazing person I keep forgetting how young he is. He’s better than I am at many things.” He stopped walking, staring blindly into the mirror over the mantel. “I owe him, you know. He gave me back my art. He’s like this flame, this magnet. I know it’s wrong to want him.”

  “Why is it wrong?”

  Jay-Cee blinked. “Aren’t you going to tell me he’s too young, too inexperienced, not to mention technically my employee? I’m old enough to be his father.” He wasn’t going to go into how he and Chris were when they were together, even with Matt. Some things were too personal.

  Jay-Cee heard the faint sound of the doorbell. Whoever it was would have to wait. They could leave the casserole on the steps.

  “I’m twenty years older than you, too,” Matt pointed out kindly. “And yet somehow you’re my best friend.”

  That took Jay-Cee by surprise. He’d known Matt meant a lot to him, but he hadn’t assumed it went both ways. “Really?”

  Matt shook his head and rolled his eyes, but his smile was kind. “Really, really. You always have been too slow to accept that people care for you.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Jay-Cee laughed. “I have turned into an actual teenage girl.”

  “Oh, I doubt you were this dramatic as an actual teenager, Mister ‘I’m always in control.’ I don’t want to bring up old ghosts, but I never saw you this wound up over Jason. You were never this passionate about him.”

  Jay-Cee shook his head. He hadn’t been, not even close. “You’re supposed to be telling me what a bad person I am, how sick I am. Not encouraging me, which is what it feels like you’re doing.”

  Matt leaned forward, expression serious. “Are you abusing him, exploiting him? Threatening him with the loss of his job if he doesn’t submit to your twisted desires?”

  Jay-Cee recoiled at the thought. “God, no. I am shocked and pathetically grateful every time he is with me.”

  “Well then, soldier, if you want this man, you’re going to have to fight for him. Suck it up and talk to him.”

  “What if he doesn’t want me back?” Jay-Cee’s heart clenched. In all probability, Chris wouldn’t.

  “Then you call me, and we’ll drink the rest of this bottle and cry over the folly of lost love. And you can meet my newest granddaughter and see Nancy again. She would love to see you. But I don’t think that is going to happen.”

  “You don’t?” Jay-Cee knew he sounded pathetic, but he trusted Matt’s judgment and needed that spark of hope.

  Matt spread his hands. “You two had a fight. A big one it sounds like. Very, very early in your relationship. From what you said, it sounds like he’s as dramatic as you. I’m betting he wants you as much as you want him. He’d have to, to put up with all your shit. I know you love him, but do you need him?”

  The two drinks had hit Jay-Cee harder than he expected, he had no barriers left. “I didn’t think so. But I was wrong. God help me, I need him, and I wish he were here now.”

  As he pushed the doorbell, Chris’s heart beat against his chest. He had no idea if Jay-Cee would even be here. For all Chris knew, Jay-Cee was staying at a hotel, or he was at the hospital or out to lunch. But Benny said he had made airplane and rental car reservations for Jay-Cee, and he hadn’t said anything about a hotel.

  The house looked like every other house Chris’s friends had lived in. He was glad he had stopped at the mall and done some shopping. When he had moved to Colorado, he hadn’t exactly taken his wardrobe with him. He hadn’t taken anything of the person he used to be. But still, he knew that the right clothing and the right manners would get him into places that would
otherwise be barred to him. He’d even smoothed down his normally spiky hair. There hadn’t been time to do anything about the faint remnants of pink at the tips.

  The doorbell chimes echoed deep in the house, and Chris thought he might actually throw up in the neatly trimmed azalea bushes next to the front steps.

  An elegant looking older woman dressed in an expensive knit pantsuit opened the door. Her hair was pure white, and she could be anywhere from sixty to eighty. Chris wasn’t good at guessing women’s ages.

  “May I help you?” the woman asked.

  “Hello, ma’am. I was wondering if Jay-Cee was here?” God, he sounded like a moron.

  The woman’s eyebrows rose to her impeccably maintained hairline. “And you are?” she asked.

  “I’m his, uh, friend. Assistant? We work together.” He stammered. He really was going to hurl.

  The woman eyed Chris from top to bottom, assessing him, and he was extra glad he had taken the time to change. “I’m Jay-Cee’s Aunt Sissy,” she finally said. “And you must be Chris.” She smiled broadly, a twinkle Chris couldn’t interpret in her eyes. “Please, tell me you are Chris.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Please, come in.” She stepped aside and made room for Chris to come into the house.

  “Jay-Cee mentioned you and that you were his ‘uh, friend,’” she said.

  Oh, God. This society woman who could be his grandmother knew about him and Jay-Cee. He couldn’t help blushing. But she hadn’t kicked him out, so that had to be a good sign, right?

  Sissy stopped in the hallway and turned to stare at Chris again. “You are even more beautiful that Jay-Cee said. You look good enough to eat. How old are you?”

  “I’ll be twenty-three in less than a month.”

  “Jesus wept.” She shook her head.

  There was a certain look in her eye that reminded Chris of Jay-Cee. He could see the relation between them, and he had a feeling he would like this Aunt Sissy, given a chance.

  “Jay-Cee has outdone himself this time,” she said, leaving Chris no doubt that she knew exactly who he was. “I don’t suppose you have a maiden aunt hanging around?” she asked. Looking him up and down again, she shrugged. “Or great-aunt?”