Keeping Secrets & Telling Lies

by Trice Hickman

  “I love you, sweetie,” she said to Alexandria. “Now, be a good girl and put your aunt Denise back on the phone.”

  “How’re you holding up?” Denise asked, taking the phone from Alexandria.

  Victoria leaned back in the uncomfortable waiting room chair. “I can’t lose him, Denise.”

  As soon as Victoria had rushed back into the school building, she nearly lost her breath as she looked at Ted. He was sprawled out in front of her on the cold linoleum-tiled floor, while Parker hovered above him.

  Parker had looked up when he saw Victoria enter, but then had turned his attention back to his patient on the floor. “There’s a small leather bag in the back of my truck. Go get it and bring it to me quick,” he instructed the security officer.

  Victoria stood motionless as the man rushed by her, obeying Parker’s command. A small crowd of teachers and parents looked on, standing to the side of the hallway in order to give Parker room to work. The scene looked so bizarre that Victoria could barely believe her eyes. She stared at her strong husband lying helpless as Parker knelt on his knees beside him. He slid his hand down to Ted’s wrist, resting his fingers there as he looked at his watch and counted the beats per minute. He brought his hand back up to Ted’s shoulder, leaning in close to him.

  Ted’s breathing was labored. He squinted his eyes, opening and closing them as he tried to shift his body.

  “Don’t try to move,” Parker told him. “You need to lie as still as possible.”

  In less than a minute the security officer was back, handing Parker his bag. Victoria watched as Parker put his stethoscope to her husband’s chest, listening with care before pulling out a small light and looking into Ted’s eyes.

  “Oh, God,” Victoria finally said, rushing up to them. “What’s wrong?”

  Parker spoke in a voice so calm that if it had been any other situation,Victoria would have felt at ease. “He’s having a heart attack.”

  Victoria dropped to her knees. Her skirt twisted up her thighs as she crouched next to Ted. Despite her shaking body and frantic state of mind, she reached down and stroked Ted’s shoulder with gentle, delicate care. “You’re gonna be all right, honey. Everything’s gonna be fine.” She turned to face Parker. “He’s gonna be all right?” she asked him.

  Parker had a strained expression on his face, which she didn’t like.

  They both looked up when they saw the double doors open and the paramedics come through with their equipment and a gurney. “Stand aside,” Parker told her, speaking as gently to her as he could.

  Victoria looked on, helpless, watching people moving about her husband’s limp-looking body. The more they talked in rushed tones, the deeper her fears plunged. Parker showed the medics his hospital ID badge and gave them Ted’s stats while they started an IV drip before lifting him onto the gurney. They rushed through the door, wheeling Ted toward the ambulance waiting outside. They moved through the small crowd of concerned parents and curious children as the security officer and teachers cleared their way.

  “We’re taking him to Emory,” Parker said, looking at Victoria. He gripped his medical bag under his arm. “Ask Ms. Snow to call Olivia. She’s PJ’s nanny,” he told her in a hurry. He looked over and saw Alexandria and PJ standing with their teacher, looking bewildered and frightened. “You and Alexandria can follow us. We’ll meet you at the hospital.... I’m riding with him.” Parker rushed around the side of the gurney, looking at Ted, who was losing consciousness.

  Victoria grabbed Parker’s arm. “Don’t let him die,” she pleaded, too panic-stricken to cry.

  Parker took Victoria’s hand in his. “Don’t you know he’s in the best hands?” He gave her a smile, which he knew did little to ease her worried mind.

  Back in the present, Victoria thought about the circumstances that had led her to where she now sat. She wished that she had looked at her phone earlier, instead of hitting IGNORE. If she had, she would have seen that Parker had called and then sent her a text, saying he needed to see her. He said he would wait for her at the school if he had to.

  She continued her conversation with Denise, speaking in a low voice. “He’s still in surgery.” She sighed.

  “Girlfriend, God will see you through this. Ted’s gonna be just fine.You hear me?”

  Victoria gave a silent nod, which Denise couldn’t see.

  “He’s in good hands,” Denise said. “We both know Parker’s the best. He may be an asshole, but he’s a damn good surgeon.”

  “I’m just so scared.”

  “I know, but have faith. As soon as Alexandria finishes her reading assignment, we’re going to eat dinner. Then I’ll put her to bed a little later.”

  “I can’t thank you enough.”

  “That’s what friends are for. If you need me to come back down there, I can get Vernon to watch Alexandria after I put her to bed.”

  “No, that’s okay.Tyler’s here. I’ll be fine.”

  “All right, but be sure to call me after Ted gets out of surgery and let me know that he’s all right.”

  “I will.”

  Victoria ended the call and looked up at the large clock on the wall. It seemed as though the hands were moving slower and slower with each passing minute. Everything had happened with lightning speed before they reached the hospital, and now time was crawling, limping along at a snail’s pace.

  “You want me to get you something to eat?” Tyler asked.

  Victoria shook her head. “No thanks.” She placed her elbows on her knees and rested her head in her hands. “God, let him be all right,” she said.

  Tyler rubbed her back. “He’s gonna be just fine. Ted’s a strong man.”

  “That he is.”

  “And he’s in there with one of the best heart surgeons around. One of the nurses was telling me that last year Parker was ranked by the AMA as one of the top cardiothoracic surgeons in the country. That’s huge,” Tyler said, patting Victoria’s hand for encouragement. “He might be an asshole, but the brotha knows his shit cold.”

  Victoria managed a small smile. “That’s what Denise just said.”

  “She’s right. Parker’s gonna make sure that Ted pulls through this.”

  Victoria lowered her head. “This is all my fault.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Why not? It’s true,” she said. “I saw the look on Ted’s face when he put two and two together and figured things out. If I hadn’t been screwing around on him, none of this would have happened.”

  Tyler took her hand in his. “Listen to me. You’re not the cause of this.”

  “Yes, I am, and you know it, too. Finding out about Parker pushed him over the edge. If he doesn’t make it ... Tyler, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

  “He’s gonna make it. And you have to pull yourself together, because Ted’s gonna need you to be strong for him during his recovery.”

  “Humph, I’m sure he won’t even want to look at my face.”

  “He’ll be hurt and mad as hell, but that man loves you,Victoria.” He looked at his friend with sincerity. “It won’t be an easy road ahead, but believe me, far worse shit than this happens to couples every day.Trust me on that. Life’s not wrapped up in a neat bow, and now it’s time for you to dig deep and see what you’re made of.You have to stand fast and fight hard for your marriage, if that’s what you want.” Tyler paused, nodding his head. “You have to face your fears through the hurt and pain. Like I said, this ain’t gonna be easy, but if you love him like I know you do, you’ll get through this.” Tyler was speaking as much to himself about his own budding relationship with Samantha as he was to Victoria about her marriage.

  “What would I do without you?”

  “Stumble and fall worse than you already do,” he joked.

  Just then Tyler’s cell phone rang. Victoria listened as he spoke in a slightly higher tone, letting Samantha know that he was still at the hospital. “Okay, I will. I’ll see you later,” Tyler said before ending the call. �
�That was Sam,” he said and smiled. “She got in town this morning. She told me to tell you that you and Ted are in her prayers.”

  “That’s sweet,” Victoria said, nodding. “This is getting serious, isn’t it?”

  Tyler smiled again. “Could be.”

  Another hour went by and Victoria was at her wit’s end. Finally, she got up and went to the restroom. She splashed cold water on her face, wiping away dried tears from her cheeks with a rough paper towel. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy, her hair was disheveled, and her lips trembled as she let out a small cry. She shook her head back and forth, releasing the pain, regret, and fear that had been holding her hostage.

  After she finished her cry, she splashed her face again, then raked her fingers through her hair as she tucked her stray strands into place. She reached into her handbag and pulled out her MAC compact, dabbing a small amount of cocoa-colored pressed powder onto her face before tracing her lips with her plum berry lipstick. She stared at herself in the mirror, then closed her eyes, praying to God for strength and forgiveness.

  Victoria returned to where she had been sitting with Tyler, looking tired but also much better than she had before she left.

  “You all right?” Tyler asked.

  “No, I’m not. But eventually, I know that I will be.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about.”

  A few restless minutes later, Victoria looked up to see Parker walking toward her. She leaped out of her chair and rushed over to him.

  “Is he okay?” she asked. She held her breath, studying Parker’s solemn-looking face.

  “He came through just fine.”

  Victoria brought her hands to her mouth. “Praise God.”

  “After we went in, we found a bit more damage than we initially saw on the tests we ran. There was significant blockage, but he also had a slight enlargement, which isn’t unusual with congenital anomalies.” Victoria looked at him with a question mark on her face, so Parker gently explained. “That means the enlargement is the result of a condition he’s had since birth, and it’s just now rearing its ugly head. It’s not serious, but he’ll need to monitor it.”

  Victoria nodded with new understanding. “I know that stress makes things worse, and with what happened ...” She let her thoughts trail off.

  Parker knew she felt guilty. “Victoria, he would’ve had a heart attack regardless of what happened today, and I’m surprised it didn’t happen before now. He had ninety percent blockage in five arteries. That, combined with the enlargement, made him a walking time bomb. The truth is, he was on borrowed time with his condition.”

  “Is he really gonna be all right?”

  “Yes, he’s going to be fine. Other than this trauma, he’s healthy and strong, and I don’t see any reason why he won’t make a full recovery.”

  Victoria let out a genuine smile. “So what’s the next step?”

  “We’ll keep him here for a few more days. Then he’s free to go home. I’ll consult with his primary care physician, and you should take him in for a visit early next week.”

  “Thank you, Parker.”

  “Didn’t I tell you he was in the best hands?” Even though he didn’t feel like it, he made himself smile, because he needed something to hold on to.

  Victoria looked at him through serious eyes. “You saved my husband’s life, and I’ll be forever grateful to you for that.”

  “I did my job.” Parker didn’t tell her that as he rode in the back of the ambulance, looking down at Ted, a small part of his mind drifted to thoughts of a future that he and Victoria could share if her husband wasn’t around. But just as quickly as it came, the fleeting thought passed. The man who he despised, whose wife he coveted, was lying before him with his life in his hands. He’d been trained by profession and groomed by nature to handle the situation in front of him. Right after they closed the ambulance doors and headed to the hospital, Ted had stared up at him, wanting to speak but unable to. Parker had seen the same desperate look that was etched on Ted’s face hundreds of times on other patients. “I need to live. I can’t leave my family,” was what their eyes said when their mouths couldn’t.

  Parker had stared back, and they’d locked eyes, like two bulls locking horns. “You’ll make it,” he told him.

  Ted had closed his eyes, letting the IV drip work its magic. Parker turned his head and looked out the back window, watching Victoria as she trailed in her car behind them with a determined look on her face. At that moment his own heart sank as the realization settled in that he would never have her.

  “You did more than your job, and you know it,” Victoria said.

  Instead of telling her what he really wanted to say or what he thought she wanted to hear, he simply nodded. “He’s in recovery. It’ll be another hour before they can take him up to one of the rooms. I’ll make sure that his nurse lets you know when you can go up and see him.” He turned to walk away, then stopped. He leaned forward, giving Victoria a small kiss on her forehead. “Take care of yourself.” And with that, he walked away.

  Mistakes Have Been Made....

  Three days later Victoria sat perched by Ted’s side in a large reclining chair. He had just finished his second walk down the hallway and was a bit winded. They looked up as the nurse came in, carrying a large vase of flowers and two balloons. “We’re going to have to start sitting them on the floor,” she joked, clearing a spot on the crowded windowsill. “You have a lot of people who care about you, Mr. Thornton. You’re a very blessed man.”

  “Yes, I am.” Ted nodded.

  Victoria stared at the cards, flowers, and balloons that covered Ted’s room. She concentrated on them because she couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes. She’d been by his side since he awakened in recovery and was brought to his room a few days ago. She had smiled at him then, and he had smiled back. But aside from that initial tender moment, they had kept their emotional distance and had not spoken to each other about anything other than the perfunctory matters concerning his health.

  She had been the dutiful wife, asking questions as the nurses and doctors flowed in and out of Ted’s room. She had held cups of water up to his mouth when he was thirsty and had helped him in and out of bed when he needed to use the restroom. But she had yet to look at him the way she wanted to, or the way she knew that she should. Half of her was afraid of upsetting him, fearing that she’d cause him to have a setback, and the other half of her was afraid of looking into his eyes and seeing the finality that might be resting there.

  After the nurse left the room, they were all alone.Victoria could feel Ted staring, boring holes through her. “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you thirsty?”

  “No.”

  She would feel better if he cursed her out and called her a cheating whore, because anything would be better than experiencing the pain of his indifference. She braced herself, worked up her nerve, and looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry.” She rose from her chair and sat next to Ted on his bed. “I kept secrets from you, and I lied. I’ve made some terrible mistakes, and I expect to pay for them. But I love you, Ted. I love you more than you can possibly know.” Victoria held her head low, waiting for him to say something.

  Ted had carried on numerous, very discreet affairs during his first marriage. He hadn’t believed he would ever experience true love; then he met Victoria and his entire world changed. He still admired beautiful women when he saw them, but the thought of being with anyone other than her was like a foreign concept to him.“Why,V? I know things have been rough lately, but haven’t I been a good husband to you? What did I do to drive you into another man’s arms?”

  Aside from when he was lying on the gurney, it was the first time that Victoria had ever seen him look and sound helpless and vulnerable. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who messed up, not you. I jeopardized our family, and I’m so sorry. I was weak and careless.”


  Ted let out a deep, labored sigh.

  “My conduct with Parker was, um ... inappropriate, but I didn’t sleep with him.”

  “Do you love him?”

  Victoria forced herself to look into Ted’s eyes again. She wanted him to know that even though it was going to be painful for her to speak it, and for him to hear it, he had to know that what she was about to tell him was the complete and honest truth. No more hidden secrets, no more lies. She nodded her head. “Yes,Ted.There’s a part of me that loves him. But if I’m hearing you, you’re asking me if I’m in love with him? If I want to leave you and be with him?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m asking.”

  “Then the answer is no. I have no intention or desire to leave you, ever. Even while everything was happening and I was making all those bad decisions, I never thought about ending our marriage.” She sighed, shaking her head, as if trying to pull herself from a bad dream. “Sometimes the fantasy of something is more enticing than the reality.”

  “This was a fling?”

  “It was a colossal mistake.”

  They sat in silence again.

  Victoria swallowed hard, asking the question that had been on her mind. “Do you want a divorce?”

  There was silence. Finally,Ted spoke. “No.”

  “Do you think you can forgive me?”

  “V ...” Ted paused, bringing his hand to his head. He looked at her without responding, because he didn’t know what his answer was going to be. He knew that if she could forgive him for what he had done, then he should forgive her, too. He knew that she loved him, and despite the overwhelming hurt she had caused him by her betrayal, he still loved her more than he could put into words.

  “Ted, I know that I’ve hurt you, and I know it’s going to take a long time for me to regain your trust. But the only way we can survive this is if you can forgive me.”

  “I feel like everything that we’ve built together over the years suddenly crumbled in just a matter of days. I lied to you, and you lied to me. We both kept secrets from each other. We both betrayed each other’s trust.” That was his way of telling her that he didn’t have clean hands, either, and that they had each made mistakes. “Betrayal is a hard thing. How do we get past this?”