A Thousand Little Pieces

by Cecilia Fyre

  “Yeah, it does. When I get real scared. It’s been like that since I was small. I’d wedge myself in somewhere real tight, and it’d help. Once, on set, we had a stunt nearly go wrong, and I was freaking out. I asked Daniel if he’d hold on to me, and it worked. Good thing he remembered that.” Ricco was silent for a moment, then added quietly. “’s not over, tho, is it?”

  “No,” Lea sighed. “It’s not.”

  He shifted against her and buried his face in the fabric of her shirt. “I know I got to see a shrink again,” he said, voice muffled. “I don’t wanna, but I know I got to.”

  Lea felt relief wash over her. He meant to fix this; he knew it couldn't go on without help. "We can do this together, hun," she said and felt him shudder against her.

  “Thanks, baby girl. I’m so fucking lucky I got ya.”

  Just then her left hip twinged, and she couldn’t suppress a hiss, pressing a hand against the sore spot. Ricco pulled away; eyes full of guilt. “You’re hurting again, and it’s my fault.”

  “Shh, hun, it’s okay. It’ll stop soon.”

  “How do you put up with me? I don’t understand. I—” He stopped and lowered his eyes, chewing on his lip.

  “What, hun? Tell me. No more drama today.”

  "It's a real bad time," he said, half to himself. "But." Then he rolled over and retrieved something from the bedside cabinet. When he turned back around he was holding a small, square box covered in black velvet.

  Lea’s throat felt suddenly tight. She knew what this was. “Ricco,” she began, but he propped himself up on one elbow and reached out a finger which he placed on her lips.

  “Wait a moment, okay? This is my great grandmother’s ring. Dad gave it to my mom. I finally told her about us, and, y’know…that you accepted. She’s real happy, and she sent me this.” He opened the little box and took out the engagement ring. “I wasn’t gonna buy one, I know this isn’t your thing, but…will you wear it? For me?”

  Lea looked at his hopeful face, then down at the ring. Nerves, irritation, and butterflies were warring inside her, and again she could feel that unease at the memory of what had just happened between her and Daniel.

  The diamond sparkled in the light from the bedside lamp. It wasn't particularly large but beautifully set in a tiny array of flowers and vines. The design reminded her of Victorian England.

  When she looked up again all doubt vanished, as it so often did when she looked at Ricco. His eyes were anxious again, and Lea felt ashamed that she had even contemplated denying his wish. It was an honor to wear his family's heirloom, whatever she thought of engagement rings. It was almost surprising to realize how obviously important this was to him. "Of course, I'll wear it, darling," she heard herself say. "It's beautiful."

  Ricco’s eyes lit up and he leaned in and gave her a long, passionate kiss. Then he placed his forehead against hers with a sigh. “Thanks, babe. Mum will be so happy. I told her we’d come and visit in a few weeks, once you feel well enough to fly.”

  Lea said nothing to this and kept quiet as he slid the ring onto her finger. So, this is it, she thought. No way out now.

  4

  "Rough journey, sugar?" Carol asked as Ricco kissed her on the cheek. His legs felt unsteady and he wanted to sit down, but he didn't want his mother to know how awful he felt so he let her hold him at arm's length to assess him with a critical clicking of the tongue.

  “Yeah,” he said, trying to sound casual while his insides still roiled and swayed. “Damn meds. Like I need help feeling like ass on a plane. Dramamine doesn’t even touch that feeling.”

  Carol stood aside. “Well, come in and sit down before you fall down.”

  He did so gratefully. Lea was right behind him, and once he'd put down their bags, he helped her into the kitchen. "Mom, this is Lea," he said when they were all clustered awkwardly in the doorway. Carol smiled and patted Lea's arm since she was on two crutches.

  “It’s so good to finally meet you, dear. Ricco has talked a lot about you.” She gestured to the table. “Sit down. You’ve both had quite the journey.” She turned toward the work bank where a gleaming kettle sat. “I got this specially. Ricco said you’re not impressed with microwaved tea?”

  Lea smiled, blushing. “Did he?” She glanced at Ricco who, despite his queasiness, grinned at her. Lea grinned back. “I’d love a cuppa, in any case.”

  Carol made her a strong cup of tea and placed milk and sugar on the table. The cup she placed before Ricco held pale golden liquid. “I also remembered that you said how the ginger tea helped you on the yacht.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” He sipped the tea gratefully. His stomach felt instantly better.

  Lea kept her eyes on him and leaned against him every so often while they drank tea. For a few minutes they were silent, and while that felt weird, it was a tonic. Ricco's insides calmed down and at last, he was sure he wouldn't be sick. He drained his tea and leaned back with a sigh.

  “You’re awfully pale, hun,” Lea said.

  Ricco shrugged. “It’s all right. Feeling better already, just tired.”

  “You should have a lie-down, then. And take some Effexor.”

  “You’re right,” Ricco sighed. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. God, he was beat.

  “We can always skip the concert tonight,” she added quietly.

  "Can't do that, babe. Gave the guys my word I'd be there." She had a point, of course, but he rarely had luxuries like just canceling events he didn't feel up to.

  He hated the uneasy look in her eyes. She wasn't ready yet to go out in public again, he knew that. And he got it. With the crutches, she must be feeling slow and clumsy, and making her uncomfortable was the last thing Ricco wanted. But he had given his word. And anyway, he’d been looking forward to hearing The Drakes play again for months. He reached over and stroked Lea’s face gently.

  “Ian’s given me his word. No one knows we’re coming. It’s just a local gig at their local bar. And if someone comes up to me I promise I’ll tell them no selfies.” Lea had told him all about how Daniel had kept the fans at bay at the botanical garden, and it sounded like something he could do, too. “What d’you say, baby girl?”

  She sighed but then nodded. "All right. But nap first."

  “Only if you come with me and sleep, too. You look peaky yourself, doc.”

  “Deal,” she sighed, sounding tired.

  Ricco leaned over for a kiss, and when they broke apart he grinned at her, then stuck out his tongue. Lea giggled, mollified.

  “The ring fits you perfectly,” Carol said when Ricco and Lea finally let go of each other and Lea’s left came to rest by her coffee cup on the table. Ricco smiled at his mom, then took Lea’s hand and kissed the ring.

  “Yeah,” he said quietly, “like it was made for her.”

  Lea’s eyes in his were smiling when he looked up. Then she turned and looked at Carol. “Thank you so much for letting me have it. It means a lot to both of us.”

  “It really does,” Ricco agreed.

  He tried to catch Lea’s eye again, but she now looked down at their intertwined fingers, her expression thoughtful. Then she straightened up. “Right, well, if you want to go to that bar I want you to take your pills now, then get some rest. If you fall out after our vacation Stuart will have your hide.”

  "Yes, ma'am," Ricco agreed and helped Lea to her feet. "And you're doing the same, baby girl. Tramadol and rest. I can see you're in pain, don't even deny it!"

  Carol shook her head as they passed her, Lea limping and holding on to Ricco hard. “Young people today, honestly. Worse than your gran, Ricco, and she’s ninety next month.”

  He gave his mother a pained grimace. She was right, of course. He had planned this trip because he thought they were both up for it, and to bring them closer together again. Now, this.

  And he hadn’t even mentioned the latest news to either Lea or his mom. It had only just happened; they’d been told two days ago, and Ricco hadn’t quite digested it yet. H
e’d thought that maybe coming down to Texas would give him the energy and the headspace to tell Lea. Now he doubted that very much as well.

  She’d find out soon enough. He tried not to think about it as they crawled onto the bed in the guest room. One last respite before he had to tell his doc that Hell Riders had been canceled by the network and that he'd be out of a job soon.

  “These guys are so rad. That was the best thing we did down here in March. I didn’t enjoy filming that Ride ep much.”

  Lea craned her neck to look at Ricco who stood behind her. He was visibly excited, but the memory of that time when they'd temporarily broken up gave Lea a stab. She squeezed his hand that was lying on her shoulder. Don’t think of that today, hun, she thought, but then decided not to say anything. She wanted him to enjoy the evening and their mini-vacation.

  On the flight, when he had felt so rotten, Lea had feared the worst again. She had already been mentally prepared to spend another miserable few days somewhere that wasn't home, looking after her sick guy. But for once it hadn't come to that. Instead, he'd awoken fresh and buoyant from their nap.

  He'd been ravenous at dinner, always a good sign, and had entertained the family – two uncles and Ricco's gran had been invited to share what everyone assured Lea would be a proper Southern meal – with amusing stories from Ottawa. His tales had made the whole situation – the heat, the fans, and stalkers, his punishing work schedule, even looking after Lea – sound funny rather than the burden it was, but Lea got why he told it like that. She'd never shared anything of significance with her family either, back when her mother had been alive and they would meet aunts and uncles. Well, at last something we’ve got in common; she’d thought wryly.

  And now, even though this evening's music wasn't her style, Lea found that she was enjoying herself. The afternoon lie-down had done her a world of good too, and she didn't feel sleepy even though it was already after ten pm.

  Ricco stayed on his feet until the last bit of applause died down. Then he dropped into his seat, flushed and beaming. He was caught up in the music, and Lea couldn't stop smiling. She was out with her guy, he was well, no fans had bothered them at all after Ricco had said no to a couple of selfies. What else could she ask for?

  When the band stopped for the interval the long-haired lead singer hopped off the stage and came over to where they were sitting. Ricco jumped up and caught him in a bear hug. "Great show, dude! Lea this is Ian. Ian, this is my girl, Lea."

  It felt strange to be introduced in that manner. Lea was used to the baby girl thing by now, but Ricco had never called her his girl in front of strangers. She supposed it was normal, in his circles, and decided to forget about it. She smiled at Ian and shook his hand.

  “Nice to meet you. I’m sorry I can’t stick around right now,” Ian said. “Ricco, when we’re done, come outside? You gotta see my new ride!”

  “Awesome, dude,” Ricco said, then sat back down as Ian waved at them and hurried backstage. He grinned at Lea happily. “You enjoying this a bit?”

  "Sure," Lea smiled but decided not to go into any detail. It was true enough, anyway. And worth it, she thought as Ricco scooted close and pulled her into a hug. They stayed like this when the music started again, and Ricco made no move to let her go. Cuddled up against him, Lea let her mind drift. What a good day this had been. Ricco's family was nice and seemed to like her. But they hadn't asked her a million questions, for which she was grateful. Ricco was well and happy, and finally, her health seemed to be improving, too. Her hip felt hardly sore at all, even though she had been sitting up more that day than in a long time.

  After two encores the band finally finished. Ian was soon back, together with the woman who had played the bass, and who Ian now introduced as Lisa.

  “Let’s go look at your machine, bro,” Ricco said excitedly.

  “Sure thing,” Ian grinned, clearly pleased by his famous friend’s enthusiasm.

  Ricco glanced at Lea. “Can we go have a look?”

  “You go, sweetheart,” Lea smiled, still happy to see him happy. “I’d rather not go traipsing around a dark car park on my crutches.”

  That got her a worried frown from Ricco, who looked like he was about to tell Ian he couldn’t go after all. But then Lisa spoke up. “I’ll stay here, too. Let the boys geek out, I hear about bikes all the damn time.

  Ricco looked relieved and stooped down to give Lea a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks, baby girl!” Then he and Ian walked toward the exit, talking bikes already.

  “They’re like children with their toys,” Lisa said fondly, shaking her head. “Right, what are you drinking?”

  It was nice, chatting with Lisa. Lea learned about the band's history and laughed a lot when Lisa retold some of their funny concert experiences. After about thirty minutes, however, someone from the bar came over and told Lisa that she was needed for some logistical crisis.

  “I’m so sorry. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  But many minutes went by and the other woman didn’t reappear. Lea stayed in the almost empty bar, nursing her drink. It was nearly one in the morning now, and she was starting to flag.

  She gave it another fifteen minutes, hoping for Lisa to come back, or, even better, for Ricco to reappear and tell her that he was ready to go home, but neither happened.

  With a sigh she finally gathered her things and got up, wincing as her hip complained after the long inactivity. Maybe she had been too optimistic about her recovery.

  When Lea had limped out into the dark car park she needed a moment to orient herself. Fighting down panic when she couldn’t spot Ricco right away she shook her head at herself and made for a gaggle of people clustered around some bikes. Finally, as she drew nearer, she spotted Ricco in their midst. He looked perfectly at ease and more relaxed than she had seen him in a long time. There were no cell phones or cameras pointed at him, and Lea was sure that that was helping his mood a lot.

  “Hey,” she called when she was only a few yards away.

  Ricco turned and came bounding over, grinning, catching her up in a huge hug. “Oh, baby girl, tonight’s so cool!”

  She hugged him back with the arm not in the crutch, laughing. “I’m really glad you’re having fun, honey.”

  “Sorry I left you behind, tho.” He pulled away and looked at her guiltily. Lea hated that look on him.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” she tried to reassure him, but he only scuffed his feet, still looking strange. Lea took his hand. “What is it, hun?”

  “Babe. the guys, they asked me to go ride with them. There’s that thing happening, in Dallas, day after tomorrow.”

  “Oh,” she said. They were due to fly back to Ottawa day after next.

  "Would you. I mean, would it be bad? If I sent you home alone? I'll have someone picks you up, and Maria and Daniel come by and help. Maybe Jo, too. You won't be alone, and I'll only be gone an extra couple days. And Ciaran's back soon too. I'll take you to the airport and check you in and everything, you don't have to carry your bags."

  He was starting to ramble, looking anxious and agitated. Lea felt torn. Sure, it would suck going back on the plane on her own. But she was constantly on Ricco’s case about doing more of what made him happy. So, now she could put her money where her mouth was. “Course I don’t mind. You go and have fun with your friends. You have the rest of the week off, that’s so rare. You have to make the most of it. There won’t be much rest and fun at work for a good while, and San Diego’s right around the corner, too. So yes, go to Dallas!”

  Ricco beamed and gave her a quick kiss. “You’re the best, babe! Lemme just say good night, then we’ll go home. This is so cool!”

  “You could stay here for a couple more days.”

  “Oh…thanks, Carol, but…”

  “Or just tell him that he should come home with you.” Ricco’s mom was looking at Lea sternly, lips pursed, and Lea blushed. “He doesn’t always need to get what he wants, y’know? Does he ever ask you what you wanna do?”


  "It's fine." Lea was starting to feel uncomfortable under the gaze. She didn't want to have this conversation. "He needs to have some fun. That's been in really short supply recently."

  "Hmm." Carol sounded far from convinced. "Life's not just about fun, he should know that by now."

  “But he does. He looks after me really well.”

  But Carol wasn’t done yet. “If he wants his burdens to ease up some he knows what he’s got to do. He can’t keep leaning on everyone else. You know, if this.”

  She stopped as Ricco walked into the kitchen. Lea was glad not to have to hear what else Carol had to say. Ricco’s mom meant well, she knew that, but unsolicited advice was the last thing they needed right now. Lea smiled up at Ricco and he leaned down for a kiss.

  “Ready, babe? Cab’s here. We’ll go to the airport, I get you checked in, then I go on to Ian’s.”

  Lea got up and Carol came over and hugged her. "Take care of yourself, sweetheart." Then she turned to Ricco. "You bring her back here soon, you hear me? And be careful out there with those boys. You got a wife to come home to now."

  Ricco hugged his mom and threw Lea a furtive, uncomfortable look. “Mom, I know. I’ll be careful, don’t fuss. It’s just a couple of days.”

  They made a quick get-away after that, and as much as Lea had enjoyed being with Ricco’s family she wasn’t sorry. The word wife had rattled her, and she didn’t like the thought that Ricco would get upset with his mom over her.

  Ricco loaded their bags into the cab, then held the door for Lea and they climbed into the backseat. He started buckling his seat belt but then hesitated and looked at her. “You really ok with me running out on you like this?”

  “Hun, I told you I was!” Lea took his hand and smiled. “You gotta take your own advice. Stop fussing.”

  “You’re the best, you know that?” His eyes on her were full of love. That look, Lea thought, is worth all this.

  “Just make sure you do come back,” she said with a wink.