Toni L.P. Kelner - Laura Fleming 01 - Down Home Murder

by Toni L. P. Kelner

  “So?”

  “The Klan wouldn’t have let him in.” He was staring at the shotgun when I left the room.

  Chapter 6

  I went back down to the kitchen. Aunt Nora had already finished the dishes, started frying pork chops, and put pots of potatoes and snap beans on to boil. From the oven came the unmistakable smell of fresh biscuits.

  I inhaled deeply. I had yet to find a restaurant in Boston that served a decent biscuit.

  “Is there anything I can do to help, Aunt Nora?”

  “Not a thing. I’m so used to doing it by myself I wouldn’t know what to ask you to do. How do you find time to cook, what with working all day?”

  “We eat out a lot, and we order in a lot of pizza,” I said and sat down to watch as Aunt Nora removed potatoes from the stove; drained them; added milk, butter, and salt; and mashed them to a creamy consistency.

  “Actually, Richard does most of the cooking,” I went on. “He’s a better cook than I am.”

  “Richard cooks?” Aunt Nora asked, and I bristled.

  “I work eight hours a day, just like he does. Why shouldn’t he cook?”

  Aunt Nora laid a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be ugly. In my day women always did the cooking, whether they worked or not. Sometimes I forget things have changed.”

  I relented. Aunt Nora hadn’t meant to offend me. Like she said, she was brought up in a different time.

  Uncle Buddy came through the back door just then and put his lunch-box on the counter. Aunt Nora immediately went into high gear, setting the table in a swirl of silverware and china.

  “Good to see you, Uncle Buddy,” I said.

  “Laurie Anne,” he said with a nod.

  I neither expected nor received a hug. Uncle Buddy was not a demonstrative man.

  “How’s your Paw, Nora?”

  “About the same. They’re doing what they can.”

  He nodded, and went to wash up. Aunt Nora scooped up huge bowls of snap beans and mashed potatoes, placed the last few pork chops on a platter, and slid a baking sheet full of biscuits onto a plate. She hesitated a moment to look over the table, then nodded to herself, satisfied.

  “Thaddeous! Willis! Buddy! Are you going to let this food get cold?”

  There wasn’t much conversation over supper, which was no big surprise. Aunt Nora was worried about Paw. Thaddeous was worried about Paw and Melanie, and, I hoped, thinking about our earlier conversation. Uncle Buddy was never a man to use two words when none would do, and every time I saw Willis, he looked and acted more like his daddy. He did tell me, “Good to see you,” when he came into the kitchen.

  I had thought that it seemed like an awful lot of food for just the five of us, but I had forgotten just how much my uncle and cousins could eat. Not that I was any slouch myself, I admitted, surveying the ruins of two pork chops on my plate as I used my third biscuit to sop up the last of the potatoes.

  “Aunt Nora,” I said after swallowing the last bite, “dinner was wonderful.”

  She said, “Shoot, it wasn’t no dinner—it was just something to eat,” but she looked pleased.

  There was just enough time to clear off the table before we headed for the hospital in Aunt Nora’s and Uncle Buddy’s Buick. There to greet us was a nearly complete contingent of Burnettes: Aunt Nellie and Uncle Ruben with Idelle, Odelle, and Carlelle; Aunt Daphine with Vasti and Vasti’s husband Arthur; Aunt Edna and Uncle Loman; Linwood and Sue; Aunt Ruby Lee and Uncle Conrad with Ruby Lee’s children Earl, Clifford, and Ilene. Burnettes had filled the waiting-room to the brim, and were spilling into the hallway. Of course I had to speak to everyone I hadn’t seen yet, and exchange hugs.

  Uncle Ruben and Aunt Nellie had that familiar distracted look which would have told me that they were in trouble again even if Aunt Nora hadn’t mentioned it earlier. They were such a Mutt-and-Jeff couple. Uncle Ruben was small and slight of build, and with those wire-rimmed glasses and soft blue eyes, didn’t look much like a rampaging entrepreneur.

  Aunt Nellie did look the part. I was sure that those jewel-green slacks and blouse patterned with a peacock feathers design would look awful on most women, but she had the height to carry it off and the colors set off her fair skin and nearly black hair dramatically.

  Looks aside, they were two of a kind when it came to financial boondoggles. Ever since they had gotten married, they had stumbled from one catastrophe to another. They had bought swampland in Florida, indulged in pyramid schemes, even once spent over a hundred dollars printing copies of a chain letter by which they would make their fortune.

  Aunt Daphine, a tall brunette with unforgettable cheekbones, was the other side of the coin. Her beauty parlor had been a success from the beginning, and she had always made a good living for herself and Vasti. Of course, she had only had herself to depend on. Aunt Daphine had eloped with John Ward Marston just before he left to fight in Vietnam. He died during his first battle, never knowing that Aunt Daphine was already pregnant with Vasti.

  I had just got started visiting cousins when a middle-aged doctor in a white lab coat went into Paw’s room. No one spoke as we waited for him to come out. He conferred with a nurse, and then came toward Aunt Nora.

  “Mrs. Crawford? We spoke earlier today.”

  “Good to see you, Doctor Mason.” Aunt Nora introduced her sisters and their husbands and then asked, “How is he?”

  The doctor hesitated a moment, and I knew I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “There’s not a lot I can tell you. Mr. Burnette is very weak. Between the blow to the head, and the heart attack, and his age… I really can’t offer much hope.”

  There was silence for an interminable time, then Aunt Ruby Lee and Aunt Edna broke into tears. It was all I could do to keep from crying myself. Only Aunt Daphine retained enough composure to say, “We appreciate what you’re doing, Doctor.”

  He nodded, and said, “You can see him now. Just two at a time, please, and try to keep it short.”

  Part of me wanted to go in there with Paw and stay no matter what the doctor said, and part of me didn’t want to go in at all. I settled for going in with Aunt Daphine when our turn came.

  Paw looked even worse than he had that afternoon. He didn’t say anything, but he smiled faintly when Aunt Daphine and I lied about how much better he looked. I wasn’t sure if I should bring up what he had said that afternoon or not, but I felt like I might not get another chance. “Paw,” I said, “do you remember what happened to you?”

  Aunt Daphine tried to catch my eye, probably to get me to change the subject, but I ignored her. “Do you remember what you said to me this afternoon?”

  He looked so confused it nearly broke my heart. I could see he was trying to remember, but he just couldn’t.

  “It’s all right, Paw. It’s not important. You just get some rest.” He nodded, and seemed to relax.

  “We love you, Paw,” Aunt Daphine said for us both when the nurse came to usher us out.

  “What was that about?” Aunt Daphine asked as soon as we were out of the room.

  I hesitated. What could I say? I think someone attacked Paw? “I’ll tell you later,” was all I could come up with.

  Willis had to leave for work after that, but no one else seemed to want to go home, and soon clusters of quietly talking Burnettes formed. The sisters gathered together, as usual, and the cousins divided by age groups. The uncles split into two camps. Uncle Ruben took Uncle Buddy aside to fill him in on the details of his latest scheme, and Uncle Conrad and Uncle Loman sat together without saying much at all. I didn’t quite know where I fit in. Did I look as alien to them as they looked to me?

  All I could think about was what Paw had said to me that afternoon. I replayed the whole thing in my head over and over again and I knew I had heard him right, but it still didn’t make sense. Aunt Nora had said that the guard at the mill had called Aunt Edna and Uncle Loman first. Maybe they knew something I didn’t. Aunt Edna was surrounded by sisters, but Uncl
e Loman had just stepped into the hall alone to smoke a cigarette. I went to join him.

  “Uncle Loman?”

  “What do you need?”

  “Aunt Nora told me that you and Aunt Edna were the first ones they called last night.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Did anyone say anything about the police? I mean, did the police come to investigate Paw’s accident or anything?”

  “What for? Plain to see it was an accident.”

  “I thought they would have wanted to look things over. For insurance, maybe. Don’t they have to check out things like this?”

  “Haw haw haw!” boomed a voice from behind me, and I turned to see Linwood.

  “Damned if you ain’t gone and turned into a Yankee,” he said, grinning. “You people got to call the police every time you stub your toe, don’t you?”

  I reddened.

  Linwood stuck his head back in the waiting-room and called out, “Hey Earl! Did you hear that? Laurie Anne wants the police to come ‘investigate’ Paw’s accident.”

  “What on earth for?” Aunt Edna asked with some irritation.

  “I didn’t say that,” I began. “I only asked—”

  “Hey Daddy,” Linwood said to Uncle Loman, “Maybe we should call in the FBI.”

  “How about the National Guard?” Earl suggested.

  “No, I got it. We’ll call Augustus and tell him to bring the Army. Haw, haw!”

  I looked behind me and saw that half of the Burnette clan was laughing, and the other half was looking annoyed. I counted to ten, and then repeated the process in binary. It didn’t help.

  “Excuse me,” I said to no one in particular, and nearly ran for the ladies’ room.

  Chapter 7

  Damn, damn, damn! I faced my reflection in the ladies’ room mirror, commanding the tears to stay away. I am a grown woman. I’ve got a husband and a home and I’m one hell of a computer programmer. I am not going to cry! Not this time!

  Linwood had always delighted in tormenting the cousins, especially the girls. I had been a favorite target. I remembered how he had stood outside the bathroom window to watch me trying to put on make-up for the first time. He had kept quiet at first, but when I tried to apply the false eyelashes, he started that horrible “haw haw” of his. If embarrassing me in private hadn’t been bad enough, he then had to entertain every family gathering for the next six months with the ever-growing tale of my trying to “glue caterpillars onto my eyelids.”

  I heard the bathroom door open and fled into a stall. May as well use the bathroom while I’m in here, I thought in resignation. Afterward, I remained seated for a few minutes, hoping that whoever it was would leave. No such luck. I finally put my clothes in order and went out of the stall.

  Aunt Daphine was waiting for me. “Are you all right?” she asked.

  “Just dandy,” I answered, and went to the sink to wash my hands.

  “You know Linwood doesn’t mean any harm.”

  “Oh no, he only insults and embarrasses me because he’s glad to see me.”

  “Linwood’s always been that way, you know that.”

  “All too well.”

  “Why were you asking about the police anyway? Since when do the police investigate an accident? Nora said that you thought someone hit Paw. Is that what you were asking him about?”

  I ripped a paper towel from the dispenser and dried my hands. “I don’t know what I’m asking about, Aunt Daphine.” I told her what Paw had said before, and finished up with, “I know it sounds crazy, but I just want to be sure that it really was an accident. That’s all.”

  “Don’t you think it’s all a little far-fetched? I know you’ve got a good imagination—”

  “I did not imagine what Paw said, and I didn’t hear him wrong! He said someone hit him.”

  Though she seemed a bit taken aback by my vehemence, Aunt Daphine nodded. “Then I guess that’s what he said. But you know that when people are sick they’re liable to say all kinds of things.”

  “I know.”

  “Once when Vasti was running a high fever, she kept saying that there was a giant spider trying to get in the window.”

  “Did you check to see if Linwood was around?”

  Aunt Daphine chuckled. “I never thought of that. Anyway, the point is that Paw is on all kinds of drugs and most likely doesn’t know what he’s saying. He could be remembering something that happened years ago. He was in a car accident once, so maybe he’s remembering that. And once he told us about how a couple of union-busters beat him up. That might be what he’s talking about. There’s no way of knowing.”

  “You’re probably right. I just wanted to make sure, to do something.”

  “I wish I could do something, too, but it’s out of our hands.”

  I knew what she was saying. She thought that I was so desperate to help Paw that I was making something out of nothing. Maybe she was right. I couldn’t remember a time I had felt so helpless.

  “Maybe you should just leave it alone, at least for now,” Aunt Daphine said. “This isn’t really the time or place to stir up trouble.”

  “I’m not trying to stir up trouble. That may be what Linwood thinks, but I’m not.”

  “I know you’re not.”

  “Aunt Daphine, why is Linwood like that?”

  “I expect he just wants attention. He’s always had a mean streak, but what can we do? He’s family, after all.”

  “Well, what am I?” I said. “Everyone always says not to let Linwood worry me because he’s family, and not to mind Vasti’s little cuts because she’s family, but I’m family, too, aren’t I?” I bit my lip, fighting back tears again.

  “Of course you’re family!” Aunt Daphine said firmly. “It’s just that you’re right much different from your cousins, and I don’t think Linwood knows how to take you. Sometimes, I don’t think any of us know how to take you.”

  I studied our images in the mirror, and to me the family resemblance was plain, especially around our eyes. What’s to take?

  I realized I had been shredding my paper towel into bits the whole time we were talking, and I tossed the remains into the trash can. “We better get on back,” I said unenthusiastically.

  Aunt Daphine put her arm around me as we went back to the waiting-room. Linwood was in a corner with Sue, Earl, and Ilene, and I heard him say, “I swear, I thought it was a caterpillar, one of those big, black ones.” I stiffened, and thought longingly of Boston.

  “Linwood,” Aunt Daphine said, “the nurses said for you to keep it down a little. The noise is disturbing the patients.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, and went on in a lower tone.

  I looked at her questioningly. When had she spoken to a nurse? Aunt Daphine glanced around to make sure no one else was watching, then solemnly winked at me.

  Aunt Daphine rejoined her sisters while I found an unoccupied chair in a relatively quiet corner and leaned back, trying not to think about what Paw had said and wondering if the day would ever end.

  Chapter 8

  I had nearly drifted into sleep when I heard a delightfully familiar voice ask, “Have you got room for one more in there?”

  “Well look what the cat dragged in,” Aunt Daphine said with a grin. Richard came into the waiting-room and gave me the best hug I had had all day.

  “God, I missed you,” I said. My husband looked a little worse for wear, but I could not think of a time when his lanky frame, strong-featured face, and ill-behaved mop of dark brown hair had looked better to me.

  “How did you get here? I thought you were going to call from the airport?” I asked.

  “I rented a car,” he explained. “What’s the good word?”

  I guess my expression told it all. He pulled me closer, and I buried my face in his chest, this time not trying to hold back the tears. The rest of the Burnettes tactfully looked elsewhere until I pulled away and blew my nose on a frayed wad of tissues Richard produced from his blue jeans pocket.
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  I wanted to tell him about what Paw had said, but like Aunt Daphine had said, this was neither the time nor the place. “I should probably let you say hello to people,” I said.

  “That would be nice.”

  “You do remember who everyone is, don’t you?”

  He drew himself up with dignity. “Madame, I can name all of the major characters in every one of Shakespeare’s plays, and most of the minor ones. This is a breeze.”

  He really did know everyone’s name, although once or twice he got confused about which cousin belonged with which aunt and uncle.

  We Burnettes mingled quietly for the next few hours, not referring to the reason for our vigil other than an occasional glance in the direction of Paw’s room. It was well after midnight before Aunt Daphine finally said in mock exasperation, “This is just silly! Some of you people have got to go home!” There were sheepish grins all around, and people started to filter down the stairs and into cars.

  “Y’all may as well go on back to Paw’s house,” Aunt Nora said to me. “I know you’re tired from your trip, and you can let Aunt Maggie know what’s what.”

  “Don’t you want Richard and me to keep you company?” I protested, torn between exhaustion and not wanting to be away from Paw.

  “Daphine is going to stay with me, and Nellie will spell us in the morning. We’ll call if there’s any news.”

  “You be sure to.” I hugged whoever was handy, and let Richard lead me to the Toyota he had rented.

  “You better drive,” I said to Richard. “I don’t trust myself behind the wheel at this point.”

  “Happy to oblige,” he said, opening the door for me. “Just point me in the right direction.”

  “For a start, turn left from the parking lot. How did your meeting go?”

  “Thumbs up. Harper thinks my new course idea is wonderful. He said, and I quote, ‘A course on Shakespeare in popular culture is just what we need to get these illiterate boors through their English requirements.’“