The Tied Man

by McGowan, Tabitha

  I thought I’d misheard. By Henry’s nonplussed expression, he felt the same.

  ‘You did what?’ I finally managed to ask, searching Lilith’s face for any sign of a wind-up. I found none, but in truly looking at her for the first time I realised her nonchalance was only skin deep. In reality, she was completely wired: her pale eyes glittered in an unnaturally wan face. Too slowly, I began to understand. ‘Jesus Christ, Lilith, what did you do?’

  Lilith

  ‘Oh goodness, what... I mean where... I mean, how?’ Henry babbled. All Finn could do was slump mutely into the nearest chair and stare at me.

  As a precautionary move I used my inhaler before I began. ‘I waited until the paps had set up camp on Gabe’s doorstep, then left by the fire exit. I went to Marley’s, spoke nicely to the doorman, started bidding at ten grand, and kept going up until I found his price – a one-way ticket back to Poland and a small apartment in Lodz, apparently. He brought Jake to me, I bundled him into a taxi - which is where the last thousand went, incidentally – and sent him to a safe house in Brighton.’ I started to laugh. ‘My safe house. My conscience-appeasing, sorry-for-being-rich charity. I’m bloody glad I didn’t invest in a cat shelter – I’d have been totally fucked for somewhere to send him.’

  ‘Does Blaine...’ Henry began, but I was ahead of him.

  ‘No-one does. Even the place itself doesn’t know I’m its benefactor. My agent’s always given me hell for not using it in my publicity – it would give me a ‘much-needed human face’ apparently.’

  ‘So he’s truly out of her reach?’ Henry asked, and I could hear the fragile, unfamiliar hope in his voice.

  I nodded. ‘And if... when the worst comes to the worst and Blaine finds out that he’s gone, even Gabriel’s in the clear – it just looks as though I did a runner on him after we shagged.’ I quickly looked at Finn. ‘Even though we didn’t, much to his disappointment.’

  In fact, for a man who had thought his luck was in, Gabriel James had been a perfect gentleman. Forbidden to ask any questions whatsoever, he had simply provided me with an internet connection and made coffee whilst I went about my clandestine work. By the time I left his mews apartment at three in the morning, he still didn’t know where I was staying, or why I refused to talk. Most importantly, I had never once mentioned Blaine’s name.

  ‘Strictly speaking, there’s nothing to link any of it to me until Blaine tracks down the doorman and has him shot in the head – it could simply be a coincidence that I was in London at the same time. Although that might be being a little optimistic. And that’s about it.’ My heart began to pound as I addressed them both. ‘Beyond that, I have no idea how much shit this is going to cause for any of us, but it was the only opportunity I was going to get.’ I placed my hand over Finn’s and this time he didn’t pull away. My voice began to break as I pleaded, ‘And for God’s sake would you say something!’ Even his fury was preferable to this wall of silence as he stared at me as though I were an alien being.

  Suddenly he leapt to his feet. I stood to meet him and he flung his arms around me, burying his face in my hair. ‘You came back,’ he whispered. ‘You did all that, and you still came back.’

  I felt my legs buckle with exhaustion and relief, and still he bore my weight. I let my arms slip through his, reaching around his slim waist to return the embrace.

  ‘You stupid, mad cow,’ Finn continued. ‘Jesus fuck, Lili, you could have gone. Why the hell did you come back to this?’

  I pushed away just enough to let my eyes meet his. ‘Why do you think?’ I asked, and was pulled back in so hard that the breath was squeezed from me.

  ‘You’re shivering,’ Finn said. ‘Go and run yourself a bath, a chuisle. Get warmed up.’

  ‘What did you call me?’

  ‘Ah. A chuisle. Gaelic. ‘My darling’. I prefer the proper translation, mind you.’

  ‘Which is?’

  He gave a bashful smile. ‘My pulse.’

  Finn

  I waited for Lilith to move, but she stood rooted to the spot.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

  ‘I really don’t want to be alone right now.’

  I didn’t even start to argue. Didn’t want to, truth be told. ‘Give me ten to get cleaned up a bit, huh? I’ll come to your room. Coyle will be out of his skull by now, so we should be safe enough.’

  Lilith sighed with relief. ‘Yeah, I saw his face gurning at me from behind a bedroom blind when I came up the path; he looked pretty hammered. Thanks. Thanks a lot.’ She turned on her heels, gave Henry a quick hug, picked up her bag and headed off to her quarters. The simple promise of my company had reassured her enough to move, and I was still smiling like an idiot as I lit my cigarette.

  ‘Don’t say it, Henry,’ I warned.

  Henry raised an eyebrow. ‘Would it make any difference in the world if I did?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Then I won’t say it.’

  ‘Good man.’

  *****

  I was on my way to Lilith’s room when Henry called me back.

  ‘One moment.’ He disappeared into his vast larder and I heard him rifling through whatever the hell he kept in there. When he emerged, he was cradling a wine bottle that was encrusted with a good century’s worth of dust. He passed it to me with the tender care of a midwife handing over a newborn baby. ‘Carpe diem, Finn. Well, carpe noctem to be accurate, I suppose.’

  ‘It’s a bit fuckin’ grubby, isn’t it? Haven’t you got a clean one?’ I teased.

  ‘Philistine,’ Henry tutted. ‘For your information, that is a Ville de la Domaine Romanee Conté worth approximately eight hundred pounds on today’s market and considered to be a king amongst wines. If you gulp it back in the same manner you insist on imbibing most alcohol, you will hear an entire chorus of angels sobbing. At least Lilith will appreciate it.’

  ‘Thanks for this, little man.’ I was suddenly awkward with the enormity of what we were all doing.

  ‘She’ll never miss it.’ He brushed my words away with his hand. ‘An insignificant gesture, all things considered. Just raise a toast on my behalf, would you? Perhaps ‘To a courage few possess’?’

  I grinned. ‘How about just, ‘Eat, drink, for tomorrow we die’?’

  ‘Don’t. Now go, wash. And don’t forget to clean your teeth – your breath smells worse than a pub carpet.’

  I saluted, and turned to go.

  ‘Oh, and one last thing -’

  ‘Yeah?’ I braced myself for some dire warning or other.

  ‘That’s not the full quote. If you must know, it’s ‘Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.’’ Henry grasped my hand. ‘So go, be merry, dear boy. God knows, you deserve it this once.’

  Lilith

  ‘You decent yet?’ Finn called from behind the door.

  I emerged from the bathroom, clad in my new winter pyjamas and thick white Albermarle bathrobe, with a towel wrapped around my newly-washed hair.

  Finn was already waiting for me. He sat on the edge of my bed with Bran at his feet. ‘Better?’ he asked.

  ‘Nearly, but it would help if I could stop shaking.’ I rubbed at my hair with the towel. ‘I’m still bloody freezing – but I suppose that’s what you get for driving with all your windows down for six hours. And a couple of gallons of adrenaline and speed still swilling around my system isn’t helping much.’

  ‘I’d probably be a wee bit jittery if I’d just pulled your stunt.’ Finn patted the bed next to where he sat. ‘C’mon, take a seat. Henry’s sent a present that might help take the edge off.’ He picked up a bottle of very decent red from my bedside table.

  I joined him. ‘Nice. Last supper?’

  ‘Don’t. Don’t think about it, don’t talk about it.’ He poured two generous glasses with a steady hand. ‘Just drink and sleep and we’ll deal with the rest when it happens. Let’s just keep tonight for ourselves, huh?’ He gave an exasperated sigh. ‘That came out wrong. Not that we... I mean...’<
br />
  I took the nearest glass and smiled. ‘It’s okay. I know what you mean.’ That Finn was prepared to do this much was something to be treasured. ‘Cheers.’ I touched my glass against his.

  ‘Sláinte. Sorry I’m not exactly dressed for the occasion, by the way. Didn’t fancy turning up in any of my work uniform, y’know?’

  I knew, but it didn’t help my resolve in the slightest. Finn was wearing his bashed-up blue and white pyjama bottoms teamed with the t-shirt I had just bought him, and he too had just washed his hair. He looked completely adorable, from the ruffled, damp fringe that almost hid his muddied jade eyes to his delicate bare feet, and I had an almost overwhelming urge to cover his entire body with kisses. I took half a glass of wine in one mouthful. It was sublime.

  ‘Steady, girl!’ Finn laughed. ‘That’s a two-hundred quid gobful you’ve just swigged there.’

  ‘Worth every penny,’ I assured him, and held out my glass for a refill. He obliged then topped up his own glass, and I wanted to plant another kiss squarely on the sticking plaster that hid his most recent damage.

  He pulled the duvet back for me. ‘Right, come on – get under here. Let the warmth begin to build up.’

  ‘Um,’ I said, hesitant again.

  ‘Um?’ Finn asked, concerned. ‘Is there a problem? I can go...’

  ‘Hell, no!’

  ‘Then what, sweetheart? You can tell me.’

  ‘Honestly?’ My heart began hammering like a teenager’s on a first date.

  ‘Yeah, ‘honestly’, daft arse.’

  A gathering of butterflies danced in my stomach, and I couldn’t quite look at him. ‘The only thing I want is to lie there and be held by you again.’

  Finn didn’t say anything. He just leaned over and wrapped his arms around my trembling body. ‘Like this?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, like this.’ I finally let myself relax into the embrace of the man I’d just driven three hundred miles to be with.

  ‘So. Ready to lie down now?’

  I eased my way under the duvet, shivering again at the temporary chill of new sheets. Finn settled down beside me and I lay with my back to him, almost foetal. His arms stayed entwined around me, and his fingers knit loosely together around my waist so that I was pulled close to the man I had wanted from the very moment I met him. With a contented sigh that he thought I couldn’t hear he buried his face in my hair, and I told myself that he was merely finding comfort in the contact. I told myself that, but knew I was lying. I was wetter than I had ever been.

  ‘Oh fuck, I’m so sorry – that’s not meant to... Jesus...’ Suddenly Finn pushed away, and I was scared that he was about to run. He gave an embarrassed laugh against my ear. ‘Three fucking years, and it’s never happened. Didn’t think it could, any more.’

  It was then that I felt his hard-on against the small of my back. I turned to look at him and his expression was one of complete mortification and bemusement at his nascent desire. I felt my nipples harden instinctively in response; I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so aroused. This was when I would usually make my move: instant gratification, with my partner’s satisfaction a distant secondary goal.

  This time, it was so different that I found myself unsure what to do next – it felt more like my first time than my first time ever had. And therein lay my answer, because I suddenly realised that it was a first time for Finn as well, and I knew exactly what I wanted from this stolen encounter.

  In answer to his panic I brought my right hand up to cradle his face, finally letting my fingers play freely over those cheekbones and stubborn jaw. Each move seemed to take a lifetime: more than anything, I needed him to know that this was all done with his consent; that at any moment he could say ‘no’ or move away and everything would still be okay. But he stayed, his eyes never leaving my face.

  I let two fingers linger on his wind-coarsened lips. ‘Shh,’ I whispered, and smiled in wonder that I had something so beautiful within my reach. ‘Let me... please?’

  The smile was returned, hesitant at first, then blooming into a beautiful, unfettered grin.

  In reply, he kissed me. At first, a quick, chaste kiss to my lips to check that this was allowed, and a million miles away from the manufactured passion I had witnessed over the past months. I moved my face closer to his, inviting a second. Reassured, Finn kissed me again – properly this time, so that toothpaste and wine and tobacco mingled in my mouth, and the tip of his tongue tentatively explored my lips and the points of my teeth. His moan of desire was muffled by our embrace as I began to move my left hand down his chest, spreading my fingers to take in the warmth of skin and soft down of his hair.

  My journey took me to the dip of his stomach and the new, raised scar of Royce’s attack, and I stopped for a moment to give him time to accept and allow what I was about to do. Subconsciously he pushed his hips towards me and, permission given, I unbuttoned his pyjama pants and eased them over the sharply defined corners of his pelvis. I managed to resist touching his cock for now, instead stroking around his hips and around to the hollow of his back to allow me to pull him even closer. He kissed me again, longer and harder than before and the delicate skin of my inner thighs turned to silk.

  We finally broke away and I rested my cheek against his shoulder so that my face nuzzled into his neck, and I could breathe in Finn’s unique, subtle scent. When I was confident that I had all his trust, I finally took his erect cock in my right hand. With my left, I entwined my fingers through the damp hair at the nape of his neck and our faces were now so close that we were sharing the same breath.

  I increased the pressure in my grip, just enough to elicit another groan of sheer pleasure, and brushed my thumb over the tip to massage a bead of pre-cum around the shaft. I had only just begun to move my hand along the length in a steady, insistent rhythm when Finn’s eyes widened in surprise; he gave a series of stuttering little gasps and came. I felt his back arch as muscle and tendon contracted, and his semen flowed over my fingers.

  ‘Oh God,’ he whispered, and buried his head into my chest. ‘Oh God oh God oh God... that... I mean, oh my fuckin’ God...’ He re-emerged to look me directly in the eye. ‘That was amazing... just so bloody quick, I’m sorry...’

  ‘Shh,’ I soothed once more, caressing his beautiful face, his neck, his chest, and never wanting the contact to end.

  ‘I’m meant to... I mean, do you...?’

  I shook my head. ‘No. Just enjoy this.’

  Finn

  Nothing seemed real. Nothing of what had happened, what we had dared to do – what my body had just proved itself capable of doing – and I didn’t even want to start thinking about any of it, as if analysis might prove that the whole wonderful thing was nothing more than a belated hallucination.

  Tomorrow was going to bring hell for me – I had known that the second Lilith told her tale – and I didn’t begrudge a moment of it. Her tenure here was almost done and then it would be time for her to reclaim her life, and I would be back where I was before she had stepped into my world. I couldn’t imagine Blaine doing anything to me that was going to feel worse than that.

  I pushed the whole brewing shitstorm into the smallest box I could find, and concentrated instead on the woman whose spine was pressed against the contours of my chest. I was overwhelmed with a good, clean tiredness, and I decided that for once I was going to let it take me.

  My last coherent thought was that she smelled amazing. Just soap and shampoo, and nothing like the over-preened hags who thought that a gallon or so of expensive perfume might mask the stench of what they were doing to me. With my nose buried in Lilith’s hair, I broke the final taboo and slept.

  Lilith

  It was still dark when the cry dragged me from sleep. Finn sat bolt upright next to me, and in the dying light of a near-empty oil lamp his forehead shone slick with sweat.

  ‘Bad dream?’ I asked, with impressive understatement. I hated to think what nightmares must have caused the sheer terror in
his voice.

  ‘Something like. Wha’ time is it?’

  I squinted at the bedside clock. ‘Four, just about.’

  ‘Fuck. Wow. I can’t remember the last time I slept this long. ’

  ‘Are you all right?’ I stroked his cheek.

  ‘Yeah yeah,’ he caught my fingers and kissed them. ‘Same old shit, that’s all. Sorry for waking you.’

  I hugged him, still hungry for contact, and planted my own kiss on his chest.

  He sighed. ‘Look, I really don’t want to leave, but I’m going to have to go back to my room – didn’t bring everything I needed, y’know?’

  ‘I know.’ I didn’t need telling: I could already feel the tension beginning to buzz in his sinews.

  ‘Sleep while you can, huh? I promise, I’ll come back – then we can start thinking about how we’re going to play today, okay?’ He ran a hand from my jaw to my waist as though he was reading me in Braille, then pulled the duvet around me so that I was enveloped in its warmth.

  ‘‘Kay.’ My eyes were already beginning to close by the time he reached the door.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Lilith

  ‘Alarm call for Ms Bresson.’ Coyle O’Halloran dragged me out of bed by my hair and threw me onto the floor.

  I didn’t even have time to scream as he clamped one sweating hand over my mouth and grabbed my wrists with the other.

  He leered at me through the darkness. ‘You any idea how long I’ve waited to do this, you stuck-up slut?’ His breath reeked of stale whiskey and sickness, and I recoiled. ‘What, am I not up to your usual standard of fuck, eh? Like a certain scrawny-arsed faggot?’ He hauled me to my feet, twisting me so that I had my back to him. ‘Ach, don’t be worrying about that just yet – I’m under strict orders to deliver you in a half-decent condition.’