Dirty Roomie

by Alycia Taylor

  “Yes. But I can’t. I have baby duty tonight.”

  “Only tonight? Shouldn’t you have baby duty every night?” Mae asked him.

  Paul’s wife had just had a baby, and while Paul complained all the time about how tired he was, it was clear that he was overjoyed by their new arrival.

  “Don’t remind me,” he said and groaned.

  “Liar! You love it,” I said.

  He grinned. “Yeah, but only because I get to be a child all over again.”

  I laughed and made my way out with Mae.

  “Think we’ll ever be as happy as Paul is?” she asked.

  “Are you kidding? We’ll be even happier. And when things get tough, we’ll just help each other out. And by that, I mean our husbands will look after the kids together while we go to wine bars.”

  Mae giggled. “I like the way you think, Eliza,” she said. I wondered if she was thinking about John when she was thinking of her husband. I wondered who I was thinking of but realized that I didn’t have anyone in mind at all. That was both a sad thought and a good one. There was a time when I was certain that I would marry Raymond. The thought made me feel a little ill inside. “

  “Well, this is the place,” Mae said. It had only taken us about ten minutes to walk from the office.

  I looked up and grinned. The wine bar was everything that Mae had promised it to be. It was cozy and romantic, with concealed lights and brick walls. “Wow, this is very romantic,” I said. “Are you sure you want to be here with me and not with John?”

  “I’d rather be here with John,” she admitted. “But you’re definitely first runner-up.”

  “I guess you’re honest,” I said.

  We decided to do a wine tasting so that we wouldn’t have to concern ourselves with which wine to get. The waitress came over with five different glasses, all poured halfway with wine. She explained which each one was and then left us to drink on our own.

  “Wow, they’re quite generous with their portions,” Mae said. “Usually you get only a tiny little taster. I think we may have found our regular haunt.”

  I looked around and grinned. “I can deal with that. And it’s right by work!”

  “Walking distance from work and home. Well, a bit far from home, but walkable. We’ve definitely found our place.”

  “I love that I have already found a place and I’ve hardly been in the city for long.” I thought back to California. I’d never had a place there. And I hadn’t realized how much of life I had been missing out on since being with Raymond. I’d lost a lot of friends over the years who didn’t take kindly to me never being able to go out with them. If Raymond even caught a whiff of the idea that a man would be there, then he’d find some excuse for me to rather stay home. Eventually, it just got easier to not try and go out at all. I pretended that home life with Raymond was the only thing that I needed.

  “Yeah, you’re doing well. So, how are you finding Arizona by the way? Do you ever miss California?”

  “No, this is my home now.” I said it with so much certainty that it even took me by surprise.

  “Seriously? You’re not going back?”

  “You sound surprised.”

  “I guess I always just thought that California was this amazing place. It’s actually one of the places I haven’t been to, but I always hear good things. I figured this was just some sort of stopover until you go back again.”

  “It is a cool place. I suppose. But a home is not really about the place, and more about the people. I love this job, and I love you. And quite frankly, I feel more at home here than I’ve ever felt anywhere in my whole life. Maybe this was the place that I was meant to be in. Right now, I have no intention of going anywhere. We’ll see, though. I’ve learned that in life you can’t make too many plans. Sometimes things just happen. But right now, I don’t see myself moving back. I’m happy here.”

  “That’s good to hear. I don’t want you to leave. I’d be super upset if you left. I haven’t found someone that I’ve connected to so quickly in a very long time. And Chandler is amazing. The more you get to know it the more you fall in love with it. I’ve lived here my whole life, and even though I’ve traveled to so many places, I’m always happy when I come home.”

  I smiled. “That’s nice to hear.”

  “Tell me about Raymond. Have you heard from him since moving here?”

  I sighed. Raymond had been calling me on and off for several days now. Part of me wanted to tell Mae that I didn’t want to talk about him, and part of me wanted to tell her everything. I knew I couldn’t ignore my life with him forever. I had to accept what had happened, and be open and honest about it. That was probably the only way that I could fully move on from it. “Yep. He called me. I didn’t tell him where I was, though. He threatened me and told me that he was going to find me.”

  “What? Are you serious? You should’ve told me. You know you can talk to me anytime, Eliza. Okay? Have you told the police?”

  “No, there’s nothing to tell. He’s just talk. I mean, what is he going to do when he finds me? We’ve broken up. It’s not like we were married or anything. I’m sure he’ll forget about me eventually. And yeah, I know that I can come to you. I guess it was easier to just . . . not think about it.”

  “Was it really that bad between you?”

  I picked up my second wine glass and took a sip. The first glass had gone down so fast.

  “He used to hit me. Look, he wasn’t a bad guy when I met him. I wouldn’t have gone out with him if he was. But he became very possessive. I guess that side of him was always there, but I didn’t see it until after we’d moved in together. Before that, it was all sunshine and roses. But it didn’t take long for me to start seeing a side to him that I really didn’t like. He used to check my phone, and he always wanted to know where I was at all times. At first, I thought he was just being protective. But there’s a fine line between protective and possessive. I found that out the hard way.”

  “Oh, Eliza. I’m so sorry. You said he was a charmer, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah. I mean, if he walked in right now you’d probably wonder what on earth I was talking about. I sound like I’m lying when you meet him. I guess that’s what made it so hard. Because nobody else could see what I saw. And then he started hitting me. It wasn’t a lot at first. But it started becoming more and more frequent. He also started drinking more. And when he drank, he didn’t try to hide the abusive side of his personality. In fact, he seemed to embrace it. I guess one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “I don’t blame you. I’m glad you got out of there when you did.”

  “Yeah, leaving without telling him was the only way that I could see myself getting out of it. A clean break. The best thing that I’ve ever done.”

  “How are you so upbeat about all of this? I’d be a mess. Yet here you are. New city, new job, and you’re really kicking ass at it all. And I never see you upset. How do you do it?”

  “Oh, trust me. I get upset. But I think I’m just more relieved than anything else. Every time I find myself getting upset or angry, I just tell myself that I’m better off without him. I look around at my apartment, or I come and talk to you, and I feel better every time. I did the right thing. And I’m going to keep on doing the right thing.”

  “I’m proud of you, Eliza. You know, you should just leave guys alone for a while. You’ve got an awesome job now, and you finally have your own apartment. You should just enjoy being by yourself for a while. Learn to love yourself and all that. I know it’s a cliché. But it’s true. And when you’re ready, the right guy will come.”

  I nodded and reached for more wine. I still hadn’t told Mae that I’d slept with Ian. Or Gorgeous Gunner as I’d taken to calling him in my head. Mae was right of course. I really did need to be by myself for a while. But it wasn’t going to be easy with a man like Ian in the picture. He was very hard to ignore.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ian

  “Tell me
that you’ve at least spoken to your father since the meeting?” Chris was saying to me at the shop.

  It was a particularly quiet day, and we’d gotten through our work very quickly. Now we were just messing around and I was telling Chris all about the club meeting on Sunday. He didn’t seem nearly as surprised as I had been, which surprised me even more. But then again, it wasn’t always easy to tell what Chris was thinking. Sometimes he was easygoing to a fault.

  “No, not yet. I don’t know what to say.” It was true. I’d thought about speaking to him several times, but then every time I thought of what I was going to say, I clammed up. Anyway, he hadn’t spoken to me, either.

  “Wasn’t the meeting on Sunday?” he asked.

  “Yeah. So?”

  “Well, today is Wednesday already. And the day is almost over. How can you not have spoken to your father? Poor guy must be going out of his mind wondering what’s going through your head. You at least owe him a conversation. You really just walked out of the meeting?”

  “What was I supposed to say?”

  “How about thank you?”

  “But is that what I want? If I say thank you, then it’s like saying that I want to take on the job.”

  “So, you’d rather say nothing at all? Wow, sometimes I think you’re worse than me. Have you not at least considered the fact that your father did something nice for you?”

  “Is it though?”

  “Dude, I think you should go and speak to him. At least talk it over with him. You don’t have to say yes, but you can at least talk to him about it.”

  I sighed. I hated it when Chris was right. “You know, sometimes I think I would rather just not tell you anything. It would be easier that way.”

  “Why? So you can ignore your problems?”

  “Exactly!”

  “What are you doing?” he asked as he watched me.

  “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m putting away these tools.”

  “They’re already in place. I know what you’re doing. You’re stalling so that you don’t have to go and talk to your dad. You’re probably waiting for him to pack up and go and then you’ll say that it wasn’t your fault.”

  “And you’re a pain in the ass!” I said. “You know, sometimes I think you like my father more than you like me.”

  “You’re an idiot at times. Come on, Gunner. Just talk to him. Keep the peace and all that.”

  “Fine, I’ll go. But that doesn’t make you less of an idiot.”

  “Whatever. I know you love me.”

  He chuckled as I walked toward my dad’s office. For someone that wasn’t a part of the club, he sure was getting too involved. I reminded myself to tell him that.

  I knocked on the door, and my father looked up, surprised to see me.

  “Ian, come in. Come in. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Hi, Dad. Listen, I’m sorry about walking out on you like that. I know it was rude. And I know you’re always going on at me for being rude. It’s a bad habit. It’s easier to run away sometimes. I just don’t know how to respond like a normal person at times.”

  “It’s okay. Normal is overrated, anyway. I was surprised that you responded that way, though. I mean, I wasn’t surprised that you walked out like that, but I definitely thought you’d be happier. Is that not what you wanted? I thought you loved being a part of the club.”

  “I do love being a part of the club. I was the one that was surprised. I thought you’d ask Patriot.”

  “Grant? Why would I ask him? You’re the one that’s the most involved. You’re hardworking and everyone loves you.”

  “No, they don’t!”

  “Ian, they do. And it’s about time you realized that.”

  I didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Again it was my father telling me something about myself that he believed to be true.

  “And it’s about time you realized that I’m not like you, and I never will be. This is who I am, and if you don’t like it, then I don’t care.”

  “So this is how you repay me? After I chose you out of everyone in that club to take over from me? Seriously? You know, Ian, sometimes I give you too much credit. You’re very disrespectful.”

  “Dad, it’s just—” I started.

  “Get out,” he interrupted.

  “What?”

  “I said get out!” he stood up to show that he was serious.

  I’d never seen that look from my father before, and even though we disagreed on many things, he’d never once ordered me out his office. I gulped, nodded, and walked out. Fine, I thought, I don’t want to be in your fucking office, anyway.

  I ignored Chris’s look as I back into the shop. Instead, I just grabbed my jacket and headed out. I climbed straight onto my bike and started driving around. I needed to keep moving. I needed to clear my head.

  After about forty minutes of driving around, I started to feel a bit better. I wondered what other people did when they needed to clear their head. I supposed they went to the gym, or drowned their sorrows in alcohol. I was glad that I had the bike. But I stopped short the moment I got home when I saw that Patriot was waiting for me outside my house.

  “Patriot? What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “What? Can’t I come and visit my brother? Why the hostility?”

  I was just so used to being hostile with my brothers that I sometimes forgot that it wasn’t always necessary. Patriot hadn’t done anything to me. Yet. I was sure it was coming, but for now, I had no reason to be upset with him. “Sorry. It’s been a long day. Come in; I have beer.”

  “Beer sounds great.”

  We walked in and I fetched us both a cold beer from the fridge. I threw one to him, and he caught it with one hand.

  I grinned. “Nice catch. You haven’t lost your touch.”

  “Good throw. You see, we’re a good team,” he said.

  I felt the hair on my arms stand at his comment. A good team? Since when we were a good team? There might have been a time where we were close, but it had been so long since I’d considered him as anything else but a distant brother. A distant brother who didn’t live all that far from me.

  “So, you still working out?” I asked for conversation. I didn’t want to talk about what sort of team we were or weren’t good at. And if there was one thing that I had learned over the years, it was that gym was one of the safest topics to turn to.

  “Oh yeah. You know me. I still go to the gym. I don’t think I’d feel myself if I didn’t go.”

  “How often do you go then?”

  “Roughly six times a week. I have a trainer now. He’s this crazy guy who refuses to let me take a break. He’s amazing, but I hate him at the same time.”

  “Ha! Sounds like a lot of your relationships. Six times a week, though? That’s crazy.”

  His green eyes shone as he spoke about his love for working out, and I wondered if he’d always been so into building muscle. I tried to remember back to a time when he didn’t work out, but I couldn’t. He’d always enjoyed pushing himself far beyond where his limits should be.

  “I thought you’d be more of a swimmer, to be honest,” I said.

  He looked at me in surprise. “A swimmer? Why on earth would I be a swimmer?”

  “You know, because you were a SEAL.”

  “You do know that it stands for sea, air, and land, don’t you?”

  I laughed. “I’m kidding. Anyway, I thought it was funny.”

  “Wacked out sense of humor, if you ask me.”

  “At least I have one,” I retorted.

  “Hmm, sounds like something Pop would say.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Does it? I don’t think so. Although, maybe to you. Dad and I don’t exactly swap jokes.”

  “So, speaking of which, what’s the deal with you and Pop? You just walked out of that meeting the other day. Not that I was surprised by that. You’re not very good with things like that, are you? I could see how much you hated everyone looking at you. Ma
ybe he should’ve given you a heads up or something.”

  “No, I’m not good at things like that. And I’m glad you noticed. I agree he should’ve given me a heads up. Anyway, I was so sure that Dad was going to offer it to you. I guess I was more surprised than anything else. I was staring at you the whole time that when he said my name, it didn’t even register.”

  “Are you kidding me? There’s no way that I would’ve gotten it. You should totally get that spot. I think you should take it. But that’s only my opinion of course. I doubt you want to hear it. No wonder you looked like a deer caught in the headlights, though.”

  “You think I should take it?” That was a surprise to me. “And since when do you care about what happens at the club, anyway?”

  I could feel myself getting angrier the longer the conversation went on. Why should I listen to him? He knew nothing about the club. And why could we never have a conversation without it turning nasty?

  “Whoa,” he said and held up his hand in protest. “Why are you being so hostile? You know, people always say that I’m the one that’s quick to anger, but I’m not so sure about that. I think you get your anger problems from Pop. You see, you’re even more like him than you think.”

  “I’m nothing like him.” It wasn’t the first time that someone had said that I was just like my father. Every single time I would wonder what on earth people saw in me that I didn’t see in myself. I looked a bit like him, but that was it. That’s where the resemblance ended. That, and our mutual love for motorcycles. But that was it.

  “You are, though. Both the good and the bad. Anyway, he only gets angry when he has a reason to be angry. You get angry for no reason at all. Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe you are different. Come on, Gunner, don’t be an idiot. Take the job. It’s a cool opportunity. And it was a pretty sweet thing for Pop to do, don’t you think?”

  I took a big gulp of my beer and then looked at him. “What I think is that you have no right telling me what to do. And to be honest, Patriot, I’ve had a very long day. And I was really looking forward to a nice night in with just myself and my beers. And now, I’m one beer down.”