Lord Byron - Delphi Poets Series
Page 204
To welcome foreigners in this way: now
I recollect some innkeepers who don’t
Differ, except in robbing with a bow,
In lieu of a bare blade and brazen front.
But what is to be done? I can’t allow
The fellow to lie groaning on the road:
So take him up; I’ll help you with the load.”
XVI
But ere they could perform this pious duty,
The dying man cried, “Hold! I’ve got my gruel!
Oh for a glass of max! We’ve miss’d our booty;
Let me die where I am!” And as the fuel
Of life shrunk in his heart, and thick and sooty
The drops fell from his death-wound, and he drew ill
His breath, — he from his swelling throat untied
A kerchief, crying, “Give Sal that!” — and died.
XVII
The cravat stain’d with bloody drops fell down
Before Don Juan’s feet: he could not tell
Exactly why it was before him thrown,
Nor what the meaning of the man’s farewell.
Poor Tom was once a kiddy upon town,
A thorough varmint, and a real swell,
Full flash, all fancy, until fairly diddled,
His pockets first and then his body riddled.
XVIII
Don Juan, having done the best he could
In all the circumstances of the case,
As soon as “Crowner’s quest” allow’d, pursued
His travels to the capital apace; —
Esteeming it a little hard he should
In twelve hours’ time, and very little space,
Have been obliged to slay a freeborn native
In self-defence: this made him meditative.
XIX
He from the world had cut off a great man,
Who in his time had made heroic bustle.
Who in a row like Tom could lead the van,
Booze in the ken, or at the spellken hustle?
Who queer a flat? Who (spite of Bow Street’s ban)
On the high toby-spice so flash the muzzle?
Who on a lark, with black-eyed Sal (his blowing),
So prime, so swell, so nutty, and so knowing?
XX
But Tom’s no more — and so no more of Tom.
Heroes must die; and by God’s blessing ‘t is
Not long before the most of them go home.
Hail! Thamis, Hail! Upon thy verge it is
That Juan’s chariot, rolling like a drum
In thunder, holds the way it can’t well miss,
Through Kennington and all the other “tons,”
Which makes us wish ourselves in town at once; —
XXI
Through Groves, so call’d as being void of trees
(Like lucus from no light); through prospects named
Mount Pleasant, as containing nought to please,
Nor much to climb; through little boxes framed
Of bricks, to let the dust in at your ease,
With “To be let” upon their doors proclaim’d;
Through “Rows” most modestly call’d “Paradise,”
Which Eve might quit without much sacrifice; —
XXII
Through coaches, drays, choked turnpikes, and a whirl
Of wheels, and roar of voices, and confusion;
Here taverns wooing to a pint of “purl,”
There mails fast flying off like a delusion;
There barbers’ blocks with periwigs in curl
In windows; here the lamplighter’s infusion
Slowly distill’d into the glimmering glass
(For in those days we had not got to gas); —
XXIII
Through this, and much, and more, is the approach
Of travellers to mighty Babylon:
Whether they come by horse, or chaise, or coach,
With slight exceptions, all the ways seem one.
I could say more, but do not choose to encroach
Upon the Guide-book’s privilege. The sun
Had set some time, and night was on the ridge
Of twilight, as the party cross’d the bridge, —
XXIV
That’s rather fine. The gentle sound of Thamis —
Who vindicates a moment, too, his stream,
Though hardly heard through multifarious “damme’s” —
The lamps of Westminster’s more regular gleam,
The breadth of pavement, and yon shrine where fame is
A spectral resident — whose pallid beam
In shape of moonshine hovers o’er the pile —
Make this a sacred part of Albion’s isle.
XXV
The Druids’ groves are gone — so much the better:
Stone-Henge is not — but what the devil is it? —
But Bedlam still exists with its sage fetter,
That madmen may not bite you on a visit;
The Bench too seats or suits full many a debtor;
The Mansion House too (though some people quiz it)
To me appears a stiff yet grand erection;
But then the Abbey’s worth the whole collection.
XXVI
The line of lights, too, up to Charing Cross,
Pall Mall, and so forth, have a coruscation
Like gold as in comparison to dross,
Match’d with the Continent’s illumination,
Whose cities Night by no means deigns to gloss.
The French were not yet a lamp-lighting nation,
And when they grew so — on their new-found lantern,
Instead of wicks, they made a wicked man turn.
XXVII
A row of gentlemen along the streets
Suspended may illuminate mankind,
As also bonfires made of country seats;
But the old way is best for the purblind:
The other looks like phosphorus on sheets,
A sort of ignis fatuus to the mind,
Which, though ‘t is certain to perplex and frighten,
Must burn more mildly ere it can enlighten.
XXVIII
But London’s so well lit, that if Diogenes
Could recommence to hunt his honest man,
And found him not amidst the various progenies
Of this enormous city’s spreading span,
‘T were not for want of lamps to aid his dodging his
Yet undiscover’d treasure. What I can,
I’ve done to find the same throughout life’s journey,
But see the world is only one attorney.
XXIX
Over the stones still rattling up Pall Mall,
Through crowds and carriages, but waxing thinner
As thunder’d knockers broke the long seal’d spell
Of doors ‘gainst duns, and to an early dinner
Admitted a small party as night fell, —
Don Juan, our young diplomatic sinner,
Pursued his path, and drove past some hotels,
St. James’s Palace and St. James’s “Hells.”
XXX
They reach’d the hotel: forth stream’d from the front door
A tide of well-clad waiters, and around
The mob stood, and as usual several score
Of those pedestrian Paphians who abound
In decent London when the daylight’s o’er;
Commodious but immoral, they are found
Useful, like Malthus, in promoting marriage. —
But Juan now is stepping from his carriage
XXXI
Into one of the sweetest of hotels,
Especially for foreigners — and mostly
For those whom favour or whom fortune swells,
And cannot find a bill�
�s small items costly.
There many an envoy either dwelt or dwells
(The den of many a diplomatic lost lie),
Until to some conspicuous square they pass,
And blazon o’er the door their names in brass.
XXXII
Juan, whose was a delicate commission,
Private, though publicly important, bore
No title to point out with due precision
The exact affair on which he was sent o’er.
‘T was merely known, that on a secret mission
A foreigner of rank had graced our shore,
Young, handsome, and accomplish’d, who was said
(In whispers) to have turn’d his sovereign’s head.
XXXIII
Some rumour also of some strange adventures
Had gone before him, and his wars and loves;
And as romantic heads are pretty painters,
And, above all, an Englishwoman’s roves
Into the excursive, breaking the indentures
Of sober reason wheresoe’er it moves,
He found himself extremely in the fashion,
Which serves our thinking people for a passion.
XXXIV
I don’t mean that they are passionless, but quite
The contrary; but then ‘t is in the head;
Yet as the consequences are as bright
As if they acted with the heart instead,
What after all can signify the site
Of ladies’ lucubrations? So they lead
In safety to the place for which you start,
What matters if the road be head or heart?
XXXV
Juan presented in the proper place,
To proper placemen, every Russ credential;
And was received with all the due grimace
By those who govern in the mood potential,
Who, seeing a handsome stripling with smooth face,
Thought (what in state affairs is most essential)
That they as easily might do the youngster,
As hawks may pounce upon a woodland songster.
XXXVI
They err’d, as agéd men will do; but by
And by we’ll talk of that; and if we don’t,
‘T will be because our notion is not high
Of politicians and their double front,
Who live by lies, yet dare not boldly lie: —
Now what I love in women is, they won’t
Or can’t do otherwise than lie, but do it
So well, the very truth seems falsehood to it.
XXXVII
And, after all, what is a lie? ‘T is but
The truth in masquerade; and I defy
Historians, heroes, lawyers. priests, to put
A fact without some leaven of a lie.
The very shadow of true Truth would shut
Up annals, revelations, poesy,
And prophecy — except it should be dated
Some years before the incidents related.
XXXVIII
Praised be all liars and all lies! Who now
Can tax my mild Muse with misanthropy?
She rings the world’s “Te Deum,” and her brow
Blushes for those who will not: — but to sigh
Is idle; let us like most others bow,
Kiss hands, feet, any part of majesty,
After the good example of “Green Erin,”
Whose shamrock now seems rather worse for wearing.
XXXIX
Don Juan was presented, and his dress
And mien excited general admiration —
I don’t know which was more admired or less:
One monstrous diamond drew much observation,
Which Catherine in a moment of “ivresse”
(In love or brandy’s fervent fermentation)
Bestow’d upon him, as the public learn’d;
And, to say truth, it had been fairly earn’d.
XL
Besides the ministers and underlings,
Who must be courteous to the accredited
Diplomatists of rather wavering kings,
Until their royal riddle’s fully read,
The very clerks, — those somewhat dirty springs
Of office, or the house of office, fed
By foul corruption into streams, — even they
Were hardly rude enough to earn their pay:
XLI
And insolence no doubt is what they are
Employ’d for, since it is their daily labour,
In the dear offices of peace or war;
And should you doubt, pray ask of your next neighbour,
When for a passport, or some other bar
To freedom, he applied (a grief and a bore),
If he found not his spawn of taxborn riches,
Like lap-dogs, the least civil sons of b——s.
XLII
But Juan was received with much “empressement:” —
These phrases of refinement I must borrow
From our next neighbours’ land, where, like a chessman,
There is a move set down for joy or sorrow
Not only in mere talking, but the press. Man
In islands is, it seems, downright and thorough,
More than on continents — as if the sea
(See Billingsgate) made even the tongue more free.
XLIII
And yet the British “Damme”‘s rather Attic:
Your continental oaths are but incontinent,
And turn on things which no aristocratic
Spirit would name, and therefore even I won’t anent
This subject quote; as it would be schismatic
In politesse, and have a sound affronting in ‘t: —
But “Damme”‘s quite ethereal, though too daring —
Platonic blasphemy, the soul of swearing.
XLIV
For downright rudeness, ye may stay at home;
For true or false politeness (and scarce that
Now) you may cross the blue deep and white foam —
The first the emblem (rarely though) of what
You leave behind, the next of much you come
To meet. However, ‘t is no time to chat
On general topics: poems must confine
Themselves to unity, like this of mine.
XLV
In the great world, — which, being interpreted,
Meaneth the west or worst end of a city,
And about twice two thousand people bred
By no means to be very wise or witty,
But to sit up while others lie in bed,
And look down on the universe with pity, —
Juan, as an inveterate patrician,
Was well received by persons of condition.
XLVI
He was a bachelor, which is a matter
Of import both to virgin and to bride,
The former’s hymeneal hopes to flatter;
And (should she not hold fast by love or pride)
‘T is also of some moment to the latter:
A rib’s a thorn in a wed gallant’s side,
Requires decorum, and is apt to double
The horrid sin — and what’s still worse, the trouble.
XLVII
But Juan was a bachelor — of arts,
And parts, and hearts: he danced and sung, and had
An air as sentimental as Mozart’s
Softest of melodies; and could be sad
Or cheerful, without any “flaws or starts,”
Just at the proper time; and though a lad,
Had seen the world — which is a curious sight,
And very much unlike what people write.
XLVIII
Fair virgins blush’d upon him; wedded dames
Bloom’
d also in less transitory hues;
For both commodities dwell by the Thames,
The painting and the painted; youth, ceruse,
Against his heart preferr’d their usual claims,
Such as no gentleman can quite refuse:
Daughters admired his dress, and pious mothers
Inquired his income, and if he had brothers.
XLIX
The milliners who furnish “drapery Misses”
Throughout the season, upon speculation
Of payment ere the honey-moon’s last kisses
Have waned into a crescent’s coruscation,
Thought such an opportunity as this is,
Of a rich foreigner’s initiation,
Not to be overlook’d — and gave such credit,
That future bridegrooms swore, and sigh’d, and paid it.
L
The Blues, that tender tribe who sigh o’er sonnets,
And with the pages of the last Review
Line the interior of their heads or bonnets,
Advanced in all their azure’s highest hue:
They talk’d bad French or Spanish, and upon its
Late authors ask’d him for a hint or two;
And which was softest, Russian or Castilian?
And whether in his travels he saw Ilion?
LI
Juan, who was a little superficial,
And not in literature a great Drawcansir,
Examined by this learnéd and especial
Jury of matrons, scarce knew what to answer:
His duties warlike, loving or official,
His steady application as a dancer,
Had kept him from the brink of Hippocrene,
Which now he found was blue instead of green.
LII
However, he replied at hazard, with
A modest confidence and calm assurance,
Which lent his learned lucubrations pith,
And pass’d for arguments of good endurance.
That prodigy, Miss Araminta Smith
(Who at sixteen translated “Hercules Furens”
Into as furious English), with her best look,
Set down his sayings in her common-place book.
LIII
Juan knew several languages — as well
He might — and brought them up with skill, in time
To save his fame with each accomplish’d belle,
Who still regretted that he did not rhyme.
There wanted but this requisite to swell
His qualities (with them) into sublime:
Lady Fitz-Frisky, and Miss Mævia Mannish,
Both long’d extremely to be sung in Spanish.
LIV
However, he did pretty well, and was
Admitted as an aspirant to all
The coteries, and, as in Banquo’s glass,
At great assemblies or in parties small,
He saw ten thousand living authors pass,