Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  When I left the bathroom, I headed straight to the living room, lifted one of the blunts, wrapped my hand around the bottle of Pure White Hennessy, skipped the glass, and then headed straight for the balcony. After I fired up and took a few pulls, I turned up the bottle and allowed the smooth yet strong liquor to flow down my throat.

  “The fuck is wrong with you, nigga? Get your head right and stop stressing over a chick that you aren’t really into other than for what’s between her thighs.”

  I spoke the words out loud but knew they equated to a lie. I wanted Peyson. But what I wanted was the issue. I had no fucking clue, but that didn’t negate the fact that I did want her. Being the type of man that I was, whatever I wanted, I took if it wasn’t handed over to me. The thing that was fucking with me the most was that wasn’t an option with Peyson.

  “Should I leave?” That damn voice had me briefly closing my eyes before I pulled from the blunt, held tight to the smoke, and then allowed it to slowly escape my lips.

  “Do you want to leave?”

  “No, but—”

  “But what?” I glanced at her over my shoulder, and the hesitation in her face and posture had me regretting my reaction.

  “You seem upset. I just figured maybe we should end things here.”

  “I’m not upset. Come on the balcony with me.”

  I looked out over the city as I waited for her to get closer, feeling every bit of a King. I was. Hell, I was a boss in my own right. Not on some kingpin type shit, but I made money, a lot of it. I was my own man, didn’t answer to anyone, and nobody fucked with me. That was enough to grant me the authority to wear a crown.

  “Can I?”

  She motioned to the blunt in my hand, and I grinned. “Let me do it.”

  Peyson nodded while I inhaled and then leaned toward her. She parted her lips slightly, and I pressed mine to hers, pushing the smoke out slowly so that she could handle it. When it seeped through her nose, I kissed her softly and then backed away with a slight smile.

  “That was better. You’re learning.”

  “I guess I am,” she stated in a nonchalant manner but then smiled at the same time.

  She felt accomplished over a shotgun. This woman who had it all felt accomplished doing some hood shit with me. The concept was amusing.

  “You want another hit?”

  She nodded slowly but reached for the bottle in my hand. After turning it up and damn near choking as she took it down, Peyson balled up her face and then placed it on the table to her left before she requested more. “I’m ready.”

  I chuckled and pulled from the blunt again, this time inhaling deeper, and we repeated the motion. She accepted the smoke like a G and then pushed it through her lips and nose, blessing me with her smile again.

  After a few minutes, she stepped behind me, circling my waist with her arms and allowing her hands to slip into my boxers. When she gripped my dick, it immediately swelled.

  “Do you think I would be with a man like you?” she questioned before her lips touched my back, causing me to flinch a little as I took in another round from the blunt.

  “I think you like the idea of me. It probably seems fun, edgy, and gives you a rush, but I’m not what you want. I’m not who you want to take home to your parents or have by your side for work shit or fancy dinners.”

  “You said no judgment.”

  “This isn’t judgment. I’m just picking up on your vibe.”

  “That’s a lie. You’re judging me right now. You assume that you know me or what I want.”

  “Nah, I’m just telling you what I see. Had I not approached you tonight, you would have never fucked with a man like me. You might watch me, enjoy the view, but that’s about it. Linus is more your speed.”

  “And Sasha is more your speed?” The snap in her tone had a smirk on my face.

  “Yeah, she is. She has no expectations when it comes to me.”

  “Why is that good enough?”

  “Because it works. Expectations mean feelings.”

  “You’re saying feelings like it’s a bad thing? Don’t you want to feel something with someone?”

  “One day, and with the right person. That’s just not in the cards for me right now.”

  “So, why ask if I want more if you aren’t willing to give more? It seems a little redundant to get upset about something that you don’t truly want.”

  Because I would give it to you.

  “I’m not asking for more, Peyson.”

  She inched around me, easing her body between me and the rail where I was standing, and angled her head up enough to look at me.

  “Then why did you get upset?”

  “I’m not upset, Peyson.”

  I allowed the blunt to grace my lips one last time before I pushed it into the rail to put it out and then tossed it to the ground.

  “A nigga like me is not who you want in your life, so I won’t force the issue.” I smirked at her reacting to what I said and instantly regretted it. “Don’t read too deep into that, but it’s true either way.”

  “Because of my fancy work dinners and my parents’ opinions?”

  I chuckled, and she kept her expression serious. “Yeah, exactly because of that.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  “You’re right, I don’t, and you don’t know me. That’s how we wanted it, right?”

  “Right.” She paused, and something flashed through her eyes that I couldn’t figure out. “But, for the record, I wouldn’t mind you being by my side at either one of those. My parents or work stuff.”

  I simply stared at her for a minute longer before switching shit up. The conversation was pointless. Tonight was what it was. There was no need to push the issue.

  “It’s been a minute. You want to order something else to eat? I’m sure I drained all the energy you have, and I can tell you like to eat.”

  Peyson offered me that beautiful smile of hers before she responded, “I’m starving but didn’t want to say anything.”

  “Come on.” I lifted her around my waist and carried her inside, allowing her to ease down my frame once we were in the living room again. “What do you feel like eating, and it better not be any of that nasty ass shrimp.”

  “Pizza.” The wide, childlike grin on her face had me smiling and shaking my head at the same time.

  “Aight, bet.” If she wanted it, it was hers, at least for tonight.

  “And cake would be good. Chocolate cake.”

  “Damn, you really are greedy.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You are, but it’s cool.”

  I left her there to call in our order. When I returned, she was sitting in the center of the sofa with her legs tucked under her. The way she watched me move across the room and toward her had my man standing at attention again, but I decided not to act on it. Our food would be there soon, and I was sure she needed the break. I could, however, be inside of her all night with ease and never tire of it.

  When I sat, Peyson looked at me before her eyes rolled over the table to my gun. Right after, she pulled her lip between her teeth, and then the questions started.

  “Have you used that before?”

  Motioning with her head, she then glanced at my gun again.

  “I’m not telling you that.” I chuckled while she narrowed her eyes at me.

  “Can I hold it?”

  It took me a minute to respond, but I leaned forward and lifted it into my hand. “Come up over here.”

  She climbed over and eased her body between my legs. I pushed my arms past her so that they were in front of both of us. Lifting her hands one by one, I placed the gun into her palm and covered hers with mine.

  “It’s heavy. What kind is it?”

  “A nine.”

  “You wear it all the time?”

  “Yeah. It’s not always necessary but better safe than sorry.”

  She lifted her hands in an attempt to aim the gun and allowed her finger to slip back against th
e trigger at the same time.

  “Aye, let’s not do that.” I smirked and took it from her hands before pushing both of us forward enough for me to return it to the table. When we were upright again, I closed her in my arms, and she relaxed against my frame like it was just natural.

  “You said the safety was on.” Peyson angled her head and looked back at me.

  I pecked her lips and then smiled against them. “It is, but never pull the trigger of a gun unless you’re prepared for the consequences.”

  “Have you killed before?”

  “I’m not answering that either. Your ass might testify against me.” I smirked, and she laughed.

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “You look like the snitching type. The second they threaten your ass with some real time, you’d be telling them everything.”

  “Well, all I could tell them is about tonight, and as lethal as you’ve been to my body, I don’t think it technically classifies as illegal.”

  I burst out laughing and shook my head. “Don’t be so sure.”

  “Have you always sold drugs?”

  “Pretty much. I wanted fast money. Clocking in for minimum wage wasn’t going to get that for me.”

  “And when you’re done with that, what’s next?”

  This time, when she tilted her head back to look at me, I had to suppress my smile. I wasn’t sure why, but something as simple as her questioning me about my future meant that she wanted more for me or at the very least knew that I could be more.

  “I haven’t really thought about it. I know I can’t do this shit forever. Even if I could, I don’t want that.”

  “That’s good. You should want more, and I’m not judging you or saying it as if you’re not already enough. I just think that…” she paused and shrugged, “I don’t know, I think that you want more.”

  A knock on the door saved me from having to respond. I was grateful for that because Peyson was easily finding her way into places within me that she shouldn’t have had access to. If she kept that up, then tonight wouldn’t just be tonight. After I tapped her thigh, she eased from my lap, and I left her there. Slipped into my jeans before heading to the door.

  Unfortunately, the face that stared back at me wasn’t room service. It was Boyce. When my brows knitted, and my jaw tensed, he quickly explained.

  “I tried to call. Lobo did too.”

  I motioned for him to come inside. Even if I didn’t want Peyson privy to what he was about to tell me, I damn sure didn’t want anyone in the hotel to walk up on us and hear it. Peyton ear hustling was the safer choice. Boyce looked past me before he adjusted his stance so that he no longer had a visual of Peyson. It was a sign of respect, which I appreciated. Peyson wasn’t mine, but that didn’t mean I wanted another nigga to look at her. Not even Boyce.

  “What happened?”

  “Kal tried to fuck you. He showed up at Mitchell, broke the locks in the back, and was about to hit the spot. He knew it was down for the night, but he didn’t know that Ced was there with a last-minute shipment. He shot him.”

  “Ced shot Kal?”

  Boyce’s eyes met mine before he shook his head. That meant that Ced was the one who took the hit, and Kal would catch a hot one from me.

  “Fuck. He make it?”

  “No.”

  “Where’s he at?”

  “Lobo packed him up from his girl's place. He had the product and the money. Was about to get ghost. They had packed all their shit and had it waiting by the door. We’re holding both of them for you.”

  I lifted my hand and raked it down my face. My eyes lowered to the floor as I took a minute to calm my nerves. I had seen it coming. Kal had been moving differently. It was the reason why I had people watching him closely. There was no reason why he should have been able to rob my spot.

  “Who the fuck dropped the ball?”

  “What?”

  I lifted my eyes to Boyce. He regretted not responding the right way from the look I gave and the way my voice roared when I asked him again.

  “WHO THE FUCK IS GETTING A BULLET FOR LETTING THIS SHIT HAPPEN?”

  “Nate was supposed to be on him.”

  “Pick him up. I’ll be there first thing in the morning.”

  “Yes, sir.” Boyce nodded and turned to leave. The second his hand hit the door, he stopped but kept his back to me.

  “Ced has a baby on the way. He just found out. You want me to—”

  “No, I’ll handle it personally.”

  Nodding, he pulled the door open and stepped through it. I stood there minutes after he was gone, not moving until my fist landed against the back of the door. It hurt like hell but not more than it gut punched me to know that one of my young guys lost his life over some bullshit, and even worse, by someone who they likely trusted.

  This was the part of my life that I hated. It was the reason why I was up late at night and barely getting sleep sometimes. I worried about the people under my watch, the ones who put their lives in my hands because they trusted me. Even if they knew the risk that came with living the way we were living, they had faith in me making sure they would never fall victim to the same streets that raised us, fed us, and stole our innocence. Fuck!

  Peyson.

  I couldn’t believe the conversation that I had just heard. It was something straight out of a cliché hood movie or television show, but this, what I had just witnessed was real. So real in a sense that I wasn’t sure what to do next. Someone had died. Whoever it was meant something to Red based on his reaction. I also knew deep down inside that someone else would die. Neither of them said it outright, but the signs were all there. Pick them up, we’re holding them for you. Who gets a bullet for letting this happen?

  All of these things were out of the scope of what I was used to. They were a part of his world, and for tonight, that meant they were a part of mine. He was upset, hurt even, maybe both. I wasn’t sure what to say, so instead of speaking at all, I decided to act. I couldn’t fix any of what was going on in his life, but I could make him temporarily forget about it. Maybe.

  When I made it to Red, he was still standing in the same spot, staring at the door. After locking up, I then reached for his hand. Red hesitated for a minute but eventually allowed me to lead him. When we reached the bedroom, I pointed to the bed.

  “Sit.”

  “Just give me a minute.” His brows knitted together as his eyes met mine. I simply shook my head to tell him no. Giving him a minute meant allowing time for him to think about what had just happened. I didn’t want that, and he didn’t need that. “Sit.”

  “Peyson…”

  “Redmon, sit down, please.”

  Exhaling his frustration, he did as I asked. I watched as his long body sank into a seated position on the foot of the bed. I moved to him slowly, and when I reached the center of his long legs, I placed my hands on them and lowered to the floor. His brows moved closer together as he watched me, and my heart thumped in my chest. This was crazy, this was not me, but I wanted to make him feel better. Giving him head earlier was a caught up in the moment thing. This was purpose driven. Sex was a distraction, and that was all I had to offer right now. He wasn’t my man; I didn’t know him well enough to know his triggers, but I did know how to physically satisfy him.

  By the time I slipped my hands into his jeans and then his boxers, he was calling my name again.

  “Peyson, what are you doing?”

  “Helping.”

  It was all I gave him before my tongue pressed against the head of his dick and then my lips glided down it. I took it as far as I could until my throat tensed. At that point, I paused to relax before I took him in a little more and then moved back up. Red growled out something that I couldn’t make out and then leaned back onto his elbows, angling his chin up just enough to still give him a good view of what I was doing.

  I continuously took him into my mouth while stroking the base to make sure he was completely satisfied, and from the low moans t
hat echoed around me, my methods were successful. Red was only the third man that I had offered head to, but he was by far the biggest. I had to really work to even take in half his length. The fact that he was so thick wasn’t helping, but I was motivated.

  Using my tongue to focus attention on the head, I traced its mushroomed shape, enjoying the feel of it in my mouth. Never had I enjoyed head so much or even been remotely eager to please. Every other time before tonight, it was done out of necessity; a sort of returning the favor type of deal.

  As I licked and sucked my way up and down his length, I was excited and turned on. My sweet spot began to pulse and throb, and the more consistent I got with it, the more intense the feeling grew between my legs.

  “Fuck.” Hearing his voice only made it worse, and when Red began to thrust into my mouth, I closed my eyes and attempted to hold tight to the orgasm that was spiking in me. I was about to cum from giving him head. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Pey… shit… move.” He pushed deeper, and I almost gagged, but he pulled back quick enough to give me relief. Just a little relief before he thrust too deep once more and damn near caused me to choke. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum, Peyson. Move.”

  Nope, not a chance. My hands circled the base, and I sucked hard, humming as I began to let my orgasm go. Red came hard, and it caught me by surprise. The feel of him pulsing against my lips as he unloaded had me flowing like a river. When he stilled, I suctioned my way off him while swallowing hard. My hands hit the floor to brace myself until my own orgasm worked its way through me. The moment was so fucking perfect, and unexpected, and weird…

  I burst out laughing and pushed my face into my hands until Red leaned down and lifted me from the floor then secured me in his lap.

  “Why the fuck are you laughing? There wasn’t a damn thing funny about what you just did to me.” He smiled, and it made me smile before I shook my head and laughed again.

  “I just had an orgasm. I came as hard as you did, and that’s never happened before.”