Heart So Reckless

by K. C. Mills

  “Yes, and Linus knew that, so I’m not sure why the hell he thought it was a good idea to show up when you invited him.”

  The heated stare that I delivered didn’t move Linus in the least. His arrogant ass simple smirked at me before offering his explanation.

  “You didn’t tell them, so why should I?” Linus stated defensively. “Look how he just treated you, and he left you here. I assume that…”

  “You assume what? That things would be any different than I already said they were. She. Is. Not. Yours. Neither am I. I don’t want you, and there’s nothing between us.” My daughter squirmed in my arms when I raised my voice at him.

  “Peyson, you can’t be serious about a man like that. Who is he anyway? How do you even know someone like him?”

  “Someone like him? What’s he like, Mom? Because you don’t know him.”

  “I know that he’s not what you need. I can clearly see that.” She lifted her eyes to my father how remained impartial. He held his opinion tight and to himself.

  My mother was already judging. The funny thing was that I couldn’t blame her. From what she had just witnessed, Red wasn’t anyone I would choose for myself.

  “It’s really not important, but he’s Reid’s father. That’s all that you need to be concerned with right now.” I looked right at Linus; he wasn’t shit. We both knew that, but my parents didn’t. “You shouldn’t have come here!” I barked at Linus.

  “Hold on. I’m not sure what’s going on, but you don’t have to yell at him like that,” my mother defended.

  “Mom, don’t. You have no idea what the hell is going on, and I know that’s my fault. I allowed you to assume that Linus was Reid’s father because I didn’t want to have to explain who her father really was. He knew. Linus has known from the day I found out that I was pregnant, but when you guys just assumed it was him, I let you. I shouldn’t have done that, but he knew, and he shouldn’t have come here today.”

  “Sweetheart…” I could see the pleading in my mother’s eyes. The simple answer was to just pretend. “…If he knows and has known all this time then it means that there’s a chance for you two to work this out, right?” My mother’s eyes moved from me to Linus.

  “No, fuck no!” Pree spoke up. “You don’t even know who he is. Linus has lied and cheated on Peyson more than he’s ever cared about her. He used her to support him while he built a business that she should be getting half of. Peyson might not want to tell you how horrible he is, but I damn sure will. You don’t know Red, and neither do I, but I’ve been around him. What I have learned is that he’s a good man who loves his daughter and will do anything for yours.”

  “I have to go.” I shook my head and walked over to my mother, hugging her first and then my father. “Things are really crazy right now, and I owe you an apology, but Pree is right. Linus knows it also.” My eyes moved to Linus who wore a sheepish look on his face. “Red is her father, and not just that, I want to be with him. Unfortunately, being with him may not be an option after today, but I’m going to try. Regardless, he is Reid’s father. If you want to talk about that, we can, just not right now.”

  “Peyson.” My mother called my name, but I kept going.

  Pree and I left, and I broke down when I made it to her car.

  “Shit, I don’t have her car seat. Fuck,” I belted out before closing my eyes to calm my nerves. Pree hugged me tight and then walked around to the back of her car. “I have mine. It’s in the trunk. Just relax. It’s not as bad as you think it is.”

  “How can you even say that? He just left.”

  I held my daughter securely against my chest. Pree lifted her eyes to me just before she pushed the button on her key fob to release her trunk. The second she had her hand on Reid’s car seat, she grinned at me.

  “Baby daddy is a thug. He could have shot up the whole crib, but he didn’t. I’m sure Linus just escaped an ass whopping, so trust me, it could have been worse.”

  Due to the fact that my emotions were all over the place, I burst out laughing at how ridiculous she sounded and how confidently she said it. Leave it to my sister to make that the bright side of this catastrophe.

  “I swear I hate you.”

  “You most certainly do not.”

  “Peyson.” My fathers voice prevented me from telling her just how insane I thought she really was.

  My entire mood grew a few shades darker, and my chest tightened at the thought of the look I knew was on his face. When I turned in my father’s direction the stress in his expression had me feeling that much worse.

  “I apologize for calling Linus here. However, I’m sure you understand why I did. We need to discuss this, and soon. Just not right now. Your mother is about to have a nervous breakdown, and I should go deal with her, but soon.” He didn’t appear thrilled at all, but my mother was a handful.

  She had a way of making everything about her. I could only imagine what she was saying. This would somehow come back to her not having raised me right.

  My father’s tone was calm but still firm. “We don’t know anything about the man who just left here, or apparently the one who you’ve been spending time with for the past few years. That’s on you, not on us, Peyson. You can’t expect there to be any type of reaction other than the one received. I’m also disappointed that you would settle for a man who didn’t deserve you…”

  “Red does deserve me, Daddy. He’s a good man.”

  “Not him, sweetheart. I’m talking about Linus.” The look he gave broke my heart even more. “If you plan to be with the Red person—”

  “Redmon Stokes, and I do.” I cut him off, feeling the need to defend Red. He wasn’t just some man, but the way things played out today made that he was. That was my fault, so I couldn’t be upset with anyone but myself. However, I needed my father to respect Red. He deserved it and hadn’t done anything wrong in this situation, but I knew that they weren’t thinking anything good about him.

  “If you want to be with Mr. Stokes, then we need to know more about him, granted under better circumstances.” My father smiled softly before continuing. “If nothing else, he’s our granddaughters’ father. That counts for something.” Dax Cross had temporarily given me an open door to allow Red into our family. My father moved closer, closing his arms around me and pressing a kiss to my forehead.

  “You’re grown, Peyson. There isn’t much that I can say about how you live your life, but the same way that she’s your daughter, you’re mine and will always be. I just want you to be happy, but I also want to save you from unnecessary struggle. We need to meet him soon.”

  With a firm look, he waited for my understanding, which he received in the way of a nod, and then Dax Cross walked away. I buckled Reid into the car seat that my sister kept for her and then slipped in the front passenger seat.

  “What did he say?”

  “That he wants to meet Red and that I’m grown.”

  “See, didn’t I tell you that? Don’t nobody care about your hoe ass having a one night stand and making a baby,” my sister fussed as she rolled her eyes and started out of my parents’ driveway.

  My head snapped around to my sister, and I shoved her as hard as I could in the arm at the same time. “I’m not a hoe, and Daddy does care about that. I’m sure he won’t be sharing that with his social circle over a shot of Hennessy.”

  “Girl, forget those boogie ass people, and Daddy don’t care about them.” She rolled her eyes, and I grinned.

  “You’re right. He’ll probably tell them just so they can talk shit, and then he can say, ‘so what? I still have more money than you.” When Pree and I looked at each other, we both burst out laughing. “But, seriously, it’s not that simple. They haven’t actually meet him yet, and what they have seen from him, they already don’t like. He was a one night stand, he’s a drug dealer, and don’t think that won’t matter because it will.”

  “Oh, it’s going to matter, trust me. Mom is going to need to be sedated. I don’t think D
ad will care so much as long as Red promises to make sure you don’t get shot up or kidnapped or anything—”

  I punched Pree in her arm, and she hit me right back. “The hell you hitting me for? I’m dead ass right now. But, my point is…” She glared at me and then got serious. “You can’t help who you love, and they both know that. Hell, daddy married the town hoe, and everyone got over it. Well, some did, but—”

  “Pree!” I threw my hand over my mouth.

  She shrugged. “You know it’s true. We’re older now, so we hear the whispers every time we go to Mama’s home town. They’re always saying, ‘I bet he doesn’t know how she used to get down, or ‘she had to leave town to get a man like that because she has sucked and fucked everyone that lives here, so they wouldn’t marry her.”

  “Shut up.” I hit her again and laughed hard.

  “Where’s the lie at, Peyson? I love Mama to death, and she’s reformed, but she used to get it in back in her heyday. Daddy knows that too—”

  “Now,” I cut her off. “He didn’t know that back then. Mama says it all the time. She made sure he stayed away from her home town until she had a ring on it.”

  “My point exactly. Nobody is perfect, and they can’t judge. If you want to be with Red, then be with him. They’ll be okay. If nothing else, they will love my little buttercup, so you’re irrelevant in this equation. Non-factor, sis.”

  “You know what?”

  “Yeah, I do know what. I know I need to drive you by the gun range before I take you back to his house because he might bust a cap in our ass as soon as he lays eyes on you. It’s better if you shoot first.”

  Pree grinned at me, and I rolled my eyes, not finding her commentary funny in the least.

  “I’m not staying. I’m packing up a few things for us and going to my house. Hopefully, he won’t be there. I think we need some space. Once again, Red hates me right now, and I can’t blame him. I’m also not about to be up in his house with him walking around like I don’t exist. That was torture, and I’m not setting myself up like that again. I’ll just stay at my place for now. At least until we can talk.”

  “You really think it’s a good idea to take Reid from him? Yeah, let me drive your ass to the gun range first.”

  “Shut up, dummy. No, and I’m not taking Reid from him. I’ll make sure he knows that he can see her anytime he wants. I just need to start getting back to my life.”

  Pree was quiet for a minute, giving me time to think about what I really meant.

  “Getting back to your life without him?”

  “I guess so. He’s always gonna be there for Reid, but maybe it’s not meant to be for us.”

  The thought made my stomach turn, but I created this mess, so now I had to deal with the consequences.

  Red.

  “The fuck is your problem?”

  Lobo leaned forward and took the blunt that I had been smoking before he leaned back in the metal chair that he was in and placed it to his lips. Had he been anyone else, I would have likely punched his ass for snatching it, especially given the fact that it was my shit, and I took the time to roll it. His pretty ass sat there grinning at me, likely knowing that I was seconds away from fracturing his jaw.

  “Ain’t a damn thing wrong with me.” I cut my eyes at him, and Boyce chuckled, which was followed by Lobo releasing one of his own.

  “Yeah, aight. Your ass been sitting here looking like you want to kill everything moving but ain’t shit wrong with you?” He pulled from the blunt again, leaned his head back and angled his chin to the ceiling before releasing a cloud of smoke.

  Lobo ran his hand over his head, smoothing the fresh cut that he just got. It was still taking some getting used to for me to see him without his locs, but he said it was time. In his opinion, locs made him too identifiable. With a low cut, he could blend in, which didn’t make a bit of damn sense because the nigga was tall as fuck and stocky as hell. He was light as hell too with skin that was damn near the color of coffee that housed more cream than coffee. Not to mention the long ass beard that damn sure stood out. Women loved his pretty ass and often called us night and day when we rolled out together because of his bright skin in contrast to my dark skin.

  “Nigga, mind your fucking business and stop trying to have a Doctor Phil moment. We’re here to talk about business, so talk.”

  I lifted my phone and glanced at the screen. There was a text from Sasha and two from a chick named Monie who I hadn’t heard from in a minute, but nothing from Peyson. That only made my mood worse.

  “So, apparently there are some dudes pushing the same shit we’re pushing—”

  “Not possible. We have the purest shit you can get. Anything else is bullshit quality compared to what we have.”

  “Nigga, I know that. My point is, they feel like we’re stepping on their toes. I’m not foreseeing them as a problem, but their supplier is.”

  I lifted my eyes from my phone after hitting send on a text to Monie that said Maybe and looked at Lobo. “Who they buying from?”

  “Narco.”

  I grit my teeth and looked down at my phone again, not bothered by what he was saying. After not responding to and deleting the text from Sasha, I gave him my attention again.

  “Fuck Narco, that don’t change shit.”

  “My feelings exactly, but that poses more of a problem with you than it does with me or Boyce.”

  My eyes darted over to Boyce, who kept a blank expression. He was down for whatever call we made, and I knew that.

  “I’ve been doing this shit for damn near sixteen years and never once stepped back because another muthafucker felt like they could tell me when and how to move. I’m not about to start that shit now.” My words were unmoving and delivered with confidence.

  “Aye, you know I’m down with whatever, but shit is different now. You have kid. That nigga Narco don’t value shit. Not even the people who are supposed to mean something to him. He moves different. The nigga is grimy so whatever decision you make has to be the right one.”

  Lobo was only speaking the truth. Narco had a dark past. Word on the street was that he put two hot ones in both his brothers because he felt like they were trying to get bigger than him. They tried to disconnect from the family business and do their own thing, which Narco didn’t like, so they ended up dead. No one knew for sure, but he was the only one who had access to them in a way that would allow them to get caught slipping. Narco also beat his girl so badly a few years back that she still wasn’t right. The worst part was that she was pregnant with his kid at the time, and he knew it. He just didn’t care.

  Narco was heartless, so anyone he felt was crossing him could definitely get it. If he didn’t value his family, he damn sure wasn’t going to value the next man’s, but I wasn’t about to let that put a stop to my money. No one knew about Peyson, and I wasn’t fucking with her like that anymore. She and Reid would be good.

  “Narco don’t run the damn city. We’ve co-existed this long, so that nigga needs to keep doing what he’s doing and don’t worry about us.”

  Lobo just looked at me for a minute, and I knew exactly what he was thinking, but he didn’t say anything in that moment. We were cool with Boyce. I trusted him, but some shit just wasn’t his businesses. Lobo would save the conversation for another time when it was just the two of us.

  “Well, whatever you decide, I’m down with. We need to light them bitches up just to prove a point, I’m ready.” Boyce made a motion with his gun before standing. “I’m out, though. I need to go make rounds. You swinging through in the morning to collect?”

  “Nah, but I’ll hit you when I plan on making moves. Lock my shit up and make sure it’s right,” I warned, causing him to chuckle.

  “Don’t I always?”

  I didn’t respond. Instead, I stood also and lifted my leather jacket. It was new since I had to get rid of the one that Sasha’s dumb ass sprayed with her perfume. I really wanted to check her ass for damaging my shit, but being around
her, even if it was just to get in her shit wasn’t a good idea. The text she just sent me begging me to fall through was a clear sign that she still didn’t get the point. Sasha no longer had an understanding of sex with no attachment.

  “I’m about to head out,” I announced after zipping my jacket.

  “Me too.” Lobo dapped Boyce, who was already on the move, and I did the same before he left.

  The two of us followed, leaving the basement apartment where we met up to discuss and handle business. When we were outside in the parking lot, Lobo watched as Boyce eased into his Charger and then pulled off.

  “Yo, I don’t know what the deal is with you and old girl, but I do know that you had purpose behind separating yourself from this shit. Fucking with Narco is doing the complete opposite. He likes grand gestures, and he doesn’t give a fuck who’s affected by it.”

  “I’m not worried about that, fam. He doesn’t know shit about me. I’m careful. Always have been. I’m also very observant. If shit doesn’t feel good, then we do something about it. For now, we keep doing what we do.”

  “She know?”

  “Who?”

  “Your girl.”

  “We just have a kid. She isn’t mine.”

  The realization of that had me heated. It had been a little over a week since I had seen Peyson. She called daily, leaving messages, and sent me videos of Reid, but I couldn’t be around her right now. The shit that went down at her family’s house further confirmed what I already knew. All we had was Reid. There wasn’t any way Peyson’s folks were gonna be okay with me being with her, and apparently, Peyson knew that shit too.

  All this time they assumed that weak ass nigga was Reid’s father. If she couldn’t find the confidence to tell them that Reid was mine, how could she stand up for me or us? Fuck all that. I didn’t need the stress. I was gonna raise my daughter, and that was it. Peyson could live her fake ass life pretending like she was happy with niggas who didn’t give a fuck about her. She and I trying to make shit work wasn’t gonna be healthy. I had already missed a week with my baby girl because I couldn’t stand to be around her mother without wanting to put my hands on her. That wasn’t me, so I needed to keep my distance for a minute, but I missed my baby girl like crazy, and I was slowly breaking down. I had to see her.