by M Helbig
The logical part of me told me not to heal him. He was only a digital representation of a person, after all, and if I did, I’d certainly draw a few of the constructs onto me. However, the dwarf was doing a very realistic job of screaming for help. My heart and compassion were waging a very effective war against my reason. Olaf tipped the scales when he charged to the dwarf’s aid. My fingertips followed his lead before the rest of me realized what was happening. The spell landed right as the dwarf’s legs gave out. Relief flooded my conscience just as all of the constructs did an about-face toward me.
Olaf engaged one of them, but there were still at least a dozen more heading toward me. My eyes caught the small obelisk that marked the bind point. At least I’ll have a short run back. I found some solace in the fact that Alizia and Yary probably wouldn’t draw the constructs, as neither of them were close by nor had engaged them.
As I eyed the bind point again, a whirlwind of fists and hair blocked my view. It took me a good thirty seconds to realize what was happening as chunks and bits of stone flew from the spot in front of me. I landed hard on my back as a stone eyebrow clipped me, and from there I finally got a good view.
“What d’ye wallflowers think ye are, one o’ them Gladiator dandies?” Fistbeard said. “No reason for ye not to help. Yer tannin’ session can wait till these bastards be returned to the chalk they came from.” He hopped up and pulverized two constructs as he landed.
Olaf’s blade slid off the hard exterior of the arm he was engaged with for a squeaky 11. “I would be happy to, friend dwarf, but it would seem my arms are not suited for these arms I am currently fighting.”
Alizia’s giggle echoed off her spacious helmet. “Have you tried disarming them? Maybe he’ll give you an armistice?”
“Battles for life or death be no place for making jokes.” Fistbeard’s point was somewhat undercut when he picked up a lifeless forearm and began pulverizing the remaining constructs with it. “By the way, why’s me fellow Bruiser not helpin’ with the tankin’?”
Yary’s next strike skidded off the side of the construct’s ankle. “I never learned the Shout skill, and Horus said I should be focusing on healing by punching things. I like punching things.”
Alizia felt around for Yary’s arm. When she found it, she tapped Yary’s bracer to heal Olaf up to full.
Fistbeard shook his head in exasperation while performing a brutal roundhouse that the laws of physics suggested his stout body and stubby legs shouldn’t have been able to perform. Four constructs flew ten feet back, three of which stopped moving as they crashed to the ground.
“Ye don’t have to be shoutin’ to get their attention,” Fistbeard said. “Just look at the wee gnome over there. He be a dirty backstabber, yet he’s managing to hold that weird hairless arm’s attention. All ye gotta do’s hit ’em enough to draw ’em off whatever’s got their attention. As long as no one does anything else big after ye got ’em, ye should be able to keep ’em on.” He pointed at a footless leg off to his right. “You try.”
“What about healing?” Yary asked.
“Ye heal when ye be hittin’ something. Don’t matter which thing ye be hittin’ for it to heal yer group. Now, come on.”
Yary eagerly sprinted to the leg he’d pointed at, leaving Alizia to finish off her nearly dead opponent by letting it hit her. It took three strikes for Yary to draw the leg off Fistbeard, but when she did, her huge white smile threatened to outshine the sun. Fistbeard coached her to draw it a little closer to Olaf and get him in range for the healing aftereffect of her punches.
With no need to worry about assisting on heals anymore, I summoned my bow to help Alizia finish off hers. While Fistbeard was instructing Yary in the finer points of tanking and general Bruiser strategy, he was continuing to lay waste to the pack of constructs, most of the time without even looking at them. As Olaf’s HPs dropped again, Alizia pulled his opponent off him.
“Good job,” Fistbeard said to Yary. “Now we need to work on that stance. Which one ye be using now?”
“Cheetah,” Yary said as she neatly hopped over a leg sweep. “Georgie said I should always have that on.”
Fistbeard’s mouth dropped wide open. Three constructs took advantage of his distraction and laid into his side. He backhanded one to stun it and kicked the other two into a wall a hundred feet away. “What kinda—Is this ‘Georgie’ fellow that sissy Gladiator you were with a few days ago?”
“Yes.”
“How to put this delicately? He be a moron, like all Gladiators. Cheetah Stance only makes ye run faster. No reason ever to have it on in a fight unless you plan on runnin’ away like a Gladiator every time ye get hit. If ye wanna maximize yer healin’, ye need to be hittin’ things as often as possible. For that, ye should go with Wolverine Stance since it speeds up yer punchin’ and kickin’. If you’re tankin’, though, ye should go with either Monkey for the dodges, Elephant for the extra HPs, or Rhinoceros for pure armor class.”
A tiny wolverine-head icon floated above Yary and her fists became a blur as they struck. While her damage numbers weren’t any higher, her strikes were noticeably faster, and consequently her heals landed more often. I checked her character sheet and was surprised her dexterity hadn’t changed. It appeared that the stance directly hastened her attacks instead of increasing the accompanying stat to indirectly increase her speed. That made sense since Agility increased both dodge and run speed, yet Fistbeard had mentioned a different stance for each component.
“Wee!” Yary said. “Like Albert Einstein used to say, ‘More punching, more fun.’ And whenever they get all retributiony, I just hit them again and the bruises heal right up.”
Fistbeard grinned and roundhoused a torso almost as tall as him. “Bein’ a Bruiser, be the best, huh?”
“No wonder all my co-workers picked this class. I’m hurting this thing while still staying on full HPs. I’m invincible!”
Fistbeard’s massive beard creased to reveal a smile. “I think you be ready to try another one.” He turned to pick out another target but found only stone powder and small bits of very unmoving statues. He spun the other way to point at the one in front of Alizia, just as Olaf finished it off with a huge crit.
“Good job, guys,” Yary said. “Look, I learned how to tank.”
Alizia pulled back her helmet and gave Yary a wink. “Not bad, but you don’t quite have the panache part of tanking down.”
Yary engaged a stone leg that was attempting to catch her from behind.
Fistbeard laughed. “Bruiser’s be havin’ the most panache of any tankin’ class. Think you took a few too many hits to that melon where your brain’s supposed to be, Warrior.”
The leg behind Yary shook as Olaf landed brutal crit for 63! I followed it up with an arrow for a paltry 23 yet it was still enough to get it to stop moving.
“Let’s go find some more of these things to bash, and then we can head to the big dance.” Fistbeard pointed at Gerinashu, who Ulinnia had managed to somehow wrestle almost a thousand yards away. His HP bar now showed a sliver of damage.
I threw a group invite to Fistbeard and he joined. Though he mostly fought off by himself, with him in the group we got to take advantage of not one but two sets of post-hit heals. Olaf soon discovered that even he could tank without me having to heal him. It would’ve probably been more efficient if we’d all stayed on the same target, but it was hard to complain when everyone in the group was having so much dangerless fun. Over the next thirty minutes, Fistbeard continued to coach Yary on the finer points of bruising, such as how her Stun Punch worked. We also began to free the remaining dwarven defenders from their individual melees and form them into groups. Eventually, we were forced to come to a stop.
“What gives?” Alizia asked through the echo of her helmet. “It’s been a whole minute and nothing has tickled me until they explode. You guys better not be preparing a prank like I would if the situation was reversed.”
“Nay, lass,” Fistbeard said. “T
he only constructs left be runnin’ and rollin’ off. Seein’ as how they’re runnin’ toward the giant boogieman out there, I think it be time to go remind him why it always be a bad idea to pick a fight with dwarves.”
I flipped on Tracking. “Only about forty of them left. I doubt those’ll heal him much, but we might still want to take them out if we can.”
“Aye, a good plan,” Fistbeard said. “Let’s go, lads and lasses. For the honor of Grimrag!”
The twentyish remaining dwarves gave out a cry and banged their weapons against their shields. I was surprised to see a buff called “Dwarven Honor” pop up over my group’s heads along with those of the dwarves. All of our stats shot up by five percent, along with my heart rate, as we marched toward probable deaths.
I Wish I’d Thought to Wear Brown Pants Too
Surprisingly, the growling pack of dwarves stopped in an orderly line a couple of hundred feet in front of Gerinashu. I wasn’t sure if that was due to some command I’d missed or from the fear of coming so close to a legendary and massive monster. The pack of constructs—that we’d whittled down to a couple of dozen on the thirty-minute journey in—did not stop. They weren’t heading for their master . . .
“They’re heading for Tinkerbeard!” I said.
Fistbeard’s eyes widened. “And he be the one fixin’ up Ulinnia. Dwarves, advance!”
The constructs were arrayed in a circle around Ulinnia’s feet. Tinkerbeard was nowhere to be seen. I was afraid they’d gotten to him until I noticed Ulinnia’s HP bar inch up again. Tracking confirmed that he was still alive. The arrow pointed to her left side, yet I couldn’t see him.
Yary’s finger shot up. “He’s on her shoulder.”
“By the gods, is that—?” one of the dwarven soldiers asked.
“Nay, it can’t be,” another said.
“It is!” Fistbeard said as a falcon-headed icon floated from his head. “The Hammer of the Master Sculptor! So that be how she’s healin’ so much.”
Dwarven beards split to reveal mouths displaying a wide range of dental hygiene. As a chorus, they repeated the name of the hammer. I half expected the clouds to split and singing angels to descend from the heavens.
“Keep it up, Tinker,” Fistbeard said as he waved his arms. “Reinforcements have arrived.”
Tinkerbeard’s arm stopped mid-strike as his head shot to the right. He nearly fell from Ulinnia’s shoulders as he took in his fellow dwarves. When he finally steadied himself, he gave us a weak wave and went back to work.
Fistbeard returned the wave before returning to his soldiers. “Take out those constructs as fast as possible, and then we’ll send that overgrown skeleton back to the ground where he belongs. Attack!”
Even though we both outnumbered them and, with Fistbeard, massively overpowered them, it still took us another five minutes to destroy the last of the constructs. Dodging two massive bodies as they stomp and blast about does not lend itself well to efficient combat. We didn’t lose a single person to a construct; however, three dwarves were crushed by Gerinashu’s giant feet and one to Ulinnia's when she unexpectedly took a step back to brace herself. We probably would’ve lost Alizia too on three separate occasions if it hadn’t been for the massive armor class on her helmet. Olaf eventually directed her a safe distance away, as it was too difficult to pay attention to the fight and relay directions to her in time to dodge the unpredictable giant feet.
Just as Fistbeard turned the last construct to dust, the blue glow of Gerinashu’s construct-absorbing ability illuminated the ground around him. The ability found nothing, and Gerinashu’s HPs dropped again as Ulinnia used the distraction to land a powerful shot to his temple. Gerinashu rubbed his head and let out a soul-shaking cackle.
“Foreplay need work, consort of mine,” Gerinashu said. “Much time to be teaching manners again we have over coming millennia.”
“I will never be your consort again, Gerinashu. You murdered me!” Ulinnia swung, this time so wildly that he barely had to move to dodge it.
Gerinashu shrugged. “Misunderstanding was it. Discovered cheating on me you were not after fact. Sentenced guilty parties to eternal torture and built new body for you. Is not enough that? Made boobs bigger and shaped hair into style you never could get just right too.”
Ulinnia’s foot shot out toward his groin, though I wasn’t sure how much that would hurt a skeleton. My question remained unanswered as her foot stopped in midair. When she continued to hold the kick for another minute, I realized that the rest of her body was frozen as well. Gerinashu’s bony hand wiped his forehead in relief. An unfeminine cackle came from Ulinnia and Gerinashu joined in a few seconds later.
“What’s going on?” Alizia asked as she removed her helmet.
“I’m not sure,” Yary said.
Fistbeard cursed under his breath. “I think I be knowin’, and it not be good.”
“Oy! Mission accomplished, Master,” the unfeminine voice of Ulinnia said.
“Wondering was why dwarves attacked me so when arrived,” Gerinashu said. “Good to see friendly face of Sculptor again.”
Tinkerbeard hopped down onto Ulinnia’s arm to get closer to Gerinashu. “I be not a true Sculptor, Master. Their line was ended when Ulinnia was first frozen right after yer untimely death. Yer constructs forced them to do that in punishment for what they viewed as her role in yer death. The Sculptors rightly disagreed and the constructs murdered them all.”
“Well, then, time to bring Sculptors back it is.” He stared at his bony hands. “Not like me though. Undeath require great magics which possess they do not. Also, need special limited-time only sauce that no longer made. Lots of paperwork and long forms to fill out. Not enough time in day for world conquerors to complete. Faster solution needed and smart guy Gerinashu have just solution, he does. Declare other, still-not-dead dwarves with right stuff as new Sculptors.”
Tinkerbeard dropped to his knees. “Do ye be saying what I think you be?”
The glowing red orbs that constituted Gerinashu’s eyes rolled. “Beginning to think right stuff you may not have, but then again, hammer of theirs you have, and no one else around who know how to use.” He snapped his fingers and red energy enveloped Tinkerbeard.
Tinkerbeard danced awkwardly to a warped version of the leveling music. Inspect showed his class had changed to Sculptor. “All me work was worth it. I tricked the high elves into finishing off those beasts so the adventurers would have to go into the construct area and free Ulinnia, on account of how I couldn’t go in there meself. I knew ye’d want to be reunited with her. I even managed to get them to kill the last mayor for me so I could get into the storeroom and free ye. It was all worth it!”
“Why was Tinkerbeard healing Ulinnia the whole time if he’s on Gerinashu’s side?” I asked.
“Think it be a byproduct of the freezing of her joints,” Fistbeard said.
“It also does not appear that Gerinashu wants Ulinnia dead,” Olaf said. “He must have only been attacking her to defend himself.”
Fistbeard turned to the rest of the dwarves. “Ye hear that, lads and lasses? The evil bastard up there says ye don’t have the right stuff. Time to show him how right we are!”
The dwarves roared and charged. It was awe inspiring. It was vicious. It was pathetic. With weapons often bigger than their bodies, they hacked, slashed, and bashed against a foot that was bigger than all of them combined. His Hit Point bar didn’t seem to have moved three minutes later even with Fistbeard and my group joining in. It was only after repeated attempts at using Inspect that I could see his Hit Point number again, and though it confirmed that we were in fact doing damage, it barely amounted to anything considering Ulinnia had left him below 28,000 before we’d started.
Gerinashu the Beige
Level: 29
Resists
Type: Raid Boss
Light: ???
Race: Undead
Dark: ???
Faction: Followers of Gerinashu
Earth: ???
HP: 27,638/47,000
Water: ???
MP: ???
Fire: ???
AP: 0
Wind: ???
AC: ???
Special Attributes: Sacrifice Follower, Flames of the Underworld, Breath of the Dead
Weaknesses: ???
Seeing my arrows do no more than the occasional 1, I tried my spells. Since he was undead, I tried Regrowth first, but he resisted every attempt. Roots, Thorns, and Cure Poison were all useless given the situation, so that left Heat. The spell connected easily enough, and I maintained it on the spot for the ten seconds it required to begin doing damage. Unfortunately, since I was hitting bones, there was nothing to catch fire. While it did do more damage than the single digits of my arrows, I eventually had to stop as Gerinashu began moving around.
“Sculptor, any of these friends of yours be?” Gerinashu held his arm out and Tinkerbeard scurried up it, stopping when he hit the shoulder.
Tinkerbeard grabbed onto Gerinashu’s collar and stared down at us. “Nay to the ones below, though back in the town be me wife and I’d much appreciate if ye could spare her, Master, though if in yer infinite wisdom need a sacrifice, I’d understand.”
“Well groveled, Sculptor. Spare her I will try. Ones below in for much hurting.” Gerinashu grinned and then leaned down to open his mouth wide.
I stopped casting my spell and grabbed Alizia.
Alizia reached back to swat me. “Dirty dwarves, trying to take advantage of my sightless state! How dare you? We’re on the same side and stuff.”
“Alizia, it’s me,” I said as I easily dodged her flailing limbs.