He just chuckles against my neck and does it again. “Rae…”
“Hudson,” I mock. “Shut up. Take your pants off already.”
He doesn’t argue, sitting up to unbutton his jeans, pushing them off his hips and shuffling the denim down his legs.
“Really? You couldn’t just get off the couch to do that?”
“And miss annoying you? Never.”
I can’t even pretend to be annoyed by him. I’ve missed this too much. The way we work together applies to every aspect of our relationship. We can laugh and joke during sexy time and still completely feel it. So far it’s no different after our time apart.
He unbuttons my pants, pausing to arch an eyebrow at me. “Am I allowed to undress you on the couch? Or did you want us both to stand up for this?”
“Just take my damn clothes off, Hudson!”
Laughing, he complies. He peels my jeans down my legs, taking his time, enjoying me squirming beneath him just a little too much. Once we’re both down to just our underwear, Hudson pauses, his eyebrows scrunched together.
“Problem?” I question, unsure what’s made him suddenly stop.
“I…I don’t want to fuck you on the couch. It seems…wrong after everything.”
“Then take me to the bedroom and fuck me.”
He shakes his head. “I… No.”
I groan, throwing my head back into the couch cushion. “You’re such a tease!”
“This conversation seems strange. Shouldn’t, by most people’s standards, I be the one that’s begging for sex?”
“Fuck most people. They’re wrong. Women love sex just as much as men. Especially if it’s good sex. Which is what it is with you. So, let’s get this show on the road. I’m dying over here, Hudson.”
He leans down and places a tender kiss on my lips and then doesn’t move away. “I’m not fucking you, Rae. I’ll gladly bring you to whatever release it is you need right now, but I refuse to just fuck you. I want to make love to you. Sweet, slow love. Later. I want to do this right.”
His words melt through my frustration and my heart picks up its pace. Hudson’s words reach into my heart, my soul, and settle there, weighted down by the love shining so bright in his eyes. I get it. I get him.
I reach up and kiss him, slowly, seductively. “I love you.”
He stills at my words. Then he’s moving, pushing against me, bringing his hands up to cradle my head, caging me in his arms. His full weight falls onto me and I’ve never felt so complete. The feel of his lips against mine is raw and real, harsh yet gentle. It’s perfect.
That’s how we stay, tangled together on the small space kissing, talking, stroking. It’s hours of contentment, of bliss, of love.
Hudson
After our multiple make-out sessions and hours of relaxation, we decide it’s time to actually move off our asses and get food.
“Do you want to try the Mexican place or just burgers from that ‘World Famous’ place?”
“Burgers are fine,” Rae calls through the bathroom door adjacent to the bedroom.
I’m sitting on my bed, scrolling through my phone looking for different restaurants while she dresses and does whatever other girly shit she’s doing to get ready for dinner. It all feels…normal. And I’ve fucking missed normal.
She comes strutting out of the bathroom in a dark pair of jeans hugging her curves and a black top that slinks off one shoulder. She looks stunning as always. Glancing up at me with those dark green eyes of hers, I can see that she’s looking at this in the same way I am—a step forward. We’re both looking to move on. Not that we don’t have a lot to talk about and shit we still need to work out, but we’re agreeing to work on it. Together. That’s the most important thing right now.
“Goddamn. You’re beautiful.” Her cheeks turn a bright red, something they hardly ever do. Standing, I walk closer to her, bending slightly to place a small kiss on one of her inflamed cheeks. This makes her blush even harder.
Rae peeks up at me, her eyes sparkling. “Thank you.”
I give her a smirk. “No, thank you.”
She laughs. I fall in love just a little bit more.
“You ready?”
“I’m always ready for you,” I tease, waggling my eyebrows up and down.
“You are quite full of yourself today, huh?”
“There are other things I’d like to fill.”
“Hudson Michael Tamell! You did not just say that!”
“Oh, but I did.” I bend down closer to her, my lips brushing her ear. “And I meant it.”
Straightening back up, I move around her and out of the bedroom, smiling to myself at the sputtering I hear from behind me. She can act all offended or surprised if she wants, but I know she’s enjoying this as much as I am.
We make our way to the car and travel the short journey to the only reputable burger joint in town. We seat ourselves and settle down to glance over the menus.
“I’m ordering two of everything and making you pay. Just for that little stunt you pulled earlier,” she says from behind her menu.
I look up and meet her eyes when she glances at me from over the top. She doesn’t have to lower the menu for me to know she’s smiling. I can see it in her gaze. I’ve missed that look.
“That’s fine. You just order whatever your little heart desires. My treat.”
She huffs at my lack of response. I’m not letting her win this game. I’m enjoying having the upper hand too much to let that happen.
The waitress comes to the table to take our drink order. She starts with Rae.
“I’ll take a large chocolate shake.” She looks over at me with a devious grin. “He’ll have one too.”
I groan. She knows I can’t handle chocolate in large amounts like that. But I let her get away with it and pretend nothing is amiss. Then she proceeds to order me a veggie burger with broccoli as my side while she gets the Bacon Bacon Bacon Burger and extra French fries. With cheese. Again, I say nothing. Because by not reacting, I’m winning. And she hates it when I win.
So, I dutifully eat my veggie burger—which is quite tasty—and pick at my broccoli with tested patience and love. She’s so close to winning with that move.
We make small talk and stare daggers at one another during the entire meal. Then, when I’m only about halfway through my meal, she declares she’s done and demands we leave instantly. I don’t argue with her. We pay and leave. I steer the car the opposite way, taking her to a small cove just up the road.
“Where are we going?”
“Didn’t we have this same conversation when I picked you up from Maura’s?”
“No,” she responds, matter of fact.
I roll my eyes at her stubbornness. “Okay, then wasn’t it something extremely similar?”
“Yes.”
“And do you remember how that conversation went?” I glance toward her and she nods. “Then just repeat that. Ya know, minus you throwing stones at me about lying. Let’s leave that part out, huh?”
Sighing, she relents. “Fine. Surprise away, mister master of surprises.”
After another mile or two, I pull off onto the side of the road and instruct her to follow me. I stop at the back of the car, grabbing a blanket and small cooler, and head down the shallow embankment with her on my heels.
“Hudson, where are we? What are we doing here?”
I ignore her questions and keep moving forward, knowing she’ll follow. Once I find the perfect spot, I spread out the blanket and set the cooler down, pulling Rae down along with me until we’re cozied up together with her between my legs.
“What is this?” she asks sweetly.
I take a moment to respond, enjoying the view before me and the feel of her in my arms. I take in the ocean and its beauty, the sunset reflecting off the waves, casting an orange hue to everything around us. This moment is serene, and everything I’d hoped for.
“This is us, Rae. This is our time. Our re-do. Our new beginning. This is how it should have happen
ed the first time.”
“How what should have happened?”
I don’t respond because the moment isn’t right yet.
She sighs, knowing I’m not going to give anything up. Rae leans back into me, making herself comfortable in my embrace. I squeeze her tighter, afraid that she and this moment are going to disappear any second.
“How’s Joe?”
“She’s good. I swear she gets taller and smarter every day. She’s with my mom this weekend. Surprisingly, she didn’t even ask to come along. Something about a girls’ day Nanna promised her.”
“I miss her.”
“She misses you too.”
“I miss you.”
My heart swells at her words.
“I miss you more.”
We sit, quietly, and watch the sun set over the glittering water. We don’t leave when the clouds cover the sky and leave only the light of the moon to illuminate the area around us. Not even an inch is taken when the bugs start biting at our skin and we start to shiver from the cold. No. We just…sit. And enjoy the moment.
“Rae…”
“Hudson…”
“Are you… Are we…” I can’t seem to get a full sentence out and my throat is suddenly scratchy. I sit up some, shuffling her back a little, searching around for the cooler. Rae sits forward, giving me room to grab a bottle of water. I chug at least half of it until all the stickiness is out of my mouth. The words should be able to easily glide past my lips, but…they hesitate. Again.
“Hudson?” she presses.
Licking my lips, I try again. “Where are we, Rae?”
“The beach?”
I smirk at her. “I only missed your mouth sometimes.”
She laughs, but it’s a short one. It’s almost like she’s too afraid to enjoy the moment now. Scared of what’s about to happen. I am too.
She lets out a sharp breath. “I…don’t know, Hudson. I wish I had all the answers here, but I don’t. I know I want to move on. I want to move forward. I want to… Fuck. I just want you, okay? Can’t that be enough for now?”
Closing my eyes against her words, I bite my tongue. Physically, not metaphorically. Honesty, right? That’s what Rae’s after. So I give it to her.
“No.”
“Huh?”
“No, that’s not enough, Rae.” She turns toward me, giving me her full attention, her face scrunched up in confusion. I meet her stare. “Look, I fucked up. I’ve admitted that. Several times. I’ve also apologized several times. I need to know what the future holds for us. Not that I’m giving up, because I swear to you, I won’t. But I need to know.”
Radio silence.
“I did it for you. For you, Rae. I know I shouldn’t have lied. I get that loud and clear. I just can’t apologize for wanting you to have a relationship with your father that I never got. All I can ask is that you try to see it from my perspective. You don’t even have to understand it all at once. I just want a chance, an inch at a time even, because I’m dying over here.”
She takes a deep breath before she answers me, almost like she’s choosing her words very carefully. I don’t know how I feel about that. I do know that my heart leaps at the single tear that runs down her cheek, at the look of pain that etches itself into her features. I want to wipe away the tear, wipe away our past, our hurt. But I can’t.
“You don’t think I died a little when I found out about your lies? Your repeated lies. You think it doesn’t still hurt?”
“I know it does, Rae. I know it. But you have to let me help you heal.”
“How?”
“Let me love you again.”
“I haven’t stopped, Hudson. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t pined for you, where I haven’t cried myself to sleep at night at how cold I felt without you there. Not one day has been spent without wanting you or loving you. And that’s not going to change. I swear to you, I won’t stop.”
I wipe at my face, at the tears I don’t realize I’m shedding. “I wish I didn’t do that to you. I wish I could take it all back, that it never happened. But it did. And we have to work through that. Are you ready to? To move on?”
“Yes.” Her answer is swift and sure. Exactly what I wanted to hear.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know, dammit! I don’t know!”
“Marry me,” I blurt. “Marry me. Work with me on this. Work through this with me. Spend your life with me.”
“I plan to, Hudson. I do. Just not yet. I’ll gladly come home, but I’m not ready for that just yet. I still need some time for something that heavy.”
I stare down at my lap, taking in what she just said. I get it. I understand where she’s coming from on that front. And deep down, I know she’s right. Getting engaged right now would be an act of desperation. That’s not how I’d want to start this. That perfect moment Ted told me about weeks ago? This isn’t it. I should have known.
“Is that not enough?” she whispers, mistaking my silence for something it’s not. “Is that not what you wanted to hear?”
I look up at her. “No, that’s perfect. That’s right. I was wrong. Again. I’m just mentally berating myself for proposing out of line. Again. I suck at this.”
She laughs lightly, scrubbing her hands down her cheeks. “Yeah, you kind of do. Come here.” Rae leans up on her knees, stretching over to me and pressing a kiss to my lips. “I love you, Hudson. And I want that. I want forever with you. I really mean that. I just want that moment to be perfect. So far, it’s not been. But we’ll find that again. We’ll find those little moments we had, and one day, we’ll be us again. We just need to work toward it.”
I gather her in my arms and lie back, pulling her until she’s on top of me, stretched out. I wrap my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest right over my heart.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you when I did. I feel like I messed some shit up for us that shouldn’t have been messed up with that move. I mean, this really is all your fault, but it was unfair of me to punish Joey like that too. You, on the other hand, totally deserved it.”
I laugh because this is typical Rae. Straight to the point. This is the her I love more than anything in the world.
“I’m sorry, Rae. So fucking sorry. I hope one day you’ll be able to understand it all from my point of view.”
“I’m going to try.”
We spend two hours lying on the blanket, watching the waves knock against one another like an aged whiskey knocking against the inside of a barrel—smooth and natural.
It’s almost midnight when we enter the beach house for the second time today. A sense of peace had settled over us at the beach, but tension revs high once we’re faced with choosing our sleeping arrangements. If it were up to me, I’d choose naked and tangled up in the sheets. I have no idea what Rae wants.
“So…”
“So…” she repeats.
“Are we, uh, heading to bed?” My cock aches at thoughts of us in the king-sized bed. I want so badly to wrap myself around her, to be inside her again.
She takes a step toward me. It’s a steady, sure step. A step I take as a sign. I move toward her, trapping her, and she retreats, backing into the wall. I cage her in with my arms braced on the wall, dipping my head to run my tongue the length of her neck. She arches into my touch and grabs at my sides, pulling me into her. I settle my weight against her, giving into her silent begging. I pull away and strip my shirt off; she sighs. I fall back onto her, crushing my lips to hers. I beg for entrance with a trace of my tongue; she grants it. I grind my lower half into hers; she grinds back. It’s a game of push and pull between us, and right now we’re both winning.
“Bedroom,” she states, dragging her mouth from mine with reluctance.
We stumble our way down the hall, not wanting to let go of one another long enough to walk there carefully. By the time we make it, I know I’m going to wake up sore after banging both of my knees on two diff
erent tables and stubbing my toe on the doorjamb. But none of it matters, none of it registers. The only thing I can feel right now is Rae and her warm body pressed against mine.
Rae bumps into the bed and abruptly sits, her hands going to my zipper immediately. She pops open the button and we work together to drag them down my legs. I stand before her, my dick proud and ready to go. She stares up at me and her look is lustful…heated…filled with love.
“Why am I the only one without clothes?”
She lifts a shoulder, a coy smile playing at her lips. “You’ve got your boxer briefs on. Not that they leave much to the imagination, but still.”
I squint my eyes into slits. “Doesn’t count.”
She lets out a playful sigh and begins pulling her top off. “So technical,” I hear her mutter. She pushes back on the bed a little more and shimmies off her jeans, leaving us even in the clothes department. Or lack thereof.
Rae lounges on her elbows in an unintentionally sexy pose, looking up at me with that sexy smile still in place, her breasts on the verge of falling from her bra, and her hair in disarray. “Happy now?”
I crawl up the bed, fitting myself between her legs until she drops down on her back. She winds her arms around my neck, but I don’t want that. I grab them and hold them firmly to the bed above her head. Giving her a small kiss, I say, “Stay.”
I run my lips down her chin, over her neck, and straight down until I reach her heaving chest. Her breasts brush my face with every harsh breath she takes. I push the cup of her bra aside and run the tip of my tongue over her right nipple. She inhales sharply, arching off the bed to press into my touch.
Chuckling, I pull back some and whisper, “I thought those weren’t ‘hooked up’?”
“I’m so fucking keyed up right now that every part of me is hooked up. I swear, you could probably tickle the back of damn knee and I’d orgasm.”
I trail my hand down between us, pausing to swipe at the heat between her legs but not long enough to give her any sort of release. She arches into me again, but I keep moving, tracing an invisible pattern across her thigh, curling my hand around her leg right above her knee. And then I do just what she said—tickle right behind her knee. And damn does she react. She convulses, and laughter begins pouring out of her in waves.
Here's to Forever Page 10