“Why did you lie to me? For all those years, why lie? Why not ease me into the truth? Why keep up a façade? Especially when you knew how much those dreams haunted me?”
“I was trying to protect you, Rae.”
I spring from the couch, pacing the length of the couch in frustration.
“Protect me? I don’t need protecting. I need honesty.”
“You don’t understand a father’s need to protect his little girl.”
“That’s the same thing Hudson said.”
“He’s right. It’s…it’s indescribable. You have this urge to just twist her up in bubble wrap and never let her leave a white padded room. You want so badly to watch her grow into a smart, stable woman, but you also constantly look at her and see this fragile little girl, the one that begged to play dolls or paint your fingernails when she was six.”
I smile at his reference to my old favorite pastime. I used to love painting my dad’s nails. I wanted to make him as pretty as me, and that’s the only way that made sense to me back then. I worshipped my father. He was my role model, my savior, my champion.
If I’m being honest with myself, I can see what he means. Joey may not be my daughter, but I feel that way too. I want her to look at me and see someone she can aspire to, someone she can go to for anything, someone who’s going to save the day for her. So, I understand on some level.
No matter what though, it doesn’t excuse lying for so damn long. Nothing does. It wasn’t fair to me or to Haley. It wasn’t right.
But it’s also not unforgivable.
“How can I fix this, Rae? How can we get back to where we were before?”
“Before you lied to me my entire life?” He flinches at my venomous words. “We can’t, Dad. That’s not possible.”
The sadness that weighs on him is evident as I watch his shoulders deflate for the second time since I’ve arrived.
“We can’t go back to where we were before. But we can begin moving forward, we can rebuild. Not every bridge that’s destroyed is replaced with an exact replica, and that’s okay. Most of the time something stronger comes from the rubble.”
He smiles. I smile. And something clicks. I feel it in that exact moment; we begin to heal.
“How’d it go?”
I close the door behind me and move around Hudson’s intruding frame blocking the front door, making my way to the living room. I throw myself onto the couch, completely drained from all the highs and lows I’ve felt in the last few days. It’s been an emotional roller coaster since I woke up for my date with Hudson. I’m exhausted.
“It was…okay.”
“Okay? Just okay?”
“Yeah. It was okay.”
He pulls at his hair, his nerves showing so predominantly I can see them hanging off his sleeves. “I don’t know what that means. I don’t know how to react to that.”
I laugh lowly. “For starters, you can relax.” He drops his hands with a grim grin. “I think we’re going to be okay. It won’t happen overnight. It’s gonna take a lot of time and talking and effort from both parties, but I think we can work through it.”
He expels a pent-up breath and sits down next to me. “You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that.”
“And you have no idea how good it feels to say.”
“So you aren’t still mad at him for secretly hanging out with me?”
This time I laugh loudly. “Oh, my poor confused man. I was never mad at him for that. Just you.”
“Just me?”
I lift a shoulder nonchalantly. “Yeah. I mean, he’d already fucked up and lost my trust. You hadn’t. You had all of it, actually. Then you tossed that shit right out the window.”
“But you’ve forgiven me, yes?”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I say, “I don’t know…”
He pretends to pout. “But I’m cute.”
“Not good enough.”
“I also got you something.”
My eyes light up at the thought of a present. “A surprise?”
“Yeah, but I know you hate them. So maybe I’ll just take it back.”
Feet pound down the stairs and I swivel toward the noise.
“You cannot take me back! There’s no such thing as a Daughter Store. Nanna told me so!”
I smile instantly at Joey’s voice. She’s home. I’m home. Then what she said sinks in.
“Wait. You told her that?” I quietly accuse Hudson.
He shrugs. “What? She was driving me crazy. I told her I’d take her back to the Daughter Store if she didn’t stay quiet for at least five minutes.”
“How’d that one go over?”
“It didn’t. She started crying. Loudly, dramatically.” He shudders at the memory. “It was terrible.”
“You seem very scarred by this.”
“Did I mention it happened in Target? Like, in public. In front of people. At the check-out.”
I laugh, and it’s like everything that’s been dragging me down lately goes away for the time being. It feels good, natural.
Joey rushes through the room and jumps onto the couch, burrowing herself into me, hugging me tightly. I wrap my arms around her just as fiercely. Hudson wraps his arms around us both, pulling us into his strong embrace.
For the first time in a long time, I feel free, I feel happy.
I feel like I’m home.
Eight Months Later
Hudson
“I knew she’d cave and say yes.”
I turn toward the voice to my right. “How could she not? I’m me.”
“Wow. I leave again for a month and you start sounding like this asshole,” a second voice says from my other side.
“Tell me again why I thought it would be a good idea to ask you two to be my groomsmen?”
“Because the best man position was already filled and you felt bad that no one loves Tucker so you invited him?” Gaige says.
“I think you forgot your name was Gaige again,” Tucker retorts.
“You’re both impossible.”
“You love us.”
“That’s a lie.”
We all laugh, reveling in our crazy bond we share. With everything we’ve all been through in our short lives, I feel we’ve come out on the other side. We’re doing well, all in stable relationships, and are all finally on the right career path. It’s been a rough ride, but worth it.
A heavy hand falls on my shoulder and I look toward its owner. “I’m proud of you, man.”
“Yeah? Well I’m prouder.”
“And you’re a jackass.”
Gaige shrugs off Tucker’s words. “This is true.”
“But for real,” Tucker says, “you’ve come a long way in your life. I’ve watched you grow from a scrawny moron to a semi-good-looking savvy business man. You have an amazing kid, who for some reason adores you, and a girl that blows all but my Maura out of the water. You’re doing awesome.”
I lift a brow at how he so intricately weaved together insults and compliments. “Uh, thanks?”
He claps my shoulder again. “Yeah, no problem, bud.”
Gaige snickers from my other side and I have the urge to punch him in the stomach for it. Instead I settle for a verbal lashing. “Still prouder, asshat?”
He grins. “Definitely.”
“It’s time,” Tucker says.
“You ready?” Gaige asks.
Blowing out an encouraging breath, I turn to face my future, my new life. “I’m ready.”
We make our way back into the house only to get stopped by Maura in the living room, armed and ready with one of our mini instant Polaroid cameras.
“Don’t move. I want to take a picture of this. You three look so handsome together.”
“But I’m the cutest one, right?” Tucker tries.
“You’re okay. Now, get together. The lighting is just right behind you guys.”
We throw our arms around one another, and just when she’s about to snap the picture, Tuck reaches out and
slaps Gaige in the stomach, and I bust out in laughter instantly. I already know the print is a keeper.
“Okay, you’re free to go. Wait! Where’s the best man?”
“I’m here!” Joey comes rushing out of the back bedroom wearing a tuxedo t-shirt and jean shorts. She’s adorable looking. “Ready, Freddy!”
“Wow, Joe. You almost look as ridiculous as Uncle Tuck does.”
She beams at Gaige. “Thanks, Uncle G.”
Gaige holds his hand out to high-five her for unknowingly being an accessory to insulting Tucker. I smile, loving how proud she is about her outfit no matter who teases her.
Joey frowns at his hand. “This is a fist-bump family. Who let you in here?”
This time everyone explodes in fits of laughter, partly because of what Joey said and the other part due to the disbelief coating Gaige’s face.
Still stunned, he says, “Are you sure you’re not mine?”
Joey just shrugs and moves toward the front door. “Last one down there is the biggest loser in the world!”
“Too bad that title already belongs to Gaige,” Tucker quietly comments, sniggering to himself.
All I hear is a loud thwack as I follow Joey out the front door, my two knucklehead groomsmen hot on my heels.
We reach the beach and makeshift altar, pass through the small crowd, and take our places—me, Joey, Tucker, Gaige, and Dallas, who’s become a good friend. Everyone gets a good laugh at how mismatched we look standing up there. While we’re all wearing the same thing—the tuxedo shirt and a pair of shorts—we make absolutely no sense. A mechanic, an eight-year-old girl, a musician, a model look-alike, and a former line-backer.
I see Jane, a friend of both Rae and Maura’s who I’ve just met, start pacing herself down the aisle. Next up is Haley, Rae’s sister. Her eyes dart our way and I know who she’s seeking out; I can’t help but smile. There’s a pause where no one walks, an empty spot in the bridal party for Perry while he’s still in treatment for two more weeks after his minor setback.
When Maura begins making her way to us, Tucker bends down to Joey. “Still can’t believe I’m letting you escort my girl for me, Bug.”
Joey responds by punching his leg and I smother a laugh.
Finally, the crowd rises from their chairs as the music begins to swell. I let Rae pick all the music, so I’m fairly surprised when it’s more of a normal song. I was expecting something epic and different. But this just goes to show that my girl can surprise me at any moment.
My first reaction is not what most people would expect. I laugh. Hard.
Because my girl, my Rae, my future wife, is wearing a goddamn Transit t-shirt on her wedding day. I fall for her just a little harder in this moment. She gives me a secret smile and loops her arm through her father’s. I have a feeling our lives are going to be filled with secret smiles and laughter like this. And I can’t fucking wait.
When they finally reach us, Ted bends down to whisper something in his daughter’s ear. She nods, catching my eye, a mischievous spark hidden in hers.
He kisses her cheek and shakes my hand. “She’s all yours, son.”
“Thank you, Ted. For everything.”
He claps me on the shoulder, bringing me in for a quick hug, and then takes his seat. Rae takes her place in front of me. The joy I feel right now can’t compare to anything else. I never have to pay another bill in my life? It’s about time. I just won a million dollars a year for the next fifty years? Neat. Give me all the money in the world, take away all of my worries, tell me I’m going to live for a thousand years. None of it compares to this moment. It’s the only one that’s mattered since my daughter came into this world.
Rae is becoming my wife. I feel full, complete, blissful.
Our officiant, Gary, instructs everyone to sit.
“I’m not gonna lie to you all, I’m terrible at this. Why these two asked me to officiate, I have no idea. I’m not eloquent, and flowery poems aren’t my thing.” The crowd laughs. “But I’m giving it a shot.”
He pauses, looking us both in the eyes before he continues.
“Love can be beautiful.” His eyes scan the group gathered, pausing briefly on the one who got away, Tucker’s mom. “Love can be painful. It can be full of tears or laughter. It’s anyone’s guess as to which one you’ll get. One thing love is—true, absolute love—is consistently unwavering. No matter the tears, no matter the painful days, it’s always there and it’s always going to win.”
I watch as Rae’s eyes fill with tears. I know well enough they’re not sad tears, but proud ones. She’s thinking about all the days we thought we’d lose each other, all the days we fought for what we have now. And she’s remembering us winning. Because Gary is right—unconditional love always wins.
“And with what I’ve witnessed from you two, that’s what you have. So, without further ramblings from yours truly, let’s get this show on the road.”
Our vows are simple, heartfelt, and ours alone. We each took the time to carefully write them out and it’s shown in our words.
“You ready to do this shit?” she asks.
Laughing, I say, “I am. I think we’ve just started our married life indebted to Joey, but yes. I’m beyond ready. I love you.”
She smirks. “I know.”
We exchange our rings to the sounds of laughter ringing through the crowd.
“Well, guess my work here is done. I’m proud to introduce to you all, Mr. and Mrs. Tamell! You may now kiss your bride.”
I step in close to her, wrapping my hands around her face just like I know she loves, and tilting my head. When our lips touch, it’s like fire meeting oxygen for the first time—explosive.
And it was so worth the wait.
“Gary, my man, thanks for officiating. We appreciate it.”
Gary shakes my hand and pats my back. “It’s no problem at all, kid. I’m honored you even asked me. I…” He looks off over my shoulder as something catches his eye. “I’ve gotta go to talk to someone. Thanks again, Hudson. Not that I think you’ll need it, but good luck with everything. You’ve got yourself a beautiful family.”
He shakes my hand once again and heads off in the direction of where he was looking. I watch as he walks toward Joanne, Tucker’s mom. Her face lights up as he nears her, and I wonder what’s going on there.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?”
I scan the crowd for my wife, finding her off to the side laughing with Dallas and Maura. Every time she smiles, I smile. Feeling my stare, she glances over at me and excuses herself from her friends, making her way to me. When she walks, it’s like she’s floating on air. It’s delicate, precise, and almost angelic. The way she carries herself has always been one of my favorite things about her. Today, I swear she’s walking a little taller, and I can’t help but want to puff my chest out at the thought.
When she reaches my side, she wraps an arm around my waist and stands on her tip-toes to kiss my cheek. We don’t speak because we don’t have to. We both feel this odd swell of pride in knowing we’re officially off the market and tied to one another now.
“It’s time for the first dance. Who’s ready?” Everyone cheers. “Good. Hudson, Rae, get your butts to the dance floor—er, dance sand! That was weird.” He says the last line quietly, but the mic still picks up on it and we all laugh.
I look down at Rae and she shrugs. We didn’t want to do the traditional wedding routine. Pictures, ceremony, first dance, cake, bouquet, yada yada…all that crap. We wanted simple and laidback. But I suppose Tucker had different ideas.
“We don’t have to,” I tell her.
“I know, but I kind of want to.”
“But I suck at dancing.”
“You do?! Shit, glad I didn’t marry you for your dancing skills.”
I laugh and pull her out onto the designated “dance sand” area.
“Right. So, this is a little not-so-traditional, and that’s okay because neither are Rae and Hudson.” Tucker br
ought the band he uses on stage as backup for our special occasion. He gathers them together and talks lowly with them while Rae and I awkwardly wait for them to begin. They all nod and go back to their places.
The familiar intro riff to AC/DC’s Highway to Hell blares through the speakers, and the band struggles to play through their laughter, fizzling out before they even get through the first two lines of lyrics.
All I can do is shake my head and laugh until tears spill down my face at his antics. Because really? Who else would play that shit on my wedding day? No one but Tuck.
The band high-fives Tuck and leaves the stage. Tucker takes his seat on a stool with his acoustic guitar in hand.
“Alright, alright,” he says into the mic. “Now this one is for real. And this too is a little untraditional. I heard this beauty a while back and immediately thought of you two. It’s called Here’s to the Heartache. I mean, it sounds tragic, right? But it’s not. It’s full of hope. And that’s what you two give me. That’s what you give to a lot of people. You two, man, you’ve been through some shit. But you’ve persevered. Now look at you. Married! With an amazing daughter and a great future ahead of you. So, yeah, here’s to the heartache and everything you’ve endured. It’s led you here, and I can’t think of a better place to be.”
With that, Tucker begins crooning the song. I know right away it’s going to be something I love. I wrap Rae up in my arms and we begin our dance, swaying back and forth, letting the music guide not just our movements, but our hearts.
“He’s right. This does sound tragic,” Rae whispers.
“It does. But I hear that hope.”
“Me too.”
We sway, moving together to the words and the melody. We’re married. It’s done. All the troubled times and hardships thrown our way, we made it through, came out victorious on the other side. We won. And we’ll continue to do so.
“I love you, wife.”
“I love you, husband.”
“Is this where I’m supposed to recreate our New Year’s moment and whisper ‘here’s to tomorrow’ to you?”
Lifting her head, she looks up at me smiling. “Nah. This is where you come up with something new.”
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