She hadn’t even thought of another man since she’d been an undergrad. But, oh, how she liked thinking of Jake wanting her. He was such a good, kind man, albeit young looking. Still, he’d easily won her over by believing in her, protecting her, and ensuring her bare feet never touched the cold ground. Who wouldn’t want a man like Jake?
But when he woke, he’d push her away.
She knew it. That’s what men did, right? Well, she wasn’t exactly the most seasoned when it came to men, but having the same experience for ten years, it weighed on Meredith, making her think every man was like David. Besides, she knew her past. A woman like her didn’t deserve a man like Jake.
He ground against her once more, and her lids fluttered closed. Even in his thick rough cotton trousers, the feel of him against her was unbearably wonderful. He’d somehow wedged himself so his erection was on her core. Her legs sprawled, his too, he’d somehow found exactly where she want him. Only, she wished without so many clothes in the way.
She bit her bottom lip, suppressing a moan as he rubbed himself against her again. His jaw pressed against her neck. He moaned something. Then, he stiffened.
It was over too fast. And she was left, as she had been in her past, wanting more. So much more.
He didn’t move, but she could tell he was waking, becoming aware of his body and hers. Maybe she should have been moral and pushed him away, shaken him awake. But like the thief she knew herself to be, she’d stolen from him, stolen his sleeping desire.
However, it never paid to steal. Oh, everyone thinks that it does. But Meredith knew better than anyone how being a thief made her conscience scream at her, and this time she ached with the one thought of more. God, how she wanted more of him.
“Sorry,” he whispered in her ear. His R sounded particularly lovely, almost rolling over each other, as she wished him to do.
She felt his chest breathing quickly against her back.
Before she could stop it, the words spilled out. “It’s all right.”
His breath hitched, then came out in a rush against the back of her too sensitive neck.
He didn’t move away from her. Didn’t push her away. He just stayed very still, holding her with his arms, legs, and body.
“It’s all right,” she repeated, not sure why.
Actually, she knew why. Yes, she was a liar, even to herself, add that to her CV. But what she dared not tell herself, but knew instinctually, she was trying to encourage him, coax him further.
She turned her head, her shoulder pressing against him more. Making sure he was looking her in the eyes, she said it again. “It’s all right.”
Then his warm lips were on hers. It was awkward to kiss like this, and he adjusted his body, allowing her to twist more into him. Simultaneously, he licked the seam of her lips, and she opened for him. She hadn’t been kissed by anyone but David, yet this invasion of Jake’s was beyond anything she could have imagined. Her body began to shake with desire, needing him so badly she tried to reach behind, hold onto the back of his head. He deepened the kiss, his tongue running along hers. Then she pushed her tongue against his, and he moaned. To feel the deep sound vibrate through her mouth, down to her chest, made the apex of her legs scream for more.
More.
More.
Her hand flew down to his thigh, pulling the thick black cotton fabric towards her. He was basically laying on her. He couldn’t get any closer. But still, she pulled. Her other hand found his at her waist and without a thought she yanked it over her breast.
They both moaned then. He began to caress her then ran one of his thumbs over her nipple, making her shudder. He ground against her again, finding her core, turning her mad with desire.
She should be thinking of consequences. She of all people knew that if there wasn’t a thought to it, then bad things happened. But she’d never been like this before. She’d always held back, because...oh, who the hell knew why. But now she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
She’d never wanted anyone so much. Jake was so good, so decent, so kind, so considerate. Clean. He was clean.
And she wasn’t, she knew.
But the fact that he wanted her was too powerful an aphrodisiac.
He’d probably push her aside once he was done, was sated. He’d probably feel uncomfortable to be around her in the future. Maybe he wouldn’t protect her because he’d feel too ill-at-ease.
His tongue started to dart in and out of her mouth at the same time his hips thrust against her. And whatever shred of a conscience she had flew away. She didn’t care about the future, about him throwing her away when it was over. She just wanted now.
She wanted more.
It was such a damned awkward position, but somehow she leveled her hand between them, and slid down his erection then back up. His pants were similar to jeans but thicker, and she’d seen around his hips the seams held rivets, as if Jake was made from steal, made so strong he would split open anything less. And he felt like that. Although his hand on her breast, his lips on hers were gentle beyond compare, his body was so hard, so powerful.
She’d never been so desperate before and started to wiggle against him, against her own hand, knowing her chemise was inching upwards, revealing more and more every frantic second.
He thrust against her, almost as needy as she. After feeling his length against the palm of her hand for far too long, she fumbled for his belt buckle. Working through that, she then fumbled with his pant’s opening. It was all buttons. So many damned buttons. And with her hand behind her, she had no clue what she was doing. However, success began to unravel her as one button popped open, then another.
He slid a hand under her waist, under their bodies, holding her by her hip. His hand on her breast moved slightly, trying to extract her from her wide-necked chemise. Somehow he managed to lift her breast partially out, and he hefted himself even more over her to leave her lips, only to place his mouth over her nipple. Lightning crashed through her. The white-hot impetus licked through her body, especially through her core. She moaned. Or, actually, the noise she made wasn’t quite that. It was more animalistic. She sounded crazed, and she didn’t care.
She just needed more.
He licked around her nipple, then sucked her into his mouth. Before, she’d always been worried about her breasts, obsessing about their size and shape. But she felt glorious as Jake suckled her, his mouth hot and wet. That pulsing energy tore through her again, and she tried to arch into him.
Somehow, through it all, she’d finally gotten Jake’s pants open. After fiddling with his drawers for a moment, she found his hardness. He moaned as she wrapped her fingers around him, then breathed fire on her breast while he thrust into her hand.
Wiggling her hips to meet his again, she angled herself for him to enter her. It was a challenge to be sure, but finally her chemise peeked over her hips, and she held him so close.
He stopped. Stopped all movement. He held so still, behind her, above her, seeming so big, he was all around her.
Their gazes caught. His face was taut, his gray eyes on fire. He wasn’t breathing.
She pulled his cock a little more, then felt his blunt end just press into her. His dark brows lifted in the center, almost as if asking for permission, asking whether she wanted this, if this was real.
It felt too good to be anything other than a dream though. Life wasn’t that kind to her to offer her such a good man who wanted her in return. It had to be a dream.
So she pushed her hips against him, and he slid a half an inch inside her. His lids closed. He moaned. But he held so still, teasing such energy from her.
She pushed again. He was a little more inside her. Then he climbed back to her lips, kissing her quickly, almost clumsily. As his tongue found its way into her mouth, he slowly thrust into her. Finally, all the way inside her, he stilled once more, driving her crazy, kissing her with such hot passion.
But she needed more, so she arched into him, grabbed his pant leg once more a
nd pulled. He began to circle his hips, back and around and inside her again. It was such a beautiful flow, felt unlike anything else, as if white butterflies occupied her body now and fluttered with each slow thrust of his, as if she were white flower petals stirred by the wind. Each time he found his way back into her, the white energy accelerated, making her feel...What was that word?
He kept kissing her, now with more raw tenderness. His hands were all over, cupping her breasts long enough to heighten the impetus more, then down her stomach to hold her hips. His tempo quickened. She called out. Might have yelled his name. Then his thrusts became even more powerful, faster.
“Oh, Meredith,” he moaned.
He’d said her name. Said it as though it were a prayer.
She didn’t want her heart to get involved. She knew it would end in disaster, and if her heart were involved in anyway, then it would hurt that much more. But she couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop herself. Her heart tugged under her ribs as he repeated her name between his kisses.
He was frantic then, and she pulled at his pants more, encouraging him.
“But ye...?”
She loved it when he spoke without the obvious fake American accent. That was him talking to her, the real him, asking about her.
“Are ye close?” he whispered against her neck.
Somehow the beautiful white energy had dissipated. And that, she was used to. Sexual satisfaction wasn’t exactly something she could brag about in her previous life with David. But this was different. Why the impetus had gone was because she was too fascinated watching him, feeling him.
He was beautiful with his gray eyes darkened into a wild storm, a Nor’easter that would roar over the Massachusetts Bay. He was what had made her feel so good.
She smiled at his question. His lips so close to hers she wondered if he felt her grin. Clutching more at his backside, she whispered, “I want you to...”
He groaned then kissed her again, his thrusts somehow even more explosive.
It did feel good, having sex with him. He felt wonderful moving inside of her, but she loved watching him become unhinged, loved watching him unravel himself, reveal himself. That felt better than any orgasm she’d ever had, watching him.
Then he became spastic with his movements, with one more huge thrust he suddenly pulled out...and the beauty and magic of the dream vanished. He wasn’t coming inside her. He twitched at her back, but she no longer felt him, even though his chest was still pressed against her.
She realized then, he’d already gone. He would throw her away now.
She should be grateful he’d done what he had, pulling out like that. After all, she was usually very careful about safe sex. Instead, she felt as if he’d taken a train to the other side of the world, even as she felt his breath still on the back of her neck.
A shudder ran through him, touched her. But she tried to build a bulwark from it. Best not to feel anything ever again.
He ran a hand up her body, between her breasts, to her neck, then gently turned her chin to look at him. Smiling down at her, he shook his head.
“I’m sorry.”
Again, his R was jumbled and lovely.
She tried to force a smile, tried to tell herself that his leaving would happen eventually and best to pretend it didn’t matter.
He kept shaking his head. “Ah, Meredith, lass.” Then his smile widened as he slowly held her shoulder then hip, rotating her to lie on her back. “Yer turn.”
“What?” She tried to lift herself with her elbows, but he was suddenly between her legs, his long masculine fingers trailing down her body.
“Ye’re so beautiful.”
“No.”
He looked up, then quickly rose, hovering over her, face-to-face, his gaze meeting hers. “Ye’re so beautiful.”
She shook her head.
“Ye’re so beautiful.”
He kissed her then. It was demanding, possessive, and bossy. And Meredith didn’t know whether she liked it. But she hated liars—ironic, since she was one herself. And he was lying to her, calling her...She couldn’t even repeat that word in her thoughts. She was ugly. If only he knew.
He wouldn’t let up. He kept kissing her with the bruising sentiment, his body swaying down, one of his hands touching the inside of her thigh. She gasped in the kiss. She felt him smile. But still, he kissed her. His hand traveled further up, then traced the very outside of the apex of her legs. She had curls everywhere now, no longer getting herself waxed, and she wondered what he thought...
He slid a knuckle against her very core. She rocked against the sensation, her breath suddenly gone.
He moaned.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered through his lips.
He finally stopped with his insistent kisses, hovering over her, looking at her, as if looking into her.
“I don’t want ye to be sorry, Meredith. I want ye to want this.” He slid a finger over her again, gently caressing her clitoris.
She thrust her hips, not meaning to. “I’m sorry.”
“I want ye to move like that, Meredith. I want that.” He circled her nub, and the white-hot electricity was back, throbbing through her body. Her legs opened even more to him. “Does it feel good when ye move against me?”
She couldn’t talk any longer, but she did nod.
“Then I want ye to do it.”
He applied a little more pressure on her clit, and she might have whimpered.
“All I want, beautiful woman, is for ye to feel good. So good.”
He’d said good, sounding like guid.
She started to shake her head, but he kissed her cheeks forcefully, making her stop her movement. He kissed down her neck, while his adroit fingers caressed her. His fluttering kisses stopped over one of her breasts, and he savored her nipple.
She couldn’t help but arch and buck. He moaned. He obviously liked her body jerking and flexing without any sangfroid, becoming undone. She liked it too, but usually sex was...restrained. Not as in a Fifty Shades of Grey restrained, as in she’d held back because sex was always about David. Never this, never about her legs open so far she felt exposed and vulnerable, and as Jake kissed down her body, she knew she would end up with a broken heart. But she couldn’t seem to care about that. Not while he licked the inside her thigh.
Her breathing was crazy, especially as she felt Jake exhaling on her center. There were so many things she used to worry about—was she too excited, too wet, did her sex look pretty, would he think her disgusting, too needy? But none of that mattered. She just wanted Jake to keep touching her, to make the white-hot energy multiply until she exploded. She wanted more.
His tongue carefully touched the outside of her folds, making her shake with need. One of his fingers explored where his tongue had been. She rocked her hips, needing more. He softly chuckled, and she almost tucked herself away, fearing he was laughing at her, when he kissed her clitoris. Kissed her, then sucked. Soon, his tongue lapped around her nub and over it. Writhing on her bed, she gasped and moaned and might have screamed. His tongue found a rhythm, then one of his fingers slid inside her. Maybe more, as she felt stretched once again.
Reaching down, she tunneled her fingers through his soft, soft honey brown hair. Oh, it was like silk. And she let herself caress it, let herself feel him, encourage him to keep on. The energy kept expanding, getting bigger, getting hotter, the more he moved, the more he touched her. Her stomach fluttered flat, her breasts ached, and she could only sway into him, loving how every time he moved she’d meet him.
It happened too fast. The energy plowed into her, over her, made her crack and break into a million pieces. She cried out as she came, holding onto his hair, hoping she wasn’t hurting him, but needing something to cling to.
He eventually lifted himself. Wiping his face quickly, he smiled down at her as he hovered over her again.
Only, her orgasm had made her greedy. It wasn’t enough. Wasn’t nearly enough.
“More?” she pleaded.
Reaching down, she felt his cock. So hard.
He moaned and closed his eyes. She glanced between their bodies, seeing for herself that he was as eager to have sex again as she. A pearl of pre-cum surfaced on his penis, and she rubbed it on his surely sensitive head.
Opening his eyes, he asked, “Sure?”
She nodded, gently pulling on him to lower, to again make love to her.
Wait. It wasn’t making love. This was just sex. She didn’t even know his middle name, and she sure as hell better remember that. Because when he left her, if she thought he’d made love to her, it would kill her.
Only, before he entered her again, he lowered his handsome face and kissed her. Kissed her as if he cared, kissed her as if he thought she was worthy, kissed her as if they had some kind of future, where this was only the beginning. And her heart, damn it, nudged under her ribs again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, loving how tender he was.
Slowly, so slowly, he lowered himself on her body. Through their clothes they lay there, heart to heart.
She tried over and over again to remind herself it didn’t matter, he didn’t care. But he gently ground against her still sensitive sex. Gasping, she rocked against him, needing him inside her. They danced again, thrusting and swaying, find each other’s rhythms, until finally he slid back inside her. They both stilled then. He stopped their kiss, looking down at her. All the while he watched her, when he finally began to thrust. She met him. It took a few tries, but eventually they moved as if they’d known each other’s ways all along. As if they’d made love before, and Meredith chided herself for thinking as much. But that was how it felt nonetheless.
He lowered his head beside hers. “Oh, Meredith, ye’re so beautiful.”
She couldn’t shake her head. His was against hers, forcing her to be still. She couldn’t talk, because all she could utter were passion-filled moans. And then, those horribly lovely words ricocheted through her bones, through her sinew, through her heart. She felt it. Felt so beautiful.
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