Almost in Love

by Kylie Gilmore

  He handed her the keys. “This is your new art studio. You’ve got a whole year in this place.”

  She stared at the keys. Looked back to him in confusion. “But I lost the bet.”

  One corner of his mouth kicked up. “I think we both won. Don’t you?”

  She grinned. “Wow.”

  She walked around, taking in the space. There was a small bathroom tucked in one corner of what might have formerly been a closet. A small kitchenette on the other side. The rest was wide open. And the ceilings, while not high, were fine for her needs. The ceiling cleared Bare’s head by an inch.

  “Open the refrigerator,” he said.

  She opened the small fridge and found it stocked with all her favorite cheeses. She smiled.

  “Crackers are in the cabinet.”

  She pulled open the small cabinet above the sink and found boxes of her favorite crackers all lined up. She suddenly felt uneasy, like it was too much. How could she accept this gift? Who knew if they’d be together a year from now? He’d be stuck paying the rent on this unused place.

  “Bare, I don’t know what to say.”

  He took her hand. “Do you like it?”

  “I love it, but I can’t accept this. It’s…you shouldn’t have done this.”

  “Why?”

  She shook her head, and he wrapped his hands around her waist.

  “I wanted to. You deserve a studio space. Now you can spread out. Maybe do bigger canvases.” He searched her face. “What’s wrong?”

  She pulled away. “A year is a long time to pay rent on a space,” she said quietly, avoiding his eyes. “You don’t even know if we’ll be together that long.”

  “Why wouldn’t we be? Things are great. I love you.”

  She wished she could easily say the words back to him. She hadn’t said I love you to anyone since her mother said them to her along with goodbye. It was like they were forever tied in her brain, even though she knew that was wrong, somehow I love you meant goodbye. She did have feelings for Bare, strong feelings, but…would their relationship last? None of her relationships before had lasted.

  “Amber,” he snapped.

  Her eyes flew to his, startled at his tone.

  “Why aren’t you saying anything? What are you thinking?”

  “I can’t accept this gift,” she said firmly.

  “Too bad.” He put his hands on his hips and glared at her. “I signed the lease, and you’re stuck with it.”

  “Bare…” She didn’t know what to say. He was mad, and she didn’t know how to fix it. She crossed to him and rubbed her hand up and down his tense arm.

  He stared at her hand. “Don’t you want to be with me long term?” he asked quietly. “I want that for us. Am I still not cool enough for you?”

  A laugh escaped. “You’re very cool.”

  “You think this is funny? I’m putting my heart out here, Amber. Where’s your heart?”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry. I’ll…” She swallowed hard. “Thank you for the art studio.”

  He narrowed his eyes, and she squirmed under his scrutiny. “Just tell me right now if you don’t see a future for us. Just say it.”

  “I-I don’t know.”

  He ground his teeth. She touched his cheek, and he jerked away from her hand.

  “Please don’t be mad,” she said. “How can I know?” She raised her palms. “How can anyone know? We can’t predict the future.”

  He pinned her with a hard look. “Do you love me?”

  Her throat clogged up. She dropped her gaze to the floor. How could you really know if you loved someone? At what point did lust turn to love? When did like a lot turn to love? How could you ever feel safe enough to put your heart in someone else’s hands?

  He tipped her chin up. “Look at me. I know you must feel something.”

  “I do. Something.” Her eyes welled up. She was screwing things up again.

  He cradled her face with both hands. “I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you. I want to marry you.”

  Her stomach dropped. “Don’t say things like that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you don’t know. You can’t be sure. You’ve only known me a few months.”

  He dropped his hands. “Three and a half months. That’s long enough to know what I feel for you.”

  She looked at the ground. He took a step back. A long, uncomfortable silence stretched between them.

  “Nothing to say?” he finally asked.

  “Bare, I’m screwed up. I have…issues. I’m not so good with this heart stuff. Not like you.”

  He jammed a hand in his hair. “Everyone has issues. Everyone’s screwed up. Just tell me I’m not alone in this. Tell me you feel the same way about me that I feel about you.”

  Marriage, forever, love that never ended. She’d never thought they were possible for her. Never truly believed anyone would want to stick around that long.

  “I don’t know,” she said helplessly. “Please don’t be mad. I’m trying. I just don’t know.”

  He swallowed visibly. “Maybe we should take a break. Maybe I’m pushing you for too much.”

  “Bare, no.”

  “I got carried away,” he muttered. “I’ll see you later. The place is yours for the year.”

  And then he left. She sank on shaking legs to the floor. He said he loved her, and then he left. No good ever followed those words.

  Chapter Twelve

  Barry didn’t stop by Amber’s place on Sunday like he normally would have. He was torn. He wanted her, wanted to be with her, but he was starting to think maybe he’d built up what they had in his mind to more than it really was. He always did that. Whenever he got into something, he went overboard.

  Or maybe she only wanted him for his body. He snorted to himself. That couldn’t be it. He set out the possibilities.

  A) He loved her, and she loved him, but lost her voice whenever she tried to say the words.

  B) He loved her, and she didn’t love him.

  C) He loved her, and she wasn’t sure if she loved him yet.

  What were the odds? The likely probabilities? He didn’t know, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized it didn’t matter. Every possibility led to one inevitable conclusion—he loved her. He stopped by her place on Monday before work, but she wasn’t home. He stopped by after work, still not home. Kate didn’t know where she was, or so she claimed. He hoped he’d see her at rehearsal.

  She wasn’t there either. He rocked on his heels, waiting on stage for the music to start. What did she do, skip town because he’d gotten her an art studio and declared his love? The answer hit him suddenly between scenes. She was at the art studio. He should’ve checked there. Of course she’d want to paint. Painting was her soul.

  “Pay attention, Bare!” Toby barked from the audience.

  He shook his head. “Sorry,” he called. The music had started, and he hadn’t moved. “Go ahead, Will.”

  Will started the music again. Barry jumped in on cue, faking enthusiasm for the performance, anxious to finish and check the art studio.

  “Next scene is ‘The paradox,’” Toby said. “Delilah, you’re up with Zac and Bare.”

  Delilah rose slowly from her seat in the auditorium and met them on stage. Jasmine and Will got louder, arguing over by the piano, both leaning forward, hands on hips.

  “What’s got into them?” Zac asked.

  “Lovers’ quarrel,” Delilah answered.

  “Those two?” Barry asked. “They’ve done nothing but fight since rehearsals began.”

  “Love, hate, same deal,” Delilah responded.

  After several minutes where Jasmine’s voice got higher in volume, which seemed to trigger Will’s voice to get lower, Delilah finally put an end to it.

  “Excuse me!” she said dramatically. “I am a professional. That means the show must go on!”

  Will returned to the piano. Jasmine turned on her
heel and approached the stage.

  “Sorry about that,” Jasmine bit out. “I think you guys know what to do in this scene. Bare, if we could maybe get a little more kick-up-your-heels gleefulness into the scene. Maybe a few more of these lunging kneels.” She demonstrated, going from one knee, then moving forward onto the other knee. “Yeah?”

  “Sure,” Barry said. “Exactly where in the song do I add that?”

  “Let’s run through the song,” Jasmine said. “I’ll move along with you.” She turned. “Will, play ‘A Paradox’ if it’s not too much trouble.”

  “No trouble at all,” Will said. “I can play it multiple times, and they will all sound exactly as the composer intended.”

  “God forbid you get creative,” Jasmine muttered.

  The music started, and they ran through the song. Amber took a seat in the auditorium, and Barry amped up the energy. She was here, and that meant she wasn’t done with him. He hadn’t pushed her away. He was the swashbuckling Pirate King, and she was his to plunder anytime, anywhere. A heady notion. A magnificent fact. He would claim her body as he always did, and one day, he’d claim her heart too. She just needed time. He was so relieved, he didn’t care how much time it took. He’d wait her out, just as long as they were together.

  The song ended. Jasmine, Toby, Edith, and Amber clapped.

  “Very nice, Bare,” Jasmine said. “The best I’ve seen from you. Zac, Delilah, you both were great too. I don’t think we need another run-through. Moving on!”

  Edith went to call for the cast who were in the next scene. It would be Mabel and the police brigade. He stepped backstage and met Amber on her way in. He gave her a dip and a kiss with some heat behind it.

  “Yo-ho-ho,” she said.

  God, he loved this woman.

  “I perform better when you’re here,” he said.

  “Oh, do you?” Zac said flirtatiously. “Don’t like a solo performance? Of course it’s always better with another person or two. If you ever need a third—”

  “We don’t,” Barry said quickly just as Kevin came up behind Zac and gave Barry a murderous look.

  Kevin pulled Zac out of the wings to the hallway.

  “That was a little weird, wasn’t it?” Amber asked.

  “Little bit.” He couldn’t resist kissing her again. Her lips were soft and yielding. He pulled back. “Where’ve you been? I missed you.”

  “At the art studio,” she said. “I painted the largest canvas I’ve ever done.”

  He smiled. “I can’t wait to see it.”

  She blinked rapidly. “So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

  “No.”

  She threw her arms around him, and he held her tight.

  “I’m so glad,” she sighed. “Just…be patient with me, okay?”

  He stroked her hair, so relieved to have her back in his arms. “Okay.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Amber loved her new art studio. Last weekend, she’d moved all her supplies in. It was glorious. She quickly got into a routine of painting all day, having dinner with Bare, and then going to rehearsal. Bare never wanted to interrupt her art, so he asked her to text him when she was done and they’d arrange to meet for dinner and go to rehearsal together. She didn’t let herself think about the year lease on the place because that only made her anxious. She focused on the moment, and that let her be creative, filling her with joy.

  Today, Friday, she was putting the finishing touches on the largest canvas she’d painted so far. It was an abstract, her favorite kind, with red, blue, green, and gold. Almost a tie-dyed effect. She stopped with a laugh. It looked a little like Bare’s rainbow tie-dyed boxers. She added some purple so she wouldn’t always be thinking boxers. She’d never sell this piece. She wanted to hang it right here. It was warm, bright, and cheerful, and it would inspire her further.

  She hadn’t sold much art over the past month or so. Maybe it was time to get another portfolio together and hit up some galleries. She hated doing that, though. She always felt so pathetic as they scrutinized her art and handed it back to her. Some part of her wanted that gallery showing desperately. If only to show her mother that you could be recognized as an artist without throwing away everyone that mattered in your life. When Amber had graduated from art school, her mother had sent a hand-painted graduation card. Inside the card was an invitation to see her mother’s gallery showing in Paris. Amber had torn it to bits. But the memory, her mother’s loopy handwriting, her cheerfully scrawled, “I made it!” across the fancy French announcement was burned in Amber’s brain.

  She pushed her mother out of her mind. Nothing killed the creative spark like thinking about her mother. She went back to painting. The work flowed without interruption, and she hummed along to the music on the small speaker dock she’d bought.

  A while later, the timer on her cell chimed that it was close to dinnertime. She picked up her cell and texted Bare about dinner. He texted back: I’m growling.

  He didn’t mean his stomach. She smiled and texted back: Here, now.

  She met him at the door naked. They never made it to dinner.

  ~ ~ ~

  Amber helped with costume changes backstage while the cast ran through a final dress rehearsal. She couldn’t believe the weeks had passed so quickly. The show was tomorrow. She was so glad she’d joined the crew. It was magical watching the show come together, everyone working together, getting the timing of the dialogue down, the singing, the dancing, and the movements on stage. Not to mention the lighting, sound, and music. Even Toby, as cranky as that man was, seemed satisfied. But best of all was watching Bare shine every night as he more fully inhabited the role of the Pirate King. She liked to think their time together helped put some of that swagger into his step. The man was insatiable. He wanted her morning, noon, and night. And she was happy to oblige.

  She still had to beat the ladies off Bare with a stick after rehearsals, and the lead guy, Zac, had become more flirtatious of late, but between her and Steph, they were able to keep hands off her man. Who would’ve thought the dancing cow guy would turn heads like that?

  Bare turned, right in the middle of a song, sought her out in the wings and threw her a wink and a smile. Even in the middle of a performance, he paid attention to her. No guy had ever cared that much about her. She was beginning to think maybe, just maybe, she was in love. Bare hadn’t said the words to her again, but somehow she felt them with every look, every touch. Did that mean they had a future? Her heart raced just thinking about it. She forced her thoughts back to the moment. It was the only thing that kept her calm. Moment by moment. Now was good. She’d deal with the future when it came.

  Kate had sat in the back row watching dress rehearsals all week and fallen deeply in lust with Zac. A losing proposition there, but her sister was swayed by his handsome face. She slipped out to join Kate in the auditorium for a few minutes while Zac sang his heart out to Mabel, declaring his love.

  “Do you think Zac ever sleeps with women?” Kate whispered when Amber sat down.

  “No,” she whispered back.

  Kate couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. “He’s so good with Mabel. It looks so real.”

  “He’s acting.”

  “You think he would act with me?”

  “No.”

  “Barry is amazing.”

  “No.”

  “I didn’t ask a question.”

  “I’m not sharing.”

  Kate snorted. “You know how you kick me out sometimes so you can hook up?”

  Amber didn’t reply. She wouldn’t have to kick out Kate if her sister ever actually went anywhere or did anything.

  “Last time I hung out with Ian,” Kate said. “We heard you scream.”

  Omigod.

  Kate went on. “Ian said that means full-tilt boogie orgasm. Was it?”

  Omigod. Amber stared straight ahead.

  “I told Ian I wasn’t saving myself anymore, but he didn’t believe me.”

  “Good.”
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  “He said if I saved myself this long, I must be pretty serious about it and that was between me and my future husband.”

  “Good for him.”

  “I’m starting to hate him.”

  Amber laughed. The song ended, and the few people in the audience clapped.

  “I can’t wait for Saturday night,” Kate said.

  “Yeah, that’s usually the best performance. Friday night works out the nerves. Saturday night really shines.”

  “Plus the cast party.” Kate smiled widely. “I can’t wait to party with Zac.”

  “Forget Zac. Talk to some of the guys in the police brigade.”

  “But they’re not as cute.”

  “Forget cute. They’re nice. Like you.”

  “You don’t think I’m cute,” Kate pouted. “You said I look slutty.”

  “That’s because you stopped wearing underwear, and you keep trotting around in my summer pajamas, which are practically see-through. You do have new outfits.” Amber stood. “I’ve got to help out backstage.”

  “I’m a twenty-one-year-old virgin,” Kate said. “I may perish from a lack of male stimulation.”

  Amber barked out a laugh. “You won’t perish.”

  “Sure, you can laugh. You’re getting the full-tilt boogie treatment.”

  Amber shook her head and left. She really hoped Kate ended up with the right guy when it finally happened for her. Her sister’s single-minded determination to end her virginal situation could end in disaster.

  ~ ~ ~

  After rehearsal, Amber helped the cast out of costume and worked with Edith to hang everything in its place on a rack in the band room. Steph was in great spirits as she handed over her dress.

  “I’ve been doing this for years,” Steph said, “and I think this is the best production we’ve ever put on.”

  Edith turned. “I think so too.” She lowered her voice. “Bare brought everyone up a notch. He’s a wonderful Pirate King.”

  Amber’s heart filled with pride for her guy.

  Edith spoke louder now as more of the cast filtered into the room. “The whole cast is so professional. It’s sure to be a hit.”