I was scanning my now slightly melted ice cream when I heard him say my name hoarsely. Fuck.
I turned and Logan was there, in line right behind me. “Oh. Hi.”
“Hi,” he said, his eyes drinking me in. Logan looked at me from head to toe. His gaze lingered on my newly enhanced chest before flickering back to my eyes. His body did look more fit, like he’d been running more- I’d forgotten about the marathon he was training for. His face told a different story though. There were new frown lines on his forehead, and his eyes had sizable bags under them. That frown was back on his face. He still managed to look like a fucking rock star though. I became very aware of the fact that I hadn’t worn a bra or makeup and I looked like a fat lump. He stiffened when I stared back at him just as openly, and I saw the change in his eyes. They hardened, and I flinched. He must hate me.
“What are you doing back here?” I asked, steeling myself for a berating. He remained silent for a beat.
“I do own a business here,” Logan replied sardonically, though I suspected it wasn’t what he was originally going to say. “I have a few new bartenders, and I would be remiss if I didn’t attend to the bar.”
I nodded politely. Oh yeah, the bartenders that he had had to hire because I quit with no notice. The awkwardness of this conversation enveloped me and made me hyper aware of every inch of Logan. I hadn’t forgotten how big he was, and how his proximity made me feel. I’d dreamed about it pretty constantly for the past month. But somehow, the reality was more intense than my dreams. I wanted to touch him, to smooth away those haggard lines on his face that I’d no doubt caused. I frowned, feeling guilty, and was about one second away from reaching for him.
The self-checkout machine beeped loudly, wondering if I was still there. Saved by the beep. I busied myself with scanning the rest of my stuff, then swiped my card. The card reader beeped loudly at me, not accepting my swipe. I looked down at the card in disbelief, knowing that I had enough money. I swiped a couple more times, and Logan cleared his throat. “That’s a chip reader. You can’t swipe if you have a chip.” Oh. I smiled weakly and thanked him, inserting my chip. It worked.
I took my time loading my groceries into the reusable bag I’d brought from home. I simultaneously wanted this interaction to be over while wanting to prolong being around Logan for as long as possible. I looked back at Logan, who was still staring at me with that icy expression. Wanting this interaction to be over won out.
I decided detached politeness was the best way to go. “Well, I’ve got to go. It was nice seeing you.” I reached forward to touch Logan’s forearm, but he pulled it out of reach smoothly, frowning.
“Goodbye, Jamie,” Logan said, turning his back to me. His tone brooked no further conversation. I stood there uncertainly. This freezing-out was awful, and so uncharacteristic of the Logan I knew. It was my actions that made him act like this towards me, and I desperately wanted to fix it. I hesitated, needing to say something, anything, apologize, beg for him back, beg him to forgive me. But I didn’t. Instead, I nodded, grabbed my bag, and hurried outside to my bike. I threw my bag into the basket and pedaled home furiously, wiping away at the tears that rolled down my face.
I got back home, texted Hannah about what happened, then flopped down on my couch face first. I cried into my folded arms, feeling wretched and terribly sorry for myself. Luke jumped up onto me and curled into a little ball, snuggling me, and tried to lick the tears from my face. I allowed myself to sob for five minutes, the catharsis of the tears somehow soothing my soul.
Hannah burst through my door a half hour later, saw me lying on the couch, and hurried over to me. She tutted and gently lifted me into a sitting position, then pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly. Luke licked her face in greeting, and she pushed him off. He looked at her reproachfully, and she stared back as if to say Not now.
“Tell me everything,” she said, turning back to me. Her face was sympathetic and she offered me a soft smile.
So I did. I told her about the ice cream aisle, the hiding in the bathroom, how ridiculously good-looking Logan still was and how I looked like a hot mess, and how he hated me now. I told her how guilty I’d felt when I’d seen him, and how he had acted distant and I hadn’t apologized to him, just walked away like a coward.
“Does this mean he is back for good?” Hannah asked hopefully. “Maybe if he is, you guys can talk through everything. You were being awfully silly when you broke up with him.” I frowned. Hannah knew my reasons for breaking up with him, and deep down, she knew they were valid.
I raised my shoulders in a shrug. “You’d know better than me, you work with the guy, don’t you?”
Hannah shook her head. “He doesn’t really talk to anyone. He’s been back for two days, and has just disappeared into the office both days, sitting by himself and doing paperwork. He bites off anyone’s head if they try to disturb him.”
I stared at Hannah. “Wait a minute, he’s been back for two days and you haven’t said anything to me?”
Hannah looked back at me pointedly. “Look at yourself, dude. You’re sobbing into a pillow after seeing him at the grocery store. I was trying to protect you so that you didn’t spiral out.”
I fidgeted uncomfortably. “I’m not spiraling out,” I said unconvincingly. Hannah frowned and stared me down. “Okay, okay,” I said, sighing. “I’m spiraling out a bit. I’m reeling it in now, though.” I made a big show of smiling broadly and baring all my teeth in a smile, feeling the dried snot on my face crack.
Hannah flinched and pulled her head back. “Please don’t do that. You look like an insane asylum escapee. Plus you have snot all over. All in all, just not a pretty picture.” I dropped the smile. “Jamie, we need to go get some food. In public. I’m not letting you backtrack into the land of desperate housewives and ratty pants with ice cream stains on them. Also, you should probably take a shower, you’re a little ripe right now.”
Horror dawned on me as I realized that I had been in close proximity to Logan when I smelled like this. I closed my eyes in mortification, trying to avoid the inevitable spin-out. Hannah grabbed me by the shoulders and steered me into the bathroom, throwing a bar of soap at me. I stepped under the steaming water and scrubbed myself clean, even shaving my armpits and legs in an attempt to feel like a human. I tried to remember whether or not I’d raised my armpits around Logan and revealed how slovenly I’d become. He already knew I stunk, he probably wouldn’t have been that surprised at my hairy armpits. I shrugged mentally, not wanting the mortification to take over.
I blew dry my hair after my shower, put on a bra, and threw on a sundress, twirling around for Hannah’s approval. She frowned slightly, digging in her makeup bag until she found what she was looking for. She brandished a pair of tweezers and descended upon my eyebrows, plucking me until the skin around my eyebrows was smooth and red. She put some mascara and eyeliner on me, then stood back, nodding her approval.
“Bellissima!” She proclaimed. I smiled at her enthusiasm. I was never more thankful for her friendship than in this moment. She linked her arm in mine and marched me down the front steps and to her car.
“Zag’s?” she asked, turning to me. I nodded, and she started driving. I looked at her happily, and for one brief minute, I forgot about how awful I was feeling.
CHAPTER TWENTY
My stomach rumbled loudly as we walked into Zag’s. I still hadn’t eaten anything that morning, and I thought lovingly of the ice cream sitting in my freezer right now. Hannah was right though- I probably should eat some real food, in public, in real clothes. Thankfully, the breakfast rush at Zag’s had already subsided, so we didn’t have to wait for a table. I grabbed my menu and studied it, planning on getting a full feast.
“Hi guys, how’s it-” Our waiter stopped short in the middle of his sentence, causing me to look up from my menu. My stomach sank- our waiter was Eric. How much crap can I go through in one day? I looked into his face in shock, and he seemed annoyed by my surprise. H
e quickly pulled his face together into a smile of polite indifference, though.
“I’m Eric, I’ll be your server. What can I get you to drink?” Eric said through gritted teeth. Hannah’s brow furrowed, and she looked at me in concern.
“Eric,” I said, not sure what I was going to say after that. He shook his head to stop me. I sighed. “Orange juice, please.”
Hannah held up two fingers, and Eric left to get our drinks. Hannah looked at me, concerned, and I dropped my forehead into the cradle of my arms. I couldn’t handle having double guy trouble again. I was going to stress eat the hell out of today. Eric returned, dropping our drinks on the table with a thud.
“What are you eating?” he asked, pen poised above his notepad, and kept his eyes firmly glued there.
I looked down at my menu. “Um, I’ll have the Denver omelet with cheesy grits and wheat toast with extra butter, a short stack of pancakes, and a side of hash browns. Oh, and an extra side of bacon, extra crispy.” Eric raised one eyebrow as he wrote this all down, but didn’t say anything. He turned to Hannah.
“I’ll just have an egg-white Greek omelet with fruit salad and seeded rye please,” Hannah said, glancing over at me. Eric nodded curtly and took our menus, turning on his heel. He couldn’t get away from us fast enough.
“Jamie, you have him captive now. Maybe if you force him to listen to your apology, he’ll accept it. He’s hurt, so he’s being stubborn right now, but you guys were best friends. That’s not something you just throw away,” Hannah said, leaning forward earnestly.
A wave of guilt washed over me. It was something I’d just thrown away, and all for a boyfriend. “I don’t know, Hannah, I’ve tried reaching out already, and he doesn’t want to hear it. At this point, I’m not sure that he will ever want to hear it. Besides, he is trying very hard not to look at us. How am I supposed to apologize when talking to him is like talking to a brick wall?”
Hannah looked at me sympathetically. Eric came back to our table to refill our orange juices, but left as soon as the glasses hit the table, leaving me no chance to speak. He came back ten minutes later with our food, dropping everything off quickly and asking if there was anything else we needed with a bored look on his face.`
“Jamie needs to speak to you and you need to stop being such a baby about it, Eric,” Hannah said. “It’s been months since she’s tried to apologize, it’s time for you to at least listen to the apology before you shoot her down. Two wrongs do not make a right.” She stared him down sternly.
Eric looked admonished, but didn’t say anything. I looked back down into my food, embarrassed but grateful for Hannah’s straightforwardness.
“Well?” Hannah asked.
“Okay,” he said softly. “Okay, I’ll hear you out.”
I looked up sharply, a wide smile on my face. Hope bloomed in my chest. “Really?”
He nodded. “But not here. I’m off at three, maybe we could walk down to the beach then.”
“Perfect,” I agreed readily. I would’ve agreed if he’d asked me to meet behind the dumpster at two in the morning, I was so happy. I had a chance at getting my friend back! I looked over at Hannah, who was delighted. I smiled from ear to ear, and Eric gave me a small smile in return, then left.
“Okay, Lassie, don’t come on too strong now,” Hannah said with a laugh. I reined in my crazy smile until it was just a slight grin. “Seeing you smile like this is nice. I haven’t seen you smile like this in a month or so. Even when you, me, and Dylan go out, I can tell you’re miserable.”
“Yeah,” I said warily, knowing where Hannah was going with this.
“Jamie, in the spirit of forgiveness-” Oh, here we go. I rolled my eyes, and Hannah continued. “In the spirit of forgiveness, you should reach out to Logan and talk to him. He’s miserable, you’re miserable, why not make everyone not miserable again?”
I sighed, the smile completely wiped off my face now. “Hannah, you didn’t see him at the grocery store. He looked like he hated me. Besides, our reasons for breaking up were valid and aren’t going to be changed in the space of a month. He lied to me about living here, and he is a snob.”
Hannah held up a hand, finishing chewing her toast before speaking. “First off, his mother is a snob, not Logan. I know him too, and he may be strict and humorless, but he is not a snob.”
“He’s not humorless,” I said. “And I guess you’re right. But he freaked out and asked me if I was after his money when I found out he was rich.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Of course he did, and you said yourself that he apologized immediately. You don’t think that’s a knee-jerk reaction for every single, hot, rich dude?” I frowned guiltily while eating my grits. “See, your reasons for breaking up are invalid. You were an irrational idiot, and I can tell you that because I love you.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“I mean, this is all well and good, but there’s still one very big issue- we don’t even live in the same state,” I pointed out. Hannah waved a dismissive hand.
“Yeah, but he has to come back here every month at least,” Hannah said.
I thought about this, then shook my head. “It’s not enough for me. I don’t want a boyfriend I see once a month,” I said. Hannah looked sad, but didn’t say anything. “Can we drop this for now, please?” Hannah looked like she was going to protest, so I said, “I promise I will think about it in a couple of days.” Hannah nodded in satisfaction, eating her cantaloupe.
Eric came back to our table with our check. “Do you need a box for that?” he asked, looking down at my half-eaten food.
“For what?” I asked in confusion. I looked down at my plate. “Oh, no,” I said, “I’m going to finish my food. But before you go, I need to give you my new phone number. I’ve changed it in the past few months.”
Eric nodded and pulled out his phone, plugging in my new number. I noticed when he input the number, he had to start a new contact. It stung a little seeing that I wasn’t even a contact in his phone anymore, but I didn’t say anything, too afraid to break this fragile agreement. He left, and I giddily turned to Hannah. “Yay!” I squeaked, and she grinned.
Hannah and I looked at our check, and both put cash in the book to cover the bill. I put a little extra in there, going a little over the top and tipping Eric exorbitantly. Hannah didn’t say anything if she recognized what I did, and I finished all my food while Hannah looked on with a slight look of disgust.
We got up from our table when I was finished eating, and I waddled out the front door with Hannah trailing behind me. I was ready for a nap. I looked down at my cell phone to check the time. It was already two in the afternoon, leaving only an hour until Eric was off work and ready to talk to me. I decided against a nap- I didn’t want to oversleep and miss our meeting.
“What do you want to do for the next hour?” I asked Hannah.
“Oh, I’m meeting up with Dylan and we’re going to the planetarium,” she said.
“Are you and Dylan a thing yet?” I asked her bluntly.
Hannah laughed. “No, we’re just friends, like I told you. I like him too much to date him. You know how it goes- I start dating someone, everything is great, and then I’m bored after two months and never speak to them again. I don’t want that to happen with Dylan because I actually value his friendship.”
In a twisted way, it was very adult of her to admit that she had a problem with getting tired of guys and ditching them. I also liked Dylan too much for her to do that to him, so I dropped the subject.
“Well, have a good time at the planetarium. When I get home, I’ll text you about how talking with Eric goes.” I hugged her and she squeezed me tightly, kissing the side of my head.
“Thanks girl.” She walked to her car, leaving me to figure out what to do for the next hour. I was still sleepy and full, and I looked across the street at the coffee shop. A nice cup of coffee would wake me right up. I walked over to the shop and came back out with a large Americano in hand. I needed as many
shots of espresso as they would give me.
I walked down to the boardwalk and sat down on a bench facing the water, sipping my coffee and waiting for Eric’s call. I checked my phone religiously, jumping at every buzz it made. The fourth time it buzzed, it was finally Eric’s name on the caller ID. I picked up immediately.
“Hello?” I said breathlessly.
“Jamie, I just got off work. Where do you want to meet?” Eric asked.
I looked around, locating a street sign. “I’m at a bench on the boardwalk, on 22nd street. Do you want me to stay here or go to you?”
“No, stay there. I’ll be there in three minutes,” Eric said, hanging up.
My stomach was going wild with butterflies. I’d waited so long for this, and now it was finally happening. I had no idea what I was going to say, how I was going to excuse what I’d done to Eric when what I had done was inexcusable. I could just go from the heart and tell him the truth- that I’d been so wrapped up in my abusive relationship that I’d let Derek dictate who I could and couldn’t speak to. I sat on the bench, formulating exactly what I was going to say.
“Hey,” Eric said, walking up behind me, holding his own cup of coffee. I jumped up.
“Hi,” I said. I thought about going in for a hug, but didn’t want to push my luck. Instead I waved my arms wildly, gesturing toward the bench. “Would you like to have a seat?”
Eric nodded and sat.
“Okay, where to start.” I looked at him nervously. He looked at me expectantly, not saying a word. “Well, first of all, thank you for agreeing to hear me out. It’s very big of you.”
Summer Bender Page 18